Me Myself and I

I thought this was really fascinating about how we interact with others.

It's a theory by Martin Buber called the I-Thou relationship.

In every relationship, there are really 6 people in the room:

- Who I am.

- Who I want to be.

- Who I am perceived as.

-----------

- Who they are.

- Who they want to be.

- Who they are perceived as. 

----------

Taking about a break between reality, fantasy, and perception. 

Is it any wonder that there are so many communication breakdowns and relationship disappointments. 

We need to coalesce around a unified persona of I and thou--and if we don't know, perhaps we need to ask for clarification.

We don't want to talk past each other. 

We want to talk to and work with each other. 

I am me and you are you. ;-)

(Source Photo: Andy Blumenthal)

Me Myself and I

Anus Protectus

So I learned this new phrase today:

"Anus Protectus"

It's what it sounds like.

It when you communicate (or do) something in order to "cover your a*s."

Sometimes we communicate as an FYI.

Other times as a FYSA.

And then there is the CYA. 

All of these are what we call "Purposeful communications."

The only real difference is their purposes. 

When you open your mouth or your email make sure you know your:

- Why (intent)
- Who (audience)
- How (persuasion techniques)

These are the secret sauce of good communication. 

More blogs to come on this important topic. ;-)

(Source Photo: Andy Blumenthal)

Anus Protectus

Fruitful Discussions

I liked this guidance from Dr. Britt Andreata on addressing conflict through managing difficult conversations

Here's how the typical bad scenario unfolds:

1. Problems begin with another person (e.g. annoying or unwanted behaviors).  

2. People start building their cases - listing the wrongs done to them, collecting corroborating evidence, and seeking validation from others.

3. There is a tipping point in terms of frequency or intensity of the problems that lead to a confrontation where accusations are made and blame is attributed. 

4. Then the aftermath in terms of a animosity, loss of trust, and a damaged relationship.

Here's a better way to deal:

1. Problems begin with another person.  

2. People spend some time reflecting on why the behavior is affecting you, getting clear on what you want to correct it, and trying to see from the other person's perspective. 

3. The tipping point is sooner in terms of the frequency and intensity of the problems--so you nip it in the bud earlier--and you have a conversation with the other person where you have reframed the other person from an adversary to a partner (e.g. you've questioned the facts, assumptions, conclusions along with your emotions, beliefs, and actions--and you've looked at alternative narratives to these) and you take responsibility for your part, share your experience and goals to improve things, invite their perceptions, and "co-create solutions."

4. Follow through with the other person to work together, implement the changes, and hold each other accountable to address the issues. 

The amazing thing about this approach to conflict management is that assuming the other person isn't truly bad, evil, or gunning for you is that we can look at things from constructive perspective where we own our part, and they own theirs, and together we work together to make things better for everyone. ;-)

(Source Photo: Andy Blumenthal)

Fruitful Discussions

Fight or Flight

So I learned this interesting thing about the Fight or Flight response.

Fight or flight is not just physically fighting or fleeing, but it has a much more diverse set of responses involved to perceived life-threatening events. 

Fighting (turning towards the threat)
1. Physical fighting (Protect yourself with force)
2. Non-physical aggression
- Criticism (e.g. Attacking personality or character)
- Contempt (e.g. Attacking sense of self-worth with sarcasm, shaming, insults, eye-rolling, and sneering)

Flight (turning away from danger)
1. Physical fleeing (e.g. Run/hide)
2. Non-physical withdrawal
- Defensiveness (e.g. Deflecting the attack with excuses, disagreement, counter-arguments, or blaming)
- Stonewalling (e.g. Conveying disapproval or disconnection, stop participating, change the subject, or giving the cold shoulder or silent treatment)

When you recognize that not all issues are life-threatening, then you can lower the intensity of the "Amygdala Hijack" in terms of fight or flight and instead work towards developing mutual understanding, trust, respect, and shared goals and solutions. 

(Source Photo: Andy Blumenthal and attribution of content to Dr. Britt Andreatta)

Fight or Flight

Project Manager - The DIRECT(or)

So I learned this cool acronym for the roles of a project manager:

DIRECT

The project manager directs the project (similar to a director who is the project manager of a movie).

Here is how the project manager DIRECTs the project:

Define - Identify the opportunity or issue that the project will address including, the vision, scope, resources, and measures of success. (i.e. the "Charter").

Investigate - Explore options and pros/cons for each (i.e. an "Analysis of Alternatives").

Resolve - Solve and resolve (i.e. commit to) the course of action that will be pursued (i.e. "Project Plan").

Execute -Do the project and track/manage cost, schedule, scope, quality, risks, and actions items (i.e. "Scorecard").

Change - Identify process and technology techniology changes, test these, fix outstanding items, and make the cutover (i.e. "User Acceptance Testing," "Punch List," and "Go Live Plan").

Transition - Migrate people to the new solution, communicate the changes, overcome resistance, and conclude the project (i.e. "Communications Plan" and "Lessons Learned").

(Source Photo: Andy Blumenthal)

Project Manager - The DIRECT(or)

Good Face, Ugly Mask

So many faces, so much phoniness. 

Why can't we just deal with genuine people?

Not like the dummies in this picture. 

Everyone seems to put on a face. 

One person comes in the room, puts on a big smile and then drops it like you do your pants in the bathroom (excuse the comparison).

But it's just so wax!

Another person is talking it up, but you can see just under the thin veneer, they are a boiling powder keg ready to go off. 

Faces are for expression--to feel and to share. 

However, they are used to deceive and fool the world around them.  

Is it a face or a mask.

What's behind it--good or evil?

If you don't look past the superficial then you are the real dummy.  ;-)

(Source Photo: Andy Blumenthal)

Good Face, Ugly Mask

It's All In The Interpretation

So a friend sent me this hilarious spoof about automatic transmissions, and it goes something like this...

A guy calls up the car service hotline and asks for help with his car.

What's the matter?

Well the car works perfectly in the daytime, but it refuses to drive at night. 

The lady on the customer service line is baffled.

Then he explains:

- During the daytime, I just put the car into "daytime" (D) mode, and it drives fine.

- But then at night, I put it into the "nighttime" (N) mode, and it doesn't move.

- What's worse yet, when another car tried to jump ahead of him, he puts the transmission into "race" (R) mode, and he ends up hitting the car behind him!

At this point, the customer service representative is completely cracking up laughing. 

Apparently not everyone has the same notion of "drive" (D), "neutral" (N), and "reverse" (R)--and frankly, maybe we shouldn't take so much in life for granted.  ;-)

(Source Photo: here with attribution to AliExpress)

It's All In The Interpretation

@Takoma Park Folk Festival

So today we were at the Takoma Park Folk Festival. 

It was a combination of food, chachkas, art, dance, and music--thank G-d, it was a good time!

When we were going through the booths, I came across this one artist pictured here. 

A little scary looking at first, but actually seemed nice enough and he stopped to speak with us. 

I asked about his very cool jacket.

And he told me, how he had actually made it with all the artistic things on it, including spikes, skulls, medals, patches, and even a pair of teeth!

Then he took off his jacket and turned around to show me his vest. 

On the back was this awesome fighting foe.

I said feigning surprise:

"Oh, and it says RESIST on top?"

He replies:

"Yeah, never miss an opportunity to share a message!"

I thought to myself this guy is pretty smart, especially as he started to explain not only his jacket, but the meanings behind some of his other artwork. 

Creativity is a wonderful thing--especially when no one gets hurt :-)--and it immediately sparks interest and dialogue.

How'd you do that?  What gave you that idea?  How do you use it?

The boring becomes exciting when another soul expresses itself. 

Yes, we're all the same, but also we're all different!

It's by "going there," you explore and learn new things.  ;-) 

(Source Photo: Andy Blumenthal)

@Takoma Park Folk Festival

When You Need To BLUF

Most professional (and even personal) communications should start with...
________________________

BLUF (Bottom Line Up Front).

This means that you start with the ending--in mind, on paper, verbally, and in digital format. 

You provide the conclusion and/or recommendations right up front.

Rather than first wadding through all the details--context, analysis, considerations, assumptions, risks, etc. 

Let the reader know right away what it is you want. 

Generally, this is different than an abstract or summary that provides a synopsis and leading evidence for the argument put forward. 

Tell me what I need to know and get right to the point! ;-)

(Source Photo: Andy Blumenthal)

When You Need To BLUF

Going From Hearing To Listening

I thought this was pretty good. 

How do we go from hearing to listening?

We have to be silent (and contemplative)!

- Check out the letters in the word silent.

- They are exactly the same as the letters in the word listen.

Keep the mouth shut and really listen to the what the other person has to say, and you might actually learn something. ;-)

(Source Photo: Andy Blumenthal)

Going From Hearing To Listening

Is It I Don't or I Do?

Wow this was tough...

I was at a luncheon with some friends, including a couple we're friendly with that's been dating a while.  

At one point, the young man gets up to get some more food, and the young lady all of a sudden asks me, "Do you still live around here?"

I said "Yes, not far from here," and in turn asked whether she was still living in {blankty blank neighborhood}.

She said, "Yes, {and continues sort of out of the blue} and we're not going to live together until we get married."

I was sort of surprised at the turn that her answer took about their relationship, and innocently asked, "So does that mean you guys are planning on marriage then?"

Just then the man comes back and I must've been reading the tea leaves {and the ominous music for the laying of the trap starts playing in my head}...

Immediately, the young lady says to him before he even sits back down, "He's asking if we're getting married {and for some reason she's literally pointing at me or am I imaging that finger like a dagger coming out}!"

At this point, I think my eyes started to bug out a little as I must've had this look on my face like what the heck is going on here. 

But if this isn't going bad enough {what in G-d's name did I walk into with this?)...

This older lady across the table, starts blurting out loudly saying, "How would you like if she ends up with another guy?!!!"

Holy sh*t {where is that coming from now?)!

The guy next to me is obviously at the point of fury {I can't say that I fully blame him}, and he packs up his stuff and sort of storms off from the table.

The young women is still there trying to make conversation as if this whole thing just somehow didn't happen. 

But it did and it was pretty ugly!

The older lady {not stopping--this is madness} then chimes in again and says, "Look at what he did, he stormed off--if I were you, I would just drop him!"

We're all sort of sitting there in complete shock now. 

Pulling for a straw to somehow make this scene go away, I ask the young lady, "Should I go out and see if I can speak with him?"

She's shakes her head and says, "No. We're almost done {done--in what way...?}!"

Within a couple of minutes, we excused ourselves and headed out--sort of not believing how this whole scene went down. 

One thing I can tell you is do not get ANYWHERE near people and their relationships--there are a whirlwind of just under the surface feelings, agendas, and finger-pointing ready to take flight and eradicate everything in the vicinity of ground zero. 

Anyway, I hope everything works out okay for this couple...they actually do seem really nice together.  ;-)

(Source Photo: Andy Blumenthal)

Is It I Don't or I Do?

CNN News May (Sometimes) Be Fake, But The Flowers Aren't

As CNN (and other news outlets) continue to go after the President of the United States with a vehemence, and three of its journalists had to resign, I thought it was important to remember that while there may be much news these days that is ugly and fake, there are still many things in life that are still beautiful and real like these gorgeous flowers.

While we look to the media for honest and fair news reporting to educate and inform us all, it continues to be more than disappointing that they not only seem to take sides, but as one of their own producers admitted, they are looking out for their own ratings more than for the benefit of the American and global news consumer. 

Political biases, chasing after ratings, alternative facts, fake news...what are people across the political and viewpoint spectrum to do to get to the truth?  ;-)

(Source Photo: Andy Blumenthal)

CNN News May (Sometimes) Be Fake, But The Flowers Aren't

The Meaning of Silence

Is silence a good thing or a bad thing--what does it really mean?

On the plus or neutral side:

Silence can mean modesty and humility--you withhold speaking out of turn or having a big mouth; you recognize that you don't know everything and what you do know is not intended to put down or shame others. 

Silence can means secrets and privacy--you don't say everything; you treat information properly based on need to know and propriety of sharing. 

Silence can mean good situational judgement--that you know prudently when to let others have their say, or when your opinion isn't really welcome, or when it's best to just stay below the radar. 

Silence can mean you simply don't know--and it's something you need to listen and learn more about rather than speak; it's why we're told that we have two ears and one mouth.

Silence can mean that maybe you don't care about something--why get fired up or "waste your breath" on it when it's just not your thing.

When can it be a negative:

There was a sign in the local school window that silence means (wrongful) acceptance; that is also something I learned in in the Talmud in yeshiva; if you see something wrong and don't say or do something, you are (partially) responsible.

Silence can mean fear--perhaps you don't accept something, but you're afraid to speak truth or morality to power; you sit silently cowering, when you should stand up tall and speak out. 

Silence may also mean shame--you've done something wrong or don't want others to know something that could make you look bad or put you in jeopardy. 

Silence can mean you are hiding something--it can be that you don't trust or aren't trustful; silence at a time when you need to answer or respond can result in suspicion about why you are "holding back," instead of being forthcoming and truthful.

When to talk and when to remain silent? 

Certainly, "you have the right to remain silent."

We need to use words with care and intent--to always seek to help and not to hurt. 

Words are so potent--the mouth is perhaps the strongest part of the human body, just like the pen is mightier than the sword. 

That's why I pray that G-d put the "right words" in my mouth--to be constructive, positive, effective and impactful--to do good as much as possible with words and with silence. ;-)

(Source Photo: Andy Blumenthal)

The Meaning of Silence

Shock Value Gets The Ball Rolling

There is definitely something to be said for shock value. 

When you do or say something that is S~H~O~C~K~I~N~G.

And it jolts the other person out of their daily stupor so that they really take notice. 

It's hard to stand out in a global population of over 7.2 billion people and counting. 

Everyone wants to be special, unique, have an impact, and make a difference. 

It's our answer (partially) for why we are here and why it matters.

Our life is a journey and it can be a log slog if we don't have a purpose and meaning in it all. 

We look to the One Above for guidance, meaning, love, and protection.

But we also have to look at ourselves in the mirror...what are we doing with our lives. 

Shock value doesn't mean real value...it's just the initial jolt to get noticed...like that purple and green spiked hair or those sparkly shoes you adorned. 

So you have to take the initial jolt and make it into deep impact--by touching not just a cord, but the nerves that run through. 

In Florida, there was a funny sign along the highway with that shock value that said something like this:

"Your Wife Is Hot So Call {X} To Fix Your A/C!"

What did you say about my wife? 

You know you're right, I do need to invest in better air conditioning! ;-)

(Source Photo: Andy Blumenthal)

Shock Value Gets The Ball Rolling

It Takes A Village

I wanted to share some good tidbits about effective management, collaboration, and engagement that I heard this week at a Partnership for Public Service event.

It Takes A Village - No I don't mean the book by Hillary Clinton, but rather the idea that no one person is an island and no one can do everything themselves. Rather, we need the strengths and insights that others have to offer; we need teamwork; we need each other!

2-Way Communication - Traditionally, organizations communicate from the top-down or center to the periphery (depending how you look at it).  But that doesn't build buy-in and ownership. To do that, we need to have 2-way communication, people's active participation in the process, and genuine employee engagement.

Get Out Of The Way -  We (generally) don't need to tell people how to do their jobs, but rather develop the vision for what success looks like and then get out of the way of your managers and people. "Make managers manage and let managers manage" and similarly, I would say, hold people accountable but let people work and breath!

Things Change - While it's important to have consistency, momentum, and stay the course, you also need to be agile as the facts on the ground change.  "Disregard what's not working, and embrace what is." But you must stay open to new ideas and ways of doing things.

This is our world of work--our village--and either everyone helps and gets onboard the train or they risk getting run over by it. ;-)

(Source Photo: Andy Blumenthal)

It Takes A Village

People Nutrition

This is an risque t-shirt this lady is wearing.

It's a big nutrition label. 

And she's wrapped in it!

I'm not sure if this is a gag or fashion statement or even a sexual thing.

Is she advertising that she's like the food?

What was really funny though is by her butt...it says 

"Moschino chocolate tastes good."

Maybe that should be a black box warning!

Uh, this is way too much information for me. ;-)

(Source Photo: Dannielle Blumenthal)

People Nutrition

Fake News CNN and Failing NYT

The Failing New York Times and Fake News CNN...

Have become virtually unwatchable. 

Aside from their relentless bias, they are so endlessly the negative Nellies and depressing!

How about reporting the news instead of trying to direct it?  

On the positive side of things, I heard that FOX news is turning even more mainstream.

And a new conservative network news channel is in the making to balance out the other news lineup already out there. 

Thank G-d, we have choices and they can be more truthful, more fair and balanced, and more spirited and enjoyable to read and watch. 

It doesn't matter what your political leaning is--we value them all as long as we respect everyone and have a honest debate of ideas--and not 24/7 mind control and a media brainwashing session over the masses. ;-)

(Source Photo: Andy Blumenthal)

Fake News CNN and Failing NYT

Check The Clock

So it should be so easy...

We manage time by the hours and minutes--and moments of life. 

This sign was hilarious though:

Breakfast 6 am - 10 am
Lunch 11 am - 2 pm
Dinner 4 pm - 7 pm
We are here to serve you any time.

Really, if you're here to serve us any time, then isn't that mean around the clock--24/7--and not just the total 10 hours listed?

What a ridiculous contradiction!

It reminded me of another crazy story of the person who when you ask what time it is, they tell you how to make the watch.

Yes, the point has definitely been missed by the other person.

Their explanation may be very detailed and even accurate on how to make a watch, but frankly they missed the point altogether, which was simply what time is it!

We need to pay attention to our communications and be honest and actually say what it is, and not beat around the 24-hour bush. ;-)

(Source Photo: Andy Blumenthal)

Check The Clock

Culture Intersects With Preparedness

Just really loved this emergency preparedness poster by the Center for Disease Control (CDC).

It builds off of the #1, hit TV show, The Walking Dead that films in Atlanta where the CDC is. 

The show is about a zombie apocalypse and the story of how people survive (or not) amidst a global pandemic and the murderous awakened dead that feast off of the living. 

Here's a link with what the CDC recommends you have in an emergency preparedness kit. 

The CDC also has a comic book with a zombie outbreak theme that further drives home the importance of a preparedness kit and what to have in it. 

I think it's great when government thinks outside-the-box in ways that appeal to everyday citizens to serve them, help them, and especially keep them safe from disasters. 

(Source Photo: here with attribution to CDC)

Culture Intersects With Preparedness

The Trouble With Communication

So I remember this old comedy skit showing the problem with communication.

There is a deaf guy trying to communicate with a blind guy.

Boy, this is a real conundrum.

The deaf guy communicates with sign language that the blind guy can't see. 

And the blind guy communicates by talking which the deaf guy can't hear. 

So neither are getting any messaging across. 

This is sort of like every day life, where people communicate talking past each other. 

Each may only be concerned with what they feel, think, and have to say. 

They don't really care to listen or understand the other person. 

It like the blind and deaf guy communicating and neither can hear the other. 

Most importantly, we need to put ourselves in the other person's shoes. 

To think from their perspectives, and to communicate having in mind to fulfill for the other person--what's in it for me (WIIFM).

In Judaism, their is an important teaching that each person is an entire world unto themselves.

We need to be sensitive to their world and speak our mind, but definitely in their language. ;-)

(Source Photo: Andy Blumenthal)

The Trouble With Communication