How a Sticky Situation Taught Me Some Empathy

   

Please see my new article in The Times of Israel called "How a Sticky Situation Taught Me Some Empathy."

Thank G-d, he finished the blood draw, and it was over. But as I reflected afterwards, I thought to myself that this guy is just one of probably millions out there who are unhappy with their jobs, their relationships, their lives, and maybe more broadly, the direction things are going in for them.

To “move the needle” of the world in the right direction, perhaps we must fundamentally change the order of things so that people are paramount while profit and power are not. What that means is that we don’t tolerate the conditions that lead to tyrants, corruption, and endless greed.

(Credit Photo: Anna Shvets via https://www.pexels.com/photo/person-holding-syringe-3786215/)

How a Sticky Situation Taught Me Some Empathy

Chutzpah Dating

Please see my new article in The Times of Israel called "Chutzpah Dating."

It used to be that young men and women went on dates and generally treated each other respectfully and civilly as they explored whether there was a spark between them and potentially a match to be made. But somewhere along the lines, too many Prince Charmings have turned into real ugly toads.

(Credit Photo: Andy Blumenthal)

Chutzpah Dating

Food Child Abuse

There are many ways that children get abused. 

This one was by food! 

The parent was feeding their child a HUGE bag of Cheetos for breakfast. 

The bag was fully ripped open down the middle, so it couldn't really be closed and nothing would be left anyway. 

If that wasn't enough, on the airplane, the parent then gave the child 2 more bags of PopCorners.

Honestly, I felt bad for the kid(s), who seemed like good, sweet kids. 

But this is not the way to teach them to eat without getting them sick. 

Trying to judge people for the positive: maybe the parent thought they were doing something nice for the kid by letting them eat all these snacks--like a treat. 

But honestly, this wasn't doing the child any favors, no matter what the flavors!  ;-)

(Credit Photo: Andy Blumenthal)

Food Child Abuse

Stand Up!

Wow, I thought this speaks volumes. 

All the greedy and corrupt power players at the table with their fancy suits, money, gold, and properties around the globe.  

And their game is sustained up on the bent backs of the simple people with nothing (not even clothing). 

But a Seeing Eye (and a Hearing Ear) in Heaven is watching the evil perpetrated. 

Eventually, faith tells us that the game will be over and the simple hard-working people will be fully restored and the corrupt will suffer their just desserts.  ;-)

(Source Photo: Facebook)

Stand Up!

Appreciate Who You Have In Your Life

Thought this was a brilliant depiction of appreciating the invaluable people in our lives.

You don't know what you have until you don't have it anymore. 

Often, people become lazy in their relationships or they stop appreciating what/who they have--we end up taking them for granted, not paying them our loving attention or worse mistreating them.

But one day, those people won't necessarily be there for us anymore. 

That's when our eyes are opened to what we've done, but then it's too late to go back and undo the mistakes we made. 

One good friend told me that marriage is not like Hollywood; it's not all loving all the time:

"There are good days and bad, but it's better to have 5 even really bad days a month with your partner than 30 bad days a month by yourself, alone."

Don't wait until it's too late to love and care for your spouse, children, grandchildren, etc. 

Eventually, the clock runs out and regret won't bring anyone back. 

(Source Photo: Millionaire Tutor via Facebook)

Appreciate Who You Have In Your Life

The Only Fixer

Please see my new article in The Times of Israel called, "The Only Fixer."

I’m reading the famous book, The Fixer by Bernard Malamud. It’s about the horrible pogroms in Russia and the blood libels where the Jews would be ridiculously accused of sorcery and witchcraft, and the killing of Christian children for their blood to put in Passover matzah!

In short, hate and hurt can’t be excused because you can. Wielding power gives you authority, but also the extra responsibility. There is such a thing as acting justly. And then there isn’t. Usually, when someone is acting justly, they can explain themselves in a balanced, calm, and rationale way. It makes sense! When they are doing wrong, it’s usually extreme, abrupt, and ultimately inexplicable and therefore can’t be articulated. Hence, that’s the way it is, Fixer. Who is The Fixer? Again, I don’t care!

(Credit Photo: Minna Blumenthal)

The Only Fixer

Time To Mellow

Decided I needed a break from all the toxicity related to the 3rd major SAR Child Sex Abuse Scandal at this yeshiva,

This beautiful Japanese garden is way better to look at then the lies, denials, and cover-up that SAR and their public relations cronies are posting. 

Anyway, tired of their bullsh*t and you should be too. 

Enjoy the beautiful Japanese Garden. 

Compliments of one of the prior child victims of SAR Academy.

(Credit Photo: Andy Blumenthal)

Time To Mellow

Harassholes Y'all

Someone brought me a copy of this photo from their office. 

It says:

Stop Harassholes Y'all

Not bad. 

Harassment plus as*holes = Harassholes. 

Thank G-d, there are some very good people and managers out there.

But unfortunately not everyone is, and so there are also some real stinkin' abusers too. 

These types of people should never be in power, since they misuse it!

They do not use the power they have been entrusted with to advance progress, and do good for the organization and its people, but rather they clumsily wield power for their own selfish, personal pleasures and vendettas--bullying and harassing others--and simply because they can.

Belittling others, making them feel stupid and worthless, and then going after them for whatever they want. 

Through intimidation, they keep others from talking...shhh! hush!

Emotional, verbal, and even physical abuse can be common. 

I remember one colleague telling me how their boss would literally throw things at them in their office while they had to sit there "taking it."

Another has a boss that makes them do the stupidest, most trivial tasks--completely worthless stuff--just to prove a point...that they're in charge. 

Marginalization, threats, bullying, abuse, harassment...it goes on and it shouldn't!

In some cases, the harassholes are even protected from someone above.

Money, power, honor...more, more, more!

But G-d sees these people too and eventually cuts the bad ones down to size. 

My father used to say:

G-d does not let any tree grow into the heavens!

Eventually, I am pretty sure that harassholes end up getting some very BIG hemorrhoids or something from above that teaches them to use G-d's gifts for the good, and to properly love, care, and empathize for other human beings--G-d's children!

I never knew why hemorrhoids existed in this world, but there is a purpose to everything under the heavens. ;-)

(Source Photo: Andy Blumenthal)

Harassholes Y'all

Chief Critic

So we all know these type of people that love to criticize and bully.  

They are the critics in chief. 

You have to wonder what their own value-add is.

While other people are doing the work, the chief critic is saying everything is terrible, horrible, tragic, almost the end of the universe as we all know it. 

Yes, there is nothing wrong with well-intentioned and constructive criticism, especially by a supervisor or people sincerely trying to help.

But then there are just those who just look to find something--anything--to fault others, almost as if they are bigger if others are smaller!

This is no good. 

That is no good. 

I would do it this way. 

You need to do it that way. 

It's almost like a hobby, but it comes with plenty of nastygrams and miserable monologues. 

If only you would do X!

How come you didn't do Y?

Next time make sure you do Z!!!

OMG, yes we are not perfect angels, but most of us try to work smart, do good, contribute, and get positive results!

Even failure is acceptable if everyone gave it their best effort and it leads to learning and growth. 

Maybe the people on the sidelines who are yelling at the players need to get off the bench and actually worry about what they need to be doing, and doing it, instead of criticizing those in the trenches. 

Teamwork means we succeed or fail together!

Non-attribution is about not getting personal and blaming others, especially when they are working their butts off. 

Rather, roll up your sleeves everyone and get in the trenches and start pulling your own weight instead of putting down and making fun of the others. 

(Source Photo: Andy Blumenthal)

Chief Critic

Have a Heart: Leadership With Heart

So many of you already know my leadership mantra. 

It's all about:

Leadership With Heart

That means understanding that workers are human beings. 

Yes, they should act as professionals.

But also, they are people with imperfections and problems.

Whether they are fighting addiction, debt, illness, mental health issues, family problems, abuse, or personal loss. 

Life happens.

And it's not always pleasant. 

Unfortunately, it seems like we are tested all the time. 

Therefore, good leaders, real leaders...lead with heart. 

They focus on the mission, but also empower, develop, and have empathy for the people. 

Think of the people you know in leadership positions today. 

Are they leaders with heart or heartless sons of guns. 

Who do you want to follow into the future?  ;-)

(Source Photo: Andy Blumenthal)

Have a Heart: Leadership With Heart

The Good Eggs

So I've learned it's not all about the money and the title. 

What is the most important is being around good, decent people.

I've always heard that your relationships are most important.

But it's not just relationships, it's also who you are relating to. 

There are good eggs, and there are not such good eggs. 

Don't get fooled by what's on the eggshell--that is certainly no yolk. 

Most of eggs know who and what they are. 

Some eggs like to scramble the others. 

Some eggs like to poach on the others. 

Some eggs like to crack the others' shells. 

But then there are other eggs that like it over easy with the other eggs. 

They all want to get the meal cooked and have it tasty and nutritious, but some eggs just don't know how to treat others eggs with decency, respect, and integrity.

It's best to be around those eggcelent eggs, and that is where the best happens and the good eggs gravitate to. 

Be careful what eggs you associate with, because there is nothing that smells worse than a rotten egg. ;-)

(Source Photo: Andy Blumenthal)

The Good Eggs

Tongue-Tied Silence

Sometimes in life, people are left tongue-tied. 

Too shocked, shamed, confused, or abused to speak or perhaps to even know what to say anymore. 

Maybe in the face of some horrible things that happen in life, there really are no words.

Instead, the vacant or crazed look in the eyes says it all.

People go through a lot--some of it is inhumane.

Sometimes, only tears can even begin to express what they are feeling. 

I think one thing that is important to do, even when we're not sure what to say, is to acknowledge that it is okay. 

Silence is often golden. 

Listen more, watch more, feel more, learn more, reflect more. 

Ask more questions. 

Usually, I'm told to ask at least 5 times (i'd say at least 3) to decompose to what is really going on underneath the superficial covers. 

"Tell me more."
"What else?"
"Can you elaborate?"

Sometimes, people have difficulty getting in touch with their true feelings or accurately diagnosing what's bothering them.  

It's more than okay to be thoughtful, be deliberative. 

Words are often cheap, but they shouldn't be. 

Our words should be truthful, meaningful, insightful, even righteous. 

Take all the time you need, your words are worth it. ;-)

(Source Photo: Andy Blumenthal)

Tongue-Tied Silence

When People Fear You, You're Not A Leader

As the fortune cookie I came across yesterday says:

"Leadership is action, not position."

And actions demonstrate a good or evil heart.

When everyone hates a leader is that a "leader?"

- Fear is not leadership.

- Bullying is not leadership. 

- Corruption is not leadership. 

Leadership is:

- Showing others what is right and being a good influence. 

- Rolling up your sleeves and doing the hard work alongside everyone else. 

- Helping others to achieve their potential. 

- When others see you as a leader based on your integrity of purpose and actions. 

How we treat others is as true a test of leadership as of where we want to go and how we want to get there. 

G-d sees everything man (leader or not) does, and only He in Heaven is the Leader of Leaders and the King of Kings.  ;-)

(Source Photo: Andy Blumenthal)

When People Fear You, You're Not A Leader

Nothing Personal

There's this funny line that some managers use with their employees.

It's when they harshly criticize, pick on, or even bully their hard working and good people.  

What do they say when they do it:

"It's nothing personal."

Ha, that's sort of funny, but really it's sad. 

I asked an executive colleague about this and this is what they profoundly said:

"It's my favorite line when the boss says it's nothing personal. Of course it's personal. Is there anyone else in the room!"

When people misuse/abuse their power to hurt others whether at work or even in other situations like with small children or anyone else in a subordinate position:

- That's not business.

- That's not professional.

- That's not being a good human being.

People are not punching bags because someone else is having a bad day. 

We need to rise above the occasion and be better than that. 

It's better to be humane, compassionate, and emotionally intelligent. 

And not just because someday, we are all in that position where someone bigger is facing off against us.

But rather we need to behave kindly to others, because they too are G-d's children and our brothers and sisters, and it is the absolutely the right way to behave--whether it's business or personal. ;-)

(Source Photo: Andy Blumenthal)

Nothing Personal

Crumbs Are For The Birds, Not The Workers

Since the days of slavery, workers have had very little in terms of rights or protections. 

The rich and powerful capitalist employers hold all the cards.

Like this poster says:

"Which Shall It Be?
Duke: 'If you demand your rights, no more crumbs from my table.'
Working Man: 'Give me my rights and keep your crumbs.'"

The capitalist owners enjoy being able to give "trickle-down economics" to the average working man. 

Basically, it's just crumbs from the rich man's table. 

And if you don't like it, and you want rights, protections, and more...tough luck, and no more crumbs for you!

But the little guy who breaks his back to earn his daily bread, wants his dignity and respect more than the crumbs from the "capitalist pig" taking advantage of him.

Trickle-down is bullshit!

Crumbs aren't going to raise the standard of living for the working class. 

We need living wages, social and income equality, and workers rights and protections to keep the little guy from being bulldozed by the rich and powerful. 

Certainly, there are many rich and powerful people that are good and generous, but not everyone is that that way. 

And we can't have mistreatment of people by those wielding a whip over them.

Yes, workers need to perform and conduct themselves professionally--that is their job.

But workers shouldn't be taken advantage of with poor wages, little to no benefits, and miserable working conditions (including bullying, harassment, and hostile work environments). 

Remember that in life tables can get turned and the rich and powerful can become the poor and the weak.  

Therefore, pay and treat your workers as you would want to be paid and treated. 

No one is so big as to be untouchable by G-d. 

Money and power will not save anyone from illness, accidents, disasters, and misfortune.

The only thing that does save people is good deeds, kind words, compassion, faith, and prayer. 

Crumbs are for the birds, dignity and respect are for the people!

(Source Photo: Andy Blumenthal)

Crumbs Are For The Birds, Not The Workers

You Are The Working Class

So I like to speak with people about their lives.

Today at breakfast, there was a gentlemen working the egg bar making omelettes for people.

Recognizing him, I said "You've been here a number of years?"

He responds, "Yeah, but I want to leave here!"

I was sort of taken aback at his bluntness, and inquired further, "Why, is everything okay?"

He goes, "Not really. They'll only give me work 6 to 7 hours a day, and I can't make a living on 32 hours a week!"

I asked innocently, "Do you have a second job or something?"

He says, "No, this is it," and proceeded to make the next person's omelette.

Feeling sort of shitty bad for him...

Another lady who works the tables says to us: "I won't be seeing you."

I ask, "Why--are you off the next few days?"

She says, "No, I don't come back until next Saturday--I only work the weekends here, and somewhere else on weekdays."

Wondering about this, I say: "So you work 7 days a week?"

She answers, "Yes, year-round!"

After we said goodbye until next time, I looked at my wife grimacing that this women has to work 7 days a week, 365 days a year, just to earn a basic living.

I'll tell you the system is broken.

Shareholders and corporate chieftains squeeze profits and earnings per share out of their companies while the workers can barely get by.

The workers are not part of the companies they labor for--they are merely hired hands who will be replaced in a moment by another minimum wage worker if they but open their mouths to protest one word.

Slavery did not end in building the Great Pyramids of Egypt or in the plantations of the South--the average worker is still just a slave.

Employee engagement and development and "Human Capital" are terms organizations use to make themselves and their workers believe that there is real caring and unity going on.

But we know the truth by how people are treated with harshness, disrespect, disdain, and even abuse--sexual and otherwise!

Yeah, are you really valued or are you a wage slave showered with empty platitudes of unity and caring.

Real leadership is genuine compassion, empathy, and helping people both inside and outside the organization--not just a guise, disguise, mask for making just another dollar cracking the whip on the backs of the underclass.

All people are important.

All people deserve a living wage.

All people are entitled to work with dignity and respect.

All people need to be apart of a system that is fair and equitable.

Care for your brothers and sisters for one day you will be called before them in the court of Heaven and they will speak the final truth to power. ;-)

(Source Photo: Andy Blumenthal)

You Are The Working Class

Screwing The American Worker

So someone came to me today complaining that their company was messing with them. 

The employee was earning above minimum wage after several years in their line of work

And now their company wants to cut their salary claiming tight budgets. 

But get this:

- Instead of speaking with the employee, they send the employee a text message telling them they are going to cut their salary, and when the employee tries to call them, they don't even pick up the phone or call back. 

- The company decides unilaterally that they will cut the employee salary by $1.50 an hour or a whopping 12.5% to this person!

- And this company is going to actually pay the employee below minimum wage!

Apparently, this company hires a lot of immigrants who don't know the law and are only here for a short time, so this company disgustingly "gets away with it!"

But this employee is an American citizen and he is rightfully furious--as we all should be.

So Montgomery County, Maryland--a very liberal county--just raised the minimum wage to $11.50 effective July 1. 

Do you know what that comes out to at 40 hours per week--less than $24,000 annually.

That's less than the poverty level for a typical family of four. 

Imagine what this person has left after taxes and carfare to get to work--not much!

I have gotten to know this person and they are a good, decent, hardworking human being, and they have suffered in their lifetime--why do they need to be treated like this and forced to earn even LESS THAN minimum wage. 

They are worried that if they say anything then they will be even worse off--they don't want to be seen as trouble. 

How many times does this or a similar situation happen to innocent workers where they are mistreated, taken advantage of, abused, harassed, or even worse--but because they need the job and the money they are afraid to say or do anything to protect themselves.

We are the United States of America--one of the wealthiest and most powerful nations on Earth--is this how we treat our citizens?

People deserve to work and earn a decent days pay for a honest days work--a genuine living wage!

They also deserve core worker benefits like health care and a decent retirement. 

And they should be able to do their work free from workplace harassment and abuse. 

There must be not only fundamental laws that protect people, but also the enforcement mechanisms to make it really work. 

This gets to the heart of America--do we still have one? 

(Source Photo: Andy Blumenthal)

Screwing The American Worker

Management Is A Privilege

So some people have this notion about management that is all wrong. 

- Management is not a right or entitlement.

- Management is a wonderful privilege!

The privilege comes with responsibility and is earned by knowing how to manage and treat your people right.

That means:

- Acting with integrity

- Treating people fairly, with dignity, and respect

- Showing you value them

- Helping to develop them

- And of course, achieving results together!

I heard it said well like this:

"If you don't treat people well 

you won't be a manager for long."

Again, it's a privilege, not a right, to manage and lead others. 

Those who abuse their privilege and people--it's like the cycle of life. ;-)

(Source Photo: Andy Blumenthal)

Management Is A Privilege

Another Nothing Burger

So I've noticed that not only in politics--but in life--people are want to throw around a lot of nothing burgers.

This happens when they make vague accusations--incriminating people or groups--but without substantiating what they are saying. 

It's a way of bullying, discriminating, and hating on others. 

Creating doubt about your victim--keep saying those derogatory, demeaning, and hateful stories--it tarnishes the other person's image, reputation, and credibility.

Creating an endless aura of fallibility on the other person's part. 

Here, we go...they screwed up again!

It's death by a thousand cuts of insults, pot shots, and sucker punches.

It's a definite form of verbal and emotional abuse and violence. 

Sometimes, there may be something to it--in which case the party that screwed up should take responsibility, correct their mistakes, and commit to sincerely doing better in the future. 

But often, there is nothing there!

And the false accusations are merely a way to cover up (management) incompetency or bias by the accusers themselves. 

It's a great way to dominate the conversation, but really the people making the stink are simply acting out--and not too flattering as the whiners and complainers.

They point fingers at others, but there are three fingers pointing back at themselves!

Why?

Because it's another nothing burger meant to deceive, discredit, and retard and take the focus off their own meatless patties!  

Where's the beef?

The liars and deceivers and propagandists are using you for their own means.

Another nothing burger in the oven and it ain't kosher! ;-)

(Source Photo: Andy Blumenthal)

Another Nothing Burger

Fighting Domestic Abuse

I came across these excellent graphics used to educate and prevent against domestic dominance and abuse.

The first wheel shows how "power and control" are used to instill fear and dominate domestic partners as well as in an overall pattern of relationships with physical and sexual violence:

- Intimidation
- Emotional Abuse
- Isolation
- Minimizing, Denying, and Blaming
- Using Children
- Male Privilege
- Economic Abuse
- Coercion and Threats

In contrast, the second wheel displays positive patterns of "equality" in relationships and nonviolence and are marked by the following attributes:

- Non-threatening behavior
- Respect
- Trust and Support
- Honesty and Accountability
- Responsible Parenting
- Shared Responsibility
- Economic Partnership
- Negotiation and Fairness

Have you ever noticed a pattern of domestic abuse behaviors that include the following?

- Constantly lecturing on political views the other person should hold.
- Keeping them away from their family and friends.
- Controlling the major life decisions.
- Hiding money and accounts.
- Demanding the partner stay home with the kids indefinitely.
- Using emotional withdrawal and/or passive aggressiveness to control.
- Requiring the other person to be available whenever they want.

Spouses and partners should be your best friend and not your servant or dog to kick when you get home.

Watch out for those who exhibit the bad behaviors and patterns of abuse and violence...and stay safe in good and healthy relationships! ;-)

(Source Photo: Domestic Abuse Intervention Project - Duluth Model)

Fighting Domestic Abuse