So one lesson of life that I have learned is about criticism.
It's easy to criticize, but tough to come up with real solutions.
Criticizing someone else, does not usually provoke a good response.
UNLESS, you can provide a bona fide better alternative in a loving way.
It's important to solve problems and not just create new ones.
Criticizing without an alternative just causes anxiety and frustration in the other person.
But when you says something isn't right and why, and provide a better alternative, now the other person can see concretely what you are talking about, and they know they have options and that you are trying to help.
No one wants to be told they are no good or their choices are no good.
But people don't mind and perhaps may even embrace being told that there is even something better for them out there.
Don't criticize, instead give alternatives that are good for the other person.
That's real love without being a jerk. ;-)
(Source Photo: Andy Blumenthal)
Showing posts with label Frustration. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Frustration. Show all posts
December 30, 2018
November 11, 2018
Stretch Goals That Break The Band
So I learned some important lesson about stretch goals.
You want to have stretch goals because they make your strive to do and be your best.
When you have to stretch yourself above your normal then you can take yourself to whole new levels of performance and achievement.
However, if the stretch goals are ridiculously unachievable than you simply set yourself up for frustration and failure.
Goals need to be SMART: Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Realistic, and Time-bound.
But too often they are DUMB goals: Directed by others, Unachievable, Made to fail, and Based on false assumptions.
For example, if someone tells you to jump off that bridge into the whitewater beneath because they assume that somehow you can spread you bare arms and fly--guess what is going to happen to you?
Goals can help you get to new heights of accomplishment in life or they can pull you down in false condemnation and despair.
Like in fighting the good fight...be careful when you are sent to the front lines in trench warfare with heavily dug fortifications, machine guns and artillery placements aimed your way and yelled at with no rational strategy to "Advance!"
The only place that is going to take you is to an early grave.
Instead, fight smart and take the hill when the hill is takable--you save a lot more lives that way and you actually take that hill! ;-)
(Source Photo: Andy Blumenthal)
You want to have stretch goals because they make your strive to do and be your best.
When you have to stretch yourself above your normal then you can take yourself to whole new levels of performance and achievement.
However, if the stretch goals are ridiculously unachievable than you simply set yourself up for frustration and failure.
Goals need to be SMART: Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Realistic, and Time-bound.
But too often they are DUMB goals: Directed by others, Unachievable, Made to fail, and Based on false assumptions.
For example, if someone tells you to jump off that bridge into the whitewater beneath because they assume that somehow you can spread you bare arms and fly--guess what is going to happen to you?
Goals can help you get to new heights of accomplishment in life or they can pull you down in false condemnation and despair.
Like in fighting the good fight...be careful when you are sent to the front lines in trench warfare with heavily dug fortifications, machine guns and artillery placements aimed your way and yelled at with no rational strategy to "Advance!"
The only place that is going to take you is to an early grave.
Instead, fight smart and take the hill when the hill is takable--you save a lot more lives that way and you actually take that hill! ;-)
(Source Photo: Andy Blumenthal)
Stretch Goals That Break The Band
August 20, 2018
When It Turns In
A friend told me something interesting about anxiety and depression...
When people feel anxious and that they don't have control over their situation that make them feel in a sense helpless, and then the anxiety "has no where to go," it becomes depression.
I guess it make sense that if you feel that you can't really do anything to make things better--and no matter how hard you try--then you feel somewhat helpless/hopeless and get depressed
Perhaps it's almost like a frustration at your own inability to change things you feel you need to change.
That is why a person's feeling some sense of control over their environment and life is so important.
When things are looking down, it helps to try and do something to take back control over what feels like spiraling uncontrollable events and circumstances.
Of course, only G-d really has control over what ultimately happens.
But we need to do our part to try to make things better.
Just taking that first (and second and third) step is freeing.
I'm pretty sure that an element of this is that you can tell yourself that you "did everything you could" so in effect there is a lifting of guilt about the situation, but at the same time there is also a genuine feeling that you are here for a purpose and perhaps have made a difference in this world.
Some people feel big and important, but the reality is that we are all so small in a very big world and universe where suffering and loss can strike (G-d forbid) at any moment.
Man is but a speck of dust in the realm of things.
But at the same time, our speck is filled with a soul of the living G-d.
So we must do what we can to be a good influence and impact.
Whatever it is, it is what we can do.
If everyone--7.6 billion of us out there---does their part that can make a difference.
Don't let life's anxieties become your depression.
Look for what you can contribute--do it!--try your best to make a difference and make the world better.
It's what you're here for and what you can positively do. ;-)
(Source Photo: Andy Blumenthal)
Depression is anxiety turned inward.
When people feel anxious and that they don't have control over their situation that make them feel in a sense helpless, and then the anxiety "has no where to go," it becomes depression.
I guess it make sense that if you feel that you can't really do anything to make things better--and no matter how hard you try--then you feel somewhat helpless/hopeless and get depressed
Perhaps it's almost like a frustration at your own inability to change things you feel you need to change.
That is why a person's feeling some sense of control over their environment and life is so important.
When things are looking down, it helps to try and do something to take back control over what feels like spiraling uncontrollable events and circumstances.
Of course, only G-d really has control over what ultimately happens.
But we need to do our part to try to make things better.
Just taking that first (and second and third) step is freeing.
I'm pretty sure that an element of this is that you can tell yourself that you "did everything you could" so in effect there is a lifting of guilt about the situation, but at the same time there is also a genuine feeling that you are here for a purpose and perhaps have made a difference in this world.
Some people feel big and important, but the reality is that we are all so small in a very big world and universe where suffering and loss can strike (G-d forbid) at any moment.
Man is but a speck of dust in the realm of things.
But at the same time, our speck is filled with a soul of the living G-d.
So we must do what we can to be a good influence and impact.
Whatever it is, it is what we can do.
If everyone--7.6 billion of us out there---does their part that can make a difference.
Don't let life's anxieties become your depression.
Look for what you can contribute--do it!--try your best to make a difference and make the world better.
It's what you're here for and what you can positively do. ;-)
(Source Photo: Andy Blumenthal)
When It Turns In
Labels:
Anxiety,
Betterment,
Depression,
Do Good,
Feelings,
Frustration,
G-d,
Helpless,
Hopeless,
Impact,
Loss,
Mental Health,
Photo,
Psychology,
Soul,
Strength,
Suffering,
Take Control,
Tests,
Try Your Best
November 12, 2017
Potty Mouth Award
So I had to laugh when I saw this Potty Mouth "work of art" award.
And it had a real potty in it too!
It reminded me of some foul-mouthed, but fun-spirited colleagues who actually used to keep a scorecard in the office with tick marks for each occurrence of cursing by person.
Let's just say that there were some clear winners on this account.
In many cases, they did it as a vent for all the frustration at work and also because they thought it was funny.
I remember my dad who was very religious and he used to say jokingly and with a big smile:
Growing up as a Jewish kid even from the Bronx, it was never really an issue for us.
Although even I have to admit that sometimes hearing someone get really angry and spewing off like that--while not appropriate, it does let you know where their head is at--at least for that moment in potty time. ;-)
(Source Photo: Andy Blumenthal)
And it had a real potty in it too!
It reminded me of some foul-mouthed, but fun-spirited colleagues who actually used to keep a scorecard in the office with tick marks for each occurrence of cursing by person.
Let's just say that there were some clear winners on this account.
In many cases, they did it as a vent for all the frustration at work and also because they thought it was funny.
I remember my dad who was very religious and he used to say jokingly and with a big smile:
"Don't use that f*ckin language with me!"
Growing up as a Jewish kid even from the Bronx, it was never really an issue for us.
Although even I have to admit that sometimes hearing someone get really angry and spewing off like that--while not appropriate, it does let you know where their head is at--at least for that moment in potty time. ;-)
(Source Photo: Andy Blumenthal)
Potty Mouth Award
December 9, 2015
Global Chaos But G-d Is On Watch
We are continuing to see the number 613 (a critical number representing G-d's commandments to us in the Torah).
I wrote about this in my post last month (Nov 26).
Yesterday, I randomly looked up at this guy cleaning in front of one of the GW University buildings and there it is...613.
On Sunday, we stopped for something to eat (see receipt total with the scrambled 613 in it)...$16.38.
The principle of divine intervention in everything we do in our lives is a paramount religious belief, and in Judaism, we learn that not a leaf falls from the tree without it coming from G-d.
The times we are living in is certainly not normal with terror and war on nearly every horizon (ISIS, Iran, Russia, North Korea, and China to name just a few around the globe), a growing threat from WMD, the economy in shambles, government debt exploding, energy, mining, and other commodities in free-fall, and global warming continuing to heat things up.
Further, with immense conflict and political dysfunction in how to deal with these challenges, and amazingly little to no resolve to seemingly even address many of them at all, the views and positions are moving toward extremes and the people's emotions seem to range from generalized frustration to genuine fury.
The story isn't over on all these fronts for America or the rest of the world, but I believe even if leadership's heart is hardened and progress seems almost completely stymied in the face of emerging global chaos, G-d is watching and guiding things very closely at this historic time. ;-)
(Source Photos: Andy and Dossy Blumenthal)
I wrote about this in my post last month (Nov 26).
Yesterday, I randomly looked up at this guy cleaning in front of one of the GW University buildings and there it is...613.
On Sunday, we stopped for something to eat (see receipt total with the scrambled 613 in it)...$16.38.
The principle of divine intervention in everything we do in our lives is a paramount religious belief, and in Judaism, we learn that not a leaf falls from the tree without it coming from G-d.
The times we are living in is certainly not normal with terror and war on nearly every horizon (ISIS, Iran, Russia, North Korea, and China to name just a few around the globe), a growing threat from WMD, the economy in shambles, government debt exploding, energy, mining, and other commodities in free-fall, and global warming continuing to heat things up.
Further, with immense conflict and political dysfunction in how to deal with these challenges, and amazingly little to no resolve to seemingly even address many of them at all, the views and positions are moving toward extremes and the people's emotions seem to range from generalized frustration to genuine fury.
The story isn't over on all these fronts for America or the rest of the world, but I believe even if leadership's heart is hardened and progress seems almost completely stymied in the face of emerging global chaos, G-d is watching and guiding things very closely at this historic time. ;-)
(Source Photos: Andy and Dossy Blumenthal)
Global Chaos But G-d Is On Watch
Labels:
613,
Chaos,
Disengagement,
Disorder,
Divine Intervention,
Dysfunction,
Economy,
Extremes,
Frustration,
Fury,
G-d,
Global Warming,
Leadership From Behind,
National Debt,
Photo,
Politics,
Resolve,
Terrorism,
War,
WMD
January 23, 2015
Poli-trick-ians, No Way!
So periodically, I like to take a quick pulse of America.
So I find a way to ask someone(s) what they are seeing and experiencing, and what they think about what's going on in Washington, D.C.
So this time, I asked someone about whether they watched the State Of The Union this week.
The answer?
No way!
Why not?
They said (as if they heard this little mnemonic from others before), "because, they are all 'POLI-TRICK-IANS!'"
I said, well that's cute, but what do you mean?
This is what they said (paraphrasing):
- They don't speak the truth.
- They just say what they think people want to hear.
- It's all just fighting between the (political) parties.
- It's not really about the people.
- It's not about making a difference, anymore [just about being in and keeping power].
Wow, this was pretty powerful.
I could sense the anger and frustration.
Also, the disillusionment.
Checking in on the ratings, this seemed to jive with CNN (and other news media) saying, "State of the Union was President's Lowest-Rated Yet."
According to Nielsen only 31.7 million people tuned in...that's out of a current U.S. population of 324 million!
On the positive side, the number of tweets was way up to 2.6 million during the hour-long address--how sweet those tweets.
Seriously though, we are here to serve the people...how do we get back their respect?
I suspect that the answer revolves around the following:
- We need to turn from fighting each other to fighting our real enemies like the threat from Islamist Terrorism and Weapons of Mass Destruction.
- We need to break the gridlock and get something done (lot's of things done)!
- We need to stop the political cliches and talk from the heart to the heart.
- We need to stop thinking about ourselves and focus on the people--all the people (not the middle-class versus the rich, not main street from wall street, not the color or race that you are or aren't)!
- We need to tackle the many big problems we are facing--the national debt, national defense (including cybersecurity), environmental sustainability, raising the level of housing, food, medical care, and education for all, and of course, everything technology and innovation!
We need to go from a perception of poli-trick-ians to genuine representatives and leaders of the people for the people. ;-)
(Source Photo: Andy Blumenthal)
So I find a way to ask someone(s) what they are seeing and experiencing, and what they think about what's going on in Washington, D.C.
So this time, I asked someone about whether they watched the State Of The Union this week.
The answer?
No way!
Why not?
They said (as if they heard this little mnemonic from others before), "because, they are all 'POLI-TRICK-IANS!'"
I said, well that's cute, but what do you mean?
This is what they said (paraphrasing):
- They don't speak the truth.
- They just say what they think people want to hear.
- It's all just fighting between the (political) parties.
- It's not really about the people.
- It's not about making a difference, anymore [just about being in and keeping power].
Wow, this was pretty powerful.
I could sense the anger and frustration.
Also, the disillusionment.
Checking in on the ratings, this seemed to jive with CNN (and other news media) saying, "State of the Union was President's Lowest-Rated Yet."
According to Nielsen only 31.7 million people tuned in...that's out of a current U.S. population of 324 million!
On the positive side, the number of tweets was way up to 2.6 million during the hour-long address--how sweet those tweets.
Seriously though, we are here to serve the people...how do we get back their respect?
I suspect that the answer revolves around the following:
- We need to turn from fighting each other to fighting our real enemies like the threat from Islamist Terrorism and Weapons of Mass Destruction.
- We need to break the gridlock and get something done (lot's of things done)!
- We need to stop the political cliches and talk from the heart to the heart.
- We need to stop thinking about ourselves and focus on the people--all the people (not the middle-class versus the rich, not main street from wall street, not the color or race that you are or aren't)!
- We need to tackle the many big problems we are facing--the national debt, national defense (including cybersecurity), environmental sustainability, raising the level of housing, food, medical care, and education for all, and of course, everything technology and innovation!
We need to go from a perception of poli-trick-ians to genuine representatives and leaders of the people for the people. ;-)
(Source Photo: Andy Blumenthal)
Poli-trick-ians, No Way!
February 9, 2014
Shout, Let It All Out or Shut Up and Take 10
I like this photo..."I don't know what we're yelling about!!"
On one hand, some people may yell out of frustration or anger--because they feel terribly wronged or even abused by someone else (i.e. they feel a "righteous anger").
On the other hand, others may yell because they are mentally unstable or just can't handle their sh*t (i.e. "they are losing it").
Some may yell like in martial arts training to scare the other person and get them to back off. I remember someone telling me back in NYC that if you're about to be attacked, start to talk to yourself, act crazy, foam at the mouth, and yell...this way maybe they will leave you alone (i.e. "they'll look for an easier target").
While some studies are saying that yelling is becoming less of a problem, the sheer number of articles on this topic tell a different story. From yelling at your children to yelling at your employees, the yelling phenomenon is alive and well.
Parents are yelling more, maybe to avoid spanking, which is now more a social taboo. Studies show that 75% of parents scream at their kids about once a month--this includes shouting, cursing, calling them "lazy," "stupid," or otherwise belittling and blaming them. The problem is that yelling only makes the kids depressed, angrier, and creates more behavioral problems, not less.
In this way, shouting at children is no different than physically abusing them (e.g. hitting, pushing, etc.)
Similarly, when superiors or customers scream at employees, the workers feel they are in an out of control situation where they are powerless. There are numerous negative impacts that this has on them, including problems with memory, reduced creativity, worse performance, and higher turnover rates.
While some people may not resort to actual yelling in the workplace, they instead do "silent yelling--sending flaming emails, making faces or otherwise denigrating employees or simply marginalizing them. In other words, they don't yell, but rather are silent and deadly, nonetheless.
Businessweek quotes Rahm Emanuel about how he motivates people, "Sometimes--I don't want to say scream at them--but you have to be...forceful."
Rather than yell or scream, the common advice is to bring it down--way down--using measures from taking a deep breath to meditating, counting to ten or waiting 24 hours before responding, describing how you feel to focusing on problem-solving.
The key is to calm down, act with your brains not your brawn, and figure out how to get to the root cause of the problem and solve it.
People may raise their voice to vent or make a point, in the heat of the moment, or if they are being personally attacked, but in general, as it says in Ethics of Our Fathers, "Who is strong? One who overpowers his inclinations." ;-)
(Source Photo: here with attribution to Soukup)
On one hand, some people may yell out of frustration or anger--because they feel terribly wronged or even abused by someone else (i.e. they feel a "righteous anger").
On the other hand, others may yell because they are mentally unstable or just can't handle their sh*t (i.e. "they are losing it").
Some may yell like in martial arts training to scare the other person and get them to back off. I remember someone telling me back in NYC that if you're about to be attacked, start to talk to yourself, act crazy, foam at the mouth, and yell...this way maybe they will leave you alone (i.e. "they'll look for an easier target").
While some studies are saying that yelling is becoming less of a problem, the sheer number of articles on this topic tell a different story. From yelling at your children to yelling at your employees, the yelling phenomenon is alive and well.
Parents are yelling more, maybe to avoid spanking, which is now more a social taboo. Studies show that 75% of parents scream at their kids about once a month--this includes shouting, cursing, calling them "lazy," "stupid," or otherwise belittling and blaming them. The problem is that yelling only makes the kids depressed, angrier, and creates more behavioral problems, not less.
In this way, shouting at children is no different than physically abusing them (e.g. hitting, pushing, etc.)
Similarly, when superiors or customers scream at employees, the workers feel they are in an out of control situation where they are powerless. There are numerous negative impacts that this has on them, including problems with memory, reduced creativity, worse performance, and higher turnover rates.
While some people may not resort to actual yelling in the workplace, they instead do "silent yelling--sending flaming emails, making faces or otherwise denigrating employees or simply marginalizing them. In other words, they don't yell, but rather are silent and deadly, nonetheless.
Businessweek quotes Rahm Emanuel about how he motivates people, "Sometimes--I don't want to say scream at them--but you have to be...forceful."
Rather than yell or scream, the common advice is to bring it down--way down--using measures from taking a deep breath to meditating, counting to ten or waiting 24 hours before responding, describing how you feel to focusing on problem-solving.
The key is to calm down, act with your brains not your brawn, and figure out how to get to the root cause of the problem and solve it.
People may raise their voice to vent or make a point, in the heat of the moment, or if they are being personally attacked, but in general, as it says in Ethics of Our Fathers, "Who is strong? One who overpowers his inclinations." ;-)
(Source Photo: here with attribution to Soukup)
Shout, Let It All Out or Shut Up and Take 10
Labels:
Abusive,
Anger,
Blame,
Children,
Control,
Crazy,
Creativity,
Depression,
Fighting,
Frustration,
Hitting,
Human Capital,
Marginalize,
Parenting,
Performance Management,
Problem Solving,
Teaching,
Turnover,
Vent,
Yelling
January 17, 2014
China's Dangerous Socioeconomic Malaise
Fascinating article in the Wall Street Journal today on China's "Left Behind Kids."
While we hear about China as the rising Asian economic powerhouse, we do not often contemplate the socioeconomic impact of what is occurring there on Chinese families.
As China rises to economic superpower status, more than 250 million migrant workers pour from the poor rural parts of China to the cities to supply the relatively cheap labor to keep manufacturing humming and the economy brimming with growth.
Those left behind are 61 million Chinese children, who are growing up without one or both parents.
One in five Chinese children haven't seen their parent(s) for at least 3 months.
But laws in China prevent children from coming to the cities with their parents in order to stem the flow of migration from rural areas.
Chinese parents are saying, "We'll go wherever we can get the highest pay,"
Children are saying, "What's the big deal of having no mother anyway? I can grow up without a mom."
So while smog and pollution is spoiling beautiful China cities and harming people's physical health, the greater concern is that children are missing out on the loving, bonding, caring, and guidance that comes with a regular parental presence and good sound parenting from them.
Understanding that strong parent-child relationships are critical to the formation of mental, emotional, and spiritual health of the children, the numbers and severity of Chinese children that are missing out on this is of great concern.
While some children may be okay under the care of able grandparents along with regular visits or calls by parents, many others children, who don't have this, could end up having serious mental and emotional problems.
Already "more than 70% of children in rural China show signs of mental health problems such as anxiety and depression."
And as is often the case, anxiety and depression turn into resentment and anger.
With tens of millions of left behind children being forced to fend for themselves and hundreds of millions of migrant parents living in "dormitories, tents, or bomb shelters" away from their families and homes, what we have here is a bonafide socioeconomic ticking time bomb.
Political pundits often point to the concern of China's power elite that the people will rise up against them and the Communist Party,
but I think the far bigger concern is to those outside of the system altogether.
In my mind, the destruction of the core family will ultimately result in a tsunami of frustration, anger, and a weakening of social values.
Moreover, this could very well spillover and lead to a dangerous rise of militancy, where people do not want to lash out against their political system or leadership, but rather against everyone else who took the goods that left them economically richer, but poorer in just about every other way. ;-)
(Source Photo: Andy Blumenthal)
While we hear about China as the rising Asian economic powerhouse, we do not often contemplate the socioeconomic impact of what is occurring there on Chinese families.
As China rises to economic superpower status, more than 250 million migrant workers pour from the poor rural parts of China to the cities to supply the relatively cheap labor to keep manufacturing humming and the economy brimming with growth.
Those left behind are 61 million Chinese children, who are growing up without one or both parents.
One in five Chinese children haven't seen their parent(s) for at least 3 months.
But laws in China prevent children from coming to the cities with their parents in order to stem the flow of migration from rural areas.
Chinese parents are saying, "We'll go wherever we can get the highest pay,"
Children are saying, "What's the big deal of having no mother anyway? I can grow up without a mom."
So while smog and pollution is spoiling beautiful China cities and harming people's physical health, the greater concern is that children are missing out on the loving, bonding, caring, and guidance that comes with a regular parental presence and good sound parenting from them.
Understanding that strong parent-child relationships are critical to the formation of mental, emotional, and spiritual health of the children, the numbers and severity of Chinese children that are missing out on this is of great concern.
While some children may be okay under the care of able grandparents along with regular visits or calls by parents, many others children, who don't have this, could end up having serious mental and emotional problems.
Already "more than 70% of children in rural China show signs of mental health problems such as anxiety and depression."
And as is often the case, anxiety and depression turn into resentment and anger.
With tens of millions of left behind children being forced to fend for themselves and hundreds of millions of migrant parents living in "dormitories, tents, or bomb shelters" away from their families and homes, what we have here is a bonafide socioeconomic ticking time bomb.
Political pundits often point to the concern of China's power elite that the people will rise up against them and the Communist Party,
but I think the far bigger concern is to those outside of the system altogether.
In my mind, the destruction of the core family will ultimately result in a tsunami of frustration, anger, and a weakening of social values.
Moreover, this could very well spillover and lead to a dangerous rise of militancy, where people do not want to lash out against their political system or leadership, but rather against everyone else who took the goods that left them economically richer, but poorer in just about every other way. ;-)
(Source Photo: Andy Blumenthal)
China's Dangerous Socioeconomic Malaise
Labels:
Anger,
Anxiety,
Children,
China,
Danger,
Economics,
Family,
Frustration,
Malaise,
Manufacturing,
Migrants,
Militancy,
National Security,
Parenting,
Photo,
Separation,
Sociology,
Values,
War,
Wealth
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)