Showing posts with label Abandonment. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Abandonment. Show all posts

May 1, 2016

Pro Life OR Pro Choice

I took this photo going to the doctor last week.

This guy is standing outside the office building and he goes, "Did you know that there is an abortion clinic in there?"

Sort of stating the obvious as a guy, I said, "Well I'm not going there!"

It was fascinating though watching this guy picketing with his sign, "Pray To End Abortion."

And he's standing in front of some spiffy signs advertising Fendi and Gucci. 

Perhaps, he's not understanding where some people come from and what they go through getting pregnant either not by choice (rape, incest, etc.) or they are not ready to properly care for a child or there is a clear and present danger to the health of the mother. 

While late term abortions are completely anathema and in my mind really are murder, perhaps early term abortions, even if not a desired outcome by any means are at times a type of life-saving necessity for the reasons mentioned. 

Unfortunately, I really don't think it's a simple either/or.  

Yes, we must be pro life and protect the unborn children.

AND

Yes, we must have some element of pro choice and protect the mother and the child when it's birth would bring more harm than good. 

The decision needs to be made case-by-case and are excruciating to decide and do the right thing for all. 

(Source Photo: Andy Blumenthal)

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November 5, 2013

Loneliness Is A Scream

One of the scariest things for many people is not being with other people. 

I don't mean intentionally not being with others--taking time away from the hustle and bustle for yourself--but rather being left alone. 

Think of the horrors of POWs kept in isolation, prisoners put in solitary, or just everyday kids icing out other children in school, adults marginalizing colleagues at work, and family members abandoning spouses and children at home. 


Elizabeth Bernstein makes the distinction between being alone (a potential voluntary state) and loneliness (when you feel that you are forced into an isolated state) in the Wall Street Journal today. 

It's an awesome article that explains so much about loneliness:

- We all experience loneliness from "homesickness, bullying, empty-nesting, bereavement, and unrequited love."

- Loneliness can occur when you are without anybody ("isolation") or with the wrong somebody ("dissatisfaction").

- It's a survivalist function and evolutionary to feel scared when your alone, because when you are "too close to the perimeter of the group, [then you become] at risk of becoming prey."

- Loneliness is also associated with memories or fears from childhood--when we were young and vulnerable--that someone wasn't there or going to be there to take care of us. 

- Too much loneliness is a "strong predictor of early death"--greater than alcoholism, 15 cigarettes a day, or obesity.

- Loneliness is on the rise, with "some 40% of Americans report being lonely, up from 20% in the 1980's" and this is correlated with more people living alone, now 27% in 2012 versus 17% in 1970.

- Loneliness can be placated by "reminding yourself you're not a [helpless] child anymore," building emotional health and personal self-sufficiency, doing things you enjoy when alone, and reaching out to connect with others. 

She jokes at the end of her article that when we aren't feeling lonely, we are annoyed that people just don't leave us alone.

This is a very real concern as well, especially with a multitude of family needs (significant others, young children, elderly parents), 24x7 work environments, and the reality of pervasive online communications and even invasive social media. 

Not exclusive to introverts, too much people can make us feel put upon, crowded, and even worn out--and hence many people may even run from excessive social activity and crowds.

Yet without a healthy dose of others, people can literally go crazy from the quiet, void, boredom, as well as from the real or perceived feelings that they are in some way unworthy of love or affiliation. 

So even though some people can be annoying, users, or try to take advantage of us, no man is an island, and growth, learning and personal serenity is through degrees of love and connection, for each according to their needs. ;-)

(Source Photo: here)
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June 30, 2013

When To Build Relationships Or Burn Your Bridges

Why marriages (and relationships) fail is a topic of discussion in the book Fighting For Your Marriage by Markman, Stanley, and Blumberg.

The book is anchored in research from the University of Denver and their Prevention and Relationship Enhancement Program (PREP). 

So here are the four main reasons:

1. Escalation--People escalate the fight, rather than deescalate it. Harmful words and actions beget more harmful words and actions as each side tries to win the fight, rather than save the relationship. 

2. Invalidation--You put down the other person (their feelings, thoughts, and character) with sarcasm, disrespect, and contempt, rather than raise them up with understanding, concern, comfort, and encouragement. 

3. Accusation--Assuming the worst, you negatively interpret the actions and motives of another person, rather than looking at and accentuating the positive and giving them the benefit of the doubt.

4. Abandonment--Leaving the person emotionally and/or physically, you withdraw and avoid them and possibly even cheat on them, rather than engaging with and cleaving to each other, and working together to solve problems.

Essentially, these relationship issues all have to do with a breakdown of communication and trust--where instead of trying to work it out, there is a feeling that nothing can be solved by talking anymore and that there is no reason to even trust the other person.

Once trust and communication are broken--it is very difficult to go back and rebuild it.

Then instead of mending fences, people may choose the nuclear option: go to war, fight it out, threaten, hurt, or leave--and the relationship spirals to a timely demise. 

What was once a nuclear family, or close relationship (friends, associates, etc.), may end up a broken and shattered one, full of hatred and as enemy combatants, perhaps not much better than the Hatfields and McCoys. 

So the first thing is you have to decide whether you want to build the relationship or end it. 

If you love the other person and want to be with them (and they with you)--then say and do positive things to maintain communication and trust--give selflessly to each other. 

Relationships thrive when people behave as true friends, looking out for one another, sincerely--when they help their partners achieve their goals, grow as human beings, and find meaning and happiness. 

A relationship is not a business transaction, but a joining of hearts and an intimacy of soul--it is based on mutual respect and goodwill. 

If you really value the other person and the relationship--don't burn your bridges when things get heated, but cross and meet the other person (at least) halfway and embrace them with love and caring--most of the time, it will come back to you. 

But at the same time don't be a fool--if the other person is wicked and cruel, out only for themselves, and would throw you under a bus in a moment--get with it and quick because the bridge is already burning and at a very high temperature. ;-)

(Source Photo: Andy Blumenthal)


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