Fish Mish

(Credit Photo: Andy Blumenthal)

Fish Mish

Pool Statues

(Credit Photo: Andy Blumenthal)
 

Pool Statues

Black Bird Eating Maraschino Cherry

(Credit Photo: Andy Blumenthal)

Black Bird Eating Maraschino Cherry

Pool Lane Lines

(Credit Photo: Andy Blumenthal)

Pool Lane Lines

Big Swimming Smile

Eyes are from the swimming dumbbells.

Nose is the swim board.

Mouth is the swim noodle. 

That's a really great big swim smile!

(Credit Photo: Rebecca)

Big Swimming Smile

I'm Sure You Did

So I thought this was pretty funny at the pool this week. 

I am about to get into the swimming pool. 

A water aerobics class is letting out and a bunch of older ladies are on the way out of the water. 

One of them stops, give me a big smirk, and says:

"Don't worry we warmed it up for you!"

I thought for quick second, and said with a completely straight face:

"I'm sure you did!"

The joys of swimming life.  ;-)

(Credit Photo: Andy Blumenthal)

I'm Sure You Did

Lifeguard Needs A Lifeguard

So I thought this was a funny story the lifeguard told me.

The guards are required to renew their lifeguard certification every two years. 

When I asked if he swims, he said "not regularly" and then when I asked if he exercises, he said half-jokingly: "I sleep, eat, and drink!"

But then he told me about the lifeguard exam and a couple of people who should've never been taking the test. 

One lady gets waist deep into the pool, and the proctor tells the lady to swim to the other side of the pool and back. Instead of swimming, she starts crying hysterically that she doesn't know how to swim!

Another guy was swimming funny with his arms flailing and his butt out of the water. When the proctor asked him what was up with that and to show him what was hiding under his trunks, the guy showed him that he was wearing an inflatable plastic band under his pants. 

Fail, fail, fail--these are life endangering guards, NOT "lifeguards!"  ;-)

(Credit Photo: Andy Blumenthal)

Lifeguard Needs A Lifeguard

Birds Dropping In For Lunch

These birds decided to swoop in for some lunch. 

It was funny to see the people go scrambling from the table.

The birds were completely unabashed and took their time over the chow. 

One couple in the corner had ordered this truly enormous meal (don't worry, I was good and ate only the salad).

Each of them had a full lunch plate PLUS in the center of their table was "The Volcano" of nachos, cheese, chili, guacamole,  sour cream, and jalapenos. 

That was certainly no bird food with The Volcano punching in at 3,500 calories!

I have no idea how any two people could possibly eat that much food.

Probably good that the birds decided to drop in.  ;-)

(Credit Photo: Andy Blumenthal)

Birds Dropping In For Lunch

Pool Poop Galore

So I was at the pool going swimming, doing my laps.  

It was very busy there with lots of people of all ages. 

All of a sudden, I hear some screaming. 

Then the guards come over and tell people they have to get out of the pool, pronto!

There's been an accident. 

No, not someone getting hurt.

Someone had a bathroom accident in the pool.

The director of the pool is going around explaining to the inconvenienced swimmers that:

"Someone pooped in the pool."

Not exactly an eloquent way to say it, but it gets the point across. 

What is worse, it was on the side of the pool where the adults were swimming!

Next come the lifeguards with the nets and they are literally scooping swathes of this sh*t out of the pool. 

I see it literally spans almost a half length of this olympic pool. 

What a crappin' mess. 

Luckily I got almost all my swim in--yes, I am dedicated!

And then took a long hot shower with tons and tons of soap. ;-)

(Credit Photo: Andy Blumenthal)

Pool Poop Galore

D.C. Living

I can't believe this home is in Washington, D.C.

More like Florida.

All we need is a palm tree or two.

Plus a little pool in the back. 

And we're good! ;-)

(Credit Photo: Andy Blumenthal)

D.C. Living

When People Can't Admit They're Wrong

So he's a story from the pool today...

I'm doing my laps minding my own business.

And this guy gets to the pool, sits down, and immediately pulls out his cellphone.

Then he proceeds to literally yell into his phone for probably a good half an hour. 

I'm doing my laps and I can hear this guy yelling:

- At his end of the pool 

- ALL the way at the opposite end of the pool

- With earplugs

- AND even underwater

And he goes on and on and on. 

Doesn't stop for even a breath of air. 

Now, in all the years swimming, I've never had to approach someone about their behavior like this.

BUT this was too much as my head was pounding from his incessant yelling.

I waited until he finished his call. 

And it happened to coincide with me finishing my laps. 

I come out of the pool and grabbed my stuff. 

I have to pass him on the way out. 

And I'm still debating with myself whether this schlemiel is even worth it. 

My head is still throbbing from his yelling.

I stop in front of his chair. 

Now he's pulled out a book and is trying to read. 

I say:

Excuse me.

He knows he did something wrong, and he barely looks up, trying to ignore me. 

I say again:

Excuse me. Did you intend for everyone at the pool to hear your ENTIRE conversation?

He starts murmuring something, and then says throwing it back on me:

What's the problem?

So I say:

You were speaking so loud, I could hear you all the way on the opposite end of the pool.  I could even hear you under the water. 

He's agitating now and he says:

Well, I was speaking to someone 85-years old who doesn't hear well.  You get it?

So I say respectfully:

I am sorry that he doesn't hear well, but does everyone else here around the pool also need to hear the conversation? 

Then he says:

So what--I don't care if everyone hears.

I try one more time.

Do you see all these other people trying to read, rest, swim--do you at all care?

He still can't get himself to come around, and instead doubles down and says, 

Well. I'll do whatever I want!

Now, I've had enough, and I say:

So basically you don't give a shit for ANY of your neighbors, do you?

Finally, he must of been embarrassed enough at his terrible behavior, and he backs down and says:

Next time he calls me, I'll take the conversation inside!

At which point, he goes back to his book, and I complete my exit. 

It took all that just to get him to say he'll handle it differently next time and basically be respectful of his neighbors and not a selfish pig!

It's amazing--some people really just can't own up to when they are being a jerk.

But I was glad this guy finally came around--maybe there is still hope. ;-)

(Credit Photo: Andy Blumenthal)

When People Can't Admit They're Wrong

Never Get In a Pissing Contest

I saw this and thought this was a clean version of "Never get into a pissing contest."  ;-)

(Credit Video: Andy Blumenthal)

Never Get In a Pissing Contest

Swimming In Florida

In lovely Florida.

Hit the swimming pool.

About to do my laps.

I got my gear and ready to rock and roll.

Please G-d, we'll spend the Jewish holiday of Shavuot (commemorating when we got the Torah) together here as a family.

What more can I ask.

Happy and grateful. ;-)

(Source Photo: Dossy Blumenthal)

Swimming In Florida

Happy Holidays!

I just had to share this photo. 

Took this in South Florida this week. 

These two guys from Sweden sitting at the pool wearing these Christmas tree hats. 

This was just too great to pass up. 

As I took the photo, one guy gave me the thumbs up and this was just perfect. 

I don't know about you, but they cheered me up even when it seems that the world is otherwise going crazy--in so many ways.

- Politics
- Divisiveness
- Hate
- Fighting
- Injustices
- Suffering

But at the end of the day, it's about the people--and G-d gives us the power to do good and make happy (or vice versa). 

This one made me happy!  ;-)

(Source Photo: Andy Blumenthal)

Happy Holidays!

Andy The Swimmer

This was a cute cartoon that "Anastasia The Lifeguard" doodled of me swimming. 

She captured me doing my laps. 

Enjoying the sunshine.

Breathing in the fresh air. 

Appreciating the beautiful flowers.

Loving the pool and water. 

Thank you so much for this great picture!

(Source Cartoon: the Talented Anastasia)

Andy The Swimmer

Shabbat Risk

I haven't played Risk in years. 

But my daughter and her husband came for Shabbat, and we sat down and had a great game. 

We distributed the countries. 

Placed our enemies. 

And went to battle, army to army. 

By the time it was over, my daughter had conquered Europe, Africa, and North and South Americas.

It was so good to see her taking country after country from my son-in-law and me. 

My son-in-law joked that he had underestimated her. 

We had a good laugh and nice time just sitting down at the kitchen table and playing a board game. 

Afterward, we went down to the pool and relaxed in the deck chairs and then my wife and I took off our shoes and walked in the grass in the garden. 

I laid down on the beautiful green lawn and looked up watching some planes jet over in the clear blue sky. 

It was absolutely beautiful weather and a marvelous day today with my family. 

In the morning we went to Synagogue and the sit-down kiddush with our friends.

I am grateful to G-d for all this and for the peace of the wonderful Shabbat! 

Also, what more can a man ask for Father's Day. ;-)

Shabbat Risk

Jailbird Freedom

So I'm doing laps in the indoor pool.

And out of the corner of my eye, I see this bird swoop in overhead.

But it's not outside, it's inside the building enclosure. 

The bird dived in through an open door.

Now it was stuck inside. 

It perched itself on a shelf overlooking the outdoors.

But it was stuck behind the glass walls.

The lifeguard tried to swoop it out with the sticks, brushes, and nets for cleaning the pool.

But this bird wasn't going anywhere. 

I asked if it was injured or sick.

He said that the bird was scared, which made sense. 

Over and over again, the lifeguard tried to coax the bird out.

Finally, it took flight and headed straight into another glass pane--BONG--and fell down--SPLAT--onto another ledge. 

The lifeguard and I looked at each other -- asking whether the bird was still alive or not.

I suggested he call for help, and the advice he was given was just to leave it alone and that eventually, it would find its way out. 

It was time for me to go, but I am still thinking about that trapped bird.

If you love something, you have to let it free.

Everyone and everything should be free (unless they've abused that freedom).

Free to come and go, free to express themselves, free to choose, free to act.

Sometimes when you're free, you run into trouble or into a glass pane.

You need to find your way out and home again to freedom. ;-)

(Source Photo: Andy Blumenthal)

Jailbird Freedom

What's With The Water

At this time of some major hurricanes hitting the USA (first Harvey, and now approaching IRMA and Jose)...

I have been remembering from the other day when I was in the pool, but I had a very different experience from usual. 

Yes, I was swimming hard and disciplined doing my laps.

But my mind decided to focus on the water.

Just the water...nothing else. 

I literally blanked out the world around me...no pool, no exercise, no other people, no current events, no random thoughts.

I just put all my senses unto the water itself. 

The cool softness of the water as it glided over my hands and body. 

The subtle resistance of the water, yet the buoyancy it provided. 

The waves and current as the water flowed around my body moving crisply through it.

The healing purity of the water physically and spiritually. 

I imagined the clearest and cleanest water, and how it quenches our thirst and washes everything in the world clean again. 

Water, earth, wind and fire...the wisdom and perfection of them and us cannot possibly be random events, but they are testament to the genius of our Creator. 

Thank you G-d especially for the water in the time, place, and amount that is for a blessing--and as a series of strong hurricanes continue to roar towards your people, let it be merciful. 

(Source Photo: Andy Blumenthal)

What's With The Water

Water Cross

This was so fun in the pool.

The water was on and it was almost like a really high-speed jet jacuzzi. 

The cool water was rushing at me and splashing in my face and it was a nice moment of relaxation and feeling of life. 

For those who have been to the mikvah, it felt refreshing and like a renewal of spirit. 

Just in jest...when I look at this, I can't help noticing that it almost looks like Jesus on the cross. 

Except, thank G-d no nails, torture, or Roman Legion involved in this. ;-)

(Source Video: Dannielle Blumenthal)

Water Cross

To Little Jonah

So swimming in the pool, I meet little 7-year old Jonah. 

He sort of made himself known to me when he decided he wanted to race me on the swim board.

I was going just a little faster--and I reminded him that I had a key competitive advantage, fins. 

He said, "Darn I should have brought mine!'

He asked how old I was, and I said a little older than you. 

Not satisfied, he pressed the question, saying "I can tell you are an adult."

So I had to cave and admit that, and pointing to my heart, added that "I am young at heart."

Jonah's in 1st grade, and wanted to know what grade I was in. 

His guess was 4th grade, and I said "That's about right."

Jonah is from New Orleans visiting his grandmother for Passover. 

She was watching him in the pool and smiling with grandmotherly nachas, ear-to-ear.

I told Jonah to make sure to treat his grandmother nicely. 

But Jonah at this point had jumped into my swim lane and was in mock superhero fighting mode, and said "I want to punch you."

I thought to myself, hmm it's not only my wife that feels that way (LOL).

Anyway, it was clear that I had made a new friend with Jonah, who was off bobbing up and down in the water well over his head. 

Bye Jonah--have a good time visiting for Passover. 

(Source Photo: Dannielle Blumenthal)

To Little Jonah