Showing posts with label Intimacy. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Intimacy. Show all posts

April 3, 2019

Relax, It's Just Sex

Just thought this was a really funny-sad display in the window of this store in Tel Aviv. 

It says:
Relex It's Just Sex
Forget that Relax is spelled wrong. 

But advertising for sexual items in such a casual way...like it's sex and what's the big deal.

Maybe I am old school, where sex actually meant a deep personal relationship and emotional intimacy. 

...Where you partner was also your spouse and best friend.

Now--unfortunately--it's just sex!

I think as a society that we have lost something here. 

...Something important. 

If it's just sex, and it's just with anyone, then what does that leave for us with that someone truly special in our lives? ;-)

(Source Photo: Andy Blumenthal)
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March 5, 2019

Why We Chase Love

Being a heart alone in this world is very lonely, indeed. 

Chasing another heart, so that we can pair together makes two less lonely hearts.

Two hearts that beat as one making beautiful music together. 

When the hearts are in harmony, we sway and are uplifted flying away into the heavens.  

And when the music is discordant, we are forced to retune and to grow wings that we never even knew we had. 

Hearts that complement each other, help us face the questions we often fear to ask ourselves. 

When these hearts meet, they touch so gently, and like silk they dance a perfect dance.  

What is meaningless alone is all of a sudden meaningful with another. 

What is too painful to bear by oneself is manageable when shared between two. 

And what is joyful is magnified in sweetness when there is someone else to enjoy it with. 

One heart chases another until they embrace that long blissful embrace. ;-)

(Source Photo: Andy Blumenthal)
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October 5, 2016

A Matter Of Hair

I saw these ladies crossing the street in downtown DC.

The standout here was obviously the hair!

The girl on the left had Barbie pink hair. 

The one on the right had blond dyed hair with the roots showing. 

And the lady in the middle had two-tone hair, with brown on one side and blond on the other (now that was really different). 

This reminded me of the hippies' hairstyle in terms of the perhaps rebellious nature of the style. 

In Judaism, I remember learning that hair is like the crown on a person's head, and for modesty, the custom is for married women to cover their beautiful hair--it is only something that gets shown/shared with her husband as part of their intimacy. 

Hair can say a lot, especially if you are fortunate enough to still have some (lol). 

It can be uncombed and messy like a mad professor's, finely brushed and cared for like Trump's, or even transplanted to cover the onset of unwanted bald spots.

Like a horse's or lion's mane, hair frame's a person and can make the plain or even unsightly, more attractive and desirable; at the same time, if not properly cared for and groomed, it can make a person look disheveled and even crazy.

Of course, hair is just what tops off the person and is only skin deep, so looks (including hair) can be defining or oh, so deceiving.

Hair or hairless, groomed or gross--it's a reflection and a statement of how we're looking to each other. ;-)

(Source Photo: Andy Blumenthal)
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October 6, 2014

Lock Or Peephole

So is that keyhole in privacy for a lock and key or as an exhibitionistic peephole?

The New York Times had an excellent article on this yesteday, called "We Want Privacy, but Can't Stop Sharing."

We are compelled to share online to demonstrate that we are:

- Important
- Interesting
- Credible
- Competent
- Thoughtful
- Trustworthy

The problem is when you inappropriately overshare online, you may leave youself little to properly disclose in building real-world intimate relationships in a normal give and take of "opening and closing boundaries."

Moreover, being like a lab rat or in a house of glass walls for all to watch indiscriminantly can leave us with feelings of "low self-esteem, depression, and anxiety."

Being under observation--even when it is voluntary--implies being open to judgement and this can drain us of our ability to be ourselves, creative, and take calculated risks.

We don't want to become too busy brushing our hair back and smiling for the camera and making everything (artificially) look like made for reality TV (e.g. Kardashian) perfection. 

The key to privacy is to disclose what needs to be shared, put a lock on what's personal, and not arbitrarily leave the peephole eyes wide open. ;-)

(Source Photo: here with attribution to g4ll4is)
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July 31, 2013

Yes, I Mean No


This is a hilarious video of a social experiment.

This girl--a complete stranger--goes up to random guys and asks "Would you have sex with me?"

On the top there is a running counter--thumbs up or down--for how many of these guys say yes or no.

The final count for this girl and the complete strangers is 50-50!

The reactions of the guys who stumble all over themselves ranges from "Are you crazy?" and someone who actually calls the police on her to "Why not?" and "I will definitely have sex with you!" or how about this guy who offered up a middle of the road approach of "Would you like to hang out with us first?"

In a companion video, they reverse the social experiment, and a guy propositions random girls with the same cavalier question.

In 100 cases, he was rejected!

So are women more discriminating?  Are they looking for intimacy while men are looking for a physical hookup? Or are men just driven by their chemistry, evolution, and species preservation to procreate far and wide? 

While the girl chosen for this experiment is undeniably attractive, given the risk of STDs and AIDS and also broken relationships and even families, you still have to ask yourself are men's brains fully wired on right? ;-)
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July 27, 2013

Needy And You Know It

Some people are so needy--they are almost like children in adult's clothing, while others are so distant they may as well be living on another planet--they are in there own world. 

The Wall Street Journal (15 July 2013) asks why some people seem to demand so much? 

It explains that there are three types of people:

1) Secure--these people were raised in a consistently caring and responsive manner and they become warm and loving people themselves able to form healthy balanced relationships--where they can be apart from and together with others and function well in both situations.

2) Avoidant/Dismissive--those who are raised in an environment where neediness was not tolerated and was seen as suffocating, and so they learn to minimize closeness to others--they are distant and detached. 

3) Anxious/Needy--People raised in an inconsistent environment, where they got mixed messages about nurturing, and they end up constantly feeling insecure and needy, like they will get drawn in and then rejected again, so they smother other people with their neediness and don't recognize and respect appropriate boundaries. 

This third personality type, who is always needy and ends up pushing away other people, who feel suffocated, reminds me of a funny scene in Woody Allen's "Annie Hall" where a couple visit the therapist, who asks each of them how often they have sex? The man says, "Hardly ever. Maybe three times a week." But then the woman when asked the same question says, "Constantly. I'd say three times a week." 

Just like people can't really change their basic sexual needs (men apparently wanting physical intimacy more often then women), so too people can't change the home life they were raised in--good, bad or indifferent. 

Whether people are needy and clingy, aloof and dismissive, or plays between hot and cold, we need to figure out how to care about and love them for whoever they are. 

Boundaries are key. Taking some personal space is healthy. Together time and intimacy is critical. 

It's all about finding a balance--where each person has the time and space to be who they are, and then come back to a warm and caring relationship to share, rejuvenate, and laugh and cry together. ;-)

(Source Photo: Andy Blumenthal)
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June 6, 2013

Getting To Know You

This was a funny picture that my wife took today.

It is a guy sitting in the restaurant surrounded by women.

He is eating and reading.

The book is "What Do Women Want?"

What--like most men don't have a clue how women think!

Anyway, sort of an interesting way to take a break from the workday.

Pondering the ultimate mystery men seem to want to know. 

Anyway, I know what my women wants and that's for me to take out the garbage. ;-)

(Source Photo: Dannielle Blumenthal)
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March 5, 2013

Lets Play Chicken


So probably everyone knows the game of chicken.

They play this game in the movie Footloose--driving these big tractors towards each other waiting to see who flinches, chickens-out first, and veers out of the way before the vehicles collide. The person who moves out of the way first is the "chicken" (although that person is probably pretty darn smart not to risk getting him/herself killed!)

An article in the Wall Street Journal (18 February 2013) on making friends by sharing, but not oversharing, reminded me of this. 

Like two vehicles driving towards each other--making friends is about coming together by disclosing who you are and what you are about--finding and enjoying commonalties, respecting each others differences, and being able to interact in a mutually satisfying way. 

Driving gradually and carefully, you can get to know someone by mutually sharing and connecting--first a little, and then building on that with some more. 

Beware of disclosing too much, too fast--it can make another person uncomfortable--like you're dumping, desperate, or maybe a little crazy!

At the same time, not being able to open up can make the other person feel that you don't like or trust them or maybe that you are a little boring, shallow or that you are hiding something.

Of course, the chemistry has to be there and it's got be reciprocal--both the feeling and the sharing--users and stalkers need not apply. 

However, if things aren't working out between the two people and they are on course for a head-on collision, someone has got to get out of the way--maybe that person is a chicken or perhaps they just know when it's time to say goodbye. 

Anyway, chickens can either end up doing the chicken dance or they can end up as roadkill--it all depends on how they approach the other chicken. ;-) 

(Source Photo: Andy Blumenthal)

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August 26, 2011

Get Me Some Privacy


We all need some privacy at one time or another--that's actually one reason to love blogging (ah, some peace at last!)


No matter how much we love to be surrounded by the socializing multitudes, there are times when everyone needs some space.

Enter the Privacy Shell (or Veasyble)--a new wearable, accordion device that extends over your head to give an individual an escape from the hustle and bustle around them.

It is an accessory made of paper, plastic and fabric and comes in the form of either a visor, neck ruffle, bag, or mask.

The Privacy Shells are supposed to be all about creating isolation for the individual or intimacy for companions.

While some have compared these to ostriches putting their heads in the sand, to me they are more like turtles that seeks to escape into their shell when the surroundings get to be too much or dangerous.

The difference though is that unlike real shells for sea creatures or animals, the Privacy Shell offers no real protection from the world around you.

The Privacy Shells also reminds me of the Confucian Three Wise Monkeys--that cover their eyes, ears, and mouth with their hands to imply they "See No Evil, Hear No Evil, and Speak No Evil" (i.e. I think I'll cover face with my Privacy Shell for a little while, and all will be well).

The Privacy Shell seems to be a pointed reaction to world population exploding at nearly 6.8 billion, increasing urbanization and overcrowding, and the hurried pace of human activities and ongoing change that is unprecedented--people are screaming out for some quiet, solitude, and real relationship intimacy (social media just doesn't cut it).

Unfortunately, the Veasyble provides for none of these--rather, it's a fashion statement and clever gimmick--like playing peak-a-boo with a baby, just because you cover the kids eyes for a second, doesn't mean that you've really disappeared.

Wearing a privacy shell is really just an attempt to get attention, and it certainly does that.

But the need for privacy is real and we all can benefit from learning to stop the constant running around, the endless need to be productive, and the incessant interactions (online and off).

There is no magic when it comes to privacy--if you want some, you better find a place--physical, mental, and/or spiritual--that you can get away to and regain your sanity, because hiding under an accordion shell is only going to get you arrested for loitering in Times Square. ;-)

(Source Pictures: here)

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May 4, 2011

"Sexual Healing"--Marvin Gaye Wasn't Kidding


Ok, so the only topic that can compete with the killing of Osama Bin Laden (OBL) this week is an an article about sex--what???

No, I am not trying to be crude or vulgar. The Wall Street Journal, 3 May 2011, in the Health Journal reports that research show numerous health benefits to sex.

As if the mere act of procreation wasn't enough already...research now shows that sex:

- "Relieves stress" ("there's a relaxation response and a satiation response")--what's new there?
- "Improves sleep and burns calories"--ok, more no brainers as it "burns an estimated five calories per minute"--did anyone say competition with Weight Watchers and Jenny Craig? :-)
- "Reduces pain" ("you lie there and life is great")--who has time to think about pain?
- "Eases depression...improves mood"--ditto with the above
- "Strengthen blood vessels"--it's good exercise!
- "Boosts the immune system"--a perk up all around.
- "Lowers the risk of prostate and breast cancer"--Thank G-d!

Of course, there are chemical explanations for pretty much all these things: hormones, neurotransmitters, endorphins, testosterone, estrogen, prostaglandins, dopamine, prolactin...(OMG, no wonder, I never went to medical school).

But maybe the greatest gift of all, aside from the pure love and intimacy are several studies which suggest that "sex extends life in general"--almost like the holy grail of health benefits:

For men, those "who had sex less than once per month were twice as likely to die in the next 10 years than those who had sex once per week." While for women, those "who said they enjoyed their sex lives lived 7-8 years longer than those who were indifferent."

Like I said, maybe the only story of the week that can compete with the U.S. dealing the final blow to OBL.

Oh, what a week. ;-)

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