Just Two Pelicans Doing Their Thing

Today, we walked over to the pier and there were these two pelicans sitting there.

They let us walk right up to them and sit down on a stoop next to them--maybe two feet away only,

It was nice just sitting with Rebecca and watching these birds: they were scratching, clucking, shivering, dancing, taking in their surroundings, and wandering away together.

Felt really at peace and happy by the water, doing something so simple and basic. 

In a way just wanted this time to last forever. ;-)

Just Two Pelicans Doing Their Thing

Got Flashed

Crazy day...true story.

I was going out to lunch in Washington D.C. today minding my own business...

When two young women were coming down the block in the opposite direction.

As they got closer, they started to giggle...

And then all of a sudden, at point blank range, one of them lifts up her skirt.

Both of them crack up and run off. 

I am not often left speechless, but this was definitely a new one on me. 

Let's just say, my wife told me that I have some "splaining" to do this evening! ;-)

(Source Photo: Andy Blumenthal)

Got Flashed

Walking Off Into The Sunset

My daughter snapped this photo of my wife and I while we weren't looking. 

When we got home my wife titled it "Walking Off Into The Sunset."

We both cried when we saw it!

So full of meaning...

Two people, different, but hearts and hands together.

Walking into the future, not sure where it is going to take us. 

Some day we'll be old, and we'll look back at all the times. 

Hopefully, all for the good, but always trying to make the best. 

We'll walk off into that sunset sometimes with tears, but always with joy. 

(Source Photo: Michelle Blumenthal)

Walking Off Into The Sunset

Happy Hebrew Anniversary

Today, I found out from my sister-in-law, Cheryl, that my wife's favorite doll as a child was a Raggedy Ann doll that she always carried around with her. 

(I'm the last to find out these things...)

She wrote isn't is funny that Raggedy Ann married Andy?

She ended with, "Is it odd or is it G-d?"

I think it must be both that we survived each other. ;-)

Happy Hebrew Anniversary to my wife!

(Source Photo: here with attribution to mypreciousmomentspro.com)

Happy Hebrew Anniversary

Happy Mother's Day To My Very Feminist Wife

Just want to wish my lovely wife a very happy Mother's Day. 

My wife is a big feminist!

She doesn't like to do too much cooking, cleaning, laundry etc. 

More for good 'ol hubby--me--to do.  

For example, today I am painting my daughter's room. 

I did the heavy lifting on this. 

Now my wife and daughter and doing the corners and touch up. 

Hey, it's all in a day's work for a modern-day husband. 

But I love my wife and family. 

Even if there's a little more for me to share in. ;-)

(Source Photo: Michelle Blumenthal)

Happy Mother's Day To My Very Feminist Wife

Radiating Goodness

So I met two amazing people today. 

The first was a lady with Multiple Sclerosis (MS).  

She told me her story about how it was her 30-year anniversary this year. And she said she had been diagnosed with MS only one year after her wedding. 

She almost cried when she told me that her husband had stayed with her all these years she was sick. 

First, she had a nurse at home to care for her, and then when the demands were too much, she got into the nursing home and has been there since May, which she said wasn't a long time and that it was good there. 

Talking with her, I was amazed at how good an attitude she had for someone that had suffered so much and for so long. She was also an incredibly nice person and said how lovely some of the other patients looked today and that they should eat something to keep up their strength. This lady was truly inspiring.

The second lady I met was a private nurse for one of the elderly patients in the home. 

She sat at lunch between the old lady she took care of and the other woman with MS. 

Yet even though she was privately paid by the elderly lady, I was amazed that when she wasn't caring for the old lady, she took the time and effort to care for the MS lady, whom she otherwise had nothing to do with. 

In fact, she was alternating in feeding one and then the other. Also, making conversation with everyone else at the table asking how they were, taking pictures with her iPad mini (she found a place that sells them for only $79!) and saying how happy her patient was looking today and making her smile (even though the patient seemed unable to even speak). 

It was truly amazing to see the caretaker generally caring for others, not just for the money or because it was her job, but rather because she could help and really wanted to.

I'll tell you, there are still good people out there--some almost angels. And when you find them, it is a miraculous experience. You can almost see G-d in them. Like the physical world is just an illusion, but these eternal souls are what's real--radiating goodness to every soul they touch. ;-)

(Source Photo: Andy Blumenthal)

Radiating Goodness

What True Love Means

A Walk To Remember--what an absolutely amazing movie.

This girl with a beautiful soul, Jamie, turns around the life of this lost boy, Landon. 

She warns him not to fall in love with her, but he does. 

She reveals that she has Leukemia and is no longer responding to medicine. 

Landon is head over heels for her and marries her despite the prognosis. 

They enjoy one summer of love before she passes. 

But she has changed his life forever. 

I cried like a baby at this one. 

It was a movie of faith, love, and turnaround--it made me believe again. ;-)

"Love is always patient and kind. It is never jealous. Love is never boastful or conceited. It is never rude of selfish. It does not offense and is not resentful. Love takes no pleasure in other people's sins, but delights in the truth. It is always ready to excuse, to trust, to hope, and to endure whatever comes." - Nicholas Sparks

What True Love Means

Uh-Oh Trouble

So I'm "middle age"...and all of a sudden the last few months I am having trouble reading.

I haven't worn glasses for over 14 years--since I had the Lasik procedure done. 

Now, at the optometrist, he tells me, "Oh everyone ends up getting glasses whether you had Lasik or not."

He says: "Usually, people need reading glasses starting between the ages of 42-45."

Crud...back to those darn things again. 

I remember in 1999 when I had Lasik, it was still a pretty new procedure, but my best friend and his wife had just gotten it and convinced me to go for it too.

Well, it wasn't what I expected and when they clamped my eye open and the doctor tells me to stare at a the little red light as the laser comes up to my eye...I was thinking to myself...this is NUTS!

But it actually went from bad to worse. 

As the doctor starts working on the first eye, all of a sudden, he goes, "Uh-oh!"

What type of doctor is this that says oh-uh, and what in G-d's name did he do to me. 

Well, he composes himself after pulling away and finishes, but then stops and says he'll talk to me afterwards. 

As it turns out, as he pulled on the eye, something called the epithelium, a piece suddenly flaked off the eye. 

Nothing seriously actually happened--no ill sides effects, but those 2 words while under the laser, "Uh-oh," really sent the shivers up my spine. 

Let's just say, while I am glad I didn't have to wear glasses these last 14 years, the experience was a little traumatic.  

I remember one other time in my life--when I experienced the Uh-oh moment--this time, I was actually the one uttering the Uh-oh. 

It was right after I got married, and we had this cool idea that I would give my wife a haircut.

So, I start cutting and I'm thinking hey, this isn't so hard...and it's fun...and we also get to save money (hey, we were just starting out in life). 

Then, I keep cutting and cutting not realizing how much I was taking off...at one point, my wife starts getting antsy and she says, "So how's it going (knowing that something wasn't right)?"

Then it hits me, I suddenly blurt out the big "Uh-oh! 

My wife goes, "What did you do?"

Of course, I started to worry and couldn't get myself to really say and instead I just start cracking up. 

Then she knew I had really messed up...and boy was I in trouble then.

Uh-oh is a phase you never want to hear or say...it means trouble has arrived. ;-)

Uh-Oh Trouble

When To Build Relationships Or Burn Your Bridges

Why marriages (and relationships) fail is a topic of discussion in the book Fighting For Your Marriage by Markman, Stanley, and Blumberg.

The book is anchored in research from the University of Denver and their Prevention and Relationship Enhancement Program (PREP). 

So here are the four main reasons:

1. Escalation--People escalate the fight, rather than deescalate it. Harmful words and actions beget more harmful words and actions as each side tries to win the fight, rather than save the relationship. 

2. Invalidation--You put down the other person (their feelings, thoughts, and character) with sarcasm, disrespect, and contempt, rather than raise them up with understanding, concern, comfort, and encouragement. 

3. Accusation--Assuming the worst, you negatively interpret the actions and motives of another person, rather than looking at and accentuating the positive and giving them the benefit of the doubt.

4. Abandonment--Leaving the person emotionally and/or physically, you withdraw and avoid them and possibly even cheat on them, rather than engaging with and cleaving to each other, and working together to solve problems.

Essentially, these relationship issues all have to do with a breakdown of communication and trust--where instead of trying to work it out, there is a feeling that nothing can be solved by talking anymore and that there is no reason to even trust the other person.

Once trust and communication are broken--it is very difficult to go back and rebuild it.

Then instead of mending fences, people may choose the nuclear option: go to war, fight it out, threaten, hurt, or leave--and the relationship spirals to a timely demise. 

What was once a nuclear family, or close relationship (friends, associates, etc.), may end up a broken and shattered one, full of hatred and as enemy combatants, perhaps not much better than the Hatfields and McCoys. 

So the first thing is you have to decide whether you want to build the relationship or end it. 

If you love the other person and want to be with them (and they with you)--then say and do positive things to maintain communication and trust--give selflessly to each other. 

Relationships thrive when people behave as true friends, looking out for one another, sincerely--when they help their partners achieve their goals, grow as human beings, and find meaning and happiness. 

A relationship is not a business transaction, but a joining of hearts and an intimacy of soul--it is based on mutual respect and goodwill. 

If you really value the other person and the relationship--don't burn your bridges when things get heated, but cross and meet the other person (at least) halfway and embrace them with love and caring--most of the time, it will come back to you. 

But at the same time don't be a fool--if the other person is wicked and cruel, out only for themselves, and would throw you under a bus in a moment--get with it and quick because the bridge is already burning and at a very high temperature. ;-)

(Source Photo: Andy Blumenthal)

When To Build Relationships Or Burn Your Bridges

Hiring and Marrying Great People--Is It Random or Predictable?

The Atlantic (21 June 2013) has a startling article about hiring at Google--"It's a complete random mess."

With all the Google information genius and the brainteasers they test people with, all the rounds of interviews they put them through, they found "zero relationship" between how people scored in tens of thousands of interviews and how they performed in their jobs.

No only didn't the interviews predict good hires, but "colleges didn't matter, GPAs...didn't matter."

Only one guy who was the world's leading expert in something, and was hiring for a very specialized area seemed to be able to weed out the wheat from the chaff in interviews. 

"People are complicated, organizations are complicated, matching people with organizations is complicated."

This reminds me of what it's like to match people for intimate relationships...very, very difficult. Sort of like, men are complicated, women are complicated, and matching men and women is complicated.

Whether matching people to organizations or to each other, getting a good Shidduch is a big challenge and hard to predict the outcome. 

Perhaps that is why the average person goes through seven careers in a lifetime and "50% of all marriages in America end in divorce."

Making a good match with a company or a person is hard--because as I heard as a teenager, "you never know what the person is really like until you wake up with them in the morning"--morning breath, hair messed, bad dreams, pissy moods, and all. 

Similarly, with a company, until you work there and actually have to live the culture and deal with the people, policies, and politics, you won't really know what it's like just by asking around and reading up about them on Glassdoor.

Also, not only do you have imperfect information about the people and jobs when you try and match them up, but people change (organizations do to, but much more slowly--it's a bigger ship to turn around). 

Yes, while past performance are predictors of future performance--good skills and bad habits, they do stick around--at the same time, people do learn, grow, mature, and change--hopefully for the better. 

As the old Jewish saying goes, "with age, comes wisdom"--and hopefully, more mature and better ways of dealing and coping with challenging and complex people and situations. 

So what should you look for--whether in a new hire or a marriage mate? 

Start with a good heart and a good fit; look for a track record of success in life, a hunger to succeed personally and professionally, someone willing to learn and grow, and not be afraid to work hard, have some failures, and get back on their feet again--that's life. 

Say a prayer and don't be fooled by the superficial things or what people just say to get the job or the mate--look for what they do (action speaks louder than words) and remember, personal beauty is more than just skin deep. ;-)

Hiring and Marrying Great People--Is It Random or Predictable?

What Does A Robot And A Spouse Have In Common?

This is a pretty cool advance in robotics. 

The robot doesn't just perform tasks, but it interacts with the person--sensing his movements and thereby anticipating his needs. 

According to Gizmag, this advanced robot was developed by Cornell's Personnel Robot Lab. 

As you can see in the video, the robot sees the person picking up a pot and moving towards the refrigerator, and the robot "understands" and goes to pull open the fridge door. 

In another example, the robot first without anticipating the person moving his coffee cup, pours coffee, spilling it on the table, but then with the special programming, the robot "sees" the person picking up the cup to drink and putting it down, and waits to pour until the cup is in stably in place. 

The anticipatory skills of the robot are based on 120 3-D videos in its database of people doing everyday tasks and extrapolating from it to what is occurring around it. 

The robot's predictions of the person's actions are refined as the person continues to move making the robot's response that much more in tune and precise with the person it is interacting with. 

The less far out in time that the robot has to predict, the more accurate it is: for 1 second out, it is 82% accurate; 3 seconds out, 71% accurate; and 10 seconds out, 57%. 

It is pretty incredible that we are able to program a robot to watch and sense similar to the way we do, and to react accordingly. 

The challenge will be as in the show Lost In Space, where the Robot is often confounded by illogical or unpredictable human behavior, and frequently, repeats "Does not compute." 

People are not programmed like computers--they experience conflicting and complex thoughts and emotions, behave in unpredictable or seemingly illogical ways, may have difficulty making up their minds in the first place, or may change their minds, even multiple times. 

Being a robot in a human world will by necessity mean being adaptable and understanding to changing human moods, whims and desires, and being able to respond quickly and appropriately--sort of like what being married is all about. ;-)

What Does A Robot And A Spouse Have In Common?

Women, Not Things

In the context of the brutal raping and murder last year of a 23-year old women on a bus to the disgusting rape of a 5-year girl more recently in India, the Wall Street Journal (17 May 2013) has an article on "To Wed Your Rapist, or Not: Indian Women on Trial."

It is an eye-opening article about the prejudices and horrible injustices that women face in India and other countries--and it's not only due to the misogyny of some, and power- and pleasure-seeking of others, but it is based also on justices, lawyers, law enforcement, legislators, and spiritual figures in society that perpetuate the oppression of woman. 

Some societies are stacking the deck, so women cannot reasonably win due protection--from legislators who do not write and pass substantive and equitable laws to protect women, to law enforcement that will not commit the resources to pursue the rapists and women beaters, to lawyers and judges that raise ridiculous demands for proving guilt and sentencing, and to spiritual leaders that blame the victim rather than hold the perpetrators to task. 

These people who are supposed to bring justice to the victims, instead add insult to injury. Some of these include:

- Ruling against rape victims because they didn't successfully fight back. For example, a "lower court ruled that she was lying citing among other things the fact that she could have scratched the man's genitals, but didn't."

- Professing that victims are at fault for causing the rape, such as by wearing skirts, having male friends (i.e. "asking for it"), or otherwise dressing or behaving immodestly. At the extreme, one prominent spiritual figure actually held that the victim could've avoided trouble if she had "chanted a prayer, taken one of her attackers by the hand, and called him 'brother'"--as if one can convince an attacker not to attack by holding their hands and gushing brotherhood.

- Teaching that rape is not possible for strong women or those of a labor caste. A 2005 textbook stated, "In normal circumstances, it is not possible for a single man to hold sexual intercourse with a healthy adult female in full possession of her senses against her will." Oh, really? I doubt these teachers would like to test this hypothesis on their beloved mothers, sisters, wives, or daughters.

In Indian and other societies where women are so degraded, there is a standing notion of a rape victim having to marry their rapist--to make things right. Yet, how can this resolve anything? As if the incident of rape is not enough, the victim must endure a lifetime of rape--and by an individual without character or soul, who could commit such a brutal, violent act to begin with. 

Forcing the victim to marry the rapist does not spare a woman the challenge of marrying normally after such an traumatic act, but rather it precludes her from ever having an opportunity to rid herself of the pain and shame, and go on to be with someone who truly loves and respects her as a person, and not an object. 

As long as societies marginalize women through their beliefs, teachings, and systems of injustice, women will not be spared the agonizing harm they suffer by men who abuse their status of power. But as the old saying goes, "what goes around, comes around,"--what is incredible is that so many of these people just see it going, but don't see it coming. 

(Source Photo: Andy Blumenthal)

Women, Not Things

Still In Love After 58 Years Together

My mom and dad are still in love after almost 58 years of marriage. 

While I already knew how special they were to each other--through thick and thin--when my mom took my dad's hand at the table, and said he has always been the love of her life, it was just beautiful. 

Their life has certainly not been easy--escaping from Nazi Germany as children, losing most of their education, and coming to this country with literally nothing. But they worked hard, worshipped G-d dutifully, gave charitably, and greatly valued their family and friendships above everything else in this world. 

They are good people and a wonderful role model to all of us, and we have always been like one extended family.

I'll always remember when my mom took his hand and said how much he meant to her--it was awesome! 

May God bless them both, always. ;-) 

(Source Photo: Rebecca Blumenthal)

Still In Love After 58 Years Together

Growing And Getting Old Together

The Wall Street Journal had a good book review on "The End of Sex" by Donna Freitas. 

The book is about the casual hook-up culture, where a sexual interaction is brief--like a single night--purely physical, and "no strings" attached--"you just do it, you're done, and you can forget about it."

Essentially it is a purely hedonistic, selfish act, for one's own pleasure--where the other person (if you even know their name) doesn't count. 

The review recounts studies that show that the percentage of undergraduates that have participated in hookups is as high as 65 to 75%!

People are searching a quick fix "without the constraints and sacrifices" that real committed relationships require. 

According to the review, hookups are not liberating and empowering, but denigrating and dehumanizing--where the other person is just a thing to use for self-pleasure.

It can certainly be understandable that college-aged students are driven to exploration and experimentation, and those unattached can be frustrated and alone and are looking for love. 

Whether hookup are the right way to find this--is an individual choice--however from my Jewish upbringing, I was raised to appreciate those who maintain modesty before marriage, because that way the bond of marriage is stronger for it. 

The book review seems to imply that hooking up for sex is perhaps just steps away from "sexual assault"--taking sex through violence --one way or another.  In a sense, the animal nature takes over and the spiritual element and higher connection is absent. Whether the means is consensual or forced, self-satisfaction is the end. 

While sex is a genuine human need, waking up to a stranger--no matter how attractive--is not a great substitute for sharing life's joys (and sorrows) with your true other half, because meaning means more than just the self and the moment. 

On one hand, if people can't find emotional love, then they can be left with the physical aspect of sex alone. On the other hand, even some in relationships may not be in the "right" relationships, and may be left searching for more. And still others may use sex to express their power over others--taking what they want, when they want, and how they want. 

At the most elementary level, people are motivated to pure self-satisfaction, yet as they rise up to higher orders of Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs, they are driven further to self-actualization. 

Seeing grandparents, parents and others grow a bond of giving and fidelity that is built up over decades is a truly beautiful thing--where love can deepen over time, rather than be forgotten the next morning. 

Meeting other people, dating, and developing relationships are markers on the road for those who are fortunate enough to find their true life partners--those with whom they can grow and get old together with. ;-)

(Source Photo: Andy Blumenthal)

Growing And Getting Old Together

The Cow and Two Acres

This photo reminded me of a joke my father used to tell.

It went something like this...

A man often complained that his father-in-law promised him a cow and two acres.

- And he is still waiting for the two acres.

No offense ladies, those were the "olden days." ;-)

(Source Photo: Andy Blumenthal)

The Cow and Two Acres

To My Dear Wife

It all started on the first night Of Chanukah...  

Yeah, I know it's a miracle! ;-)

(Source Comic At Bitstrips: Andy Blumenthal)

To My Dear Wife

Feminist Power

In the spirit of the election season, this was a funny/serious display of feminist bravado in Washington, D.C. 

Having a big feminist in my family--my wife--I can emphasize with the majority emphasis here.

As my dad says when an issue comes up: "you better ask your better half." 

Let's just say, I've learned after more than 20 years of marriage--that feminism is alive and well--and something to be respected and feared. :-)

Hope you enjoy!

Andy

Feminist Power

G-d's Creation and Man's Adaptation

I took this photo today at the East View of Sugarloaf Mountain. 

This guy is sitting on the rocks towards the summit of the mountain and doing of all things...technology--it's REALLY everywhere!

He is nestled away in the brush and trees on this rock--off the mountain edge--and is typing away on a laptop computer. 

Not what I was expecting in the middle of all this nature, but then again I was guilty of bringing along some of my tech toys too. 

And at one point--on this--what felt to me--like a near vertical climb (but it wasn't)--and standing lopsided on these protruding rocks, all of a sudden my smartphone rings. 

"Hello," I say grabbing onto a branch of a nearby tree. 

On the other end, "Yes, the is so and so from Dr. whatever's office, and your test results came back as this and that..."

No, it wasn't bad news, thank G-d, but it was just so awkward getting this call up on the this lush mountain and in this way. 

I thought for a moment--maybe, I shouldn't have brought my phone and other technology stuff on the hike--then it would be just me and the beautiful nature--man and mother Earth--alone and as one. 

That thought lasted about a full split second--yeah, that's truly nice--but like Adam in the Garden of Eden without his fig leaf, I feel truly naked--without my technology.

The garden is a lot more inviting when I know the rest of the world is just some personal technology away. 

Like the guy reading and working on his laptop nestled on the mountain--maybe what we have is the best of G-d's creation and man's adaptation--a beautiful marriage--good for the body and the soul. 

(Source Photo: Andy Blumenthal)

G-d's Creation and Man's Adaptation

2 Eggs Are Better Than One

Aside from the cholesterol, generally speaking two eggs are better than one.

Two eggs here, as you can see, are two friends--in it together, working together, putting their heads together, sharing life together.

My father always told me that with that special someone the joys in life are twice the joy, and the sorrow in life is half the sorry--he is a smart man!

When it comes to friendships though, I have learned there are many types of friends and we have different names or references for them:

- Childhood friends--"We go way back."

- Best friends forever--or BFF; often you'll see this on bracelet charms, necklaces, or even t-shirts--this is reserved for your closest buds. 

- High school sweethearts--"first comes friends, then comes marriage, and then comes a baby in the baby carriage."

- Confidant friend(s)--these are people we feel we can talk to, connect with, and trust with our personal and emotional secrets. Ummm, don't tell, but...

- Neighbor friends--you live near or next to each other, so might as well bring over some welcome muffins or borrow some sugar--then again, "tall fences, make good neighbors." 

- Casual friends--these are friends you keep in touch with "every so often" and share some laughs or have a "cold one" with.

- On again off again friends--people you are friends with one minute and alienated from the next--often an endless cycle--you like somethings about the person and other things drive you mad!

- Work friends --these are associates that you work with day in and out--40, 50, 60 hours a week or more--and who you share work experiences, challenges, projects, and sometimes frustrations with--and don't forget "happy hour".

- Friends with benefits--this is a naughty friendship and is what it sounds like--at your own foolhardy risk!  

- Marriage partner and best friends--the most fortunate people are those who find their "beshert"--the one true one that they are destined to be with--and who is not only their life partner, but their soulmate and best friend.

Good luck finding and keeping your friends of all types--these are precious and make life worth living. 

(Source Photo: Meme shared with me)

2 Eggs Are Better Than One

100% Burglar Proof--Tell Me Another One

So I saw this advertisement for a "100% burglar proof" system and I was just bewildered.

Does anyone really think we can be 100% sure of anything--let alone security?

Everyday thieves rob the safest banks, cyber criminals hack the most secure systems, and crooks break into the most secure sites.

Everything we do comes down to risk management--assessing and classifying risk, selecting controls to mitigate risk, and monitoring those for effectiveness and necessary modifications. 

For children, maybe things are basic black and white--it's simpler that way "good guys" and "bad guys" and so on, but for adults we know there are at least "50 shades of grey" and that means that there are no certainties in life--whether security, sure financial bets, or perfect opportunities--everything is a gamble in some respects. 

I remember someone once joked about even marriage being somewhat chancy, since "you never really know the person until you wake up with them in the morning every day."

With 20-20 hindsight, all the pundits seem brilliant, but only the prophets can predict the future with accuracy. 

As to any product or vendor that markets itself as having a 100% success rate, you better get yourself a money back guarantee on it, because you will definitely need it! ;-)

(Source Photo: Andy Blumenthal)

100% Burglar Proof--Tell Me Another One