Who You Gonna Trust?

We start out life as innocent children with inherent trust in those that care for us. 

It is nice to feel safe, loved, and cared for by people who dote over your every gurgle, smirk, fart, and spaghetti sauce smear on the face. 

As people grow older and have negative experiences however, they become more guarded and jaded by what they learn about other people's motives and agendas and how vulnerable and hurt they can get. 

Unfortunately, these days kids have to fear from pedophiles, parents that are addicts and wildly abusive, and teachers that let out their emotional problems on children that look up to them for guidance and education. 

As we get older, there are bullies in school and thugs on the street. 

And even in the office, there are those that abuse their positions of power and can make life miserable for the regular hard-working Joes not looking for any problems.

In relationships, spouses that cheat on one another and the resulting breakups have heart-wrenching effects on families. 

But perhaps, what is even worse than individual people that can hurt us are when the very institutions that are the bedrock of our society become corrupt and abusive of their authority and result in our loss of trust in them.

Already in 2010, trust in government was reaching new lows of 19%.

By 2014, trust in corporate America had eroded to just 36%.

Similarly, in 2016, trust in the news media fell to all time lows of 32%.

Reading about the clutching unto power of Fidel Castro's dictatorship for half a century in Cuba did not seem that far a stretch after seeing the powerful and dangerous political machine here in our own U.S.A. working to keep people in the seat of power almost at any cost to the country and the people. 

What was good for people was clearly last place to what was good for the ruling elites not just in Cuba anymore!

Similarly, the notion of a fair and balanced media went out the window with this last election, where investigative journalism became an oxymoronic term and idea. 

As for corporate America, outsourcing, shoddy goods, inflated advertising, short-term profiteering, rigged governance, and oversized pay packages to the C-suite left a handful of socially-conscious corporations stranded on a desert island of greed and raw capitalism.

Neither children nor adults are victims or sheep to be bullied or manipulated by abusers and manipulators in society. 

A free press so needed to keep corruption in check in the rest of public and private sector society has itself been infected by the bug of bias, bigotry, and personal agendas. 

Who can we trust when evil can overtake good temporarily to break bodies and souls of it's victims?

Ultimately, the people have the final say in keeping the wrongs in society from taking deep root and not letting nasty "big brothers" do the really bad things and take us down the wrong paths.

There are good people with integrity that we can trust, maybe just not everyone we'd like to. ;-)

(Source Photo: Andy Blumenthal)

Who You Gonna Trust?

Fall Of The Wall - Take 2

I thought this was cool this week when at a local university in Downtown, Washington DC, they did a reenactment of the fall of the Berlin Wall. 

The division between East and West came tumbling down on November 9, 1989 ushering in the end of the Cold War.

The students graffitied the wall with things they disliked like fascism, socialism, high taxes, a PC culture, censorship, and poverty. 

Later, they added Neo-Nazi's, corruption, and more.

By the afternoon, they knocked down the wall in the playful reenactment.

I found it hopeful to think that we can do the same in real life.

With President-elect Trump, perhaps there is the opportunity for new and better relations with Russia. 

Rather than escalating tensions and pointing new more advanced nukes at each other and encroaching ever closer toward confrontation, we can stop the madness. 

Truly reset the mindset of conflict and instead work together and walk it back. 

With respect for each other, there is enough world pie for everyone.

Tear down the wall, and build trust, respect, and peaceful relations again. 

No nonsense peace through strength and cooperation is the sane way forward--the alternative would be disaster!

(Source Photo: Andy Blumenthal)

Fall Of The Wall - Take 2

Turning To Love

Just an observation about love today.

But it seems that it's far easier and more frequent to see love turn to hate and resentment than vice versa.

It's a lot easier to destroy a relationship (or any success) than to build it to begin with.

Even as we talk about forgiveness and loving thy neighbor, it seems that more often than not negative feelings are at best turned to acceptance or neutral feelings rather than back to true endearment.

This state is often accompanied by such fears or protectionist sayings as "leopards don't change their spots" or "love once lost is lost forever."

While we may be willing to turn the other cheek for a moment or even a while, bad feelings and distrust towards another does not make the leap back to closeness and an endearing, loving relationship all that often.

Of course, there are exceptions where through trust building measures and "easing of sanctions" or hostilities, we can over time rebuild a relationship and become allies or partners again.

However, it is far easier to break trust and lose love then to ever rebuild and recover it.

All the more reason to cherish our meaningful relationships and make love count, sing, and dance for us every moment of every day. ;-)

(Source Photo: Andy Blumenthal)

Turning To Love

The Voter Psychology Behind A Trump

Over and over again the left AND the right try to get a knockout on Donald Trump. 

But what happens?

He's not knocked out.

He's not even knocked down.

To the contrary, he is still standing and seems to become stronger!

What is going on with this phenomenon?

Some would like to call it perhaps a psychosis of the masses. 

Other like to belittle those that like him by dissing their intellectual status and calling them stupid. 

Many even seem to go to every extreme to to make him out as crazy, fascist, bigoted, hateful, and a con man. 

Yet, for the most part it's doesn't seem to be working--people are still flocking to him. 

It's like the more they try to gang up on him, torment him, bash him, and zing him--and rather than buckle, he is still there standing and remains strong--perhaps, the more "proof" it is for people that he can and will stand up for America!

With dismal ratings for the President, Congress, and government overall, the outsider, the business man, the billionaire, the dealmaker, the one who isn't afraid to speak his mind and to say to the people the non-politically correct thing is coming across refreshing to many who are seeking change from the the last 7 years, 15 years, or further. 

With many seeing the current politics of the U.S. as leading from behind, appeasement, weak, divisive, and disengaged, it is not surprising to see bands across America yearning for something more. 

Is Donald Trump strong and anti-establishment or truly bad and dangerous?

This is for America to seek the truth on and wisely decide. 

What's riding on this?

Whether Trump OR another candidate to be determined --(someone/anyone) -- can potentially get things positively and constructively done in our large and complex political machine that has in many ways become increasingly stymied by bureaucracy, obstructionism, defeatism, game-playing, selfishness, pork barrel politics, (corruption,) sequestration, government closures, and political fighting across the aisle/behind the aisle/and in the aisle.

Let's hope for America and the world's sake the voters get it right.

But keep bashing Trump and you are keeping his message of superior strength and hope very much alive. ;-)

(Note: This is not an endorsement for any candidate or political party)

(Source Photo: Andy Blumenthal)

The Voter Psychology Behind A Trump

A Winning Letter

So everyone with management responsibility whether in business or government gets their share of sales calls. 

People are competing to get their "foot in the door" and at the same time not get the "door in the face" to do business and of course make money--it's called capitalism and "it's the American way!"

Most of the time, managers don't have time to respond to all the calls they get. 

But this week, I received the most brilliant introductory letter from a 26-year old in technology services. 

I think it's important to share from this, because it's really the best I ever received from anyone looking to make a contact. 

First, the letter is handwritten, which right away made it more personal and so got my attention in the first place to even read it. 

Second, the person mentions some things that they know and like about me--demonstrating that they did their homework and was also subtly ingratiating about it, but not seemingly in a b.s. or over the top way.

Third, the person shows flexibility to any venue to get an opportunity to touch base (along with a sense of humor throughout), "over lunch, coffee, water, a warm glass of milk, etc."

Fourth, the specifics of what he's looking for..."I want to ensure I stay ahead of the curve. I am thinking you can provide some great knowledge." Elaborating later in his letter, he says, "what keeps you up at night, what will keep you up tomorrow and how will you overcome it."

Fifth, he tries to make it a win-win for a meeting and says what he can bring to the table..."Well, I can tell funny stories from my weekend, my budget to buy a Tesla one day or my engagements with other gov't agencies. You pick!"

Sixth, he provides a form of disclosure with a sense of trustworthiness saying, "I am in sales. However that is not my objective with you so I promise not to sell sh*t."  

Seventh, he works to connect to me personally again by referencing a funny blog I wrote about ties, and he says, "I promise not to wear a tie--I hate them too."

Eighth, he frames this cold call as completely casual, offering again to "steal some time...[or] if not I understand."

Ninth, leaving it open to get back with him, he writes, "Feel free to email, call, tweet, or carrier pigeon me."

Tenth, he wishes me well, "Take care Andy", and he signs it and includes his business card. 

My reaction is that this is either a young and brilliant salesperson seeking legitimately to network, learn, and make some possible future opportunity inroads unknown.  

OR

Of course, if I think more from a operational security (OpSec) and security awareness training perspective, I could be concerned about some smart "social engineering" going on here, but that wasn't the feeling I got from this. 

My gut thinks this is one highly motivated and intelligent young man creatively getting into his profession, and I must say, it was impressively done. ;-)

(Source Photo: Andy Blumenthal)

A Winning Letter

Can't Live With 'Em & Without 'Em

Remember the funny comedy show, Married with Children.

The theme song is playing in my head, "Love and marriage, love and marriage, go together like a horse and carriage."

Love and marriage--it's something we all aspire to. 

Like in Noah's ark, we all want to couple off and be with that special person that complements us, can finish our sentences, helps us grow and develop and reach our potential, and of course raise a family!

This last couple of days for me the overarching theme has been the importance of a good marriage.

First I saw this funny sign that said, "Get married once, and do it right."

Well, okay...

Then the wonderful Rabbi Kaplan of Chabad, here in Downtown Fort Lauderdale, spoke to us about the great joy and "naches" (pride and gratification) of marriage and family.

And once again, when my wife asked this classy lady she met in Florida, how she stayed so thin, the lady responded, "It's the divorce diet."

Ah, eat your heart out baby...that's not the best way to lose weight now, is it? 

Anyway, it's a true blessing to find that great match, and when there is an overall healthy relationship built on respect, trust, good communication, and of course being best friends. 

I wish I had that (just kidding...).  :-))

Perhaps a nice New Years wish is for everyone to find their soulmate and live happily ever after. ;-)

(Source Photo: Andy Blumenthal)

Can't Live With 'Em & Without 'Em

Honesty, A Great Policy

So I went to the Podiatrist today for some routine maintenance. 

This was a new doctor for me, and I was going in with a healthy dose of skepticism (until I know the person is good and trustworthy). 

Well after the doctor does all these things, I test the waters and ask him, "So how often should I come back to see you every 6 months or more often or what?"

Here's his opportunity to put money ahead of really caring about the patient and to say to come often and more frequently so they can make more patient visits and more money.

But instead he pleasantly surprised me and goes, "Well let's see how your doing and take it from there."

I loved it--some genuine honesty and not just business and a money-making racket. 

Now, I really do plan to go back to this doctor regularly, because I trust him. ;-)

(Source Photo: Andy Blumenthal)

Honesty, A Great Policy

Looking At Ourselves In The NUKE Mirror

Any deal is based on T-R-U-S-T and verification, especially when it comes to dangerous nukes. 

Yet the deal with Iran--a member of the "Axis of Evil" and the #1 state sponsor of terrorism worldwide and of the worst abusers of human righs is trustless, especially when verification mechanisms are weak and Iran is non-complaint?

So where's the trust headed now (has anything changed, what are the signs so far)?

T - Turning away - Iran continues to turn away and refuse access to inspectors from the International Atomic Energy Agency (IAEA) who are tasked with the verification of Iran's non-proliferation of nukes.

R - Restraining people - Iran continues to disrespect us and holds 4 Americans hostage with no sign or promise of release. 

U - Undermining - Iran continues to undermine any relationship with the West by affirming that hostile policies toward "arrogant" America will not change. 

S - Swindling - Iran continues to swindle and deceive the West going so far as to publish a 416-page manifesto by the Ayatollah on destroying Israel, "the ally of the American Great Satan."

T - Threatening - Iran continues to threaten the West most recently warning of a "Third World War" sparked by terorrism, and continuing chants of "Death to America!"

So what's the future of this deal in protecting the world from nukes and terrorism--let's be honest and look in the mirror and ask what's the deal here? ;-)

(Source Photo: Andy Blumenthal)

Looking At Ourselves In The NUKE Mirror

Dancing With The Devil

In negotiating an agreement with the West, Iran is masterfully eking out concessions, while we are threatened with the potential for another Holocaust: 

- No more answering questions about their past nuclear WMD activities.

- No more gradual sanctions relief.

- No more giving up all their spinning centrifuges.

- No more anywhere, anytime inspections of suspicious military sites.

Actually, this is all quite amazing!

And at the same time as Iran doesn't give a real inch toward what the West wants, their negotiators are now throwing in yet more of what they want and that includes doubling their oil sales immediately and the removal of the arms and ballistic missile embargo.

Hey, if you are the Iranians in the negotiations--ask and ye shall receive. 

But what about what we should be asking for, but are not:

1) Iran needs to give up and dismantle their infrastructure for producing nuclear weapons--ALL of it, period.  Isn't it obvious that Iran having nukes is inevitable if they are allowed to continue to be permitted to have some nuke capability in plain sight and the rest conducted in hiding out of our limited inspections purview?

2) Iran must cease being the leading state sponsor of terrorism world-wide or for that matter any sponsor of terrorism--that is not how civilized nations behave! How can Iran be trusted on any nuke agreement as long as they continue to murder and terrorize innocents just as part of what they do. Just as an example, does anyone remember the 242 U.S. Marines killed in the Beirut barracks bombing. What happened to "We don't negotiate with terrorists"?

3) Iran cannot continue their overt hatred of the West, while pretending to negotiate an end to sanctions. Chanting "Death to America" (and Israel), burning our flag and our President in effigy, calling us their worst enemy, and threatening to attack and annihilate them is not in spirit of negotiating an agreement, is it? Again, where is foundation for trust here to even make an agreement?

4) Iran can't deny the truth of the Holocaust and the murder of six million innocent Jewish people in the most cruel ways just 70 years ago and simultaneously sit at the table today with world leaders in suits and ties and smiles, pretending to make a verifiable agreement that means anything. 

While we all want true world peace, this leopard has not at all changed its stripes. 

The words "Never Again" are not just an empty saying, but rather they are a commitment that all good and decent people must take upon themselves to ensure that hatred, terror, and evil are no longer permitted in the league of civilized nations. 

The devil always presents himself in an appealing way, but as history has shown over and over again, he never fails to hurt those who try to appease him.

May G-d guide the leaders of this great nation with wisdom and to see those with whom they negotiate for who they really are--and may a true peace reign in our times. 

(All opinions my own.) 

(Source Photo: Andy Blumenthal)

Dancing With The Devil

Lock Or Peephole

So is that keyhole in privacy for a lock and key or as an exhibitionistic peephole?

The New York Times had an excellent article on this yesteday, called "We Want Privacy, but Can't Stop Sharing."

We are compelled to share online to demonstrate that we are:

- Important
- Interesting
- Credible
- Competent
- Thoughtful
- Trustworthy

The problem is when you inappropriately overshare online, you may leave youself little to properly disclose in building real-world intimate relationships in a normal give and take of "opening and closing boundaries."

Moreover, being like a lab rat or in a house of glass walls for all to watch indiscriminantly can leave us with feelings of "low self-esteem, depression, and anxiety."

Being under observation--even when it is voluntary--implies being open to judgement and this can drain us of our ability to be ourselves, creative, and take calculated risks.

We don't want to become too busy brushing our hair back and smiling for the camera and making everything (artificially) look like made for reality TV (e.g. Kardashian) perfection. 

The key to privacy is to disclose what needs to be shared, put a lock on what's personal, and not arbitrarily leave the peephole eyes wide open. ;-)

(Source Photo: here with attribution to g4ll4is)

Lock Or Peephole

Handbag All Alone

I took this photo of this neglected bag in Starbucks today.

Someone just left their handbag on a chair and went off to line up for coffee with their significant others.

I'm not sure they needed to save the table given that the place was fairly empty this morning.

However, it did strike me that this bag was all alone, far from pretty much anyone, and no one was watching it!

Also, not only was this handbag left unattended, it was also completely open at the top, sort of inviting double trouble. 

As you can see, no one else seems to be paying much attention...so if someone wanted, I think this large, full handbag could've been a crime statistic in a moment. 

Trust is nice, but this handbag is crying out for company. ;-)

(Source Photo: Andy Blumenthal)

Handbag All Alone

Charisma, MORE Than Skin Deep

Charisma is something that can make or break a career or life.

If you have it, people often flock to you--that means connections, networking, relationships, and support. 

If you don't have it, then kiss your effectiveness and associates goodbye. 

According to Elizabeth Holmes in the Wall Street Journal, charisma is about how you look, talk, prep, smile, and get feedback. 

At work, for example, Holmes focuses quite a bit on superficial outwardly things like "Look polished, wrinkle-free," "Make eye contact," "Master grace under fire," and more.

And while these are important, they are really also the more superficial of what you can do in term of primarily how you look and comport yourself on the surface. 

Holmes does point more substantive things you can do, like ask for honest feedback, so presumably you can improve yourself. 

But improvements in the skin deep is nice, but not the essence of charisma.

Yes, no one appreciates someone who comes into the room disheveled, smelly, and like a proverbial turd. 

But more important than how one looks, talks and carry's themselves outwardly is how they actually behave. 

Looks are superficial, and word are cheap, but what a person actually does shows what they are really all about as a human being. 

Yes, do you need to build confidence by being put together, of course you do.

But to really build respect, trust, influence, inspire, and lead, you need to be a mensch--a decent human being, grounded in virtuous beliefs, who shows they will do the right thing and act at all times with a core integrity.

Charisma means we genuinely care and help others--not that we focus on promoting ourselves by walking around as the high and mighty. 

In the end, your charisma, charm, gravitas, presence and effectiveness as a leader is much more about what you do then what you simply look like or spout out. 

Be genuinely kind, caring, and giving, and that is a presence that can be sincerely felt and not just ogled over. ;-)

(Source Photo: Andy Blumenthal)

Charisma, MORE Than Skin Deep

Newspaper, Identity Thief

So, true story.

I know identify theft is a serious matter, but really...

I'm heading out of the driveway and I see the newpaper delivery guy just pulling up.

He's running a little late, but I figure I can still get the paper in time for morning reading on the Metro. 

I walk over to him and ask if I can get the Journal that he's deliverying to me.

He says, "No, I only deliver the Wall Street Journal and the Post."

I say, "Yeah, the Wall Street Journal, can I get it, since you're running a little late this morning."

He says. "I'm never late!"--actually, he is and sometimes doesn't deliver at all (the other week, I got 3 papers in one day). 

I say, "OK, but I can take it from here."

He says, "No, I only deliver to the door."

I say, "But I'm right here."

He says, "How do I know you are who you say you are?"

I say, "I am, and thank G-d, I really don't need to steal a $2 newspaper from you, Sir."

He says, "Okay, but I'll need to see an id!"

I say, "Are you serious?"

He says, "Yeah," pulling back to safety the pile of newspapers he is holding is his arms. 

Reluctantly, I flip open my wallet and flash my license to him.

Not good enough...he insists I take it out so he can read it. 

I finally got the paper, but we wasted what seemed like 5 minutes between the negotiation and proof of identity exercise. 

Don't get me wrong, I appreciate his diligence, but I think this type of scrutiny over access and identity would be better placed squarely on our cyber assets--somewhere where we really need them! ;-)

(Source Photo: Andy Blumenthal)

Newspaper, Identity Thief

Can You Trust Social Media?

Interesting article in BBC about a project underway to develop a system that will rate information on the Internet as trustworthy or not. 

Considering how quickly we get information from the Net and how easy it is to start crazy rumors, manipulate financial investors, or even cause a near panic, it would be good to know whether the source is legitimate and the information has been validated. 

Are we simply getting someone mouthing off on their opinions or what they think may happen or perhaps they are unknowingly spreading false information (misinformation) or even purposely doing it (disinformation)?

Depending how the Internet is being used--someone may be trying to get the real word out to you (e.g. from dissidents in repressive regimes) or they may be manipulating you (e.g. hackers, criminals, or even terrorists). 

To have a reliable system that tells us if information being promulgated is good or not could add some credibility and security online. 

What if that system though itself is hacked? Then lies can perhaps be "verified" as truth and truth can be discredited as falsehood. 

The Internet is dangerous terrain, and as in the life in general, it is best to take a cautious approach to verify source and message. 

The next cyber or kinetic attack may start not with someone bringing down the Internet, but rather with using it to sow confusion and disarm the masses with chaos. ;-)

(Source Photo: Andy Blumenthal)

Can You Trust Social Media?

Getting It In Writing

So this is funny, this company, Knock Knock makes witty office supply products.

This one is a picture of file folders that say, "Useless documents to provide appearance of importance in meetings."

They have another set of folders with, "Papers to shuffle endlessly thereby accomplishing nothing."

These reminded of the importance of getting things properly documented, in writing. 

Otherwise you get the unfortunate scenario that goes something like this when coming to agreements with others:

- Person #1: "If it's okay, can I get that in writing?"

- Person #2: "You have my word. Don't you trust me?"

The end result is an undocumented verbal agreement, and this is invariably followed, at some future time, by a disagreement, as follows:

- Person #1: "Well we agreed [fill in the blank]."

- Person #2: "I don't recall that. Do you have it in writing?"

When someone refuses to give it to you in writing that is a clear warning sign, and bells and sirens should be going off in your head--loudly--that there is a problem.

The lesson is:

- Get it documented in writing, period. 

- Documents are not useless even if some people use them to look important or they get caught in paperwork paralysis. 

- Verbal agreements are a he says, she says losing game. 

- Avoid getting caught without the documentation that spells it all out--and you can put it in one of these cool folders too.  ;-)

Note: This is not a vendor or product endorsement. 

(Source Photo: Andy Blumenthal)

Getting It In Writing

What True Love Means

A Walk To Remember--what an absolutely amazing movie.

This girl with a beautiful soul, Jamie, turns around the life of this lost boy, Landon. 

She warns him not to fall in love with her, but he does. 

She reveals that she has Leukemia and is no longer responding to medicine. 

Landon is head over heels for her and marries her despite the prognosis. 

They enjoy one summer of love before she passes. 

But she has changed his life forever. 

I cried like a baby at this one. 

It was a movie of faith, love, and turnaround--it made me believe again. ;-)

"Love is always patient and kind. It is never jealous. Love is never boastful or conceited. It is never rude of selfish. It does not offense and is not resentful. Love takes no pleasure in other people's sins, but delights in the truth. It is always ready to excuse, to trust, to hope, and to endure whatever comes." - Nicholas Sparks

What True Love Means

What YOU Need To Land That Next Job

Mashable (17 August 2013) has some good advice for job seekers--show you mean business and here's how to do it:

1) Integrity--This is the #1 fundamental. If you are not trustworthy, reliable, honest...you are more trouble than you're worth. Integrity underscores your character as a person and professional. If you cheat, lie, steal, and are self-serving, why would anyone want to associate with you, let alone have you work for them?

2) Adaptability--Change is constant and happening faster and faster. If you are status quo, "old school", and can't innovate your way off a typewriter, how in G-d's name are you going to help a business grow and adapt to changing market conditions?  Go-getters, trend-setters, and change-agents, desired and welcome. 

3) Problem-solvers-Anyone can complain and see problems, but it takes special folks to solve those large and complex ones. You need to be able to come up with a strategy, articulate it, and execute on it. If you see the bad in everything, but can't solve anything--you are part of the problem and not part of the solution.  If you have technical skills and can apply them, you are valuable to the organization. 

4) Self-Starters--No time to babysit snoozers, slackers, or the constantly tardy--organizations are looking for professionals. You need to hit the ground running. If you don't know what to do, how to do it, or can't pick up on it pretty quickly, this is going to be a painful experience. Those with initiative, enthusiasm, team players, and hard workers make it relatively easy,

5) Loyalty--Backstabbers, users, and serial job-hoppers, you're wasting precious time. If you're loyal to the organization and leadership, you deserve the same in return. Your value increases as you learn the organization, mission, and people and can apply your unique training and experiences over time. The organization wants you to grow with them. 

You're a fork, a spoon, and a knife and you are just what the organization is looking for. ;-)

(Source Photo: Andy Blumenthal)

What YOU Need To Land That Next Job

When To Build Relationships Or Burn Your Bridges

Why marriages (and relationships) fail is a topic of discussion in the book Fighting For Your Marriage by Markman, Stanley, and Blumberg.

The book is anchored in research from the University of Denver and their Prevention and Relationship Enhancement Program (PREP). 

So here are the four main reasons:

1. Escalation--People escalate the fight, rather than deescalate it. Harmful words and actions beget more harmful words and actions as each side tries to win the fight, rather than save the relationship. 

2. Invalidation--You put down the other person (their feelings, thoughts, and character) with sarcasm, disrespect, and contempt, rather than raise them up with understanding, concern, comfort, and encouragement. 

3. Accusation--Assuming the worst, you negatively interpret the actions and motives of another person, rather than looking at and accentuating the positive and giving them the benefit of the doubt.

4. Abandonment--Leaving the person emotionally and/or physically, you withdraw and avoid them and possibly even cheat on them, rather than engaging with and cleaving to each other, and working together to solve problems.

Essentially, these relationship issues all have to do with a breakdown of communication and trust--where instead of trying to work it out, there is a feeling that nothing can be solved by talking anymore and that there is no reason to even trust the other person.

Once trust and communication are broken--it is very difficult to go back and rebuild it.

Then instead of mending fences, people may choose the nuclear option: go to war, fight it out, threaten, hurt, or leave--and the relationship spirals to a timely demise. 

What was once a nuclear family, or close relationship (friends, associates, etc.), may end up a broken and shattered one, full of hatred and as enemy combatants, perhaps not much better than the Hatfields and McCoys. 

So the first thing is you have to decide whether you want to build the relationship or end it. 

If you love the other person and want to be with them (and they with you)--then say and do positive things to maintain communication and trust--give selflessly to each other. 

Relationships thrive when people behave as true friends, looking out for one another, sincerely--when they help their partners achieve their goals, grow as human beings, and find meaning and happiness. 

A relationship is not a business transaction, but a joining of hearts and an intimacy of soul--it is based on mutual respect and goodwill. 

If you really value the other person and the relationship--don't burn your bridges when things get heated, but cross and meet the other person (at least) halfway and embrace them with love and caring--most of the time, it will come back to you. 

But at the same time don't be a fool--if the other person is wicked and cruel, out only for themselves, and would throw you under a bus in a moment--get with it and quick because the bridge is already burning and at a very high temperature. ;-)

(Source Photo: Andy Blumenthal)

When To Build Relationships Or Burn Your Bridges

Vandalism and Vomit -- Only $2,500!

So we went to look at a new dorm-type apartment for my daughter. 

She and her friends want to be near campus and where everyone hangs out. 

When we got to the building, the front door glass was smashed in and wooden planks filled the space over the whole door. 

While we were waiting in front, a group of girls were walking in--and one was saying to the others, "Oh, he says he loves me, and he wants to have sex with me..."--then couldn't hear the rest as they continued by. 

Inside the lobby was this "Vandalism Report" with dates for each (not shown)--Take a look at it (THIS IS REAL!).

- Signs and fire extinguishers vandalized. 

- Beer cups thrown off the balcony.

- Graffiti painted on the walls. 

- And best for last...urine, vomit, rubbish, and blood discovered--at multiple times and in multiple places!

The slumlord landlord, buys up the filthy apartments, renovates them, and rents out two-bedroom units in this building for approximately $2500, split 4 ways among the students. 

He takes 2 months security deposit. 

And he makes each person responsible for all the others, so if one person backs out or doesn't pay, each of the other students are responsible--not just for their share (lease). 

He advertised one unit, but showed us another.

Then told us this one was also already taken and we should trust him and sign up for another unit that he is purchasing and "it will be the same thing, trust me!"

This whole thing was disappointing to my daughter who was excited to be with all her friends so close to campus. 

I was proud of her when my wife asked her despite how much she wanted this...did she feel this guy was trustworthy?--and she said, "No!"

Not sure who would want to live in a place like this...but my daughter was disappointed anyway.

It's hard to be practical, when the emotional side for people take over. 

These young people are victimized by the slumlords, who prey on their youth, inexperience, and needs. 

This place was disgusting--even so, it's tough to be a parent because you want your children to learn from mistakes, but mistakes can be so costly.

Funny thing is, there were plenty of kids in this building--where are the grownups? ;-)

Vandalism and Vomit -- Only $2,500!

Have It When You Need it

At an event that I attended recently, I heard a young woman explain her philosophy on life. 

She said, her grandmother taught her: "Better to have it and not need it, than need it and not have it."

Thinking about it at the time, it seemed pretty wise--because you never want to be without something you really need. 

And good planning and survival skills say to always be prepared--you never know what happens. 

But then with the fiscal cliff and all the talk about social entitlements, I started to think about this some more. 

In a sense, as a society, we have come to think of social entitlements as something that we better have in case we need it--Unemployment Insurance, Medicare, Social Security, Medicaid and more. 

You never know when it's your turn to get laid off, sick, old, or needy. 

And isn't that what's it for--it's a safety net--these are like personal insurance and you never want to need the coverage and not have it. 

But as we should know by now, having it--doesn't come for free. 

So the question is how much social entitlements or insurance do you need--and part of the answer is how much can you afford. 

So is it really better to have it and not need it, than need it and not have it--if you can't afford what you're buying?  

In this case, our grandparents and parents having it and not really needing all of it--may mean that we and our children will not be able to have it when we do need it. 

To have social entitlements, we need to be able to pay into the system for it or borrow to finance it. 

Unfortunately, as a nation we have been doing more borrowing, because we have spent beyond our national means--we have even raided our very own social entitlement programs that we hold so dear, to pay for other things--maybe that's why they call it a trust fund, because you really do have to trust, almost blindly, that there will be something there, when it's your time to need it. 

It's great to have it, but if we are gluttons and don't responsibly plan for genuine needs--then as a nation, we really will be left needing and not having it when the time comes.

In short, spend all your money to soon, and tragically, there won't be any candy later. ;-)

(Source Photo: Andy Blumenthal)

Have It When You Need it