Showing posts with label Story. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Story. Show all posts

April 2, 2020

The Truth Hurts

So I purchase some nutrition bars from a prominent online store. 

If you click on 2 boxes (12 bars each), they charge you $30. 

But if you look over a little on the website page, they have 24 bars for $24. 

I contact customer service and start chatting with them about this. 

Basically, I wanted the difference refunded to me. 

Surely, not a lot of money, but more the principle of it. 

They are charging 2 different amounts for the very same thing! 

The lady on the other end of the chat asks me to forward her the link for the product. 

I comply. 

She says, "You see that link is 2 boxes for $30!"

I say, "No, that's just the primary link to the product, and it has 2 different prices for basically the exact same thing."

She says, "On that link you sent it has 12 bars x 2, which is different than ordering 24 bars!"

I'm thinking, Oh really!  What math class did she take in elementary school???

And then for good measure, she adds socking one to me:
"Truth Always Hurts!"

At this point, I couldn't believe my chat "ears".  

Aside from her "truth" not being "the truth" in any universe...

I was in shock and said something like "How dare you.  You are incredibly rude.  Put your supervisor on."

She says: "Well, my supervisor will tell you the same thing!"

I repeated once more: "Please let me speak to a supervisor."

Finally when I got the supervisor, who was a more normal, reasonable person, and also could do simple arithmetic, she immediately apologizes issuing me a refund. 

She asked if there was anything else she could assist with.

I asked, to confirm again, "Are you a supervisor?"

She responded affirmatively. 

I asked her to review the chat with the prior customer service rep and asked, "Is this how you want your company represented to your customers?"

Needless to say, she was flabbergasted by what she saw from their outsourced "customer service" representative.

She assured me she was flagging the chat for review by management and that this outrageous behavior from this company representative would be addressed. 

To me, it is amazing that our companies not only outsource the manufacture of our vital goods, but they also outsource customer service to people that barely seem to speak the language, can't do basic math, and have zero customer service skills. 

This does not bode well for American competitiveness--in the age of Coronavirus or at any other time. 

I believe that this truth hurts much more than any company's horrendous customer service. ;-)

(Credit Photo: Andy Blumenthal)
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November 19, 2019

Pool Poop Galore

So I was at the pool going swimming, doing my laps.  

It was very busy there with lots of people of all ages. 

All of a sudden, I hear some screaming. 

Then the guards come over and tell people they have to get out of the pool, pronto!

There's been an accident. 

No, not someone getting hurt.

Someone had a bathroom accident in the pool.

The director of the pool is going around explaining to the inconvenienced swimmers that:
"Someone pooped in the pool."

Not exactly an eloquent way to say it, but it gets the point across. 

What is worse, it was on the side of the pool where the adults were swimming!

Next come the lifeguards with the nets and they are literally scooping swathes of this sh*t out of the pool. 

I see it literally spans almost a half length of this olympic pool. 

What a crappin' mess. 

Luckily I got almost all my swim in--yes, I am dedicated!

And then took a long hot shower with tons and tons of soap. ;-)

(Credit Photo: Andy Blumenthal)
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June 10, 2019

Why Only Two, Daddy?

Please see my new article in The Times of Israel called, "Why Only Two Daddy?"
The father goes on to explain that these are the commandments that G-d gave to the Jews (when they were redeemed from slavery in Egypt). He enumerates just two examples: keeping the Shabbat and honoring your mother and father. The son asks, 'What are the other commandments?' The father hesitates either not knowing any of the other commandments or simply unable to remember any more of them on the spot. And all of a sudden, the little boy starts wailing to his father: 'Daddy, why do you know only two, why?'

Knowing the Torah and commandments is not only for ourselves to do what's rights, but also to pass on the torch to the next generation. It's not always easy to be good examples, but it's the challenge we all face. ;-)



(Source Photo: Andy Blumenthal)

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February 23, 2019

Fire Alarm, Now What?

Please see my new article in The Times of Israel, called "Shabbat Menucha." 
Friday night–the start of the Shabbat–oh, thank G-d we made it (and TGIF). Usually such a wonderful time to catch up on some extra sleep from the whole week of work. But last night it’s different…the fire alarm suddenly comes alive and the voice over the loud speaker tells everyone to exit the building immediately. It is 1:00 AM in the morning.

Carrying a head cold, medicated, and sleepless, this is what happened to me.  ;-)

(Source Photo: Andy Blumenthal)
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January 22, 2019

Take Off Those Shoes

So this was pretty funny. 

We have a sign in our house that people should take off their shoes when they come in. 

Heck, it's part of being a neat freak and somewhat germaphobic.

But of course, the kids invariably don't follow the house rules and we get the shoe dirt all over. 

And guess who has to always clean it up?  

Well the other day, my daughter was looking to purchase a condo, and when she found a place she liked, she was walking around the apartment and saying:
When I have my own place, everyone is going to take off their shoes.

Hmm, when the place is yours and you have to clean up the messes, all of a sudden the house rules are in effect and big time.  ;-)

(Source Photo: Dannielle Blumenthal)
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December 4, 2018

Celebrating Chanukah At Ulpan

It was so nice tonight at Ulpan. 

Morah Degani had a special night planned for us tonight to celebrate Chanukah. 

She called me up to light the candles for the 3rd night and recite the blessing. 

Then she played Chanukah songs and we sang along to the Hebrew words on the screen. 

We later read and talked about the story of Chanukah and all the meaning and significance of it for having freedom of religion/worship and to maintain our religion and not assimilate. 

It was a beautiful way to learn and practice our Hebrew. 

Happy 3rd night of Chanukah! ;-)

(Source Photo: Andy Blumenthal)
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December 3, 2018

News - Real and Imagined

I thought this was a funny Dilbert comic that a colleague had by their office. 
News--My Brain Hurts.

It's not only the 24/7/365 news cycle that make it often extremely repetitive and monotonous--where "breaking news" is the same news from 5 hours ago-sometimes even from 5 days ago. Ho hum, boring. 

But it's also the forced news, where there always has to be a story even when there isn't one worth taking about. Every reporter has to earn their keep too. Oh no, not another cat rescue from a backyard tree! 

Hey, in the end its ratings--that drives advertising, which of course pays the bills, so don't hold your breath as to how long we can continue to talk about the 2016 election, the Kavanaugh hearings, the Mueller Investigation, and so on. It's the news gifts that keep on giving and giving. 

Sometimes, it's about getting different angles on a story--however, more often it seems like just the same old, same old--how many ways can you say, he did it or he didn't do it?

Then there is the fake news and alternative facts, where if there isn't a story (or one that supports the sponsor's world filter), then maybe--just maybe--we need to create one and get people unsettled or use it for social control (remember the "Echo Chamber"). And for sure, let's not forget the power of a good conspiracy theory! People certainly are gullible, right? 

This all reminds me of a famous saying by Lenin:
There are decades when nothing happens, and there are weeks when decades happen.

In some ways maybe it was better to just have the morning and nightly news without all the B.S. in between, because...there are decades when nothing consequential happens. 

I guess we all just are waiting around for the weeks when decades happen, but when that sh*t hits the fan, who says there will even be any news to be had. 

No wonder, Dilbert says his brain hurts--doesn't yours? ;-)

(Source Photo: Andy Blumenthal)
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October 26, 2018

A Window and A Mirror

Thought this was a wonderful story on our perspectives in life. 

And how money can corrupt our vision of what is truly important. 

This is the story:

A rich man became ill. 

He looked out the window and saw his old friend who was a poor man. 

The rich, sick man invited the poor man, his friend into his house.

After talking awhile, the rich man asked the poor man to tell him what he sees. 

The poor man told the rich man to go over to the window and asked:
What do you see?

The rich man said:
I see men, women and children in the street. 

Then the poor man took the rich man over the mirror and asked him:
Now what do you see?

The rich man taken aback for a moment, said:
I see myself.

The poor man says:
Ah, that is the difference. Both the window and the mirror are both made out of glass. But when you look into them, you see different things. The window is just plain glass.  But the mirror is glass covered in silver. When we look through just the glass, we see others!  But when we look through the glass tainted with a coating of silver (i.e. money), we only see ourselves.

Wow! Think about it a moment. Shabbat Shalom!  ;-)

(Story adapted from Bishvil Ha-Ivrit)

(Source Photo: Andy Blumenthal)
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September 21, 2018

There's A Reason For Everything

I go to the fridge to look for something to eat. 

I find am empty food storage container on the shelf. 

I recognize it from the day before when it was filled with delicious over-baked salmon. 

So I go to one kid who I guess may be the culprit and I ask:
Why did you leave the empty bowl in the fridge and not clean it out when you were done?

She says:
Dad, I didn't do it. 

So, I feel like a jerk and apologize for thinking maybe it was her.

Then I go to the other kid and say:
Did you leave an empty dirty salmon bowl in the fridge?

And she says to me:
I did.

So I ask rhetorically thinking there was no acceptable reason:

Why did you do that?


She says sweetly to me:
My sister was sleeping and I didn't want to wake her by washing out the bowl.

And I knew she meant it. 

I wouldn't have imagined a reason for leaving an empty dirty bowl in the fridge, but it just goes to show not to misjudge people--there is usually a reason for everything. ;-)

(Source Photo: Amazon)
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August 23, 2018

A Cherry Tomato B4 Your Pie

So this was funny at our work social hour today. 

The person organizing it brought in snack foods--pretzels, cookies, chocolates, and apple pie. 

Of course, there were also some token vegetables and dip. 

So as you'd expect with all the junk food on the table, no one was eating the vegetables.

So one colleague goes:
Eat a cherry tomato and then you can have some pie.

The response from you know who was:
Ah, if you want us to eat a tomato then you better just put it inside the pie!

By the end, there was no more pie, but there sure were a lot of leftover cherry tomatoes. ;-)

(Source Photo: Andy Blumenthal)
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August 22, 2018

Watch Out For That Gopher Hole

So this was funny this week. 

I hurt my back and leg and am going around with a (little) limp. 

So one of my colleagues at work sees me struggling-limping down the long hall here, and they say to me this funny thing:
Did you fall in a gopher hole?

I had to take an aback because I never heard that phrase before. 

Working outside the city here though, where a lot of people live in the burbs, and we regularly see all sorts of animals around campus, perhaps it wasn't so outlandish a question.  

Anyway, as I'm limping, I can't get that funny image out of my head.

I wonder if other people have fallen in a gopher hole and that's why back problems are so common after all. ;-)

(Source Photo: here with attribution to annolyn)
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August 16, 2018

Breaking The Paradigm

So a colleague has this sticker (with a do not image) on their computer that says:

"But we've always done it that way."

They told me a funny story about the lady that made the ham with the head and tail ends always cut off.

One day, her daughter asked, "Why mom do you make the ham with the head and tail ends always cut off?"

The mother answers and says because "My mother always made it that way!"

So they went to her mother and ask the question and they get the same answer again.

Finally, they went to her great grandmother and ask, "Why do you always make the ham with the head and tail ends cut off?"

And the old lady takes a breath, pauses, and says, "Because, we didn't have a pan big enough to fit the whole ham!"

Just thought this was a great lesson on critical thinking and also on "asking why."

Change can be brought about by questioning underlying assumptions and historical ways of doing things and bringing an open mind and fresh light to it. ;-)

(Source Photo: Andy Blumenthal)
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January 28, 2018

The Devil Wolf Attack

So I had one of the scariest dreams that I've ever experienced--and it is a true story from just last evening. 

It was so completely real, I can't even tell you.

There was a devil wolf that attacked me from the the back and literally jumped on me. 

It's claws were wrapped around my neck and I could tell that with any movement whatsoever, they would immediately slice and sever my arteries completely.

His huge jaws were at the backside of my head, it's hot breath searing my flesh, and his sharp gnawing teeth were ready at any moment to snap into my neck. 

His full weight, incredible strength, and evil presence were heavy on me and ripping into my back and shoulders. 

It was clear how close I was to the very end of it all. 

The pure evil of this devil wolf being and the ferociousness of the attack was the most fearsome that I could ever imagine. 

What happened next I will never tell anyone, except that I am alive to tell the story.

But this experience of undeniable and terrible evil so close and foreboding has left me a different person forever. 

There are forces of true evil out there--for sure--and we must never let our guard down for a second. 

But as Rabbi Nachman says, it is a narrow bridge, but with the good of G-d, we must never fear at all. ;-)

(Source Photo: here with attribution to Efraim Stochter)
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January 14, 2018

Beyond Money

Okay, I don't impress easily, but I got to tell you somebody really did.

Tring to keep their confidentiality, let me just say this...

A couple returned some money to us, but they went truly above and beyond. 

They returned some money that technically they were entitled to, and I never would've imagined that they should give it back to us. 

When I saw the check and what they did, I really couldn't stop myself saying how amazing this couple is. 

They are a religious Jewish couple, and I just feel that what they did was such a "Kiddush Hashem" (their behavior is a sanctification of G-d's name in the world). 

Some people pretend to be religious on the outside, but inside their behaviors don't reflect it. 

In this case, the people were generally religious not just on the outside, but on the inside as well.

Their doing righteous literally was uplifting for my soul to see that there really are such incredible people in this world. 

Yes, some people are bad--do bad--and we can get not only disappointed but depressed that they seem to thrive anyway. 

So to see the good in people--extra good--it renews my hope in mankind and in G-d Above who shows us the way and can inspire us to behave morally and ethically amazingly.  ;-)

(Source photo: Andy Blumenthal)
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January 5, 2018

My Contribution To Love

So I saw a casual work friend the other day doting around what looked like his girlfriend. 

They looked really cute together.

And this guy is in his 60's and lost his wife a number of years ago to cancer, so I was really happy to see him happy, and playful in love again. 

After a while, I took the opportunity to play cupid best I could. 

I told her how nice this guy was and how well he takes care of his customers. 

I ended by saying how we really love having him around and how it wouldn't be the same without him. 

I could see him behind her smiling ear-to-ear--this lady really meant something to him.

When I saw him again today, I asked innocently, "so was that your girlfriend?" and like a young teenager in love, he smirked and nodded. 

It was obvious how much it meant to him that I spoke well of him to her. 

What can I say, I am really happy to make a little contribution to love--and I am really happy for them. ;-)

(Source Photo: Andy Blumenthal)
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February 1, 2017

Sushi Socks Dating

So this is a novel way to sell socks.

Roll them up and package them like a sushi roll. 

Socks are the colors and textures of various fish.

Not sure why anyone would want socks that mimic sushi...

Unless of course, you feet stink like raw fish!

My wife knows this true story about this one girl that I dated before I met her, and she came over to my parents house and was waiting for me. 

When I got there, she was sitting on the couch and her shoes were off. 

It was after a long day at work apparently, and her feet smelled worse than any fish I could imagine. 

Literally, I think I could've passed out right there on the floor. 

Date was over and quick, and I never forget those sushi feet. ;-)

(Source Photo: Andy Blumenthal)
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April 3, 2016

Not Your B*tch

Another story from a friend of a friend in the office.

A person has someone working for them who hasn't been working out all that well. 

Basically, the staff person is having challenges simply getting their job done. 

The boss asks what the problem is and if there is anything they can do to help the person be successful. 

The staff person blurts out to their boss that "Nothing is wrong--I just don't want anyone to say I'm your b*tch!"

For all the possible reasons for not doing your job this one was quite a shocking one. 

Sure people have challenges--not everyone is good at everything and it's not always a right fit, but being worried about what other people think about your doing your job...uh, not a very good excuse. 

Seems like something the boss is not going to be able to really fix...maybe a shrink. ;-)

(Source Photo: Andy Blumenthal)
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December 28, 2015

Social Inequality To Make You Sick

Here's a copy of the sticker price on the car in the lobby of the local mall in Florida here. 

Oh, it's just a 2016 Rolls Royce for a mere $362,225.00

The car was unbelievably gorgeous.

But the extravagance of it compared with the regular poor, hungry and homeless people on the streets as well as the vast majority of all the other everyday middle class people is enough to make you want to puke. 

Immediately after this, when we got back to the hotel, the maid was still in the room cleaning up.

I had the opportunity to see--really see--this lady--this person. 

She was overly respectful, calling me sir numerous times, unnecessarily. 

She was kind in finishing the room quickly and asking if their was anything else we needed.

But I also noticed that despite her labor-intensive job cleaning up other people's shit in the hotel rooms, she had a bum leg and had trouble walking and just getting around. 

I thought to myself why was it that this poor lady was destined to have to clean my and other people's hotel rooms for a grueling living.

The next day, I saw some mini shampoo and conditioner containers that had fallen to the side of the tiny garbage can in the bathroom (didn't make the shot).  

I looked down--I thought for a split second, that's what the hotel get's paid for to clean up and service the guests--but only for a SPLIT second.

Then I bent my own stupid ass over, and picked up the bottles and put them in the garbage where they belong. 

The lady coming to clean the room doesn't drive a Rolls Royce and definitely, neither do I. 

We are one under G-d, and may he bless us all in prosperity, health, and peace. ;-)

(Source Photo: Andy Blumenthal)
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June 11, 2015

Flashback Holocaust

So I wanted to share this amazing and scary story (true) that happened to me a number of years ago. 

I went with my daughter to visit the U.S. Holocaust Memorial Museum in Washington, D.C. 

One of their exhibits is of a cattle car train used to transport Jews in the Holocaust to the infamous Auschwitz concentration camp. 

I remember how frightening it was to see this actual train car (the likes of which I had previously only seen in the movies) where hundreds of thousands of people were herded aboard like animals for the torturous trip to their ultimate murderous and inhuman deaths. 

At the exhibit, I'm not sure that I was supposed to do this, but being a very tactile person, I reached out to touch the train car, maybe partly because I could not believe this was the real thing where such human horrors had occurred. 

Immediately upon touching it, something happened to me--for a moment, everything went black and then I experienced an intense flashback (like being transported back in time and place) to literally being there with the actual people stuffed into these cattle cars--without food, water, sanitation, or enough air to breath--and I could see up close their anguished faces, and actually hear them screaming.

First, I thought I have a vivid imagination and that all the studies on the holocaust and my family being survivors had really had an impact on me. 

But then something else happened to me. 

When I left the Holocaust Museum, I started to get a crazy sharp pain in the side of my neck. Not a soar throat, but like my throat just wasn't working right. 

I tried to sort of ignore it, but over the course of the day, it got worse and worse, as my breathing was becoming ever more difficult, and it felt like I was actually choking to death--my life was in danger. 

I was rushed to the hospital emergency room, and at first they weren't sure what was happening to me, and so they started a whole series of tests. 

Crazy enough the tests revealed a deep tissue infection right in the side of my neck, and based on the danger to my breathing and swallowing, the doctors came in to talk with me about doing emergency throat emergency. 

I couldn't believe what was happening--out of the blue, I touched that death car to Auschwitz and next thing I know, I had a severe tissue infection and my life was hanging by a thread. 

Again unexplainably, but thank G-d miraculously, overnight the dangerous infection literally just disappeared as mysteriously as it was born into my neck tissue--the doctors could not explain it!

The Holocaust which claimed six million Jewish lives--men, women, children--in perhaps the most evil and hideous human event in history, and felt like I had just been transported back in time and touched not just the car, but the actual history and event itself. 

I am left with this mysterious event in my life, it was scary and dangerous, and when they say don't touch the exhibits, I think I will listen next time. ;-)

(Source Photo: here with attribution to U.S. Holocaust Memorial Museum)
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May 8, 2015

Someone I Know And Didn't Know

So this is a true story...

I am on the crowded metro coming home from the office, sitting facing backward and toward the middle of the car. 

There is some noise and rustling coming up from behind me, and I see people's heads turning and startled looks on their faces. 

I turn around to see what is going on...

Someone in a wheelchair is screaming to get off the train. 

However, he is caught about halfway in between the closing metro doors, and can't get back in or out and off the train. 

There is one guy who was apparently standing by the doors, and he is trying to get the door open, but can't budge it.

Everyone else on this busy train seems just frozen, almost as if time had stopped (really). 

But the double train doors are wedged into the larger and smaller wheels (for hand turning) on the side of the wheelchair. 

The person in the chair is still calling out for help and to be released from the clasp of these heavy doors around him--in his seated position, his lower torso from his thighs down are positioned outside the train, but his upper body is still on the train. 

The conductor is trying to move the train again and again...and it's not apparent whether the failsafe mechanism for the open door will work as the train is lurching forward and the doors are sort of vibrating in this quick open/close fashion. 

Then, I see someone spontaneously jump out of their seat.

They are racing to the wheelchair jammed in the doors.

I see them first try and push open on the left side...but it's still not budging.

Then, they try and pull the other, right side, open towards them...but it's to no avail as the forceful doors are wedged in on around the chair. 

With everything around them a blur of seats and faces, the person turns their head looking around for another way...

They see like a target standing out in the distance, an emergency intercom on the front wall of the train.

The person lunges toward it and hits the round button.

The conductor who is still fidgeting with the doors to get them closed and trying to move the train ever forward comes hastily on the speaker, but apparently not connecting the call to him with what's going on with the doors and wheelchair says "Yeah, what's the emergency?"

The person catching himself, musters the words to say into the comm device, "There is a wheelchair stuck in the train doors-- OPEN THE DOORS!"

The conductor immediately reacts and the doors pull apart from both sides, and the wheelchair almost falls forward, the disabled person sort of thrown from the train, but finally on the platform, and wheeling themselves as quickly as they can towards the elevator to get away from this whole situation. 

With nothing left to do, the person who helped, let's out a deep breath and is visibly shaken, but also glad to see the person in the wheelchair safe and on their way. 

As he is walking back to his seat, he realizes there are a lot of eyes on him that were just a blur before. 

At the same time, over the speaker system comes the relieved voice of the conductor with a simple "Thank you."

I see the person sit down, calling his wife to tell her what happened, he starts to silently cry. ;-)

(Source Photo: Andy Blumenthal)
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