Big Kiss Followed By Hard Slap

So I share this story not out of anger, but to tell of something important that happened to me.

It was when I was very sick last year from surgical complications...

And someone did one of the nicest things for me...and also one of the most hurtful.

This was at the point of hospitalization #3, I think (there was more after), and the doctors were shaking their heads--uh, not a good sign. 

Frankly, I didn't know anymore whether I was going to make it. 

At that time, someone close reached out to me and my wife and said they were going to hold a prayer vigil for me in their home one evening to try and help. 

They did and even sent me photographs of the wonderful people taking the time to ask G-d to save me...I was deeply moved and grateful. 

But subsequently on a phone call with the person who set this up, they said to me seemingly with resentment at having to have done it and undoing all the good they had done...

"You know you really need to get some zechusim of your own!"

Zuchusim means qualities or deeds that merit some reward or good.

In other words, I was getting judged and scolded and was being told that I was in pain, suffering, and sick because basically I MUST be an aweful person who deserves it. 

And if not for her organizing the prayer group and those others with zuchusim that attended, I on my own probably did not even deserve to live. 

Gee, thanks for the slap, slap, and slap.

While I am sure her words were intended to help me by exhorting ultimate life betterment, at the time and even now, the roughness and shrill of them hurt--it's nothing less than a matter of soul!

While I am no saint--and I think few of us can claim that title no matter how hard we may put ourselves on that lofty pedestal--I know that in my own way--maybe not the most traditional way that other religious people can fully relate to--I try my best to serve G-d, be a decent human being, and a good influence...while not perfect by any sense of the word. 

Laying sick and vulnerable, I needed to be told that I was okay and everything would be okay with G-d's blessing--that whatever the suffering and whatever the reason, my life has good in it and meaning to it--even while we can all better ourselves. 

But while I felt the kiss from this person when they organized the beautiful prayer group for me, I soon felt the sting of the slap from the strict harsh "religious" judgement from someone that didn't even really know my days in and outs. 

While I know I can do better--and I am committed to continue to try to learn and grow as a person--and serve G-d and help others--but for crying out loud have some compassion, go easy on the severity of the judgement and exhortations, and maybe give some benefit of the doubt. 

Words have meaning even though deeds surpass words, and we should be careful with both. ;-)

(Source Photo: here with attribution to Rev. Xanatos Satanicos Bombasticos posting of Batmancomic.infogenerator)

Big Kiss Followed By Hard Slap

What Type Of IT Error Was That?

So true story...

One of my collegues was giving me a status on an IT problem in the office. 

With a very straight face, he goes, "Yeah, it was an I.D. 10 T error!"

I'm just looking at him with a sort of blank face (I must have been emanating something like, "What are you talking about Willis?")

And he repeats, "An I.D. 10 T error...uh?"

Ok, one more time, I haven't had my coffee yet.

So he goes dotting his head, "What you haven't heard about an I.D. 10 T error?"

"All right, you got me...What is an I.D. 10 T error."

And as I'm saying it out loud and visioning it on paper, his little joke is out of the box.

Hey cut me some slack, I'm a Jewish kid from the Bronx and so I innocently say, "An IDIOT Error?"

Now he's nodding his head up and down in excitement, "An end user--IDIOT--error!"

And he starts laughing his head off. 

Ok boys and girls in IT...rule #16 of office etiquette, please don't call the end-users, idiots.

Back to customer service (and sensitivity) training for some of the jokesters on the team... ;-)
(Source Photo: Andy Blumenthal)

What Type Of IT Error Was That?

Obstruction Or Progress At Last

We all hate people who are obstructionist to what we consider progress.

The problem is not everyone defines progress the same way.

Progress to one may be hugely regressive to someone else.

So when 47 senators sent a cautionary letter to Iran's leadership this week about making a deal on nukes, which perhaps comes down to less now for more later...

- Some called it obstructionist to the negotiations and even a potential violation of the Logan Act.

- While others saw it as progress in bringing us back from the brink of a dangerous and (very) bad deal involving legitimizing weapons of mass destruction for a dangerous regime to all.

Two partisan sides to every story...and each side capitalizes on theirs.  

"That's my story, and I'm sticking to it!"

But history inevitably tells the true story (or closer to it) based on the outcomes of action or inaction (aka acts of commission and omission).

With the tornado of spin from the pundits on news, news, and more news, someone reminded me of the adage:

"Liar, liar pants on fire" 

or 

"Don't believe everything you hear, and only half of what you see." ;-)

(Source Photo: Andy Blumenthal)

Obstruction Or Progress At Last

A Story Of Modesty

There was an very interesting article in the New York Times last month called "The Orthodox Sex Guru" that examined the life of Bat Sheva Marcus, an Orthodox Jewish Sex Counselor.

Yes, you can be a religious person, but also be sexual!

In Judaism, sex is not only a physical act of procreation, but also of love and intimacy between two people within the larger framework of personal spirituality and G-dliness in the home.

Judaism teaches that sexual relations is a holy act and a "blessing, a union full of Shekinah, of G-d's light." In this holiness, husband and wife, as true soulmates and beloveds, live each one for the other, and always together with Hashem.

Part of this special relationship entails women maintaining a spiritual modesty by physically covering up their femininity and behaving with propriety, especially in mixed company. 

Of course, men need to behave with sexual rectitude as well (although just not as often--just kidding).

The article describes however that with extreme chastity perhaps, some people may become constrained in their sexuality and develop almost a type of "sexual aversion," rather than healthfully being able to experience the natural joy of love that G-d provided for us. 

In terms of proper modesty, there is a beautiful story recounted, as follows: 

One time, when the Jews were being persecuted by the Cossacks, there was a Jewish girl that was to be "roped to a horse and dragged through the streets" to death.  

But before the verdict was to be executed, "she manages to pin or sew her skirt to her lower legs, stitching fabric to flesh," so that she could maintain her modesty even under these unbelievably tortuous conditions. 

It is an amazing story to think how someone about to face such a cruel and horrible edict could still think about maintaining their modesty and dignity in the face of such horror.

Whether you cover yourself with a tichel (headscarf), a sheitel (wig) or everyday hat, dress modestly, and act with decency, the point is to remember that we are G-d's children and are to behave in a manner befitting soulful beings, and not mere animals. 

We can experience the love and joy between people, and do it with devotion for each other and in spiritual connection to the Almighty. ;-)

(Source Photo: Minna Blumenthal)

A Story Of Modesty

Understanding Disability

So true story...

There is a wonderful lady in the workplace...one of the nicest people. 

Unfortuantely, she has a disability and it is not easy...at times, she expresses to me the pain and the challenges, but always she maintains the best attitude and is an inspiration to everyone here. 

Not to compare, because thank G-d, I have been so blessed, but with the hip replacement and various complications, I have come to better understand physical pain and difficult mobility. 

Sometimes, as people do, we ask, "Why?"--and often we just come to the refrain that "G-d must have his reasons"--to teach us and to grow us in some way. 

Well, in speaking with this lovely women, she must have heard me really listening and understanding or seen my empathy with her, because at one point, she starts nodding and goes almost with surprise, "You really do understand."

Then she adds something about it being so odd for a manager to understand these things. 

I was so humbled by what she said, but more important. I felt a light bulb go on over my head. 

Why does G-d give us the challenges we face in life (physical, emotional, intellectual, spiritual, etc.)?

Because it helps us to truly understand and emphasize with other human beings...to be compassionate, caring, and giving (not self absorbed, narcissist, and me-me-me!)

In a sense, only by knowing the pain and suffering of others (or some elements of it--"Been there," "Experienced it," "I Know where you're coming from!"), can we substantially make that ultimate human and spiritual connection.

No, I am not saying we all have to be in horrible pain and misfortune--G-d forbid--just that the reasons for pain and suffering in life is not completely a mystery. 

My father used to say, "If we didn't have suffering, we wouldn't know or appreciate how good we have it the rest of the time." 

But it's also that we won't know or understand the challenges our neighbors, friends, and colleagues have--and adequately care for and about them.

G-d in his infinite wisdom has his ways to teach us--it should be with ultimate mercy, in good health and peace, and not pain and suffering--but when we oursleves are challenged, doesn't it open our eyes to see others and the world in a whole new and "better" way? ;-)

(Source Photo: Andy Blumenthal)

Understanding Disability

Can I Help You?

This was a beautiful story that I heard from a very senior colleague recently.

Years ago, when she started working, for whatever reason, it took many weeks for payroll to catch up and for your first check to arrive. 

In her case, she was notified that it would be something like 6 weeks before she would receive an actual paycheck.

Not a lot of good that does, when the mortgage comes due, the utility bill arrives in the mail, or you need to go shopping for groceries or medicine. 

What's interesting and inspiring here though is what this lady's boss did at that time. 

She recalled that when he heard that she would not be getting paid for so many weeks, he came to her and asked her if she needed any money in the meantime to hold her over--how could he help? 

He was willing to take his money and give it to her to help her through until her paycheck would arrive. 

WOW!!!

That is extremely powerful.

How many of you know a boss that would do that for you now or ever?

You see he was not only willing to step in and make some calls (which may or may not have helped anyway), but he was actually willing to pony up money from his own self/family (and which I understand he did not have a lot of either) and give it to her. 

This is caring. This is giving. This is selflessness. 

I am awed of people of this personal and moral character. 

These are people to emulate. 

There is a difference between a work environment that is purely work and get the job done, and those few and very special places still out there that have family values (and which at least try to think of you and treat you as part of some sort of an "extended family"). 

No work is not family...but decent people in any situation--in the office or on the Metro--can make a difference in someone else's life. 

To me this is a story worth retelling and reliving for others to benefit. ;-)

(Source Photo: Andy Blumenthal)

Can I Help You?

Almost Started A Food Fight

So something has gotten into me the last few days...

Tonight, motzei Shabbos, and we're at the kosher Pizza store. 

There is a table next to us with some semi-rowdy boys and girls. 

We're sitting there minding our own business--really--when all of a sudden I get a spit ball (yes, a spit ball) right in my ear. 

I look over at the kids and this guy is opening a Toblerone chocolate and smirks and says, "Oh, sorry" and goes back to his friends laughing at what they did. 

So my wife is eating her seasoned fries, and I pick up a long one at the end, and am holding it--and all of a sudden, i don't know what happened, but the fry just flicks out of my hand and up into the air.

My wife and daughter and I just stare at each other...like OMG, you didn't! 

But I did and then a girl at the next table shrieks as the fry hits her in the head and she's looking accusingly at the boys at her table asking, "Who did that?"

We're still sitting sort of frozen staring at each other, holding in our laughter. 

The store manager comes over to the kids and starts yelling at them about throwing fries around the store. 

At which point, we couldn't contain our reaction anymore and started cracking up. 

I think the kids at the next table figured it out. 

My daughter who thought these kids were so obnoxious goes to me, "That was so cool Dad!"

So what is going on with me lately...not sure, but I think I like it. ;-)

(Source Photo: Andy Blumenthal)

Almost Started A Food Fight

Temptation Or Accusation?

So on the way home from synagogue today, my wife and I are talking about what happened to the renown Harvard constitutional and criminal lawyer, Alan Dershowitz.

He was accused of having repeatedly had sex with an underage woman (while he was married with children and grandchildren).

I explained to my wife not to believe these accusations, that in my mind, Dershowitz was upstanding and completely innocent, and that this could happen to anyone.

And I went on to tell a funny story from a day earlier...

I was at a retirement party for one of my staff who served the country for 51 years.

At the party, I am going around talking with people and helping to make everyone comfortable--until I didn't.

One guy who was a retired manager and had come back to work as a contractor calls me over to his table to introduce me to his wife. 

He's motioning to her and saying how she is his most beloved wife.

And just joking around trying to keep a straight face, I say, "Hmm, she's a lot different than the other woman I see you with every day."

[Yeah, I don't know what came over me (maybe a little to much drink--any drink is too much for this dry mouth).]

His wife, is like, "Ah ha! Some other woman in the office..."

And he's leaning back, waving his hands and mouthing to me, "Shut up Andy!"

He goes, "Okay Andy, you just wait until I meet your wife!"

Then, we all broke out laughing...just Andy being a wise guy again!

So, I said to my wife, you see how easy it is for someone to make a false accusation (and how quickly people can be to think the worst of others).

It really is important to treat people as "innocent until proven guilty."

As for Andy's hijinks...I'm banned from any more parties for the next few weeks. ;-)

(Source Photo: Andy Blumenthal)

Temptation Or Accusation?

A One Taxi Town Of HELL!

So coming back from vacation today was a tear.

We had an early flight--before dawn--and when we woke up, I called the town’s single cab company to confirm our early morning pickup (of which the reservation had been made the prior day by the front desk manager at the hotel). 

When we awoke the morning of the travel, I called the cab company to confirm they were on their way.

A man picks up the cab company’s phone and says curtly:

- "I am the dispatcher and also your driver this morning."

- "I have another person to drop off near your location and will be 15 minutes late."

Upon which he just hangs up, and we readjust our schedule slightly.

Then I receive a text message 20 minutes early that says the cab is downstairs. 

We rush downstairs, but there is no cab.

15 minutes later he arrives.

He says in a commanding voice:

- "Don’t you put the luggage in trunk, it can damage my computer [we don’t know what computer he was talking about]."

- "Shortest person sit behind me!"

We look at each other at how strange this cabbie is behaving, but again it’s the only “game in town.”

We get in the back seat, upon which he proceeds on the “dispatch computer” set up in the front seat to ignore us with mild apologetics and  works to handle calls, texts, and other people arrangements, while we are waiting in the back [already late because of his prior excuse] to get to the airport.

After what seemed like forever, he turns to me and says, “How are you going to pay?”

I ask, “Can you take a credit card?”

He says, “Yes, but the card reader may have interference at the airport [from this tiny airport, really?], and the ride will be 50 bucks!”

Realizing he was playing some sort of game with us to rip us off, since this was a meter cab, I try to explain that it seemed he was overcharging us saying “Well, we took a cab with you company from the airport just the other day and only paid around $40 and that was in a snowfall [today were clear skies and roads], so I’ll pay you the same $40.”

He turns angrily to me this time, and says threateningly, “You‘re trying to lowball me!  How about I just drive you around in circles and charge you by the meter even more?”

At this point, we could tell this guy was seriously off his rocker, and I try to deescalate this and ask, “Why are you giving us such a hard time with all of this?”

He seemed to calm down for a second as he was ostensibly trying to figure this out, and said okay, “We’ll do the meter [and you’ll pay]!”  

Now we were running late to the airport, this driver had our luggage hostage in the trunk, and he has threatened us to take us for an unwanted tour of the city instead of to the airport and overcharge us or potentially even make us miss our flight altogether.

I looked at my wife and daughter and they were clearly understanding the danger we were in of losing the flight, luggage, and so on; but as we discussed later, they were afraid of even worse physical danger from this person. 

He starts the car and with the dispatch computer screen still open [he angrily slammed open and closed the laptop multiple times], he drives on the highway while simultaneously, still working on dual duty as dispatch…we were terrified.

About halfway to the airport, he turns to me again, and says “Okay, I’ll turn the meter off [before] 40 bucks and you pay me 40!”

Afterward, my wife told me she thought he was going to pull over before 40 bucks and just drop us off somewhere in the middle of the highway.

I ask, continuing to try and calm this guy, “I don’t understand how can the meter be going higher than when we made the same trip in reverse in a storm just the prior week?”

Note, there wasn’t [barely] another car on the road and unlike in big cities, there was no signage with the driver’s picture, name, identification, etc.

He says, again in a threatening manner, “Oh I can also take the back roads to get you there cheaper, but you wouldn’t want me to do that, would you?”

Then he pauses, thinks again, and repeats, “Just pay me $40 cash {and he reaches to turn off the meter).

Soon after, we reach the airport terminal, and the taxi driver jumps out, dumps our [hostage] luggage on the side and holds out his hand. 

I gladly give him the $40 and thank G-d that we are at the airport and safe.

This was really an eye-opening lesson about what can happen when you are in the car with someone and they are in total control over whether you get where your supposed to go, make it in time, get your things, and get out safely.

In these small towns, it is no help that the cab company is a monopoly and probably the dispatcher/driver is probably also a part owner and maybe even has friends at the local airport, hotel, police, and the courts, etc.

I don’t think for a second that we were his first victims, and hope that people reading this will help make this his last! 

(Source Photo: Andy Blumenthal)

A One Taxi Town Of HELL!

Now That's A Plug!

So I see this young man with these large things in his earlobes. 

I turn to my wife and daughter and ask if they think it would be okay for me to ask him about them.

After the look at him and me a couple of times back and forth, I get the nod, okay. 

First, I had no idea those disks in his ears were called plugs.

(Now I'm a Jewish kid from the Bronx, and to me earplugs are what I use for swimming!)

I asked innocently, "How did you get your lobes that big?"

He then described this process where you start with an earring in your earlobe and over time, you stretch the hole with larger and larger insets.

He had been doing this for 8 years, but confessed that his holes could've been much larger by now.

I asked, "Do you ever take them out?"

He told me sure at night, and for showering, swimming, etc. 

Curious, I inquired what he does about the big flappy earlobes when the plugs aren't in.

The young man said, "It's no problem....it just hangs there."

At this point, I thank him for talking with me, but now am laughing at the conversation as I read it over, and happy to be a little innocent and even naive to some things. ;-)

 (Source Photo: Andy Blumenthal)

Now That's A Plug!

Something Everyone Cares About

This was a funny Facebook post by someone from Las Vegas.

He bemoans that there are no virgins left in Vegas.

I tell my wife what he said.

And she says, "Well what does he expect in Vegas?"

I say, "I'm not sure, but I think he might be married and has kids."

So my wife says, "Then why does he care?"

I think for a second and answer, "It's someone everyone cares about like global warming."

And we both started to crack up laughing.  

My wife ends the conversation with, "Andy, you are a funny guy!"  ;-)

(Source Photo: Andy Blumenthal)

Something Everyone Cares About

Cool Cat

So yesterday I was coming home from the fitness center/pool.

I was wearing shorts and pool shoes even though it was only in the 30's-40's temperature out. 

This large man with a Texas accent stops me to ask how I can dress like that around Winter time.

And it's particularly funny, because there is another man overhearing this conversation next to us wrapped up in no less than 2 coats/layers.

So I say in a lighthearted way "I guess that I just have warm blood, so the temperature doesn't really bother me."

He says, "Uh, in Florida, when it goes into the 60's, people start shivering and bundling up down there."

I smile, and say "Well maybe we're just different people."

Then he goes, "I like that--I like people that think different! You know why, [and he pauses and repeats again] you know why?"

I look at him sort of eyes wide open at this point waiting to hear his explanation to the build up. 

And he says, "Because it means they don't give a sh*t what other people think!"

At that point we both started nodding and laughing. 

Maybe you had to be there, but I think you can probably envision this sort of nutty scene.  ;-)

(Source Photo: Andy Blumenthal)

Cool Cat

This Is How You Do It Baby

The health club I’ve been going to has this thingamajig machine by the locker room.

A what?

That’s right--first no idea what it is, but I hear it making a lot of noise all the time.

Then one day, I put my curiosity to use, and stop to check it out. 

It’s a little square box called a Suitmate—and wow, cool, it's a mini clothes dryer that fits exactly one bathing suit.  Cute!  

Who would’ve thought…you put your wet bathing suit in, hold down the lid, and in seconds it spins it dry.

No more going home with a gym bag with wet laundry—Yeah, I’m liking this. 

Well, there is only one problem--it doesn’t just stop spinning by itself when you lift the lid.

So you end up scrunching up your fingers, putting them in the spinning basket, and pulling out the suit—trying to make sure not to get your hand spun out of whack. 

There has got to be a better way, right?

Well last night, this guy is at the machine spinning his suit dry.

He sees me waiting off to the side—I don’t rush him or anything.

So when he’s done, he motions me over to the machine.

He leans in and goes to me like he’s about to tell me this big, big secret.

He says, “You…you know how to make this machine stop...stop spinning?

I look up at him I suppose with a look like so many before me--communicating that I had no idea there was a way to make it stop

He nods in understanding and give me this smirk--ear to ear. 

He says in this broken English, “You don’t put your hand in the spinner and pull it out (motioning this dangerous way).  No! “

Then he points to this little cylindrical object jutting out the top of the machine on either side (it looks like something that just holds the lid in place).

He looks at me intently, and I knew this guy is getting ready now to tell me something he considers very important—something he wouldn’t just tell anyone. 

Suddenly, he lunges and grabs the cylinder on the machine and pulls--and almost like magic it stops spinning, just like that!

He looks at me again and nods like he just told me the secret to life itself.

This whole scene was so surreal and really funny, but you know what—it works.

Some things it’s good just to be told--this is how you do it baby. ;-)

This Is How You Do It Baby

A Fat Pill

So true story...

This guy at work goes to me today, "Hey, did you get a fat pill?"

I am thinking to myself DID I put on a few pounds...but still how totally rude. 

My colleague must've seen me looking at him with some disbelief and irritation that he would say something like that to me. 

Then he gets this look on his face like, oh sh*t {oops that wasn't what I meant!}

Immediately, he reaches down to the counter in one of our common areas and picks up a Dunkin' Donut from the box that someone had brought in for Friday munchies. 

He's holding up the donut to his face mouthing, "A fat pill," as he takes a big bite engulfing half the donut (or more) in that one mouth shot. 

Well, I never heard of a Donkin' Donut called a fat pill before...

Probably lucky for someone that is what he was referring to (LOL). ;-)

(Source Photo: Andy Blumenthal)

A Fat Pill

I Watch The Years Go By

So two quick stories on getting a little older...

First story:

After my workout today, a guy follows me into the elevator.  

He opens conversation and asks me, “Did you have a good workout?”

I said, “Sure did! What did you do today [for exercise]?”

He motions his arms up and down like pushing some machines and doing some curls, “A little of this and that [long pause]...You know I’m 80!”

I said, “Wow that’s awesome that you still work out--can I ask, how do you do it?”

He replies, “The key is to always keep going, and not to give up.”

I say, “Yes, but also I think it has a lot to do with the One Above.”

He nods in agreement, although still looking determined to keep himself pumping away in the gym. 

As the elevator doors open I say, “Well, I sure hope you can keep going like this for another 80 years.”

He gives me a warm smile, and says, "I hope so too."

Second story:

One of my colleagues at work is retiring after an amazing 51 years of service to the government. 

Now this guy having been around awhile has a really nice engraving of the agencies seal hung on the wall in his office, and months ago, I had commented to him how beautiful and special it was and that “they don’t make them like they used to.”

He said, “Well you know what? When I retire, I’m going to pass it on to for safekeeping.” I thought that is nice, but also probably just talk as they say. 

Well recently, he has announced his "big day" and so he stops by my office, and in his hands he is holding the beautiful seal engraving--he puts out his arms, handing it to me. 

I was like, “OMG, I didn't really expect this. This is great.  Are you sure you want me to have it.”

You says, “Absolutely!” referring back to his promise a number of months ago.  Then he pauses, obviously thinking for a moment, and says to me, “But you have to put in 51 years of government service also! [big smile]”

I said, "That's a noble idea, but honestly, I think I started a little late for that. How about we go for 30 or so with G-d's help?"

Anyway, thinking about these two events, I am not quite sure how these amazing people do it…years of doing, giving, and with a great attitude--and always a desire for another round to go. ;-)

(Source Photo: Andy Blumenthal)

I Watch The Years Go By

Not Just Business

This was a funny sign on the parking meter.

"All May Park. All Must Pay."

Another way of saying this is like at the dry cleaners, "No tickee, no shirtee!"

This reminded me of a conversation that I was having with some colleagues about whether individuals or organizations can be evil?

(Note: True story, but I've embellished for the sake of demonstration.)

One colleague said, "Individuals are not bad, but people in groups definitely [often] turn bad!"

Another said, "No individuals can be bad, really bad--think of Hitler and so many others who have murdered, tortured, raped, enslaved, and impoverished--it's the individuals that can and do turn an organizational culture bad."

A third person replied that, "Indeed, it can be the other way around as well, where bad organizations make or encourage it's people to do the wrong things--whether for profits, power, or punishment."

Then someone blurted out, "Well, business is business, right?" In other words, it's okay to do something wrong because everyone does it in business--that's the name of the game and what you have to do to compete and survive!

Then I said sort of annoyed at what the last person said, "Business is not business--that is our test to be G-dly, moral, and ethical in all our dealings [in our personal and professional lives]!"

Of course, we don't always succeed--no one does/we are not angels--but we have to try every time, learn and grow and become better people. 

If you do wrong, you will pay--whether in this world or the next. ;-)

Not Just Business

Purple Hair Day

This lady in line at Starbucks apparently likes purple, a lot. 

It seems a pretty common favorite among many women.

One that I know claims she ALWAYS wears something with purple.

When I saw her a couple of times seemingly without any purple clothing or accessories, I asked innocently, "So no purple today?"

She replied with a big grin, "Oh, it's there!"

Yikes, TMI--don't ask so many questions. ;-)

(Source Photo: Andy Blumenthal)

Purple Hair Day

For The Love Of Pizza

So I was at an eatery (not this one) in South Florida. 

I order a sandwich, and I must've been in a little mood.

The waiter says to me, "Do you want it with everything?"

And I smiled and said, "Yeah, especially the everything!"

Then when we were done eating, I get up to pay at the counter, and pull out my plastic. 

The cashier says to me, "We only take cash."

I smile again and now playing with her respond, "Well, I only pay plastic, now what do we do?"

I was only joking around as I pull out the few bucks of cash I happen to have in my pocket (note: I rarely even carry paper money in the age of technology).

As I left, I thought about the brief exchanges and sort of laughed to myself. 

It doesn't pay to take a hard and fast line with people...

Much better to be flexible like, "What would you like on your sandwich (we have X, Y, and Z)?" or "Cash or credit today Sir?"

Being all or nothing just provokes an occasional smart aleck to pay a little back. ;-)

(Source Photo: Andy Blumenthal)

For The Love Of Pizza

Asleep During The Speech

Short story...so this nice gentleman came from the house of worship to visit my dad in assisted living over the holidays.

The man talked about the speeches the clergy gave and how he only understood the basics, and the rest was sort of over his head (hey, I can definitely relate to that too...we all can). 

Perhaps, this points to how important it is to talk to the people (and not over the people)--making it relevant and stirring--although it's probably not easy to give a speech that resonates well with everyone. 

Anyway, there are good speeches, and then let's face it, there are speeches that could be better. 

Afterward, my dad and this man joked about how they've seen some people actually fall asleep during the clergy's speech...yes, this is obviously not very respectful, but sometimes people just doze off perhaps because it's hot inside with all the people, and they work so hard during the week that they just are relaxed and off they go.

My dad goes on to tell this joke:

The clergyman is giving a speech from the pulpit.

All of a sudden he notices this guy sleeping in one of the pews.

The clergy says to the man's neighbor sitting next to him, "Can you please wake him up?"

The worshipper responds, "You put him to sleep, you wake him up."

Then my dad let out a really nice, healthy laugh...it was good to hear (the other guy was laughing with him). 

On a side note, my dad said something else funny and insightful today:

"It's not easy getting old...it takes many years!" 

Amen to that.  ;-)

(Source Photo: Andy Blumenthal)

Asleep During The Speech

Got Flashed

Crazy day...true story.

I was going out to lunch in Washington D.C. today minding my own business...

When two young women were coming down the block in the opposite direction.

As they got closer, they started to giggle...

And then all of a sudden, at point blank range, one of them lifts up her skirt.

Both of them crack up and run off. 

I am not often left speechless, but this was definitely a new one on me. 

Let's just say, my wife told me that I have some "splaining" to do this evening! ;-)

(Source Photo: Andy Blumenthal)

Got Flashed