Happy Mother's Day To My Very Feminist Wife

Just want to wish my lovely wife a very happy Mother's Day. 

My wife is a big feminist!

She doesn't like to do too much cooking, cleaning, laundry etc. 

More for good 'ol hubby--me--to do.  

For example, today I am painting my daughter's room. 

I did the heavy lifting on this. 

Now my wife and daughter and doing the corners and touch up. 

Hey, it's all in a day's work for a modern-day husband. 

But I love my wife and family. 

Even if there's a little more for me to share in. ;-)

(Source Photo: Michelle Blumenthal)

Happy Mother's Day To My Very Feminist Wife

Disease Of The Ordinary

Wow, I love these glasses--red, big, and with wings!

I asked the store owner about them, and he said he gets these mostly for (window) display purposes.

But one lady actually bought a pair similar to this for a big event she was going to. 

I think these would certainly make a statement (however crazy) when someone walks into the room wearing these. 

Maybe that's the point for many people--to stand out!

People want to be noticed, special, and be thought of as something or as somebodies. 

Being 1 of 7 billion people is not very satisfying--so how do we differentiate ourselves?

• The fancy house and cars we have
• The clothing and accessories we wear and carry
• The trophy wife or husband that hangs on us
• Our own physical good looks, fitness, and skills
• The prestigious university we went to and the degrees we possess
• Climbing the career ladder and our titles and offices
• Our pedigree from kings, clergy, hollywood, rich, or otherwise famous or successful people
• The children (and grandchildren) that we rear to be smart, successful, well-integrated, etc.?
• How religious we are, how much charity we give, the kindness we show others?

This is something that we all struggle with as human beings--what is a life of purpose, meaning and how do we know that we've achieved it?  

I think the problem for many is that we measure ourselves by what we have and not who we are. Perhaps, this is a clear mistaken case of quantity over quality.  

Down in Florida, I see so many "haves" and "have nots"--but it's not enough for the haves to have, but if they aren't showing it off, getting stares, having people talk about them, then they seem to feel uncomfortably ordinary. 

What is this disease of the ordinary that people must ever run to escape from--and even with the reddest, wildest, wing glasses or whatever--will they ever feel truly happy and satisfied inside?

(Source Photo: Andy Blumenthal)

Disease Of The Ordinary

The Happiness Meter

Ever realize that no matter how hard you strive for happiness, it almost always seems just as elusive. 

There are many explanations for this:

Of course, it could also be that just because you think something will make you happy, doesn't mean it will. Often, the fantasy does not live up to the reality, and so rather than achieve happiness, we end up disappointed. 

Another explanation, from economics, is the law of diminishing marginal utility that tells us that more of a good thing, does not make us incrementally happier, rather the benefit and satisfaction that we receive from each additional unit of consumption is lower.  Let's face it, the 5th mouthful of chocolate cream pie is not as satisfying at the first, second, or third. And at a certain point, you actually will want to puke! 

The Wall Street Journal had a brilliant piece on this that explained this from an evolutionary perspective--fitter organisms are more likely to survive and reproduce, so every time we make a positive decision in our life, rather than find happiness, our "happiness meter" resets to zero, forcing us to make the next positive move in our life to make us better, if not necessarily happier. In other words, keeping us unhappy, forces us into perpetual striving. 

So while happiness has been correlated with our genetic makeup, life events, and values (New York Times) or even exercise, altruism, and supportive relationships (CNN), real happiness comes from living a life of meaning, where we find satisfaction in the journey itself, and not rely only on the destination. 

For example, Buddhists understand that life is suffering and that we need to escape the hamster wheel of jealousy, aimless external desire, and quenchless ambition and instead seek to do good and find inner contentment. 

One colleague (ex-army) of mine used to say, "everyday that I am not in Iraq and Afghanistan is a good day" and perhaps we need to think in those terms too, as we all know things can always be worse, so we would do well to find happiness not just in what we have or achieve, but in thanksgiving for what we are spared as well.  ;-)

(Source Photo: Andy Blumenthal)

The Happiness Meter

Black and White and Gray All Over

My trip to South Florida this week was full of juxtapositions and lessons for me as a person:

1) Attention and Inattention—There were 2 father-son pairs in this gorgeous infinity pool at the resort.  One father and son (age maybe 3) were together—jumping, splashing, swimming, holding each other—it was really beautiful.  The other father and son (maybe 4) in contrast had the kid standing alone in the pool trying clumsily to pull a pair of goggles over his face, while his inattentive father stood off to the side glued on his smartphone.  The first kid was smiling ear-to-ear under the attentive and adoring eyes of his father, the second kid was clearly rejected and dejected. 

2) Beach and Poverty—I visited the beach in Hollywood; we were told it had a great little boardwalk.  When we got there at first, it seemed awesome with the sun and palm trees, music, eateries, skaters, and bicyclists, and more.  But as we started walking and exploring, it quickly became apparent that this was the poor side of town.  There were no high-rises here, no fancy cars, no eloquent shops, and sort of a menacing feeling overall. The contrast of the beautiful beach and boardwalk with the surrounding poverty left me feeling sort of confused about wanting to be there, but also wanting to leave.

3) Ocean and Starbucks—whenever, I come down to South Florida, I invariably end up thinking about finding a place down here.  This time, I saw some options that were attractive for very different reasons.  One place was an older building, nice and enticing with a direct ocean view.  The view from the apartment was so amazing; it literally made my wife cry.  But then we saw another condominium—this one brand new, about 15 minute walk from the ocean, but right over all the shopping, Starbucks, and conveniences.  The first place had a million dollar view, but the second place was practical and we could see ourselves really living there. 

4) Driving and Jolly--We took a trolley ride and the driver was obviously hard-working, but low paid. Yet he turned up the tunes and took us around town not just driving, but literally singing and sort of dancing to them too--waving his arms and smiling the whole time. It was great to see someone so spirited and happy in whatever they were doing in life. 

As I get older, and hopefully wiser, I see more clearly that situations in life are not simple or “black and white,” but there are lots of complexities, choices, and grays.

Do you choose self or family, live where you like or where you can earn a good living, go for the view or for the convenience, bemoan what you don't have or celebrate what you do?  Lots of decisions in life—each choice has consequences, so choose carefully.  

No one has it all—even if it looks like they do. ;-)

(Source Photo: Andy Blumenthal)

Black and White and Gray All Over

For Yom Kippur

For Yom Kippur

The Status Quo, No!

Two more articles, this time in Fast Company (Sept 2013) are pointing to the unhappiness of people and the desire to change things.

The first "You Sign, Companies Listen," about Change.org, "the world's petition platform" that now has 40 million users launching as many as 1,000 petitions a day.  Now the site is allowing organizations to respond to petitions publicly and also has a "Decision Maker page," which shows organizations all the petitions against them. 

Change.org focuses on "personal issues with achievable solutions," especially personal stories of injustice. The site is about a carrot and stick approach. Organizations can choose to listen and respond positively to their constituents legitimate issues or "there is a stick" if they don't engage with the hundreds of thousands and millions of petitioners. 

A second article, "Not Kidding Around," about DoSomething.org, which "spearheads national campaigns" for young people interested in social change. Their values are optimism for a sense of hope, rebellion meaning the rules are broken and needs to be rewritten, and empathy to feel others pain so we can change things for the better. 

There is a notion here that the youngsters "have no faith that Washington politicians can solve this problem." These kids feel that "the world is in the shitter" and they want to help create social change. 

It is interesting to me that despite our immense wealth and technological advances or maybe in some cases because of it--creating a materialistic, self-based society--that people are disillusioned and looking to restore meaning, purpose, and social justice.

Things have got to mean more than just getting the latest gadget, blurbing about what you had for lunch on twitter, or accumulating material things (homes, cars, vacations, clothes, shoes, bags, and more). 

People can't live on materialism alone, but are seeking a deeper connection with G-d and the universe--to make peace with our creator and with each other and create a better world where we are elevated for helping others, rather than just taking for ourselves. 

(Source Photo: Andy Blumenthal)

The Status Quo, No!

The Money Pit

So I'm visiting this absolutely delectable Italian bakery in fancy-schmancy Las Olas.

The Sicilian pizza by the way is amazing.

We are there for a while enjoying the food, conversation, and ambiance. 

My wife offers to take a picture of me in this great place. 

The lady behind the counter is so nice and let's me join her behind the counter for a moment.

In comes an obviously wealthy customer and as he sees me going to take a quick photo, he makes a big "Hmmmmm!"

The lady graciously says "Just one moment sir."

And irritably waiting for just this brief moment, he blurts out, "I'm the customer and my money comes first!"

When he said this, another lady in line made a huge shocked face--as did we all.

It is incredible how some people's money goes to their head and they don't realize it all comes from G-d and can just as quickly be taken away.

Wealth, health, our loved ones, and happiness--they are ephemeral and we should be ever grateful for them for as long as we have them.

Being arrogant and thinking we are better than the next guy--that we are somehow more deserving or above it all--is a huge fallacy and G-d sees all. 

Maybe this rich guy's money comes first to him, but I imagined the Master Of The Universe hearing these words and having the last eternal laugh. ;-)

(Source Photo: Andy Blumenthal)

The Money Pit

Why Can't We All Be As Happy In Our Jobs As This?

Lapham's Quarterly (5 June 2013) put up a matrix of the "Worst Jobs In the World," but the problem is that is completely misses the mark!

The worst jobs matrix has four dimension based on the functions of jobs being treacherous, tedious, difficult, and disgusting. 

The matrix has some doozy jobs listed, such as the food taster for the emperor (i.e. testing for poison) and the banquet attendant who cleans up guests vomit and holds the pot for partygoers to urinate in.  

However, while this infographic provide some interesting job tidbits, it completely misses the point of what it really means for a job to be bad or worst. 

What doesn't necessarily make a bad job?

- It is not how treacherous a job is, because treachery can be in the name of patriotism (such as someone who works in the Intelligence or National Security community and may commit treacherous deeds, but they are for a noble cause to protect our people and country).

- It is not how tedious a job is, because many jobs are tedious but they are necessary and important, such as working "on the line" in many traditional manufacturing jobs producing goods that people want and need. 

- It is not how difficult a job is, because often the more difficult a job is, the more rewarding it is, such as a surgeon, scientist, social worker, teacher, and so on. 

- It is not how disgusting a job is, because many jobs involve blood, guts, and gore, but are jobs that save lives such as doctors, fire and rescue personnel, and even our warfighters. 

What does necessarily make a bad job?

- If you work for a cruel boss, you have a bad job. A bad boss--one that is bullying, arbitrary, unfair, egotistical, mean, and abusive--can ruin even the best of jobs. When you work for a great boss, you can learn, grow, and are well treated and for a boss like that, you will go the extra mile. 

- If you perform meaningless work, you have a bad job. One of the most important factors in worker satisfaction is whether you perform purposeful and meaningful work. If you do, then you have a reason to get up in the morning, and that is a great feeling, indeed. 

- If you work and are not fairly compensated, you have a bad job. Most people don't mind working hard as long as they is a fair performance management system, where they get rewarded and recognized for their contributions. However, if you aren't fairly compensated and can't make ends meet to provide for your family, you have a bad job. 

- If you have a job that doesn't provide for work-life balance, you have a bad job. Generation Y really appreciates this, and they have taught us all something about the importance of maintaining a healthy work-life balance. This means working to live and not living to work. If you have a job where you miss your kids' ballgames, have no intimacy with your spouse, and don't have time and energy to take care of yourself physically, mentally, and spiritually, you have a bad job. 

Many people work in jobs that are challenging--whether they are treacherous, tedious, difficult, or disgusting--but they are in good jobs. Other jobs are for cruel bosses, doing meaningless work, and are not fairly compensated and don't have work-life balance, and they are in jobs you would never want to have in a million years. In fact, food taster and banquet attendant may sound pretty darn good in comparison. ;-)

(Source Photo: Andy Blumenthal)

Why Can't We All Be As Happy In Our Jobs As This?

Get Your Newspaper With Style

Some people give out the newspapers in the morning with a loud and resonant, "Get your daily newspaper!"

Others with a call to duty, "Look alive people--it's a workday!"

A more tame and spiritual approach is the man who wishes everyone with, "Have a blessed day!"

And finally this cheerful young lady who greets everyone coming out of the Metro with a warm smile and a great happy hat!

Thanks to all the hardworking folks providing the news at Metro in the mornings, in all weather, and also at no cost. ;-)

(Source photo: Andy Blumenthal)

Get Your Newspaper With Style

The Nature of Envy and Ambition

I watched a really good movie the other day called "The Violin."

It was about a civil war in a South American country where freedom fighters are vastly outnumbered and outgunned and an old violinist tries to smuggle weapons and ammunition to his people in his violin case. 

At one point in the movie, their village in overrun by the army, and the boy's mother and sister are killed. 

The little boy asks the grandfather to explain the horrible life events that have befallen them to him and the grandfather tells how G-d created the world with good people as well as people the are envious and ambitious and those people sought to take everything away from the others--no matter how much they accumulated, they wanted more.

I thought about this with respect to a quote I had learned in Yeshiva that "absolute power corrupts absolutely"--that those who have unbridled power and ability, will use it without limitation and in wrong and harmful ways to others, because they can.

Envy and ambition and power--can be used for good--when people see others succeed and are motivated to work hard and do their best too. 

But when people become blindly consumed with it for its own sake--they can't stand anyone having more than them or even having anything--they think they should just as well have it all--then they will not just work hard to achieve it, but they will act out against others to unjustly take what they want and as much as they want. 

My father always taught me never to be jeoulous of anyone. He told me that if you knew what really went on in their lives--what their basket [of good and bad] was--you wouldn't trade places with them in a million years. 

And I believe he was right. Often when I know someone only superficially and their life looks so grand and "perfect," it is tempting to think they have it all or even just better, but then when you get to know their life challenges--sickness, abuse, death, loneliness, and other hardships--you realize how things could always be a lot worse and how truly lucky you are. 

Of course, there will there always be people who are superficial, materialistic, and can't control their urge for power and things--and they will try to take more than their fair due and by force if necessary. In the end, will it bring them real fulfillment and happiness, the answer is obvious. 

I believe it was my Oma (grandmother), a survivor of The Holocaust, who used to say "count your blessings"--she was right. ;-)

(Source Photo: Andy Blumenthal)

The Nature of Envy and Ambition

Building Happiness, One Contribution At A Time

There was an interesting editorial in the Wall Street Journal (20 December 2012) comparing people who win the [Powerball] lottery to those on social entitlements.

The author, Arthur Brooks stipulates that money unearned--"untethered from hard work and merit"--does not make people happy.

Brooks states that "Above basic subsistence, happiness comes not from money per se, but from the value creation it is rewarding."
And this seems to jive with the concept that the greatest producer of happiness aside from social relationships is doing meaningful and productive work (and generally good deeds), not having lots of money and things!

In terms of winning the lottery (big) and not finding happiness, there was another article to this effect in Bloomberg BusinessWeek (13 December 2012), about someone who won the $314 million Powerball jackpot and had at one time been the largest lottery winner in history--but in the end, he found nothing but misery (lost his granddaughter, wife, money, and ended up a substance abuser) and wished he had never seen that "winning" ticket. Instead, he appreciated his previous life when he was known for his "good works," and not just his money!

According to Brooks, "While earned success facilitates the pursuit of happiness, unearned transfers generally impede it." And CNN reports that now more than 100 million Americans are on welfare, and that "does not include those who only receive Social Security or Medicare."

The result as Brooks states is the fear is that we are becoming an 'entitlement state," and that it is bankrupting the country and "impoverishing" the lives of millions by creating a state of dependency, rather than self-sufficiency.

So are social entitlements really the same thing?

No. because without doubt, there are times when people need a safety net and it is imperative that we be there to help people who are in need--this is not the same as someone winning the lottery, but rather this is genuinely doing the right thing to help people!

At the same time, everyone, who can, must do their part to contribute to society--this means hard work and a fair day's pay.

However, With the National Debt about to go thermonuclear, and the fiscal cliff (in whatever form it finally takes) coming ever closer to pocketbook reality, the country is on verge on confronting itself--warts and all.

We all woke up this morning, and the world was still here--despite the Mayans foretelling of the end of the world today. Perhaps, the end was never meant as a hard and fast moment, but rather the beginning of an end, where we must confront our spendthrift ways and historical social inequities.

While we cannot erase decades of mismanagement, what we can do is continue the march to genuinely embrace diversity, invest in education and research, help those who cannot help themselves, work hard and contribute, and build a country that our grandparents dreamed of--one that is paved in opportunity for everyone!

Let us pray that we are successful--for our survival, prosperity, and genuine happiness. ;-)

(Source Photo: here with attribution to Brother Magneto)

Building Happiness, One Contribution At A Time

Feeling Groovy

It was interesting, I was reading about how humans have six universal emotions.

These emotions are considered largely involuntary responses to stimuli, and they are:

• Anger
• Happiness
• Fear
• Sadness
• Disgust
• Surprise

As I thought about these out of the six emotions, only happiness is the straight out good one. Hey, who doesn't want to be happy (maybe only an ascetic, but that's because they parodoxically get a type of happiness out of being unhappy)? 

Then, I thought about surprise and that is sort of a toss up--it can be a good surprise or a bad one. Most of the time, people don't like surprises and would rather have an element of control over what is coming, when, and how. So I would throw surprises in the you can keep it pile. 

And while the other four emotions--anger, fear, sadness, and disgust--may be helpful at times (in protecting us physically and emotionally), they all have negative connotations and implications. 

Anger usually means someone has hurt or slighted us. Fear impies that that there is something dangerous or scary to be feared out there. Sadness is the opposite of happiness, so it's a non-starter. And disgust is attributed to something vile or revolting and is usually something we want to get away from as quickly as possible. 

So, six primary human emotions and only one--happiness--makes us feel--happy!

Thinking about emotions as colors, we can feel blue (sad) or fiery red (anger), what about green (with envy)?  Uh, wonder why this emotion was missing from the list, but I would add it as number seven for universal emotions. 

Unfortunately, envy means we feel less than or jealous of the next person, so this is another one that doesn't make us feel very good. 

Maybe then expectations for how much happiness in life we should or can have should be tempered knowling there are six others to keep us busy and feeling--other things. ;-)

(Source Photo: Andy Blumenthal)

Feeling Groovy

Mural of Brotherhood

Really love this mural of kids and adults holding together in joy and brotherhood, the big sun with the smiley face, and the butterflies.

This was posted up next to a local school near their track, field, and basketball courts. 

When all the world is topsy-turvy with riots and fighting, WMD and threats of annihilation, and all sorts of financial doomsday scenarios--it is uplifting to see this simple and pure painting spreading happiness.

Let's create a world for our children and grandchildren with more joy, positivity, and stability, and less stress, fear, and uncertainty.

(Source Photo: Andy Blumenthal)

Mural of Brotherhood

The Shofar: We Can All Improve

The Jewish New Year (Rosh Hashanah) is tonight, and it is a time of introspection and commitment to do better in the future.

On Rosh Hashanah, we blow the Shofar (traditionally made from a ram's horn) in synagogue.

My sister-in-law, Sara Herbsman, told me a beautiful learning about the three types of blasts on the Shofar that correspond to 3 types of people that think they may be beyond repair, but who can still improve their lives:

1) Tekiah--tekiah means rooted and is one long blast--a person is never too stuck, stubborn, or set in their ways to change.

2) Shevarim--shevar means broken and the sound is 3 short broken blasts--that is a person is never to broken to fix.

3) Teruah--comes from the word Ra which means bad and is 9 rapid very short alarm blasts--that is a person is never too bad or evil to repent.

For those who have heard the Shofar blast, it is a moving experience--as if your very soul is stirred to introspection and fear of heaven.  

I remember learning in Jewish Day School that our prayers would ascend to G-d in heaven on the blast of the Shofar. 

But what I always like the best was the story of the one little boy in synagogue who did not know how to pray, but instead just cried--and his tears, full of sincerity, ascended beyond all the other prayers all the way to throne of the Almighty. 

May G-d bless us with a happy, healthy, prosperous, and peaceful New Year. 

Andy

(Source Photo: here with attribution to Elias Punch)

The Shofar: We Can All Improve

We Are Driven!

We are driven to do what?

Some of us to succeed and others, seemingly, to various destructive behaviors that thwart our success.

In the book, The Charge, by Brendon Burchard, he argues that we need to harness our drives to increase our success rate. 

Burchard categorizes our drives into baseline and forward drives--and has 10 of them--almost like the Ten Commandments (Cs)--five in each area (or on each tablet). 

Baseline drives are those which he says make us happy:

- Control
- Competence
- Congruence
- Caring
- Connection

Forward drives are those which help us evolve:

- Change
- Challenge
- Creative Expression
- Contribution
- Consciousness

Wonderful--10 C's, all nicely packaged. 

While I generally agree with these human drives, something is not satisfying about these--they seem academic, stale, and the fodder of a marketing brochure.

Where is the energy of humans to live, love, and laugh? 

Where is the longing for spirituality, purpose, and meaning?

Where is the drive to do good and occasionally, to do what we know is wrong. 

Where are the vices--the drives to conquer, to own and to hoard, to go crazy at times?

Burchard has provided a very one-sided picture of human nature--maybe the side, we would rather acknowledge and focus on, but in ignoring human frailties and tendencies to veer off to the other extremes as well, he is missing an important point--and that is the human nature is a fundamental push and pull. 

Yes, we are driven to happiness and evolution, and on one hand these drives manifest in the rosier side of human nature such as care and contribution, but on the other side, people drives to happiness and evolution may mean their taking what they want, when and how they want it, and to the exclusion of others who are competing with them in a world of limited resources.

It is nicer and easier to envision a world, like the Garden of Eden, where there is plenty for the few, and everything is provided and just a pull from the fruit tree away. 

But in the real world, it is wiser to recognize that our happiness and evolution may mean someone else goes hungry tonight--sad, but true; and only when we are real, can we work to overcome this and to provide plenty for all--through safeguarding of basic freedoms and human rights for everyone. 

Happiness and evolution can be different for the individual and society--for the individual, one's gain may come at another loses (e.g. the stock market, competing for a spot in top-tier school, or beating out the competition for that plume Wall Street job), but for society, success means creating win-win situations where everyone can go to bed with a full stomach and knowing that they have a fair shot at opportunity tomorrow. 

(Source Photo: here with attribution to Beacon Radio)

We Are Driven!

Stark Raving Internet Crazy

An article in the Daily Beast/Newsweek called "Is the Web Driving Us Mad?" postulates that we are addicted to the Internet by virtually every definition of the word. 

Physically:
- "Americans have merged with their machines"--literally starring at computer screen "at least eight hours a day, more time than we spend on any other activity, including sleeping."
- Most college students are not just unwilling, but functionally unable to be without their media links to the world."

Psychologically:
- "Every ping could be a social, sexual, or professional opportunity" so we get a (dopamine) reward for getting and staying online.
- Heavy internet use and social media is correlated with "stress, depression, and suicidal thinking" with some scientists arguing it is like "electronic cocaine" driving mania-depressive cycles. 

Chemically:
- "The brains of Internet addicts...look like the brains of drug and alcohol addicts."
- Videogame/Internet addiction is linked to "structural abnormalities" in gray matter, namely shrinkage of 10 to 20% in the areas of the brain responsible for processing od speech, memory, motor control, emotion, sensory, and other information,."
- The brain "shrinkage never stopped: the more time online, the more the brain showed signs of 'atrophy.'"

Socially:
- "Most respondents...check text messages, email or their social network 'all the time' or 'every 15 minutes.'
- "Texting has become like blinking" with the average person texting (sending or receiving) 400 times3,700 times!
- "80% of vacationers bring along laptops or smartphones so they can check in with work while away."
- "One in 10 users feels "fully addicted' to his or her phone," with 94% admitting some level of compulsion!

At the extreme:
- "One young couple neglected its infant to death while nourishing a virtual baby online."
- "A young man bludgeoned his mother for suggesting he log off."
- "At least 10...have died of blood clots from sitting too long" online. 

These are a lot of statistics, and many of these are not only concerning, but outright shocking--symptoms of bipolar disorder, brain shrinkage, and murderous behavior to name a few.

Yet, thinking about my own experiences and observations, this does not ring true for the vast majority of normal Internet users who benefit from technology intellectually, functionally, socially, and perhaps even spiritually. 

Yes, we do spend a lot of time online, but that is because we get a lot out of it--human beings, while prone to missteps and going to extremes, are generally reasoned decision-makers. 

We aren't drawn to the Internet like drug-abusers to cocaine, but rather we reach for the Internet when it serves a genuine purpose--when we want to get the news, do research, contact a friend or colleague, collaborate on a project, make a purchase, manage our finances, watch a movie, listen to music or play a game and more. 

These are not the benefits of a drug addict, but the choices of rational people using the latest technology to do more with their lives. 

Are there people who lose control or go off the deep-end, of course. But like with everything, you can have even too much of a good thing--and then the consequences can be severe and even deadly. 

Certainly people may squirrel away more often then they should for some un-G-dly number of hours at a computer rather than in the playground of life--but for the most part, people have taken the technology--now highly mobile--into the real world, with laptops, tablets, and smartphones being ubiquitous with our daily rounds at the office, on the commute, walking down the street, and even at the dinner table.  

Is this a bad thing or are we just afraid of the (e)merging of technology so deeply into every facet of lives?

It is scary in a way to become so tied to our technology that it is everywhere all the time--and that is one major reason why cyber attacks are such a major concern now--we are hopelessly dependent on technology to do just about everything, because it helps us to do them. 

From my perch of life, the Internet does not break people or attract broken souls except on the fringes; more typically it puts people together to achieve a higher individual and social aggregate capability then ever before.

If the pressure to achieve 24/7 would just come down a few notches, maybe we could even enjoy all this capability some more.

Now I just need to get off this darn computer, before I go nuts too!  ;-)

(Source Photo: here adapted from and with attribution to Cassie Nova)

Stark Raving Internet Crazy

The Reason We Are Given Is To Give

There is a famous slogan about "the gift that keeps on giving" that has been used for promoting various products from appliances to flowers.  

But to me, it is more appropriately used to inspire people to make a donation or give of themselves, because of how fulfilling it can be and how it makes us better people.

There is no more beautiful story about the act of giving then the one by O'Henry called The Gift of The Magi. 

In the story, a husband and wife, Jim and Della, want to give each other holiday gifts, but they are poor. 

Della has beautiful long hair, but no combs for it, and Jim has a gold watch passed down from his father and grandfather, but no chain for it. 

Each sacrifices for the other and in a tragic irony--Della sells her long, flowing hair to buy a gold chain for Jim, and Jim sells the prized gold watch to purchase a set of special combs for Della. 

They could've been selfishly focused on what each individually was lacking, but instead they rose above it and were superbly generous--giving away their own prized possessions to try and make the other whole. 

They found the wisdom of the ages in terms of loving, giving, and sharing being of the greatest joys one can have. 

I love this story for it's simplicity in teaching about giving and sacrifice and channeling whatever our challenges in life are into opportunities for betterment. 

Maybe as individuals, we can't change the whole world in one fell swoop, but with each positive contribution and act of giving, we can leave it a little better than the way we found it. 

I was so proud earlier today when I heard one of my teenage daughters say: "the reason we are given things is in order to give to others."

I don't think my daughter ever heard of this O'Henry story, but I see how she is learning and living it, and what more can any parent want from their children. 

(Source Photo: here with attribution to OpenSourceWay)

The Reason We Are Given Is To Give

Beating Social Media Isolation

There is a debate called the "Internet Paradox" about whether social media is actually connecting us or making us more feel more isolated.  

I think it is actually a bit of both as we are connected to more people with time and space virtually no impediment any longer; however, those connections are often more shallow and less fulfilling.

There is an important article in The Atlantic (May 2012) called "Is Facebook Making Us Lonely?" that lends tremendous perspective on information technology, social media and our relationships.
The premise is that "for all this [new] connectivity, new research suggests that we have never been lonelier."

The article is very absolute that despite all the technology and communication at our fingertips, we are experiencing unbelievable loneliness that is making people miserable, and the author calls out our almost incessant feelings of unprecedented alienation, an epidemic of loneliness, and social disintegration.

Of course, there is a lot of anecdotal evidence that almost everyone can share, but there are also numerous studies supporting this, including: 

1) Study on Confidants (2004)--showed that our average number of confidants shrunk by almost 50% from approximately 3 people in 1985 to 2 people in 2004; moreover, in 1985 only 10% of Americans said they had no one to talk to, but this number jumped 1.5 times to 25% by 2004. 

2) AARP Study (2010)--that showed that the percentage of adults over 45 that were chronically lonely had almost doubled from 20% in 2000 to 35% in 2010.

Some important takeaways from the research:

- Married people are less lonely than singles, if their spouses are confidants.

- "Active believers" in G-d were less lonely, but not for those "with mere belief in G-d."

- People are going to mental professionals (psychiatrists, psychologists, social workers, therapists, and counselors) as "replacement confidants." 

- Loneliness is "extremely bad for your health."

- Our appetite for independence, self-reliance, self-determination, and individualism can lead to the very loneliness that can makes people miserable. 

- Using social media, we are compelled to assert our constant happiness and curate our exhibitionism of the self--"we are imprison[ed] in the business of self-presenting."

- Technology tools can lead to more integration or more isolation, depending on what we do with them--do we practice "passive consumption and broadcasting" or do we cultivate deeper personal interactions from our social networks?

Personally, I like social media and find it an important tool to connect, build and maintain relationships, share, and also relax and have fun online. 

But I realize that technology is not a substitute for other forms of human interaction that can go much deeper such as when looking into someone's eyes or holding their hand, sharing life events, laughing and crying together, and confiding in each other.

In January 2011, CNBC ran a special called "The Facebook Obsession," the name of which represents the almost 1 billion people globally that use it. To me though, the real Facebook obsession is how preoccupied people get with it, practically forgetting that virtual reality, online, is not the same as physical, emotional, and spiritual reality that we experience offline.

At times, offline, real-world relationships can be particularly tough--challenging and painful to work out our differences--but also where we find some of the deepest meaning of anything we can do in this life. 

Facebook and other social media's biggest challenge is to break the trend of isolation that people are feeling and make the experience one that is truly satisfying and can be taken to many different levels online and off--so that we do not end up a society of social media zombies dying of loneliness. 

Social media companies can do this not just for altruistic reasons, but because if they offer a more integrated solution for relationships, they will also be more profitable in the end. 

(Source Photo: here with attribution to h.koppdelaney)

Beating Social Media Isolation

Changing Regrets Into Fulfillment

The Guardian (1 February 2012) published an important article called "The Top Five Regrets of the Dying."

The items mentioned were compiled by a palliative nurse caring for patients at end of life. 

The list is a wake up call for many of us who work hard, but in the process perhaps forget the most important aspects of life are the people we love and the pursuit of opportunities to really be ourselves and achieve our purpose.  

Here is the list of top 5 things you can do different in your life before it passes you by:

1. Be your true self--"I wish I'd had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me." 

- Ask yourself what are your dreams and how can you make them happen!

2. Work less--"I wish I hadn't worked so hard." 

- Ask yourself are you living to work or working to live? 

3. Express yourself--"I wish I'd had the courage to express my feelings."

- Ask yourself if you've told significant others how you really feel and genuinely worked things out with them.

4. Maintain relationships--"I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends"

- Ask yourself have you been generous with your time, emotions, and material things with family, friends, and others important to you?

5. Seek out opportunities for happiness--"I wish that I had let myself be happier."

- Ask yourself what does happiness even really mean to you and how can you find it amidst the daily grind.

Life is always too short and everyone makes mistakes and has regrets--that's part of being human, learning, and growing. 

But if we can get our priorities straights and set clear goals, perhaps we can leave the world with less bitterness and more fulfillment in lives granted and well spent. 

(Source Photo: here with Attribution to Raspberries1)

Changing Regrets Into Fulfillment

Love To Love You Dunkin'

This is my dream drink. 

Dunkin' Donuts Mocha Iced Coffees.

Two a day, yay!

This town really does run on Dunkin'.

Starbucks, you got great ambiance, but your coffee ugh! 

(Even though we disagree in the family on this one :-|)

There is no IT in coffee, but I don't care, I love you anyway. 

(Photo Source: Andy Blumenthal)

Love To Love You Dunkin'