Who Will Help?

This is an awesome video that has gone viral.

A social experiment with hidden camera filming of a homeless child freezing on the streets of Manhattan...

See the people just walking on by--completely ignoring or plain unaffected by the suffering taking place literally right next to them. 

Where is the compassion of the people?

Many are just rushing by, chatting away, and/or carrying fancy filled bags from nearby shopping excursions.

The bystanders walk past and practically over this boy's shivering body lying in ragged shirt, without a coat, and lying half inside a big black garbage bag on the street. 

I imagined G-d looking down on this extreme callousness of his creations ignoring the suffering of this boy and being quite upset. 

Perhaps, there are unfortunately so many people now homeless , hungry, and begging in the streets that our minds and hearts have simply learned to "tune it out."

The ending is really amazing...when the one person who comes over to care for the poor boy is a black homeless man--who ends up taking off his own coat and gives it to the child. 

May G-d open our eyes to the pain of our brethren and grant us compassionate hearts to sincerely care one for each other. ;-)

Who Will Help?

Homeless in DC

The plight of the homeless in DC, the nation's capital, continues unabetted. 

People homeless and hungry stumble down the steets with their carts of worldy possessions or sit on the corners begging for someone to help them. 

As these destitute and desperate souls look for some shelter, warmth, a place to rest, some clean clothes, medical care, or simply something to eat, they pass almost like ghosts throughtout the city. 

Most people running (late) to the office, seem to barely extend a glance as they sidestep and shuffle past these people, who I remember one unsavory colleague calling them, "human waste."

But these are G-d creatures, down on their luck, and they could be any one of us!

Does the city and the people, the powerful of the nation, have the heart to help those in need? ;-)

(Source Photo: Andy Blumenthal)

Homeless in DC

Understanding Disability

So true story...

There is a wonderful lady in the workplace...one of the nicest people. 

Unfortuantely, she has a disability and it is not easy...at times, she expresses to me the pain and the challenges, but always she maintains the best attitude and is an inspiration to everyone here. 

Not to compare, because thank G-d, I have been so blessed, but with the hip replacement and various complications, I have come to better understand physical pain and difficult mobility. 

Sometimes, as people do, we ask, "Why?"--and often we just come to the refrain that "G-d must have his reasons"--to teach us and to grow us in some way. 

Well, in speaking with this lovely women, she must have heard me really listening and understanding or seen my empathy with her, because at one point, she starts nodding and goes almost with surprise, "You really do understand."

Then she adds something about it being so odd for a manager to understand these things. 

I was so humbled by what she said, but more important. I felt a light bulb go on over my head. 

Why does G-d give us the challenges we face in life (physical, emotional, intellectual, spiritual, etc.)?

Because it helps us to truly understand and emphasize with other human beings...to be compassionate, caring, and giving (not self absorbed, narcissist, and me-me-me!)

In a sense, only by knowing the pain and suffering of others (or some elements of it--"Been there," "Experienced it," "I Know where you're coming from!"), can we substantially make that ultimate human and spiritual connection.

No, I am not saying we all have to be in horrible pain and misfortune--G-d forbid--just that the reasons for pain and suffering in life is not completely a mystery. 

My father used to say, "If we didn't have suffering, we wouldn't know or appreciate how good we have it the rest of the time." 

But it's also that we won't know or understand the challenges our neighbors, friends, and colleagues have--and adequately care for and about them.

G-d in his infinite wisdom has his ways to teach us--it should be with ultimate mercy, in good health and peace, and not pain and suffering--but when we oursleves are challenged, doesn't it open our eyes to see others and the world in a whole new and "better" way? ;-)

(Source Photo: Andy Blumenthal)

Understanding Disability

Cure Cancer B4 It Kills Again

Nice seeing these signs and slogans against cancer posted today in Washington, D.C.

Looking at the 2014 statistics, there were almost 1.7 million new cases and almost 687 thousand deaths in the U.S. alone for cancer including of the brain/nervous system, female breast, colon/rectum, Leukemia, liver, lung/bronchus, non-hodgkin lymphoma, ovary, pancreas, and prostate.

Way too much suffering and death from cancer...we must fight this killer. 

Whatever we can do to raise money, caring, and empathy...we should do. 

Run, walk, give, support, remember...even just hold someone's hand. 

Thank you American Cancer Society and everyone out there helping to find the cure. 

"14 million cancer survivors are celebrating birthdays this year."

Won't it be miraculous when everyone is a survivor in a world without cancer anymore. ;-)

(Source Photo: Andy Blumenthal)

Cure Cancer B4 It Kills Again

Psychotherapy, In The Beginning

Wow, I love this early photo of psychotherapy.

The girl is lying on some pillows on 2 chairs. 

The Freudian doctor leans over the girl and is yanking on his goatee listening intently...and analyzing!

A man, that I assume is the girls dad is in the background, hovering protectively and hoping she is feeling better soon. 

The mind, like the body, unfortunately can get sick. 

And we need to take care of ourselves and seek help to get better. 

Fear not the competent doctor who really cares and sincerely wants to help (and is not just in it as a pure business).

Pray that G-d guides him to heal you and give you strength in body and peace of mind. ;-)

(Source Photo: Andy Blumenthal)

Psychotherapy, In The Beginning

Walk Like A Chicken

So I've been reading about the use of virtual reality for the military veterans as a way to help the healing process of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD).

But this was something different yesterday in downtown D.C....

Using virtual reality to "See Life Through A Chicken's Eyes"--complements of People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals (PETA). 

So I go up and ask the attendant what this is all about. 

She says, "You can take the virtual reality tour and walk around a field as a chicken!"

She goes on, "Only we're having some trouble with the technology, so can you come back in 20 minutes?"

Uh, okay, but 2 things:

1. Yes, I do believe in ethical treatment for everyone (including animals), and no one should suffer where we can (and should) prevent it. 

2. I did just have some chicken (only Kosher, of course!) to eat just last week (and it was pretty good), and while I am curious to see the virutal reality, I can't make it back here in 20 minutes, but thank you!

Lesson: Treat all life compassionately, but I don't have to walk around as a chicken to see that! ;-)

(Source Photo: Andy Blumenthal)

Walk Like A Chicken

Love, Strength

This has been an enormously tough year with the loss of my mom, my dad going into assisted living, and my hip replacement and complications.

I have found myself torn from my normal routine--my structure, my discipline--and thrown instead into a world of unknowns, hopes, and definitely prayers. 

Throughout, my family and close friends have stood by me--as I gave the eulogy for mom, as I moved my father out of his loving home, and as I growled in pain with the osteoarthritis and then joint replacement.  

When my daughter took my hand telling me all be well, when my youngest drove me to the doctors and PT, and when my wife fought for my care--I feel eternally grateful to have these people in my life.

With all the technology in the world, there is nothing like a human being to reach out and grab a hold off. 

One of my colleagues asked me what I have learned from all of this, and I'd say three things:

- Take time to reflect on the direction of your life and work to make the tough changes while you're able.
- Empathize with the plight of others, be merciful and compassionate, and help where you see the slightest opportunity. 
- Be sincerely grateful for everything you have and remember who is the Master of all. ;-)

(Source Photo: Michelle Blumenthal)

Love, Strength

You Can Be Nice and Powerful

According to the Wall Street Journal, workers "value kindness in their boss" and compassion--this is natural, as we are all human with tests, frailties, and yes, everyone even makes some mistakes (and hopefully they learn from it). 

So while there may seem to be a contradiction between being nice and being an effective leader, there really is not. 

For example, we can have empathy for people, while still holding them accountable to do a good job through programs like flexible schedules, telework, and other workplace accommodations.

Power in the organization can be wielded by a boss in so many ways, and they don't even have to eat their spinach to do it. 

From what assignments you get, whether you have to work odd hours, to whether you get a good evaluation or even that promotion, for that matter. 

Many may be too quick to put on the punching gloves, however. 

Sometimes, the boss will laud publicly over some employees, while degrading or shunning others...that sends a message doesn't it.

Worse is boss that yells, tells someone their ideas are stupid, or glares at someone like they are a moron...that takes someone straight to employment hell. 

The email chain is the classic message!

So while power can be wielded, it can also be shielded by appreciating each person for what they can do and their contribution, if sincere and merited.

While employees value a nice boss, this doesn't mean that we don't want to be challenged, we do--challenge adds some meaning to our jobs and our day--that's why 75% would rather work for a high-achieving, but demanding boss than a nice, but ineffective one. 

But combine nice and high-achieving into a boss, and I think we will all want to work for such a leader and follow them wherever they go! ;-)

(Source Photo: Andy Blumenthal)

You Can Be Nice and Powerful

Knees Horror Story

So I'm at a new medical practioner, and he sees on my information sheet that I am scheduled to have some orthopedic surgery. 

He comes out of his office and sits down next to me, and he is rubbing his knees. 

He proceeds to tells me that he had knee replacement surgery about a decade ago. 

I'm watching him still rubbing his knees, and I say curiously, "So how did it go--were you happy with the results?"

He says, "I still have some soreness"--and I'm thinking, after all these years, yikes!

Then he goes on to tell me this horror story about his brother (I think it was) that had double knee replacement. 

But after the surgery, the knees got infected, and they had to remove the replacements and put in studs (like placeholders) until the infection cleared with antibiotics.

I suppose he couldn't walk around without knees, and I was wondering how long this guy must've been laid up. 

Anyway, once the infection was gone, they put in new replacements for him.

OMG, all in all, the guy had to have 8 surgeries!

Needless to say, this was not the orthopedic success story that I wanted or needed to hear. 

But I guess it's good to know what can happen (bli ayin hara)--in all the gory details. ;-)

(Source Photo: here with attribution to Isbye)

Knees Horror Story

Treat People Nice

On a recent college visit, I saw this sign hanging on a door. 

The quote is by Maya Angelou and it is very powerful:

"People will forget what you said,
People will forget what you did,
But people will never forget how you made them feel."

As human beings in this world, we come and go.

Our time here is finite. 

We will be replaced by others.

What is truly memorable about us is our relationships and how we treat others. 

When we show kindness to people or when we are cruel to others--these things are never forgotten. 

Our interactions are the mark of who we are inside--do we sincerely care about others and the bigger picture or are we just plain selfish?

How about you--can you remember:

• how that parent who loved you made you feel? 
• how that teacher who taught you made you feel? 
• how that friend who played with you made you feel?
• how that boss who mentored you made you feel? 
• how that clergy who inspired you made you feel?
• how that spouse who was your companion made you feel?
• how those children who looked up to you made you feel? 
• how those colleagues who supported your work made you feel?

I'm sure you can also remember times when people made you feel not so good--perhaps, you scowled or even cursed them under your breath. 

Getting results in life is not enough--we can't do it by stepping on other people and really being successful that way.

Empathy and kindness or a hard heart and cruelty--you will be remembered one way or another. ;-)

(Source Photo: Andy Blumenthal)

Treat People Nice

So It Really Is A Popularity Contest

Good, Sue Shellenbarger in the Wall Street Journal finally said it..."likability matters more than ever at work."

Yes, you also need to know your subject matter and be able to perform like a pro, but just that alone is not enough.

If your a card or a jerk, no one wants to know you.

The old Jewish thinking about being a mensch, first and foremost, still holds true.  

"Likable people are more apt to be hired, get help at work, get useful information from others, and have mistakes forgiven."

Employees also track employees likability on social networks and recruit those who can well represent them and make transformative changes. 

What contributes to likability:

1. Be Authentic - an ounce of sincerity is worth more than a boatload of of b.s. -- people see right through it.

2. Use Positive Cues - eye contact, smiling naturally, and a warm, varying, and enthusiastic tone make you approachable and believable.

3. Show interest in others - selfishness, narcissism, and I, I, I will get you no friends; show genuine interest in the other person--be cognizant of what's in it for them--give a damn!

4. Listen - 2 ears, 1 mouth; close the mouth and listen to the other person--don't just hear them, understand them, empathize, feel something!

5. Find common ground - look for shared interests or commonalities; we can all relate to others with whom we can identify.

Short and sweet, treat others as you would want to be treated (Golden Rule) and it doesn't pay to be a ass! ;-)

(Source Photo: Andy Blumenthal)

So It Really Is A Popularity Contest

Adaptability And Integrity In The Face Of Catastrophe

The Walking Dead is the #1 TV show--and this past Sunday was just amazing not only in terms of the plot, but the lessons it provided.

The big question raised was can people change?

The Governor went through a seeming metamorphosis after the destruction of his prior town and murder of his people (by his own hand) and now he has a newfound family and tribe. 

When he comes to attack Rick and the prison to take it for the protection of his own people, Rick says let's just share it, it will be hard to overcome old rivalries, but we can do it--we can change!

But the Governor, yells in a blood curdling voice, "Liar!" and proceeds in a craze to chop off Hershel's head. 

What is particularly dramatics about this--aside from their opposing views of change--is that Hershel is the doctor who not only takes care of the physical health of his people, but also is the conscience of his group seeing that they don't lose their moral way. 

The Governor is a cold killer that truly can never change--and he not only executes Hershel, but screams "Kill them all!"

He also kills his newly adopted daughter after she is bitten by one of the walkers..he shoots her right in the face. 

At first, this seems like the Governor has changed, he can kill a Walker even if it's from his new family, as opposed to his own real daughter that he kept (unwilling to let her go) until Michonne kills her. 

But this was not real change for the Governor, because as he told Hershel about attacking and killing someone else's children to survive, "they aren't mine!"

The Governor is all about himself and will do anything selfishly to survive without consideration of others--this does not change. 

On the other hand, Rick and others survive by their ability to change and grow--they kill when they must, they have empathy when they can, they live by a code of right and wrong--in every situation, they adapt. 

For example, in a prior episode, Carol is forced to leave Rick's group because she brutally killed and burnt two of people in the prison when they got sick and were a threat of spreading the disease. However, Rick understood that this was wrong and banished her for what she did. Not all killing is justified, even if it helps you survive.

The Governor (and his new cohorts) are finally killed off in this episode, and although the safety of the prison is gone, and Rick and the others must leave and wander again, they continue to survive another day--changing with ever new challenges and adhering to an informal code of conduct that they maintain, even in the face of a world catastrophe.

(Source Photo: Dannielle Blumenthal)

Adaptability And Integrity In The Face Of Catastrophe

The Backlash Against Performance Reviews

So there is big backlash against employee performance reviews. 

Bloomberg BusinessWeek declares the annual performance review to be "worthless."

The performance review ritual is traced back to the 1930's with Harvard Business School Professor, Elton Mayo, who found that productivity and satisfaction of workers improved when they were measured and paid attention to. This was referred to as the Hawthorne Effect because the study was conducted at the Hawthorne Works of Western Electric outside Chicago.

Later in the 1950's, the Performance Rating Act institutionalized mandated performance reviews for federal workers, 

But studies in the last 2 decades have found employees (42%) dissatisfied with the process and even HR managers (58%) disliking the system. 

Clinical Psychologist, Aubrey Daniels, call the process "sadistic!"

The annual reviews are disliked for many reasons including the process being:

1) Arbitrary, subjective, and personality-driven rather than objective, meaningful, and performance-based.

2) Feedback that is too little and too late, instead of real-time when good or bad performance behavior occurs.  

3) A power tool that managers use in a "culture of domination" as opposed to something that really helps employees improve. 

4) Something used to punish people and build a case against employees to "get rid of you" rather than to reward and recognize them. 

At the same time, this week, the Wall Street Journal reported that Microsoft and other companies are getting rid of forced employee rankings.

The ranking system was developed by General Electric in the 1980's under Jack Welch and has been referred to as ""Stack Rankings," "Forced Rankings" and "Rank and Yank." 

Under this system, employees are ranked on a scale--with a certain percentage of employees (at GE 10% and Microsoft 5%, for example) ranked in the lowest level.  

The lowest ranked employees then are either let go or marginalized as underperformers getting no bonuses, equity awards, or promotions. 

"At least 30% of Fortune 500 companies continue to rank employees along a curve."

Microsoft is dumping the annual quantitative ranking and replacing it with more frequent qualitative evaluations. 

UCLA Professor, Samuel Colbert, says this is long overdue for a yanking at companies and managers' jobs is "not to evaluate," but rather "to make everyone a five."

While this certainly sounds very nice and kumbaya-ish, it also seems to reflect the poor job that managers have done in appraising employees fairly and working with them to give them a genuine chance to learn and improve, before pulling the rating/ranking trigger that can kill employees career prospects. 

A bad evaluation not only marginalizes an employee at their current position, but it limits their ability to find something else.

Perhaps, this is where the qualitative aspect really comes into play in terms of having frank, but honest discussions with employees on what they are doing well and where they can do better, and how they can get the training and experience they need. 

It's really when an employee just doesn't want to improve, pull their weight, and is undermining the mission and the team that performance action needs to be taken. 

I don't think we can ever do without performance reviews, but we can certainly do them better in terms of providing constructive feedback rather than destructive criticism and using this to drive bona-fide continuous improvement as opposed to employee derision. 

This is possible where there are participants willing to listen to a fair critique and work together on getting to the next level professionally and for the good of the organization. ;-)

(Source Photo: here with attribution to Mediocre2010)

The Backlash Against Performance Reviews

Think B4 U Speak

This was a sign hung in a local high school.

And thought this was pretty good. 

Think before you speak...

THINK = True + Helpful + Inspiring + Necessary + Kind

If it doesn't meet those criteria...shush, or in plain language--keep a lid on it! 

Remember, two ears and one mouth--so speak half as much as you listen. ;-)

(Source Photo: Dannielle Blumenthal)

Think B4 U Speak

Letters Of Hope

This was a sign in Starbucks in Gaithersburg, MD that got my attention.

It was different--it wasn't advertising for a local garage sale, real estate, a tutor, or cleaning service. 

Instead, it asks people to "write an anonymous letter to a survivor of abuse, violence, rape, trauma, or bullying."

When I got home, I looked at their website, aletterforyou.org.

I saw some of the letters that had been written on the home page as well as an archive with monthly letters going back to March 2013.

It was inspiring that people write and submit these letters of empathy, love, caring, and unity. 

And that someone would advertise for these, collect and post them for abuse victims to find some solace in. 

While of course, we gain strength through belief in G-d and a higher purpose in life, perhaps the real message of this letter writing project is that one major way for people to heal from the hurt caused by mean, misguided, or evil individuals is through the love and caring of good people. 

While the hurt and abuse of the past can never be undone, the charity and giving of the here and now can provide hope for a better tomorrow. ;-)

(Source Photo: Andy Blumenthal)

Letters Of Hope

Outrage At Bogus Judge Baugh

Injustice, Injustice does Montana Judge Todd Baugh pursue. 

G-d, hope you are listening...

BBC reported about this bogus Judge Baugh who called a 14-year old girl that was raped by her 49-year old teacher, "as much in control of the situation" as the man who assaulted her. 

The poor girl later committed suicide, which her mother probably rightfully attributed to the distress from the rape and aftermath. 

And what does the judge do to mete out justice? He sentences the rapist to 15-years in prison AND suspends the sentence for all but 31 days with 1 day time already served. 

The victim was raped and is dead and the rapist gets not 30-years, but 30 days!

While the judge who is under pressure to resign has all of a sudden expressed his deep remorse, it is almost unbelievable that this is someone charged with seeing that justice is served. 

Shock, disbelief, outrage...what can you say about such a justice. 

While there is certainly a time and place for empathy, compassion, and mercy--would anyone in their right mind, see this as one of those cases? 

For all who believe that this world is not the end, but just the journey, I'd venture to guess that the 14-year old girl is not done either with her rapist or the judge who mocked her suffering and death. 

(Source Photo: Andy Blumenthal)

Outrage At Bogus Judge Baugh

The Status Quo, No!

Two more articles, this time in Fast Company (Sept 2013) are pointing to the unhappiness of people and the desire to change things.

The first "You Sign, Companies Listen," about Change.org, "the world's petition platform" that now has 40 million users launching as many as 1,000 petitions a day.  Now the site is allowing organizations to respond to petitions publicly and also has a "Decision Maker page," which shows organizations all the petitions against them. 

Change.org focuses on "personal issues with achievable solutions," especially personal stories of injustice. The site is about a carrot and stick approach. Organizations can choose to listen and respond positively to their constituents legitimate issues or "there is a stick" if they don't engage with the hundreds of thousands and millions of petitioners. 

A second article, "Not Kidding Around," about DoSomething.org, which "spearheads national campaigns" for young people interested in social change. Their values are optimism for a sense of hope, rebellion meaning the rules are broken and needs to be rewritten, and empathy to feel others pain so we can change things for the better. 

There is a notion here that the youngsters "have no faith that Washington politicians can solve this problem." These kids feel that "the world is in the shitter" and they want to help create social change. 

It is interesting to me that despite our immense wealth and technological advances or maybe in some cases because of it--creating a materialistic, self-based society--that people are disillusioned and looking to restore meaning, purpose, and social justice.

Things have got to mean more than just getting the latest gadget, blurbing about what you had for lunch on twitter, or accumulating material things (homes, cars, vacations, clothes, shoes, bags, and more). 

People can't live on materialism alone, but are seeking a deeper connection with G-d and the universe--to make peace with our creator and with each other and create a better world where we are elevated for helping others, rather than just taking for ourselves. 

(Source Photo: Andy Blumenthal)

The Status Quo, No!

Living Longer, But With Worse Quality Of Life

Watching my parents age over the years has been hard--and very painful. 

They are good people--they've worked hard all their lives (nothing was just given to them), they are devoted to serving G-d, and they are loved by their family, friends, and community. 

They have lived a good life and we are grateful for every day.

Yet as they are getting older, the body like anything physical, starts to get sick and break down. 

Both my parents have serious illnesses, and in the last two years my mom has become almost totally disabled and is moving from a rehab center to a nursing home this coming week. 

I read this week in the Wall Street Journal, what I've been watching with my own eyes...we are living "longer, but not healthier lives."

Over the last 2 decades, life expectancy has risen 3 years to 78 years, but unfortunately only 68 of those, on average, are in good health--meaning that people suffer for about ten years with various disabilities.

What is amazing is that people are being pressed to retire later in life with an increase in age to receive full social security benefits to 67 by 2022--giving the average person a healthy retirement to enjoy of just 1 year!

With the average working household having less the $3,000 in retirement savings, things are not looking too good for Americans to retire young and enjoy their healthy years either. 

Additionally, despite longer living, in the last 2 decades, the U.S. fell from 20th place to 27th place in 34 member nations of the Organization for Economic Co-operation and Development (OECD) for life expectancy and quality of life.

The leading causes of death remain heart disease, cancer, and stroke.  And disabilities are being driven by back, muscle, nerve, and joint disorders. 

Seeing with my own parents, the deteriorating quality of life and true suffering as they age, I am left questioning the real wisdom of keeping people alive, when the quality of life has so deteriorated as to leave them in pain and misery. 

While no one wants to lose their loved ones--the emptiness is devastating--at the same time, watching them endlessly and needlessly suffer is worse. 

I see my mom clutching her wheelchair, always in various states of discomfort and pain, and less and less able to help herself, in almost any way--it is tragic. 

So I ask myself is it also unnecessary and wrong? 

I call it forcing people alive. We keep people going not only with extraordinary measures, but also with day-to-day medicines and care that keeps their hearts pumping, their lungs breathing, and their brains somewhat aware. 

The patients are alive, but are in a sense dying a long and painful death, rather than a quick and painless one. 

I love my parents and mom who is suffering so much now, and I don't want to lose her, by does really caring for her mean, at some point, letting her go.

I tell my dad, "I just want mom to have peace"--no more suffering!

For the average person, 68 years of health is too short, but 10 years of disability and suffering may be too long. 

We use advances in technology and medical breakthroughs to keep people alive. But what is the cost in pain and disability, and even in cold hard dollar terms for a nation being gobbled up by deficits, longevity, and miserable disease and disability? 

People are living longer but at a significant painful price! 

Is this real compassion and empathy or a senseless fight with the Angel of Death? 

(Source Photo: here with attribution to wwwupertal)

Living Longer, But With Worse Quality Of Life

Some Questions To Change Your Life

If you haven't seen this, Inc. ran an article (19 February 2013) on "11 Life-Changing Questions You Musk Ask Yourself."

I like the introspective and thoughtful questions posed and believe it's well worth our time to think about these. 

Looking back from your deathbed: 
The first three questions (1-3) have to do looking at your life in terms of how you lived your life and how it will be viewed at the end. The point is not what title you achieved (CEO, VP, etc.) or how much money you accumulated in your life, but whose lives you touched and how profoundly.

Working to live:
The next two questions (4-5) have to do with how you earn you keep. I remember learning that life is not about living to work, but rather working to live. Do you work hard and contribute something real and meaningful, and is it something that you can be proud of. 

Embrace good change:
There are two question (6-7) then about how you deal with change. When everyday is fundamentally the same and you're afraid to try new things, then you may very well be stuck in some sort of a rut. If you have the leeway to pick your change--look for ways to change that helps you grow into the person you want to be (and not just changing for changes sake). 

Spend your time valuably:
Two questions (8-9) are about that the best things in life cannot be bought--real relationships, good deeds, being a mensch. Your time is your most valuable resource. Flower, candy, gifts are a nice gesture but don't make up for time invested and well-spent together with those you most deeply care about. Words and gifts are cheap, actions speak louder than words--volumes--about who we really are. 

Treat others as G-d's creatures:
Question 10 points that people are G-d's precious creatures and the biggest test is how we treat them--do we do it with selfish interest or with empathy, kindess, and charity. I have never understood the many charity dinners and events where people get honored for their giving, rather than the honor being in the act of giving, itself. 

Challenge yourself to be more:
The 11th question isn't about doing scary, stupid things, but rather challenging and pushing yourself to overcome what seems like our innate limitations and instead go beyond (break those barriers!). 

While it is tempting to tire, to give up, or to just claim victory, as my grandfather used to say, "There is enough time to sleep after 120." ;-)

(Source Photo: Andy Blumenthal)

Some Questions To Change Your Life

When Desperation Turns Deadly

It was shocking to read that suicide deaths in the U.S. have now surpassed deaths by motor vehicle accidents.

In 2010, there were over 38,000 suicides compared with almost 34,000 motor vehicle deaths (or 14.1 suicides per 100,000 people aged 10 and older versus 10.7 deaths from motor vehicles). 

Motor vehicle deaths have been, thank G-d, declining since 1999, while suicides are unfortunately up by almost a third (31%). 

Suicide for working adults were double other demographics (and highest for those in their 50's), while for teens and the elderly, the rates stayed flat. 

According to the Wall Street Journal (3 May 2012), for middle-age people 35-64, suicide is now the 4th highest cause of death after cancer, heart disease, and unintentional injury (e.g. drowning). 

Suicide prevention efforts that have typically been directed to at-risk teenagers and the elderly are now being looked at for greater focus on middle-aged adults. 

The article points to tough economic times (with the recession of 2007) as a potential factor in the increase. 

I would assume also that the 10 years of war in Iraq and Afghanistan have contributed to the increase as well due to posttraumatic stress disorder. 

Yet, suicide is a very final act of escape for those acutely suffering from economic hardships, the horrors of war, and depression--and we can only imagine how much pain these people must be feeling to do the unthinkable. 

I am familiar with teenagers and adults taking or attempting suicide--some have survived and others have died. 

For those lucky enough to survive, they have the opportunity to rebuild their lives and try again, while those who didn't make it, their loved ones suffer with the emptiness that was once a loving and caring individual, part of their lives. 

I was taught in Yeshiva that suicide is a very grave sin and people don't have the right to take the life that G-d granted them, but in my mind, those who suffer so as to attempt or commit suicide are probably not in a state of mind or in full control of themselves to be fully responsible. 

It is worth thinking about that if 38,000 actually commit suicide a year, how many more attempt it, contemplate it often, or otherwise consider it occasionally. 

People need help coping. I remember learning in English class in college that "all men live lives of quiet desperation," and I wonder how many are out there suffering inside--at times desperate, but usually putting a smile on their faces. 

We need to look beyond the surface of what people are going through, have empathy, have mercy, and give plentifully of your time, and kindness to all--you may just be saving a desperate life from taking that one last and unforgiving step. 

(Source Photo: Andy Blumenthal)

When Desperation Turns Deadly