Losing All Political Perspective

So here we go again into our politicians pants to uncover every locker-room lewd remark they have made. 

Yes, it's abhorrent and criminal for our politicians, religious leaders, coaches or anyone for that matter to rape or inappropriately sexually touch someone else against their will. 

The problem is that we are losing all common sense and perspective. 

When we are focusing almost exclusively at this point on getting that next verbal sexual gotcha on a hot mic from people running for office, instead of on what they've actually done (good and bad) in their lives, then we are being lead astray by powerful elites fighting for and to keep the power they most greedily worship.

Words do have meaning, don't get me wrong, especially when we hurt someone with them or when they demonstrate true moral lapses in the person.

But when words are taken out of context, exaggerated, or dug up from decades ago just to sling dirt then we have a powerful political machine that is working to hurt and not help our political process. 

What's even worse is that we are becoming the laughing stock in the world in the process of the mud fest. 

An article yesterday in China mocks the chaotic U.S. political system as a highly flawed "political show."

If we and the media remain gripped in people's political pants here, then the real and potentially catastrophic issues will continue to not be on the table or our lips. 

The effect is that rather than being able to effect positive change at home and in the world, we are heads down in the sand, as for example:

- Russia deploys nuclear-capable missiles on Poland's (and NATO's) doorstep

- ISIS continues it's global reign of terror and remains strong and determined

- War crimes are being committed and "red lines" crossed daily in Syria

- Iran and North Korea continue their nuclear hated-filled march on the U.S. and western allies

- Bioterrorism is an increasingly dangerous threat as agents are "relatively inexpensive, easy to produce, conceal and transport" 

- Cyberwarfare is now being considered an existential threat, even as our democratic elections themselves are under attack by the latests hacks from Guccifer 2.0 and DC Leaks. 

- Our national debt has increased $9 trillion (almost doubled) in the last 8 years and is threatening key pillars of our social entitlement system, including social security and medicare. 

- The global economy is on the rocks as the impact from easy credit sputters and future growth is stunted.

As these and other risks increase to the U.S., our leadership remains in a narcissistic fugue with their desire for power and sham legacies, and politics have become grotesquely about killing off the opposition by actual death or by a thousand cuts of verbal mutilation.  

Sex sells and has us mesmerized, but we are missing out on all the real world drama, danger, and any meaningful dialogue. ;-)

(Source Photo: Andy Blumenthal)

Losing All Political Perspective

Wiping The Smug

How you ever seen someone with that unbelievable smug look on their face? 

They are almost glowing in hubris and elitism.

They have gotten away with something and they know it and think they are above earth and Heaven.

Feeling better, smarter, and mightier than everyone else around them. 

They have built a fortress of minions, money, and power. 

And nothing, they think, can bring them back to Earth. 

Through deals, cunning, intimidation, and even elimination of their rivals, they survive and thrive growing stronger with every kill. 

High and mighty, but G-d sees all. 

Arrogant and corrupt, but G-d forgets none. 

All humankind is connected and one.

As one sits in the dust of the feet of another. 

The wheel of life turns, and the roles reverse. 

The next person has the chance to act different and better.

To mend their soul and humbly influence others for the good. 

No one should be smug, because everyone serves. ;-)

(Source Photo: Andy Blumenthal)

Wiping The Smug

How Great Are You?

INDISPENSABLE?

      Sometime, when you’re feeling important,

      

      Sometime, when your ego’s in bloom,

      

      Sometime, when you take it for granted,

      

      You’re the best qualified in the room.

      

      Sometime when you feel that your going,

      

      Would leave an unfillable hole,

      

      Just follow these simple instructions,

      

      And see how it humbles your soul.

      

      Take a bucket and fill it with water.

      

      Put your hand in it, up to the wrist;

      

      Pull it out; and the hole that’s remaining, 

      

      Is a measure of how you’ll be missed.

      

      You may splash all you please when you enter,

      

      You can stir up the water galore,

      

      But stop, and you’ll find in a minute,

      

      That it looks quite the same as before.

      

      The moral in this quaint example,

      

      Is just do the best that you can,

      

      Be proud of yourself, but remember,

      

      There’s no indispensable man.

            

      - Saxon White Kessinger

(Thank you to my daughter, Minna Blumenthal, for sharing this)

(Source Photo: Andy Blumenthal)

How Great Are You?

Got Mic

My daughter went to a cool work seminar yesterday on emotional intelligence and she told me five important takeaways for creating EI health:

1. Self-awareness

2. Self-regulation

3. Self-motivation

4. Effective relationships

5. Empathy

Certainly, exerting self-control and working effectively with others is sort of obvious.

But it is not necessarily easy for everyone to do. 

Reflecting on this, some people seem to need no microphone or megaphone. 

They can't get off the elevating soapbox and behave instead is as if they are the whole show onto themselves. 

Enjoying to talk alone or above everyone else, maneuvering with drama and theatrics, and being cemented squarely in that center stage.

Perhaps highly intelligent about the subject matter, but often quite low on emotional intelligence. 

Seeing neither the objective nor the team, unable to recognize and respect others or to listen to alternate points of view, it may go on for quite some time before they come up for air. 

Overly extroverted, oblivious, uncaring, or perhaps needy or narcissistic.

Seeming to say, "I was created and stand in the center of the universe and all revolves around me!"

Chasing honor and dismissive as to their way or the highway--threats lurk, right or wrong. 

This is definitely a job for self-improvement and to personal advancement. 

Can EI be learned? 

Perhaps if the person can stop for a sec and just listen and be humbly part of the human race. ;-)

(Source Photo: Andy Blumenthal)

Got Mic

Two Days--Two Scary Statistics

(Source Photo: Dannielle Blumenthal)

Happy Presidents' Day today!

The picture is of a snoozing guy on the Washington, D.C. metro with a scarf that looks like the American Flag.

Scary statistic of the day: 

- Robots and artificial intelligence are forecast to push unemployment to 50% by 2045. 

Is that a good thing because people will have more time for leisure?

No says the experts...work gives live meaning, and without it we'll all be sleeping our time away on the Metro. 

(Source Photo: Andy Blumenthal)

Happy Valentine's Day yesterday!

This photo is of luscious chocolate covered strawberries from Godiva. 

Scary statistic of the day:

- About 1 in 5 people over the age of 25 (about 42 million people) has never been married, and the median age for marriage is 27 for women and 29 for men and rising.

Is this a good thing since people are perhaps further along in their education and career then and more ready to get married and have this as a priority?

No, says the research, since 50% believe that we are simply not better off with marriage and children as priorities.

_________

With these two holidays and statistics taken together, we are heading towards a very jobless and loveless future.

Andy's advice for the young folks (who of course won't listen because they are young):

1) Get married and get bliss!

2) Get a technology degree and get employed!

You can have a job and a spouse...little human-robot children to follow. ;-)

Two Days--Two Scary Statistics

Poor Decision-Making Inc.

(Click the image for larger size)
___________________________

There is a funny Organization Chart of Indecision by Corter Consulting circulating on the Social Media. 

This graphic (above) by me can be thought of as the corollary for Poor Decision-Making.

It is headed by the Chief, Bad Decisions.

Supporting the Chief is the EVP of Strong-Arming.

Reporting to the Chief are 6 VPs of:

- Haste

- Intuition

- Incompetence

- Misinformation

- Narcissism

- Corruption

Followed by 16 Directors of:

- Get It Over With
- It's Too Hard

- Feelings
- Myths
- I Just Don't Know

- Ignorance
- Ineptitude

- Lack of Data
- Bad Data
- Misinterpretation

- What's In It For Me (WIIFM)
- Legacy
- Arrogance

- Fraud
- Waste
- Abuse

Hope you enjoy this Org Chart of Poor Decision-Making and I look forward to your comments on it. 

(Source Graphic: Andy Blumenthal)

Poor Decision-Making Inc.

Wanting It Too Much

It's funny how we all dream about something...

Money, honor, success, piety, large families, health, beauty, popularity, big houses, fancy cars, exciting vacations, and so on. 

Some people even dream of technology and big data, and wanting to either come up with "the next big thing" or simply have all the answers to everything. 

In the election session now, Saturday Night Live (SNL) frequently makes fun of some candidates at how much they desperately want to be president. 

I wonder though between the connection of wanting something so much and actually getting it. 

Does wanting it...led you to actually get it. 

OR

Perhaps, it actually can push it further away. 

One women who I was talking with told me that the more you want something, the less likely you are to get it, period.

You want it too much (you're greedy, narcissistic, or think you are somehow ultimately deserving and the world just owes it to you)!

The universe just won't let you have it when you are desperate for it. 

You have to be ready for it...cool with it...and most importantly, at peace with yourself, and then you can get where you want to be. 

There is something that rings so true about that. 

Desperation and success do not make good bedfellows. 

In fact, the more you know somebody wants something, isn't that just such a huge turn-off (you start questioning their motives and everything) and in a way you want to recoil and not give it to them. 

Sure, knowing what you want helps. 

Hard work helps. 

But being okay with whatever G-d decides for you is critical. 

You can't go with your head through the door!

G-d will either open or close the path to you...and all the kings horses and all the kings men won't make the difference in the end. ;-)

(Source Photo: Andy Blumenthal)

Wanting It Too Much

The Kardashian Ball-Busters

So despite the immense beauty, fame, and fortune associated with the Kardashian women...if you are a man, you may want to stay far far far away. 

It seems like in the end, nothing good ever turns out for the Kardashian men--who BTW are often ballplayers and even Olympic athletes. 

Kris's husbands:

- Robert Kardashian (1st husband) - divorced in 1991 after Kris's affair and lavish lifestyle spending, remained close friends, and died of esophageal cancer in 2003.

- Bruce Jenner (2nd husband) - divorced in 2014, and revealed "excruciatingly painful" transgender crisis and transformation to Caitlyn Jenner. 

Kim's husbands: 

- Damon Thomas (1st husband) - Messy divorce in 2004.

- Chris Humphries (2nd husband) - Filed for divorce after 1 year, 7 months and divorce completed in 2013.

- Kanye West (3rd husband) - Marriage issues and divorce rumors abound from frustration over Kim's weight gain to the two sleeping apart. 

Chloe's husband:

Lamar Odom (1st husband) - Signed divorce paper in 2015, and now in coma after drug overdose in brothel. 

Kourtney's partner: 

- Scott Disick (Ex partner) - Broke up in 2015 and continues struggling with drugs and alcohol addiction.

What about brother, Rob Kardashian?

- He too is struggling with a weight problem and depression, and is estranged from his family. 

Anyway, it all starts with Kris Jenner, the controlling family matriarch who has been said to be "testy, demanding, manipulative," and generally narcissistic.  

And how about the Kardashian daughters--who are they as people?--as they air their freewheeling "have it all" lifestyles on the show, Keeping Up With The Kardashians?

Even though they call it a reality show, maybe the real reality--like for most of humankind--is not so "all that" and glamorous after all? ;-)

(Source Photo: Andy Blumenthal)

The Kardashian Ball-Busters

Team, It's Not About You

This mug on teamwork was really funny.

Teamwork (noun):
1) A group of people doing what I say.
2) Work done that I can take credit for.

Of course, this really isn't teamwork, unless you consider it the "I Team." 

Yes, this is sort of sterotypical of bad bosses:
- They take the credit for the team's work when everything goes well.
- But they pass along the blame when something goes wrong. 

Has this ever happened to you?

It reminds me of another funny saying about how greedy, narcissistic people think:

"What mine is mine, and what's yours is mine."

In other words--mine, mine, and mine, why thank you!

The best bosses are humble and giving. They make sure everyone knows what the goals are and are working efficiently to achieve them. 

The credit goes to the indivudals and team who are working their butts off, and when appropriate, the boss will take the heat to help others save face and enable them to press forward with the mission. 

I remember one of my colleagues who is a supervisor and he was called out for doing a great job. Immediately he goes, "It's my team that make me look good." And knowing this person, that wasn't just talk or a show...he was completely sincere. 

That's leadership and an impressive human being--someone to emulate!

(Source Photo: Andy Blumenthal)

Team, It's Not About You

CIO, Social Butterfly Or Tyrant

So I've seen it both ways...

There are those who "lead" by friendship, as if the workplace is one big playpen; and the notion is that those who have the most office buddies wins; to them it's not the mission or work that is important but rather it's a popularity contest, plain and simple--they are immature and still stuck in the preschool mode of thinking about what leadership is and how to work productively with others. 

Then there are others who "lead" by tyranny--it is a one person show and they are it; no one else has an viewpoint or idea that matters; anyone else who is good to great is a threat to them--they are insecure and narcissistic and the scariest thing in the world to them is to surround themselves with people smarter than themselves or give credit, respect, and honor to others.

Now there is nothing wrong with doing a coffee, lunch, or happy hour, networking, and building relationships with good people...in fact, interpersonal skills is a critical part of the job and of success.

However, those who flutter around smoozing it up with anyone and everyone, and unlike normal working discussions that have a congenial, "how you doing?" aspect and a serious, let's get down to business part, these social butterflies never get past the game on last night, their trip to Paris, or their one night stand...it's all personal, conferences, speeches, but no real work getting done (maybe some smoke and mirrors). 

Similarly, there are times, when decisions need to be made and the debate must end, and not everything in the office can be a vote where majority wins--sometimes tough decisions and trade-offs need to be made, authority exercised, and responsibility taken.

Nevertheless, it's when moderation and good judgement is lost and a person's emotional issues, personality disorders, and social anxieties take over that they act the fool--and they either rule by shaking hands and kissing babies (or the office equivalent of favors, favortism, and coffee or drinks, I'm buying!) or they are hard-a*sed, prickly jerks who cannot work with anyone that can pull their own weight and instead we see a flurry people make a dash for the exits. 

How do either of these types of people become leaders of anything? Don't the executives they report see or hear the chaos in the ranks below and the projects going bottom-up, kaput?

We've got to get along and nothing wrong with work friends, but we are here to do a job and do it well and for that we need to come together as decent human beings who treat each other with respect, dignity, and where everyone can make a valuable contribution--CIO social butterflies and inglorious tyrants begone! ;-)

(Source Photo: Andy Blumenthal)

CIO, Social Butterfly Or Tyrant

The Lights Never Really Go Off

It was interesting at work recently, when a colleague was contemplating what to do about some key person being out of the office and unavailable...

And they go: "Next man or women up--last one flips off the light."

In other words as they say, the show must go on!

So hurry up and let's get the person's deputy, "second," or the next one on the ladder read in and working on this. 

When it comes to work, we can't stop because someone is "out of pocket"--the job presuposes any particular person or persons.

While many peope think (or wish) they are irreplaceable, the truth is that with the exception of your closest family and friends, we are all just shy of, "Okay, whose up next?"

I remember a friend who told me many years ago that he believed that the whole world revolved around him (yes really), and that everyone else was "just a figment of my imagination."

Ha, I'm pretty sure that a lot of people have had a similar thought or sentiment about themselves. 

But the truth is that while everyone is unique and invaluable--there are over 7 billion of us out there and growing--so there is always someone else waiting in the wings to jump on an opportunity to fill someone else's shoes (no matter how big). 

It is a harsh world and reality--but we are here as long as we are here, and then there are others who come after. 

In a sense, this is a good thing, because as mere mortals, we don't want everything to depend on us--we are frail, we get sick, we die--but by having others who can step in and carry the flag forward, our efforts do not end with us. :-)

(Source Photo: here with attribution to Niklas Morberg)

The Lights Never Really Go Off

A Bunch Of Dummies

Took a photo from this children's book that someone left in the kosher Chinese restaurant--and it was sort of priceless.

There is a drawing of a ventriloquist with his puppet.

And it says, "All my friends are dummies,"

Often, it's tempting to think that we're so smart and "we're all that", but everyone else is just a dummy.

But we need to remember that in a way, really we're all just a bunch of dummies--now you didn't think I was going to say that, did you?

We are human, frail, mortal...and no one knows everything (hey, not even close).

My father used to joke saying, "I know nothing, and I can prove it!"

The truth is that all we really know is what G-d wants us to know; we say, what G-d permits our tongues to speak, and ultimately, we do, what G-d commands of us--there is no escaping it. 

In the big picture, we are but puppets and dummies in the hands of the omniscient creator.

For those with mega size egos (and usually nasty to match)...what G-d gives, he can easily take away, so don't be a real dummy. ;-)

(Source Photo: The Blumenthals)

A Bunch Of Dummies

You're Not All That

So they say that all sin is rooted in arrogance. 

We get too big for our britches and think we can do whatever we want including stepping on others and defying our maker. 

An interesting article in Harvard Business Review reminds us to beware of narcissism and hubris. 

Narcissism is a character disorder where because of feelings of inadequancy from childhood, people have to self-promote themselves every which way toSunday--they are "insufferably self-centered."

Hubris is a reactive disorder where due to past success and accolades from others, we become overconfidant, until the luck changes "toppling from their pedestals" and shrinking their ego back down to size."

I like the reminders from HBR cautioning about these:

- "Have more than thou showest; speak less than thou knowest." - Shakespear

- "Humble pie should be the only dessert served."

It's one thing to have decent self-esteem anchored in your knowing right from wrong and acting accordingly, and it's another to think and act like you have all the answers--none of us do. 

If your showing it off, it's likely a turn off. ;-)

(Source Photo: here with attribution to Jampa)

You're Not All That

Some Mighty Big Shoes To Fill

If you're ever feeling like a big shot--remember there are always others out there who are bigger than you. 

_________________________

We walk in the footsteps of the giants who came before us. 

We walk among colleagues who are superior to us.

We walk before future generations who will certainly humble us. 

We walk in the sight of G-d, our creator and master, who bestows all divine benevolence to us. 

_________________

Now those are some mighty big shoes! ;-)

(Source Photo: Andy Blumenthal)

Some Mighty Big Shoes To Fill

Take Your Advice And Shove It

Great piece in the Wall Street Journal today on getting and giving advice. 

This was a funny article about how most advice comes not from the wise, but from the idiots trying to push their own agendas, make a buck off you, or bud into your business. 

When people try to tell you what to do, "the subtext is 'You're an idiot for not already doing it."

But who wants to do what someone else tells them to do--unless you a robotic, brainless, loser!

Every manager should already know that everyone hates a control freak micromanager--and that they suck the creative lifeblood out of the organization. 

The flip side is when you give people the freedom to express their talents and take charge of their work activities, you motivate them to "own it!"

Real meaning from work comes from actually having some responsibility for something where the results matter and not just marching to the tune of a different drummer. 

The best leaders guide the organization and their people towards a great vision, but don't choke off innovation and creativity and sticking their fat fingers in people's eyes. 

The flip side of advice not getting hammered on you, is when you have the opportunity to request it. 

People who aren't narcissistic, control freaks seek out other people's opinions on how to approach a problem and to evaluate the best solutions. 

This doesn't mean that they aren't smart and capable people in and of themselves, but rather that they are actually smarter and more capable because they augment their experience and thinking with that of others--vetting a solution until they find one that really rocks!

While decision making by committee can lead to analysis paralysis or a cover your a*s (CYA) culture, the real point to good governance is to look at problems and solutions from diverse perspectives and all angles before jumping head first into what is really a pile of rocks under the surface. 

Does vetting always get you the right or best decision? 

Of course not, because people hijack the process with the biggest mouth blowing the hottest stream. 

But if you can offset the power jocks and jerky personalities out there, then you really have an opportunity to benefit from how others look at things. 

While the collective wisdom can be helpful, in the end, all real grown ups show personal independence, self-sufficiency, and a mind of their own, and take responsibility for their decisions and actions. 

We can learn from others, but we learn best from our own mistakes...no pain, no gain. ;-)

(Source Photo: Andy Blumenthal)

Take Your Advice And Shove It

The Movers and Shakers

For a long time, I've heard of "The movers and shakers" as the ones who get things done. 

But I think there is another and more accurate meaning to this phase.

And it is related to the old adage of "those who can do, and those who can't teach." 

Note, there is no disrespect intended to good, solid teachers here, as they have one of the most important jobs in society in educating and molding our children, but the point is that there are some that can only talk theory, but haven't actually done the job!

Similarly, in the organizations, movers and shakers are often not one and the same, but two different types of people.

We have those who are "the movers"--who actually get things done, who break logjams, who overcome bureaucracy, who solve problems, who make things better.

And then there are "the shakers," those who do more jumping up and down and waving to get attention for themselves, their egos, their resumes, and their bogus brands, but don't or can't actually deliver the goods--real results. 

The movers are the genuine, hardworking doers and carers of our organizations; the shakers are the Billie Big Mouth Bass showpeople. 

The movers work the problems everyday and make progress and it is wonderful to celebrate their hardwork and successes, but the shakers are the attention-grabbers, boasting more about what they do, instead of actually doing much of anything. 

Beware of those that talk a good game, but can't actually hit the ball--and the recognition and attention they are bathing in may actually just be a good cover like from a tanning salon and not from the real beach. ;-)

(Source Photo: here with attribution to RedHerring1up)

The Movers and Shakers

I, U, Y Talk Like That

Already young children in pre-school learn that "Words have meaning, and words can hurt."

All through life, we refine our communication skills learning what works and what doesn't.

Here are three letter-words with which to beware:

- "I" (Use sparingly) - I is usually people's favorite word; they love to talk about themselves. I this. I that. I like. I hate. The problem is that "I" can also be selfish, egotistical, and narcissistic. Without tempering talking about I all the time, you run the very large risk of overdoing it.  All the I can easily end up boring other people to near death or simply make them want to run the other way to get some needed healthy attention for themselves.

- "U" (Use carefully) - U is most often used to criticize.  U should do this. U did something wrong. U are a blankety-blank. While it's also caring, loving, and empathetic to talk about U (i.e. taking a genuine interest in the other person), talking about U can easily go astray and lead to disapproval, denunciation, and censure. We should and need to talk about U, but more from the perspective of understanding U and how can I help U.

- "Y" (Use almost never) - Y is used to ask questions, but usually ends up being used judgmentally. Y did you do that? Sometimes we question honestly and with positive intentions to understand, but very often we end up using the response to evaluate their actions, and pronounce judgement on them. From all the interrogative questions (who, what, where, when, Y, and how), Y should be used the absolute least, if ever. 

 I, U, Y - are letter-words that can imply selfishness, criticism, and judgement.  

While, they can't exactly be banned from the alphabet or dictionary, they are dangerous words that can get you misunderstood, alienate others, and hurt people in the process, and therefore use them, but with extreme caution, please. ;-)

(Source Photo: here with attribution to id-iom)

I, U, Y Talk Like That

Who's The Boss (The Good and Bad) ?

Harvard Business Review had a helpful list of 8 leadership types: 

1. Strategists - (Chess game) - provide vision, strategy, enterprise architecture.
2. Change agents - (Turnaround expert) - reengineering the organization.
3. Transactors - (Deal-maker) - make deals and negotiate positive outcomes.
4. Builders - (Entrepreneur) - create something new.
5. Innovators - (Idea generator) - solve difficult problems.
6. Processors - (Efficiency expert) - run organization like a well-oiled machine.
7. Coaches - (Develop People) - get the best out of people for a high-performance culture.
8. Communicators - (Influencer) - explain clearly what (not how) needs to be done to succeed.

I would say these are the positive archetypes of leadership, but what about the negative leadership models?

Here's a shot at the 8 types of awful leaders (and wish they throw in towel and go away):

1. Narcissists - (Self-centered) - focused on stroking their own egos and pushing their own agendas, rather than the success of mission and people.
2. Power mongers - (Domineering) - Looking to grow their piece of the corporate pie, not the pie itself.
3. Competitors - (Win-Lose) - deals with colleagues as enemies to defeat, rather than as teammates to collaborate with.
4. Micromanagers - (My way or the highway) - doesn't delegate or people the leeway to do their jobs, rather tells them how to do it the right and only way. 
5. Insecure babies- (Lacking in self-confidence) - marginalizes or gets rid of anyone who is a challenge to their "leadership," rather than valuing and capitalizing on diversity.
6. Sadists - (Bullying) - use their leadership pulpits to make others squirm under their oppressive thumbs and they enjoy it, rather than using their position to help people.
7. Thieves (Credit grabbers) - steal other people's ideas and recognition for their own self-promotion, rather than elevate others for their contributions. 
8. Biased baddies - (Whatever I want) - manage arbitrarily by subjective management whim and playing personal favorites, rather than through objective facts and maintaining equity. 

How many of you have dealt with the good as well as the bad and ugly?  ;-)

(Source Photo: Andy Blumenthal)

Who's The Boss (The Good and Bad) ?

Beating Social Media Isolation

There is a debate called the "Internet Paradox" about whether social media is actually connecting us or making us more feel more isolated.  

I think it is actually a bit of both as we are connected to more people with time and space virtually no impediment any longer; however, those connections are often more shallow and less fulfilling.

There is an important article in The Atlantic (May 2012) called "Is Facebook Making Us Lonely?" that lends tremendous perspective on information technology, social media and our relationships.
The premise is that "for all this [new] connectivity, new research suggests that we have never been lonelier."

The article is very absolute that despite all the technology and communication at our fingertips, we are experiencing unbelievable loneliness that is making people miserable, and the author calls out our almost incessant feelings of unprecedented alienation, an epidemic of loneliness, and social disintegration.

Of course, there is a lot of anecdotal evidence that almost everyone can share, but there are also numerous studies supporting this, including: 

1) Study on Confidants (2004)--showed that our average number of confidants shrunk by almost 50% from approximately 3 people in 1985 to 2 people in 2004; moreover, in 1985 only 10% of Americans said they had no one to talk to, but this number jumped 1.5 times to 25% by 2004. 

2) AARP Study (2010)--that showed that the percentage of adults over 45 that were chronically lonely had almost doubled from 20% in 2000 to 35% in 2010.

Some important takeaways from the research:

- Married people are less lonely than singles, if their spouses are confidants.

- "Active believers" in G-d were less lonely, but not for those "with mere belief in G-d."

- People are going to mental professionals (psychiatrists, psychologists, social workers, therapists, and counselors) as "replacement confidants." 

- Loneliness is "extremely bad for your health."

- Our appetite for independence, self-reliance, self-determination, and individualism can lead to the very loneliness that can makes people miserable. 

- Using social media, we are compelled to assert our constant happiness and curate our exhibitionism of the self--"we are imprison[ed] in the business of self-presenting."

- Technology tools can lead to more integration or more isolation, depending on what we do with them--do we practice "passive consumption and broadcasting" or do we cultivate deeper personal interactions from our social networks?

Personally, I like social media and find it an important tool to connect, build and maintain relationships, share, and also relax and have fun online. 

But I realize that technology is not a substitute for other forms of human interaction that can go much deeper such as when looking into someone's eyes or holding their hand, sharing life events, laughing and crying together, and confiding in each other.

In January 2011, CNBC ran a special called "The Facebook Obsession," the name of which represents the almost 1 billion people globally that use it. To me though, the real Facebook obsession is how preoccupied people get with it, practically forgetting that virtual reality, online, is not the same as physical, emotional, and spiritual reality that we experience offline.

At times, offline, real-world relationships can be particularly tough--challenging and painful to work out our differences--but also where we find some of the deepest meaning of anything we can do in this life. 

Facebook and other social media's biggest challenge is to break the trend of isolation that people are feeling and make the experience one that is truly satisfying and can be taken to many different levels online and off--so that we do not end up a society of social media zombies dying of loneliness. 

Social media companies can do this not just for altruistic reasons, but because if they offer a more integrated solution for relationships, they will also be more profitable in the end. 

(Source Photo: here with attribution to h.koppdelaney)

Beating Social Media Isolation

Speak Up or Shut Up

We've all been there--organizations that are run by the king or queen and their proverbial gang of 6 or 7 or 8 or 9.

These are the organizations that are dominated by powerful, but narcissistic leadership (notice I do not call them leaders--because they are not). 

According to Forbes, (11 January 2012) in an article entitled Why Narcissistic CEOs Kill Their Companies, in these organizations, the c-suite is dominated by those showing four narcissistic personality traits:

- Exploitative--They are in charge and everyone else had better respect--or better yet worship--them. Typically they are surrounded by "yes men" and eager beavers, ready to please at just about all costs. 

- Authoritarian--They insist on "being the center of attention," they always know better, are always right even in the face of evidence to the contrary, and with their people, it's their way or the highway. 

- Arrogant--They are full of themselves and usually something else :-) and believe they are superior and therefore entitled to their positions of power and stature.

- Self-Absorbed--They admire and and are preoccupied with themselves, and not focused on what's ultimately good for the organization, the mission, and its people. 

In such organizations, and with such pitiful leadership, generally we find cultures of fear and what Harvard Business Review (January-February 2012) says are organizations where people "are afraid to speak honestly."

In these dysfunctional organizations with inept leadership, the workforce is stunted--they cannot genuinely contribute or grow and where organizational candor, trust, and collaboration is low, organizational performance is predictably poor.

HBR suggests that greater candor and sharing is possible by "breaking meetings into smaller groups," assigning people to "notice and speak up when something is being left unsaid," and to "teach 'caring-criticism'"--where input is provided constructively and not personally attacking and where honest feedback is viewed as "generous, rather than critical."

I think these suggestions may help organizations that are fundamentally well-run by caring and professional leaders, but when narcissists and power mongers rule the day, then the culture is not speak up, but rather shut up. 

One of the things that I have been fortunate to experience and learn is that diplomacy from the top-down goes a long way in creating a professional and productive work culture. 

When people are given respect and the freedom to speak up constructively, when they can work in true-teaming environments, and when relationships matter more than winning the day, then the workforce and all the individuals therein have the opportunity to grow to their potential. In speak up organizations, people can voice their opinions, provide valuable input, and contribute to the mission--both the people and the organization thrive. 

In contrast, when the workplace is shut up, because of narcissistic and poor leadership, the workforce is essentially shut down--they are in essence muzzled in speech and ultimately in deed. These organizations choke off their own talent and lifeblood, while their head swells from the arrogance and power at the top.

Diplomacy is a skill not only in international relations, but in life and in the workplace, and diplomatic leaders are not narcissists trying to wield and hold power, but rather polished and professional leaders who foster a culture of speak up and team up--they are ready to take their organizations and people to new levels of productivity, growth, and meaning.

Speak Up or Shut Up