Supreme Court Of People and Of Heaven

So yes, I am a firm believer in live and let live. 

That goes for long time friends that have actually converted away from our cherished Jewish traditions to friends or relatives that choose a gay or lesbian lifestyle--it's their choice!

And everyone has free choice to do what they think is right--that is the nature of free choice--if we weren't free to choose, then how could we be responsible for our choices?

But what I am confused about sincerely with the ruling of the Supreme Court of the United States in legalizing marriage for gays and lesbians is not the concept of where everyone is equal under the law, but the open contradiction with the Torah (Biblical) texts that I am familiar with since I was a child in Yeshiva:

1) Leviticus 18:22--"Thou shalt not lie with a male as with a woman; it is an abomination. 

2) Leviticus 20:13--"If a male lies with a male as with a woman, both of them have committed an abomination; they shall surely be put to death, their blood is upon them."

I understand that many advocating for gays and lesbians have explained these texts as no longer applicable today (ref: Huffington Post):

- That the Biblical passages "do not refer to homosexuality as we know it today" (i.e. those that are consensual, not cultic rites, etc. )

- That they "are conditioned by the cultural and historical realities of the authors" and one needs to consider the greater biblical context for G-d's love and caring of all. 

But looking at the strict text of these passages, they don't seem to read as conditional (there are no conditions identified), and for those that believe that the Torah is divine (written by G-d) and is timeless, then how do we reconcile it with our wanting to be loving and accepting of ALL people who aren't hurting themselves or anyone else?

Adding to the confusion, we read just this week about extremists like ISIS killing gays by brutally throwing them off of roofs and routinely about arch enemy Iran hanging them in the public square. 

Also going in my mind is the question of there being separation of church and state in this country, yet does legalizing gay and lesbian marriage affirm that separation or does it cross it by legislating against the strict scripture that many hold inviolate. 

Similar to the debate on abortion rights, these are where modern day-to-day issues and traditional religious teachings and values can be difficult to harmonize. 

I am truly happy for gays and lesbians that they can marry if they choose and find their happiness--everyone deserves this, but religiously, I am left unsure of how to reconcile this with the Torah as written. 

Can we think that we are free to choose the individual commandments we believe in or not or to find explanations where we don't understand them or they don't make sense to us--if so, how do we know we are doing what G-d wants of us or whether we are going astray?

In the end here the Supreme Court affirmed the right to choose and to respect all people under the law--this is fundamental to our basic beliefs in freedom, human rights, and love of our fellow man.  

But in so doing, will some see this as encroaching on G-d's law and if so, what is the impact to those that are deeply religious and/or hold strictly heterosexual marriage as sacrosanct?

Surely each person must follow the dictates of their conscience which G-d has granted us, but pitting the Supreme Court of us earthly beings potentially against that of Heaven--this is a truly tricky and slippery slope to understand and reconcile. ;-)

(Source Photo: Twitter @WhiteHouse)

Supreme Court Of People and Of Heaven

2 Heads And A House

My daughter took this photo on a trip to Spain. 

In America, in front of the McMansions, it is not atypical to see interesting statues (perhaps of lions or fantasy guard creatures), ancient fountains, and even modern art.

I thought this European house was unique with some busts of a man and woman on each side of the gate to the front door. 

Wonder whether these are actually supposed to look the owners or are just randomly funny.

Also, the color match the orange house and yellow entranceway sort of perfectly.

Either way, it makes you take a 2nd and 3rd look.

Why is the man bust smiling and the woman bust looking so miserable here (or is that just representative of what most "traditional" marriages are about)?

Wouldn't it be sort of funny if every home had busts or large photos or other representation prominently and widely displayed of the family inside. 

No more mystery of who lives there and more warmth and personalization. 

When you sell/buy property, you just have to take all of yourselves with you. ;-)

(Note: no idol worship please.)

(Source Photo: Rebecca Blumenthal)

2 Heads And A House

Best Animated Shoes

These are some very cool shoes--different!

My daughter found these on Youtube 

They are made by this unboring shoe company in the U.K. called Irregular Choice.

Walking on the back of a dragon cannot be a bad thing. 

Stepping alternatively on the bride and groom--maybe an interesting perspective on the ins and outs of marriage. 

They also have a neat pair of Panda shoes. 

Check these out, I think you'll look cool and really like it. ;-)

Best Animated Shoes

Learning To Compromise

My wife and I decided after living in the same condo for the last 15 years that maybe it was time for a change. 

There is a great area that we hang out in with workout, grocery, pharmacy, public transportation, and--most importantly to my wife--Starbucks--all right there.

So my wife made an appointment for us to look at this rental right above all the action....

The apartment was nice, modern, and best of all in this vibrant neighborhood--but on the smallish side (we would definitely be cramped) and with a substantial monthly. 

My wife, the perennial city dweller, loved it, and I didn't.

Next, my turn up, we went with a real estate broker to see a charm of a house--this was the one we'd "been waiting for," all these years. 

Solid, roomy, castle-like...but it would have some ongoing house maintenance things and was a little distance from public transportation (i.e. we'd mostly have to drive). 

This time, my wife hated it, and I loved it.

Back and forth--argue and debate--getting no where (this is a very egalitarian relationship--my wife tells me what to do!) :-)

Thinking about this, I say "Okay, let's compromise"--let's look for a more upscale and roomy condo that we can make our own but in the neighborhood she really likes (and yeah, I like it too). 

1-2-3, with a little searching, we find something online we like, and back to the real estate broker to make an appointment. 

This story is not over in terms of where (or if) we are going to move to, but along the way we continue to learn as a couple to get along, love each other, and of course, compromise. ;-)

(Source Photo: Andy Blumenthal)

Learning To Compromise

A Story Of Modesty

There was an very interesting article in the New York Times last month called "The Orthodox Sex Guru" that examined the life of Bat Sheva Marcus, an Orthodox Jewish Sex Counselor.

Yes, you can be a religious person, but also be sexual!

In Judaism, sex is not only a physical act of procreation, but also of love and intimacy between two people within the larger framework of personal spirituality and G-dliness in the home.

Judaism teaches that sexual relations is a holy act and a "blessing, a union full of Shekinah, of G-d's light." In this holiness, husband and wife, as true soulmates and beloveds, live each one for the other, and always together with Hashem.

Part of this special relationship entails women maintaining a spiritual modesty by physically covering up their femininity and behaving with propriety, especially in mixed company. 

Of course, men need to behave with sexual rectitude as well (although just not as often--just kidding).

The article describes however that with extreme chastity perhaps, some people may become constrained in their sexuality and develop almost a type of "sexual aversion," rather than healthfully being able to experience the natural joy of love that G-d provided for us. 

In terms of proper modesty, there is a beautiful story recounted, as follows: 

One time, when the Jews were being persecuted by the Cossacks, there was a Jewish girl that was to be "roped to a horse and dragged through the streets" to death.  

But before the verdict was to be executed, "she manages to pin or sew her skirt to her lower legs, stitching fabric to flesh," so that she could maintain her modesty even under these unbelievably tortuous conditions. 

It is an amazing story to think how someone about to face such a cruel and horrible edict could still think about maintaining their modesty and dignity in the face of such horror.

Whether you cover yourself with a tichel (headscarf), a sheitel (wig) or everyday hat, dress modestly, and act with decency, the point is to remember that we are G-d's children and are to behave in a manner befitting soulful beings, and not mere animals. 

We can experience the love and joy between people, and do it with devotion for each other and in spiritual connection to the Almighty. ;-)

(Source Photo: Minna Blumenthal)

A Story Of Modesty

Extra Special Delivery

I took this photo in Washington D.C. of a bicycle messenger delivery with Valentines Day treats.

He was carrying an assortment of balloons and gifts (those are hiding in the basket under the balloons)!

What do you think chocolate, flowers, or something even more romantic?

There is enough hate and hostility in the world. 

It's wonderful when love is in the air and people show each other that they really care. 

Going home from a day at work, and what can be nicer than someone waiting for you when you get there. ;-)

(Source Photo: Andy Blumenthal)

Extra Special Delivery

Size And Smell

So apparently data mining can be used for all sorts of research...

In the New York Times today, Seth Stephens-Davidowitz tries his hand with google search results to better understand people's feelings about sex. 

Though Stephens-Davidowitz doesn't explain how he gets these google statistics...here are some standouts:

As you might have guessed, the biggest complaint from men--and women--is that they don't get/have enough sex. 

For both (as you might imagine in a primarily--95%--heterosexual world), traditional surveys show that it's about once a week.

However, the author says this is exaggerated (yeah, is it surprising that people exaggerate about this?) and it's actually only about 30 times a year--or once every 12 days.

So there are a lot of search on "sexless" or "won't have sex with me."

Observing that "sex can be quite fun," he questions, "why do we have so little of it?"

And he concludes that it's because we have "enormous anxiety" and insecurity about our bodies and sexuality.

Again, you probably wouldn't need data mining to guess the results, but men's biggest worry is about their penis size, and one of women's most toxic worries--a "strikingly common concern"--is about the smell of their vagina.

For men, they actually google questions about genital size more often than they have questions about any other body part; in fact, more than "about their lungs, liver, feet, ears, nose, throat, and brain combined."

So much for health consciousness versus machismo pride. 

The funny thing is apparently women don't seem to care so much about this with only about 1 search on this topic for every 170 searches that men do on this. 

Surprising to most men, about 40% of the searches women do conduct on this topic is "complaints" that it is too big!

Not that size doesn't matter to women, but for them it's about the size of their breasts and butts--and again, bigger being generally considered better.

In this case, most men seem to agree. 

Another issue men are concerned about is premature ejaculation and how to make the experience last longer.

However, here women seem to be looking for information about half and half on how to make men climax more quickly on one hand, and more slowly on the other. 

Overall, men are from Mars and women from Venus, with lot's of misunderstanding between the sexes.

The conclusion from this big data study...everyone calm down and just try to enjoy each other more.

Amazing the insights we can get from data mining! ;-)

(Source Photo: here with attribution to Daniel)

Size And Smell

Something Everyone Cares About

This was a funny Facebook post by someone from Las Vegas.

He bemoans that there are no virgins left in Vegas.

I tell my wife what he said.

And she says, "Well what does he expect in Vegas?"

I say, "I'm not sure, but I think he might be married and has kids."

So my wife says, "Then why does he care?"

I think for a second and answer, "It's someone everyone cares about like global warming."

And we both started to crack up laughing.  

My wife ends the conversation with, "Andy, you are a funny guy!"  ;-)

(Source Photo: Andy Blumenthal)

Something Everyone Cares About

Just Two Pelicans Doing Their Thing

Today, we walked over to the pier and there were these two pelicans sitting there.

They let us walk right up to them and sit down on a stoop next to them--maybe two feet away only,

It was nice just sitting with Rebecca and watching these birds: they were scratching, clucking, shivering, dancing, taking in their surroundings, and wandering away together.

Felt really at peace and happy by the water, doing something so simple and basic. 

In a way just wanted this time to last forever. ;-)

Just Two Pelicans Doing Their Thing

Got Flashed

Crazy day...true story.

I was going out to lunch in Washington D.C. today minding my own business...

When two young women were coming down the block in the opposite direction.

As they got closer, they started to giggle...

And then all of a sudden, at point blank range, one of them lifts up her skirt.

Both of them crack up and run off. 

I am not often left speechless, but this was definitely a new one on me. 

Let's just say, my wife told me that I have some "splaining" to do this evening! ;-)

(Source Photo: Andy Blumenthal)

Got Flashed

Walking Off Into The Sunset

My daughter snapped this photo of my wife and I while we weren't looking. 

When we got home my wife titled it "Walking Off Into The Sunset."

We both cried when we saw it!

So full of meaning...

Two people, different, but hearts and hands together.

Walking into the future, not sure where it is going to take us. 

Some day we'll be old, and we'll look back at all the times. 

Hopefully, all for the good, but always trying to make the best. 

We'll walk off into that sunset sometimes with tears, but always with joy. 

(Source Photo: Michelle Blumenthal)

Walking Off Into The Sunset

Happy Hebrew Anniversary

Today, I found out from my sister-in-law, Cheryl, that my wife's favorite doll as a child was a Raggedy Ann doll that she always carried around with her. 

(I'm the last to find out these things...)

She wrote isn't is funny that Raggedy Ann married Andy?

She ended with, "Is it odd or is it G-d?"

I think it must be both that we survived each other. ;-)

Happy Hebrew Anniversary to my wife!

(Source Photo: here with attribution to mypreciousmomentspro.com)

Happy Hebrew Anniversary

Happy Mother's Day To My Very Feminist Wife

Just want to wish my lovely wife a very happy Mother's Day. 

My wife is a big feminist!

She doesn't like to do too much cooking, cleaning, laundry etc. 

More for good 'ol hubby--me--to do.  

For example, today I am painting my daughter's room. 

I did the heavy lifting on this. 

Now my wife and daughter and doing the corners and touch up. 

Hey, it's all in a day's work for a modern-day husband. 

But I love my wife and family. 

Even if there's a little more for me to share in. ;-)

(Source Photo: Michelle Blumenthal)

Happy Mother's Day To My Very Feminist Wife

Radiating Goodness

So I met two amazing people today. 

The first was a lady with Multiple Sclerosis (MS).  

She told me her story about how it was her 30-year anniversary this year. And she said she had been diagnosed with MS only one year after her wedding. 

She almost cried when she told me that her husband had stayed with her all these years she was sick. 

First, she had a nurse at home to care for her, and then when the demands were too much, she got into the nursing home and has been there since May, which she said wasn't a long time and that it was good there. 

Talking with her, I was amazed at how good an attitude she had for someone that had suffered so much and for so long. She was also an incredibly nice person and said how lovely some of the other patients looked today and that they should eat something to keep up their strength. This lady was truly inspiring.

The second lady I met was a private nurse for one of the elderly patients in the home. 

She sat at lunch between the old lady she took care of and the other woman with MS. 

Yet even though she was privately paid by the elderly lady, I was amazed that when she wasn't caring for the old lady, she took the time and effort to care for the MS lady, whom she otherwise had nothing to do with. 

In fact, she was alternating in feeding one and then the other. Also, making conversation with everyone else at the table asking how they were, taking pictures with her iPad mini (she found a place that sells them for only $79!) and saying how happy her patient was looking today and making her smile (even though the patient seemed unable to even speak). 

It was truly amazing to see the caretaker generally caring for others, not just for the money or because it was her job, but rather because she could help and really wanted to.

I'll tell you, there are still good people out there--some almost angels. And when you find them, it is a miraculous experience. You can almost see G-d in them. Like the physical world is just an illusion, but these eternal souls are what's real--radiating goodness to every soul they touch. ;-)

(Source Photo: Andy Blumenthal)

Radiating Goodness

What True Love Means

A Walk To Remember--what an absolutely amazing movie.

This girl with a beautiful soul, Jamie, turns around the life of this lost boy, Landon. 

She warns him not to fall in love with her, but he does. 

She reveals that she has Leukemia and is no longer responding to medicine. 

Landon is head over heels for her and marries her despite the prognosis. 

They enjoy one summer of love before she passes. 

But she has changed his life forever. 

I cried like a baby at this one. 

It was a movie of faith, love, and turnaround--it made me believe again. ;-)

"Love is always patient and kind. It is never jealous. Love is never boastful or conceited. It is never rude of selfish. It does not offense and is not resentful. Love takes no pleasure in other people's sins, but delights in the truth. It is always ready to excuse, to trust, to hope, and to endure whatever comes." - Nicholas Sparks

What True Love Means

Uh-Oh Trouble

So I'm "middle age"...and all of a sudden the last few months I am having trouble reading.

I haven't worn glasses for over 14 years--since I had the Lasik procedure done. 

Now, at the optometrist, he tells me, "Oh everyone ends up getting glasses whether you had Lasik or not."

He says: "Usually, people need reading glasses starting between the ages of 42-45."

Crud...back to those darn things again. 

I remember in 1999 when I had Lasik, it was still a pretty new procedure, but my best friend and his wife had just gotten it and convinced me to go for it too.

Well, it wasn't what I expected and when they clamped my eye open and the doctor tells me to stare at a the little red light as the laser comes up to my eye...I was thinking to myself...this is NUTS!

But it actually went from bad to worse. 

As the doctor starts working on the first eye, all of a sudden, he goes, "Uh-oh!"

What type of doctor is this that says oh-uh, and what in G-d's name did he do to me. 

Well, he composes himself after pulling away and finishes, but then stops and says he'll talk to me afterwards. 

As it turns out, as he pulled on the eye, something called the epithelium, a piece suddenly flaked off the eye. 

Nothing seriously actually happened--no ill sides effects, but those 2 words while under the laser, "Uh-oh," really sent the shivers up my spine. 

Let's just say, while I am glad I didn't have to wear glasses these last 14 years, the experience was a little traumatic.  

I remember one other time in my life--when I experienced the Uh-oh moment--this time, I was actually the one uttering the Uh-oh. 

It was right after I got married, and we had this cool idea that I would give my wife a haircut.

So, I start cutting and I'm thinking hey, this isn't so hard...and it's fun...and we also get to save money (hey, we were just starting out in life). 

Then, I keep cutting and cutting not realizing how much I was taking off...at one point, my wife starts getting antsy and she says, "So how's it going (knowing that something wasn't right)?"

Then it hits me, I suddenly blurt out the big "Uh-oh! 

My wife goes, "What did you do?"

Of course, I started to worry and couldn't get myself to really say and instead I just start cracking up. 

Then she knew I had really messed up...and boy was I in trouble then.

Uh-oh is a phase you never want to hear or say...it means trouble has arrived. ;-)

Uh-Oh Trouble

When To Build Relationships Or Burn Your Bridges

Why marriages (and relationships) fail is a topic of discussion in the book Fighting For Your Marriage by Markman, Stanley, and Blumberg.

The book is anchored in research from the University of Denver and their Prevention and Relationship Enhancement Program (PREP). 

So here are the four main reasons:

1. Escalation--People escalate the fight, rather than deescalate it. Harmful words and actions beget more harmful words and actions as each side tries to win the fight, rather than save the relationship. 

2. Invalidation--You put down the other person (their feelings, thoughts, and character) with sarcasm, disrespect, and contempt, rather than raise them up with understanding, concern, comfort, and encouragement. 

3. Accusation--Assuming the worst, you negatively interpret the actions and motives of another person, rather than looking at and accentuating the positive and giving them the benefit of the doubt.

4. Abandonment--Leaving the person emotionally and/or physically, you withdraw and avoid them and possibly even cheat on them, rather than engaging with and cleaving to each other, and working together to solve problems.

Essentially, these relationship issues all have to do with a breakdown of communication and trust--where instead of trying to work it out, there is a feeling that nothing can be solved by talking anymore and that there is no reason to even trust the other person.

Once trust and communication are broken--it is very difficult to go back and rebuild it.

Then instead of mending fences, people may choose the nuclear option: go to war, fight it out, threaten, hurt, or leave--and the relationship spirals to a timely demise. 

What was once a nuclear family, or close relationship (friends, associates, etc.), may end up a broken and shattered one, full of hatred and as enemy combatants, perhaps not much better than the Hatfields and McCoys. 

So the first thing is you have to decide whether you want to build the relationship or end it. 

If you love the other person and want to be with them (and they with you)--then say and do positive things to maintain communication and trust--give selflessly to each other. 

Relationships thrive when people behave as true friends, looking out for one another, sincerely--when they help their partners achieve their goals, grow as human beings, and find meaning and happiness. 

A relationship is not a business transaction, but a joining of hearts and an intimacy of soul--it is based on mutual respect and goodwill. 

If you really value the other person and the relationship--don't burn your bridges when things get heated, but cross and meet the other person (at least) halfway and embrace them with love and caring--most of the time, it will come back to you. 

But at the same time don't be a fool--if the other person is wicked and cruel, out only for themselves, and would throw you under a bus in a moment--get with it and quick because the bridge is already burning and at a very high temperature. ;-)

(Source Photo: Andy Blumenthal)

When To Build Relationships Or Burn Your Bridges

Hiring and Marrying Great People--Is It Random or Predictable?

The Atlantic (21 June 2013) has a startling article about hiring at Google--"It's a complete random mess."

With all the Google information genius and the brainteasers they test people with, all the rounds of interviews they put them through, they found "zero relationship" between how people scored in tens of thousands of interviews and how they performed in their jobs.

No only didn't the interviews predict good hires, but "colleges didn't matter, GPAs...didn't matter."

Only one guy who was the world's leading expert in something, and was hiring for a very specialized area seemed to be able to weed out the wheat from the chaff in interviews. 

"People are complicated, organizations are complicated, matching people with organizations is complicated."

This reminds me of what it's like to match people for intimate relationships...very, very difficult. Sort of like, men are complicated, women are complicated, and matching men and women is complicated.

Whether matching people to organizations or to each other, getting a good Shidduch is a big challenge and hard to predict the outcome. 

Perhaps that is why the average person goes through seven careers in a lifetime and "50% of all marriages in America end in divorce."

Making a good match with a company or a person is hard--because as I heard as a teenager, "you never know what the person is really like until you wake up with them in the morning"--morning breath, hair messed, bad dreams, pissy moods, and all. 

Similarly, with a company, until you work there and actually have to live the culture and deal with the people, policies, and politics, you won't really know what it's like just by asking around and reading up about them on Glassdoor.

Also, not only do you have imperfect information about the people and jobs when you try and match them up, but people change (organizations do to, but much more slowly--it's a bigger ship to turn around). 

Yes, while past performance are predictors of future performance--good skills and bad habits, they do stick around--at the same time, people do learn, grow, mature, and change--hopefully for the better. 

As the old Jewish saying goes, "with age, comes wisdom"--and hopefully, more mature and better ways of dealing and coping with challenging and complex people and situations. 

So what should you look for--whether in a new hire or a marriage mate? 

Start with a good heart and a good fit; look for a track record of success in life, a hunger to succeed personally and professionally, someone willing to learn and grow, and not be afraid to work hard, have some failures, and get back on their feet again--that's life. 

Say a prayer and don't be fooled by the superficial things or what people just say to get the job or the mate--look for what they do (action speaks louder than words) and remember, personal beauty is more than just skin deep. ;-)

Hiring and Marrying Great People--Is It Random or Predictable?

What Does A Robot And A Spouse Have In Common?

This is a pretty cool advance in robotics. 

The robot doesn't just perform tasks, but it interacts with the person--sensing his movements and thereby anticipating his needs. 

According to Gizmag, this advanced robot was developed by Cornell's Personnel Robot Lab. 

As you can see in the video, the robot sees the person picking up a pot and moving towards the refrigerator, and the robot "understands" and goes to pull open the fridge door. 

In another example, the robot first without anticipating the person moving his coffee cup, pours coffee, spilling it on the table, but then with the special programming, the robot "sees" the person picking up the cup to drink and putting it down, and waits to pour until the cup is in stably in place. 

The anticipatory skills of the robot are based on 120 3-D videos in its database of people doing everyday tasks and extrapolating from it to what is occurring around it. 

The robot's predictions of the person's actions are refined as the person continues to move making the robot's response that much more in tune and precise with the person it is interacting with. 

The less far out in time that the robot has to predict, the more accurate it is: for 1 second out, it is 82% accurate; 3 seconds out, 71% accurate; and 10 seconds out, 57%. 

It is pretty incredible that we are able to program a robot to watch and sense similar to the way we do, and to react accordingly. 

The challenge will be as in the show Lost In Space, where the Robot is often confounded by illogical or unpredictable human behavior, and frequently, repeats "Does not compute." 

People are not programmed like computers--they experience conflicting and complex thoughts and emotions, behave in unpredictable or seemingly illogical ways, may have difficulty making up their minds in the first place, or may change their minds, even multiple times. 

Being a robot in a human world will by necessity mean being adaptable and understanding to changing human moods, whims and desires, and being able to respond quickly and appropriately--sort of like what being married is all about. ;-)

What Does A Robot And A Spouse Have In Common?

Women, Not Things

In the context of the brutal raping and murder last year of a 23-year old women on a bus to the disgusting rape of a 5-year girl more recently in India, the Wall Street Journal (17 May 2013) has an article on "To Wed Your Rapist, or Not: Indian Women on Trial."

It is an eye-opening article about the prejudices and horrible injustices that women face in India and other countries--and it's not only due to the misogyny of some, and power- and pleasure-seeking of others, but it is based also on justices, lawyers, law enforcement, legislators, and spiritual figures in society that perpetuate the oppression of woman. 

Some societies are stacking the deck, so women cannot reasonably win due protection--from legislators who do not write and pass substantive and equitable laws to protect women, to law enforcement that will not commit the resources to pursue the rapists and women beaters, to lawyers and judges that raise ridiculous demands for proving guilt and sentencing, and to spiritual leaders that blame the victim rather than hold the perpetrators to task. 

These people who are supposed to bring justice to the victims, instead add insult to injury. Some of these include:

- Ruling against rape victims because they didn't successfully fight back. For example, a "lower court ruled that she was lying citing among other things the fact that she could have scratched the man's genitals, but didn't."

- Professing that victims are at fault for causing the rape, such as by wearing skirts, having male friends (i.e. "asking for it"), or otherwise dressing or behaving immodestly. At the extreme, one prominent spiritual figure actually held that the victim could've avoided trouble if she had "chanted a prayer, taken one of her attackers by the hand, and called him 'brother'"--as if one can convince an attacker not to attack by holding their hands and gushing brotherhood.

- Teaching that rape is not possible for strong women or those of a labor caste. A 2005 textbook stated, "In normal circumstances, it is not possible for a single man to hold sexual intercourse with a healthy adult female in full possession of her senses against her will." Oh, really? I doubt these teachers would like to test this hypothesis on their beloved mothers, sisters, wives, or daughters.

In Indian and other societies where women are so degraded, there is a standing notion of a rape victim having to marry their rapist--to make things right. Yet, how can this resolve anything? As if the incident of rape is not enough, the victim must endure a lifetime of rape--and by an individual without character or soul, who could commit such a brutal, violent act to begin with. 

Forcing the victim to marry the rapist does not spare a woman the challenge of marrying normally after such an traumatic act, but rather it precludes her from ever having an opportunity to rid herself of the pain and shame, and go on to be with someone who truly loves and respects her as a person, and not an object. 

As long as societies marginalize women through their beliefs, teachings, and systems of injustice, women will not be spared the agonizing harm they suffer by men who abuse their status of power. But as the old saying goes, "what goes around, comes around,"--what is incredible is that so many of these people just see it going, but don't see it coming. 

(Source Photo: Andy Blumenthal)

Women, Not Things