What A Good Answer Costs You

This was a funny sign that I came across with a colleague of mine. 

It's a price list for answers.

An answer (presumably incorrect) is 75 cents.

A thoughtful answer (but again incorrect) is 1.25.

A bona fide correct answer is $2.15.

The only thing that's free is getting a dumb look.  

I gave the guy $5 and told him to keep the change. ;-)

(Source Photo: Andy Blumenthal)

What A Good Answer Costs You

News You Can't Count On

This is one of those unbelievable stories that you have to pinch yourself to see if you are dreaming or is it real.

An intern over at the National Transportation Safety Board provided KTVU a list of pilot names for the Asiana plane that crashed in San Francisco last week. 

Only...the pilot names weren't real but a spoof making fun of the airline pilots, their race, and the crash. 

With three people dead (including two 16-year old girls) and 200 wounded (with 2 still in critical condition) this really isn't a laughing matter. 

But the gall of this intern to pass these names off to the news, and then the TV stations blind acceptance of these as fact, plus the newscaster reading them aloud and still apparently not realizing what she was saying...is completely crazy!

Don't believe everything...look closely, listen carefully--is it a joke, an agenda, brainwashing, or maybe at times, some genuine facts you can actually count on. ;-)

News You Can't Count On

Ten Commandments - Good News, Bad News

This was a funny joke told over in the Wall Street Journal today:

When Moses was coming down from Har Sinai, he said to the people of Israel, "I have good news and bad news."

"The good news is I kept him down to ten."

"The bad news is adultery stays!"

Aside from the joke, the editorial posited why there are so many Jewish comedians--from Jackie Mason to Joan Rivers, and from Jack Benny to Jerry Seinfeld?

But maybe it should've asked, why do all the Jewish Comedians names seem to start with a J.

Thinking this through a little more, I realized so many other Jewish comedians out there--Adam Sandler, Ben Stiller, Billy Crystal, Chelsea Handler, Gene Wilder, George Burns, Jack Black, Larry Fine (from the Three Stooges), Mel Brooks, Rodney Dangerfield, Seth Rogen, The Marx Brothers, Woody Allen, and so many more. 

So what is it that makes the Jewish people so funny?

Ms. Wisse, the author postulates that maybe it has to do with the dichotomy of the Jewish people being historically chosen to receive the Torah and hopefully serve as good examples of G-d's law and morality while at the same time "being targeted by some of the world's most determined aggressors"--Oy vey! and this list is even longer than that of the comedians!

So as Ms. Wisse points out, the Jewish people are on one hand "exalted" by G-d, but attacked by the wicked among nations. 

I guess that would give just about anybody a severe complex--where do I find this one in the DSM? 

Up, down, rewarded, punished, chosen, reviled--can make anyone's head spin--maybe that is why we wear Kippot (head coverings)--I was always taught it was to remember that G-d is above us and always watching and guiding us, but maybe it's also to help us keep our heads on straight with all the mixed messages we get in the world.

People mistake what "chosen" means--they think maybe Jews think they're better than others, but this is a mischaracterization. 

I learned in Yeshiva--that chosen means we have a great burden to bear in fulfilling G-d commandments--when we do it well, things are good, but when we fail, we learn the hard way. 

It's good to be Jewish--and it would be even better, if Jews accepted themselves and each other. 

None of us are perfect--some of us are more imperfect than others.

But we are still brothers and sisters. 

There is a Torah, but even the most righteous among us, don't do everything right--is anyone free from sin?

I always believed that religion is our guidepost, but as we are taught "every person is a world unto themselves" and that there is room for all of us to serve Hashem.

We each have to find the spark within and fulfill Hashem's destiny that he has for each of us--we all have what we can give and we should do it with a pure heart. ;-)

(Source Photo: here with attribution to Home Videos)

Ten Commandments - Good News, Bad News

A Little Temper

I was reminded this week of a kid I grew up with who used to get so angry, he'd say sort of half-seriously at the target of his wrath, "I'm gonna kill your whole family with one punch!"

In this context, here's something that really happened to me this week...

This guy I know who frequently has a temper was getting angry about something again. 

And I said to him in a friendly way, "What's wrong (now)?"

He says, as if I should know all his frustrations, "You're kidding me, right?"

Seeing that this happens fairly often with him, I say, "You know you have an anger management problem."

He says all frustrated with me, "I'm gonna punch you right in the face!"

I said, "You see what I mean." ;-)

(Source Photo: Andy Blumenthal)

A Little Temper

Life Is A Real Hoot

So a couple of funny things happened at the doctor lately...

My daughter had her molars removed and in the office they had an urn labeled "Ashes of Problem Patients."  

In the hospital, I saw someone coming in complaining of shortness of breath and on the computer monitor, they simply abbreviated it next to their name as "SOB".

On another note, had an awful experience trying to make some darn hotdogs tonight (I can't cook for beans!): I left the hot dogs out on the counter to thaw for longer than expected, threw them in oven which wasn't working, took them out and put them in a pot of boiling water, and finally fried them up with some Ah-So sauce--yes, they were absolutely disgusting.

Life is a real hoot, isn't it? ;-)

(Source Photo: Dannielle Blumenthal)

Life Is A Real Hoot

Getting To Know You

This was a funny picture that my wife took today.

It is a guy sitting in the restaurant surrounded by women.

He is eating and reading.

The book is "What Do Women Want?"

What--like most men don't have a clue how women think!

Anyway, sort of an interesting way to take a break from the workday.

Pondering the ultimate mystery men seem to want to know. 

Anyway, I know what my women wants and that's for me to take out the garbage. ;-)

(Source Photo: Dannielle Blumenthal)

Getting To Know You

Bathroom Kudos

Going to a restaurant the other night, I stepped into the men's room for a minute and noticed this sticker on the right of the mirror that said "Great Work" in big yellow letters on the red background. 

I wondered what a strange sign to put in such a private setting as if we need applause for going to the bathroom or washing our hands. 

Then again, if you've seen many men's bathrooms, it could certainly be a time for kudos when it is kept clean and people use good personal hygiene--hence, the other sticker on the left, "It's cool to care!"

The frog sticker in the middle, he's just keeping an eye on things and thanking everyone for the job well done. 

This is a funny commentary on our society these days where people seem to need a pat on the back for everything--even the highly mundane and personal. 

Presumably, going to the men's room will never be the same boring, uncaring event again--at least at this fine eating establishment. ;-)

(Source Photo: Andy Blumenthal)

Bathroom Kudos

GW Valentines Day

So this is how they celebrate Valentines Day at George Washington University in Washington, D.C. 

These posters of George Washington were plastered everywhere and each one had the big kiss lips on it as well as some provocative saying penned on its forehead. 

This one in particular sort of got right to the intimate point saying "My place or yours?"

I believe this was the student's attempt at humor and hopefully meant no disrespect to good old GW. 

Anyway, kids will be kids--they celebrate in all sorts of interesting and innovative ways. 

Happy love to you and yours! ;-)

(Source Photo: Andy Blumenthal)

GW Valentines Day

Not A Cloud In The Sky

I thought this picture was sort of humorous. 

This lady is walking down the street with this big green umbrella, but there is NOT a cloud in the sky. 

In fact, you can see in the upper right that it is a beautiful and clear sunny day. 

Also, where she is walking, it is clearly shady and cool--so the umbrella is not needed as a sun screen either. 

From a technology annoyance perspective, it is long past time to invent something more creative than a cheap, crappy umbrella--like from Charlie Chaplin and The Umbrella--to protect us from elements. 

Someone, please come up with a push-button protective bubble that envelops us--clear for visibility, of course--and keeps us dry and temperate. 

A beautiful, futuristic clear dome over the city would be nice too, but probably cost prohibitive and not as adjustable for each indiividual and their respective needs. 

Hopefully, someday soon. ;-)

(Source Photo: Andy Blumenthal)

Not A Cloud In The Sky

Democracy Built On More Than Hoya

There is a funny joke that is timely for election season, and it goes something like this...

"It was election time and the politician decided to go out to the local reservation and try to get the Native American vote. 

They were all assembled in the Council Hall to hear the speech. 

The politician had worked up to his finale, and the crowd was getting more and more excited.   

'I promise better education opportunities for Native Americans!' The crowd went wild, shouting 'Hoya! Hoya!'.   

The  politician was a bit puzzled by the native word, but was encouraged by their enthusiasm. 'I promise gambling reforms to allow a Casino on the Reservation!'  'Hoya! Hoya!' cried the crowd, stomping their feet.   

'I promise more social reforms and job opportunities for Native Americans!' The crowd reached a frenzied pitch shouting 'Hoya!  Hoya!  Hoya!'   

After the speech, the Politician was touring the Reservation, and saw a tremendous herd of cattle. Since he was raised on a ranch, and knew a bit about cattle, he asked the Chief if he could get closer to take a look at the cattle. 

'Sure,' the Chief said, 'but be careful not to step in the hoya.'"  :-)

So when candidates get on their soapboxes and promises are being made on the left and on the right, you can only but wonder what is a promise that is sincere and will be kept and what is a promise that is for garnering votes and will be ignored. 

When the mic is unknowingly on and you hear something you weren't meant to hear, it is hard not to wonder about true intentions. 

The New York Times calls these "moments of political candor," while the Wall Street Journal (30 March 2012) calls it "moment[s] of political contempt."  

The Journal asks why we would not be told the truth about intentions with the implication that it is something that the candidates do not want us to know or that we would not approve of. 

Who are these candidates really? Does anyone really know when words are but bargaining chips for winning elections, rather than true commitments of the heart. 

It is scary, when the truth is obscured by empty words that change with the audience, and then votes end up based on false promises, vagaries, and disappointments.

When it comes to elections--Is the truth out there? Does it exist? 

People deserve candor, sincerity, and to know where candidates really stand on the issues, so they can vote for what and whom they really believe in.

Democracy is built on more than rolling hills and valleys filled with hoya--the truth is it's foundation. 

(Source Joke: here and Source Photo: here)

Democracy Built On More Than Hoya

Who Are The Kids And Who The Adults

This video is hilarious as the little girl acts out what we look and sound like at work. 

She is actually so good, I think she would qualify for many of the postings today at USAJOBS. :-)

Perhaps, we all need to be ourselves again at work, rather than cliche and acronym robots. 

Then we could actually get some real work done, at least when we aren't busy acting like children!

Enjoy and laugh a little.

Who Are The Kids And Who The Adults

This Man's A Real Magician

One more very impressive act on this Sunday afternoon.

10 illusions in less than 5 minutes.

Hans Klok is amazing--especially impressive to me is how he does the following:

1) Moves so fast--more than 1 illusion every 30 seconds!
2) Actually remembers all 10 illusions--I can't remember what I ate for breakfast this morning ;-)
3) Pulls all the illusions off without a single glitch
4) Changes positions with the roaring lady with his hand sticking out of a locked box at :30.
5) Has the women's legs (just her legs!) pushing a cart across the stage at 2:40--are those legs robotic?
6) Moves the guys head from his shoulders to his belly and back again at 2:50--the guys head falls almost like from a guillotine!

While I am not usually terribly wowed by magic acts, this one has quite a lot going for it including speed, action, humor, and some pretty good accompanying music.

Thank G-d for the Internet and Youtube, which enables us to share and enjoy all this great stuff--anytime, anywhere.

(Also, thanks Cousin Betty for sharing this.)

This Man's A Real Magician

Divorce Is Not Funny, Except on SNL

For those of you who watched Kim Kardashian's multi-million dollar Fairy Tale Wedding, this spoof by Saturday Night Live on her divorce, after just 72 days, was a classic.

I must say that watching the endless fighting between Kim and Kris leading up to wedding left many of us wondering how long their marriage would last--my guesstimate was 90 days or less!

Hopefully, Kim will focus not on the fairy tale wedding, but on a loving and mutually supportive relationship in the future.

All the best to Kim and the Kardashians--they are generally awesome to watch.

Some of the best that reality TV has to offer. ;-)

Divorce Is Not Funny, Except on SNL

First Stop Saying First

First came "Cloud First" in the 25 Point Implementation Plan To Reform Federal IT Management (9 December 2010).

Then came "Sharing First" and "Future First" in the "vision for information technology" (25 October 2011).

According to Federal Times (31 October 2011), there are many more 'firsts' to come-- with a "set of principles like 'XML First,' 'Web Services First' 'Virtualize First,' and other 'firsts' that will inform how we develop our government's systems. "

At this point in this blog, I can't even remember all the 'firsts' I just jotted down, so my question is at what point does assigning 'firsts' become 'second' to managing our tremendous IT asset base for the government?

Some more firsts just to be first in starting this "list of firsts":

"G-d First"

"Country First"

"Democracy First"

"Freedom First"

"Human Rights First"

"Capitalism First"

"Equality First"

"Justice First"

"Fairness First"

"Family First"

"Charity First"

"Caring First"

"Giving First"

"Love First"

"Health First"

"Mission First"

"People First"

"Insource First"

"Outsource First"

"Integrity First"

"Ethics First"

"Truth First"

"Communication First"

"Leadership First"

"Innovation First"

"Passion First"

"Security First"

"Safety First"

"Reliability First"

"Agility First"

"Adaptability First"

"Sustainability First"

"Planning First"

"Governance First"

"Execution First

"Project Management First"

"Performance Measurement First"

"Best Practices First"

"Learning and Growth First"

"Sharing First"

"Collaboration First"

"Transparency First"

"Interoperability First"

"Reusability First"

"Reputation First"

"Simplicity First"

"Requirements First"

"Effectiveness First"

"Efficiency First"

"Data First"

"Quality First"

"Customer First"

"Service First"

"Standards First"

"Cost-savings First"

"Business Process Reengineering First"

"Critical Thinking First"

"Jobs First"

"Women and Children First"

Essentially, there are a lot of 'firsts' in life and the challenge is in prioritizing and deconflicting these.

So with all due respect first, now let's get back to the business of government and technology. ;-)

(Source Photo: here)

First Stop Saying First

I Want To Be Possible

On Rosh Hashanah, The Jewish New Year, which is a time of personal reflection, the Rabbi told us a story (which I made into the attached cartoon) about the person, who when asked what he wanted to be--when he grew up--said "I want to be possible!" That's the serious part.

And when asked "why possible? The person replies humorously because his mother always told him how impossible he is. :-)

The short parable struck me as pretty profound and worth sharing.

Because everyday, each of us has to wake up and look ourselves in the mirror, and ask--are we happy with ourselves...who we are...what we have become?

And is it really what we want to be, when we, proverbially, grow up?

In the movie Reckless, when they ask the teen growing up in the working class town what he wants out of life--he replies short and to point, "More!"

What more do we want out of our lives? More money, more honor, more things...at the end, that's all sort of besides the point--isn't it?

What is important is making more possibilities in life--for ourselves and for others by creating a better world.

In other words, it's not about the material (although we all need to take basic care for ourselves and our loved ones--that's just being responsible), but fundamentally, it's about the opportunity to make the impossible, possible!

For each of us, the challenges are unique and all too often (G-d protect us!), life's trials and tribulations test us to our very core--so overcoming impossibilities has a distinct meaning for all of us.

But as a strategist, a futurist, and an enterprise architect, I know deep down that the art of the possible is in looking forward and not backwards, and working tirelessly to sacrifice and serve.

I pray for the new year that G-d gives us the strength and the wisdom to overcome our personal and societal weaknesses, limitations, and selfish inclinations to help and "repair the world"--creating new opportunities for peace, health, and prosperity for all!

(Cartoon created in BitStrips)

I Want To Be Possible

Helmet Hair--Thanks Borat

I'd like to nominate this product for innovation award of the week.

The UK DailyMail (12 August 2011) has an article about a Kazakhstan company that has invented "helmet hair"--a line of motorcycle hard hats that looks like a very real head of hair.

They have helmets that look like men, women, and bald guys.

There are way crazier helmets--like the one that looks like a tush (and even one with a breast), a cracked walnut, a watermelon, a globe, a tennis ball, a golf ball, and let's not forget the eight ball helmet.

While I appreciate the creativity of the marketing agency Good! that came up with these, I do worry about a couple things:

1) A police officer will pull someone over for riding without a helmet, even though they are really riding with a helmet (but you just can't tell with the look of a head of hair on it).

2) Other drivers and pedestrians will get distracted by these zany helmets and zig-zag or walk into traffic and have an awful accident.

Ever since Borat's trip to the United States in 2006 to make a mockumentary comedy film and learn about our culture, I've wandered what he has been busy with back home in his native land and when he would once again come back and visit us in the U.S...I believe this must be his big return. :-)

(Source Photo: here)

Helmet Hair--Thanks Borat

The World Peaceularity

Futurist, Ray Kurzweil laid out his vision for a time when artificial intelligence surpasses the pure human kind--this he called The Singularlity.

Now people from around the world are building a presentation in Google Docs with alternatives visions of our future--it is both fascinating and humorous.

The image on World Peacularity was my contribution with a vision for a future as stated in Isaiah 2:4 "Nation shall not lift up sword against nation, neither shall they learn war anymore."

Hope you like it and that we can share the desire for and pursuit of World Peace together.

The World Peaceularity

Life Isn't Always What You Expect

A big part of leadership and of life is understanding that things are not always what we expect. We have to be prepared to deal with strange and unusual circumstances. This is where emotional intelligence and a sense of humor come into play. So be careful the next time, you decide to look "under the covers". Have a look at this one.

Life Isn't Always What You Expect

Cutting the Budget the Easy Way

Arnold Schwarzenegger , "the Terminator", definitely knows how to cut the budget--with a 2 foot long knife. Yikes!

But all kidding aside, while many critical services were cut to resolve a $42 billion budget deficit in the state of California, Governor Schwartzenegger manages to keep his cool. He posted this video of himself--combining some unique star humor with crowdsourcing--engaging people on new ideas to solve the crisis.

For The Total CIO, this is a great lesson in humility, working on difficult problems (no, not with a knife!), and reaching out to people with humor and passion to get the job done.

Good job Terminator!

Cutting the Budget the Easy Way