The Photo Every Man Fears

This was quite an interesting picture to put in the National Museum of Women in the Arts. 

That is one mighty large scissors that lady is holding.  

Uh, she looks a little commando-ish with the jump suit, cap, and sunglasses. 

Is she ready for war or for punishing some bad men?  

I don't believe there is a man out there that isn't spooked by this lady.  

My *** hurts just looking at this. ;-)

(Source Photo: Andy Blumenthal)

The Photo Every Man Fears

Take Your Head Out of My Shopping Cart

So this was funny today at Harris Teeter. 

I'm checking out on the express line with a few things. 

First some tofu.

The lady at the cash register goes:

Hmm.  Healthy!

Then some Meal Mart Buffalo Style Chicken Wings.

Again, the lady at the cash register comments:

Have you tried that?  Is it good?  It looks good!

Politely, I replied:

Yes, they are really good.

At the same time I was feeing smart-alecy, like what the heck, should I open the package on the conveyer belt and let you taste one--right here, right now.   

Sure privacy is a big issue when it comes to technology, social media, and all sorts of surveillance these days

But even when one simply goes to the grocery store--there is the very basic privacy about what one is buying. 

Yes, I see people looking into my cart, with eyebrows raised eyeing my goodies.  I can hear them thinking:

What is he buying?  Is it marked Kosher? (Uh, actually it is!]  That doesn't seem like a balanced diet!

Another time, the checkout person asked me when I was buying a bunch of something:

Oh, are you having a party? What's the occasion?

While I appreciate the good-natured banter and people being friendly, it seems more than weird in a way to be discussing what I'm buying, why, and for whom.  

Not quite Big Brother, but maybe that's the leftover small town feel in our lonely urban and high-tech living.  ;-)

(Source Photo: Andy Blumenthal)

Take Your Head Out of My Shopping Cart

Take Off Those Shoes

So this was pretty funny. 

We have a sign in our house that people should take off their shoes when they come in. 

Heck, it's part of being a neat freak and somewhat germaphobic.

But of course, the kids invariably don't follow the house rules and we get the shoe dirt all over. 

And guess who has to always clean it up?  

Well the other day, my daughter was looking to purchase a condo, and when she found a place she liked, she was walking around the apartment and saying:

When I have my own place, everyone is going to take off their shoes.

Hmm, when the place is yours and you have to clean up the messes, all of a sudden the house rules are in effect and big time.  ;-)

(Source Photo: Dannielle Blumenthal)

Take Off Those Shoes

Green Eggs and Ham - דוקטור סוס

So who would've thought that Dr. Seuss's "Green Eggs and Ham" comes in Hebrew. 

I watched this video, and loved it!

It is amazing that this can translate over.

One critique that I have is that the book should've said that the main character didn't want to eat the green eggs and ham, because he is kosher (instead of not being hungry or not loving the food).  

But then again, he would've had to stick to his guns and not have eaten it in the end! 

One other thing that I learned from this video/book, is that even though I am loving learning Hebrew in Ulpan class, I still have the vocabulary of a 9 year old.  LOL

But I'm learning... ;-)

(Thank you to my daughter, Rebecca for sharing this with me.)

Green Eggs and Ham - דוקטור סוס

Upside Down Bird, Black Sheep--Same Thing

I thought this art was funny and accurate:

There's always one in every family.

Really, it should be there is always one (or two) in every family, group, and organization. 

Whether it's the upside down bird or the "black sheep"--I think we call it that person a troublemaker!

Is it the attention they crave? 

Is it a good fight or argument they are after?

Are they just different and that's okay.

Listen, we are all the same, but we're also all different. 

Imagine being completely the same and how boring that would be. 

So being the upside bird isn't necessarily a bad thing. 

The other birds may look at this upside down bird as cuckoo.

But the bird may not be a cuckoo bird at all.

He may just be acting himself. 

To the upside down bird, he probably thinks of himself as being right side up bird, and that it's the other birds that are the cuckoos.

From my experience, there is being different and then there is being cuckoo for real. 

There really are one or more cuckoos just about everywhere you look.

Worse yet, if the other 4 birds are sane, then watch out because you may be the cuckoo bird.

And then there was the movie, "One flew over the Cuckoo's Nest."  ;-)

(Source Photo: Andy Blumenthal) 

Upside Down Bird, Black Sheep--Same Thing

Cannibal Soup

Two funny things came to mind about eating dinner.

The first was a joke my dad always told which was something like:

We had our mother-in-law for dinner...and boy was she good!  LOL

The second was something I heard recently about power and politics, which was:

If you're not at the table then you on the menu!

Ah, you better have a seat (and welcome voice) at the table or else you may find yourself part of the next batch of beef stew coming out of the kitchen. 

Two new ways for us to think of dinner time.  ;-)

(Source Photo: Andy Blumenthal) 

Cannibal Soup

Happy Holidays!

I just had to share this photo. 

Took this in South Florida this week. 

These two guys from Sweden sitting at the pool wearing these Christmas tree hats. 

This was just too great to pass up. 

As I took the photo, one guy gave me the thumbs up and this was just perfect. 

I don't know about you, but they cheered me up even when it seems that the world is otherwise going crazy--in so many ways.

- Politics
- Divisiveness
- Hate
- Fighting
- Injustices
- Suffering

But at the end of the day, it's about the people--and G-d gives us the power to do good and make happy (or vice versa). 

This one made me happy!  ;-)

(Source Photo: Andy Blumenthal)

Happy Holidays!

@Tree Top Park, Davie, Florida

It's funny that just as I am expressing gratitude for the peace, mindfulness, and zen good feelings, a plane is loudly flying overhead in this Florida park.  

No winning even in nature anymore! ;-)

(Source Video: Dannielle Blumenthal)

@Tree Top Park, Davie, Florida

Nice Coat!

Just wanted to share this awesome coat by Paris designer, Yves Saint Laurent. 

The colors are so standout, and the plushness is amazing from head to toe...beautiful.

The label is a little fuzzy, but I think the original price on this was over $30,000!

And even at deep discount it's close to 10 grand!

I wonder if it's real fur?  ;-)

Shabbat Shalom!

(Source Photo: Andy Blumenthal)

Nice Coat!

An Alarm Clock - My Gag Gift

So we had our holiday party today, and guess what I got?

Yes, a Sharp Twin Bell Alarm Clock!

Of course, with each gag gift came a mini-speech by some of the managers as why they choose this gift for you.

So of course, I am consistently the first one in every morning and the person who opens up for everyone else--reliable, dependable, and hard-working Andy! :-)

Some of my other colleagues got a hula hoop, a toy toolkit, a mini teapot, a little school bus, coffee mugs with funny sayings, a rock and roll trophy, mini boxing gloves, stuffed pillows with smileys, and more. 

Each came with its own unique story.

Pizza, beer, and bowling were part of the festivities. 

It's nice when people appreciate each other and can have some fun. 

Thanks for the holiday party and the alarm clock.  ;-)

(Source Photo: Andy Blumenthal)

An Alarm Clock - My Gag Gift

News - Real and Imagined

I thought this was a funny Dilbert comic that a colleague had by their office. 

News--My Brain Hurts.

It's not only the 24/7/365 news cycle that make it often extremely repetitive and monotonous--where "breaking news" is the same news from 5 hours ago-sometimes even from 5 days ago. Ho hum, boring. 

But it's also the forced news, where there always has to be a story even when there isn't one worth taking about. Every reporter has to earn their keep too. Oh no, not another cat rescue from a backyard tree! 

Hey, in the end its ratings--that drives advertising, which of course pays the bills, so don't hold your breath as to how long we can continue to talk about the 2016 election, the Kavanaugh hearings, the Mueller Investigation, and so on. It's the news gifts that keep on giving and giving. 

Sometimes, it's about getting different angles on a story--however, more often it seems like just the same old, same old--how many ways can you say, he did it or he didn't do it?

Then there is the fake news and alternative facts, where if there isn't a story (or one that supports the sponsor's world filter), then maybe--just maybe--we need to create one and get people unsettled or use it for social control (remember the "Echo Chamber"). And for sure, let's not forget the power of a good conspiracy theory! People certainly are gullible, right? 

This all reminds me of a famous saying by Lenin:

There are decades when nothing happens, and there are weeks when decades happen.

In some ways maybe it was better to just have the morning and nightly news without all the B.S. in between, because...there are decades when nothing consequential happens. 

I guess we all just are waiting around for the weeks when decades happen, but when that sh*t hits the fan, who says there will even be any news to be had. 

No wonder, Dilbert says his brain hurts--doesn't yours? ;-)

(Source Photo: Andy Blumenthal)

News - Real and Imagined

What Did The Turkey Say To The Chicken?

"Misery loves company" -- even with a chicken and turkey.

Someone always has it worse.  

Too funny!  ;-)

Thank you to my son-in-law for sharing these.  

What Did The Turkey Say To The Chicken?

A Half Truth

So everyone is always playing with the truth. 

They don't want people to really know the truth, but they don't want to call it a real lie.

Hence the saying:

"It's just a white lie!"

A white lie is usually taken as in "pure" or "righteous"--in other words, there is a good reason (like to prevent someone from getting hurt) for lying, . 

Yes, sure there is (LOL).

Sometimes people lie to themselves:

"What you don't know can't harm you!"

Most often, people tell what they call half truths.

This is commonly referred to as:

"Beating around the bush!"

However, don't tell anyone:

A half truth is a lie!

And just like beating around the bush arouses the birds to fly and get caught in a net--that's what telling half truths do too. 

Why is it so hard to tell the whole truth, because that would make most people look pretty bad. 

If people only knew.

But someday, of course, they will. ;-)

(Source Photo: Andy Blumenthal)

A Half Truth

Shabbat Shalom and Good Luck On The Jackpot

Please see my new article in The Times of Israel, called "Shabbat Shalom and Good luck on The Jackpot."

So the Mega Millions jackpot is up to an astonishing $1.6B! This is the largest lottery in U.S. history. Instantly you become one of the richest people in the world. At the kiddush after shul today, it didn't take long for the conversation to hit on the upcoming lottery drawing. 

Read about it--it was funny! ;-)

(Source Graphic: Andy Blumenthal)

Shabbat Shalom and Good Luck On The Jackpot

Memory Comes In 3's

So it seems like the human mind can fundamentally only remember things in threes.

Whether it's a joke about serving 3 meals: Frozen, Microwave, and Take-out. 

Or Even washing your hair: Wash, Rinse, Repeat. 

How about what to do when there is an:

Active Shooter: Run, Hide, Fight

Fire: Stop, Drop, Roll

Earthquake: Drop, Cover, Hold On

G-d forbid there should be 4 or more steps to do something, and mankind would be beyond his/her mental limitations and at a virtual standstill. 

So read, remember, and use this appropriately--that's the 3 things to do now with this post. ;-)

(Source Photo: Andy Blumenthal)

Memory Comes In 3's

We All Have Our Moods

Thought this was a funny comic strip in the office. 

Today I'm feeling {choose your poison}...

While I'm sure that we'd like to be happy all the time, it's not realistic to think that will actually be probable or even possible.

Sure, everyone puts on the big smile.

But behind the smile is often many other feelings 

As one colleague said to me:

"People are complex!"

Isn't that true?

Anyway, don't beat yourself for feeling what you feel--it's okay to be relaxing, excited, angry, sad, stressed or whatever.

Of course, that doesn't excuse letting it get the best of you and bad behavior.

We're adults, not children with temper tantrums.

Certainly, though, we are all human, and all feelings are fine. ;-)

(Source Photo: Andy Blumenthal)

We All Have Our Moods

Bad Little Mousey

So a colleague told me about an awful experience at work. 

They came into the office and had a big surprise. 

I won't ask you to guess what it was. 

I'll start off by giving you a hint.

It came from a mouse. 

Yep, they actually had what they called, "mouse poop" on their desk. 

Have to laugh even at the term...

But this is not what you want to have to deal with first thing in the morning, or anytime for that matter. 

What can you do though?

We share the world with other living creatures and if they want to poop on your desk--what are you really gonna do about it? 

I suggested setting some traps, but they said they want to see if it happens again. 

That's two too many times for me.

Now though I learned to be grateful if my desk is poop-free. ;-)

(Source Photo: Andy Blumenthal)

Bad Little Mousey

Who Took The Cheese?

So this is a photo from today in the cafeteria of the mac and cheese. 

What I see without fail, day-in and day-out ,is that the people take the yummy crispy cheese off the top of the mac and cheese. 

The result is that just a few people get all the cheesy cheese from on top and everyone else is left with the noodles underneath.  

So for cheese sake, why do they do it?

- For the Love of Cheese - People simply love melted cheese so much, they'll do anything to get more of it.

- Because They Can Take Cheese - People take the best part, the crispy cheese on top for themselves, because they can and there is only benefits to themselves and no adverse consequences if they do it. 

- They are Very Hungry for Cheese - People take the cheese because they are so famished, only the cheese on top can satisfy their hunger pains. 

- Sense of Cheese Entitlement - People have a sense of entitlement for themselves, and if there's cheese to be had, they they are entitled to it.

- Cheese Narcissism - People are innately selfish for cheese and they will take and take and take until there is no cheese on top for anyone else. 

- Anti-social Cheese Behavior - People have anti-social personality cheese disorder, so they can't help but take all the cheese. 

- Not Enough Cheese to Go Around - People feel their is simply not enough cheese to go around; in other words cheese is a scarce resource, which makes it a valuable cheese commodity to scoop up for themselves. 

What is really funny-sad about this whole cheese situation is that every day the food service seems to put out the same leftover mac and cheese with a fresh topping of the cheesy-cheese on top, only for it all to be taken off again--cheesy day after cheesy day. ;-)

(Source Photo: Andy Blumenthal)

Who Took The Cheese?

There's A Reason For Everything

I go to the fridge to look for something to eat. 

I find am empty food storage container on the shelf. 

I recognize it from the day before when it was filled with delicious over-baked salmon. 

So I go to one kid who I guess may be the culprit and I ask:

Why did you leave the empty bowl in the fridge and not clean it out when you were done?

She says:

Dad, I didn't do it. 

So, I feel like a jerk and apologize for thinking maybe it was her.

Then I go to the other kid and say:

Did you leave an empty dirty salmon bowl in the fridge?

And she says to me:

I did.

So I ask rhetorically thinking there was no acceptable reason:

Why did you do that?

She says sweetly to me:

My sister was sleeping and I didn't want to wake her by washing out the bowl.

And I knew she meant it. 

I wouldn't have imagined a reason for leaving an empty dirty bowl in the fridge, but it just goes to show not to misjudge people--there is usually a reason for everything. ;-)

(Source Photo: Amazon)

There's A Reason For Everything

Never Say Anything

So I overhear this conversation...

Woman:  "Never say never and never say always."

Man: "Well then what should I say?"

Woman: "Just keep your mouth shut!"

Yeah, that's one for the books.

Anyway, thinking about this a little more--there is an exception to every rule. 

Never say never is itself violating this rule of thumb. 

Hence one conclusion perhaps is that many rules are so stupid to begin with! :-)

(Source Photo: Andy Blumenthal)

Never Say Anything