Even The Buses Celebrate

A great Independence Day it is.

Even the buses celebrate with the flag proudly mounted and displayed. 

What does Independence Day mean to you?

- Freedom 

- Human rights

- Democracy

Important ideals to appreciate. 

We are so fortunate to be independent. 

All values worth fighting for. ;-)

(Source Photo: Andy Blumenthal)

Even The Buses Celebrate

When To Build Relationships Or Burn Your Bridges

Why marriages (and relationships) fail is a topic of discussion in the book Fighting For Your Marriage by Markman, Stanley, and Blumberg.

The book is anchored in research from the University of Denver and their Prevention and Relationship Enhancement Program (PREP). 

So here are the four main reasons:

1. Escalation--People escalate the fight, rather than deescalate it. Harmful words and actions beget more harmful words and actions as each side tries to win the fight, rather than save the relationship. 

2. Invalidation--You put down the other person (their feelings, thoughts, and character) with sarcasm, disrespect, and contempt, rather than raise them up with understanding, concern, comfort, and encouragement. 

3. Accusation--Assuming the worst, you negatively interpret the actions and motives of another person, rather than looking at and accentuating the positive and giving them the benefit of the doubt.

4. Abandonment--Leaving the person emotionally and/or physically, you withdraw and avoid them and possibly even cheat on them, rather than engaging with and cleaving to each other, and working together to solve problems.

Essentially, these relationship issues all have to do with a breakdown of communication and trust--where instead of trying to work it out, there is a feeling that nothing can be solved by talking anymore and that there is no reason to even trust the other person.

Once trust and communication are broken--it is very difficult to go back and rebuild it.

Then instead of mending fences, people may choose the nuclear option: go to war, fight it out, threaten, hurt, or leave--and the relationship spirals to a timely demise. 

What was once a nuclear family, or close relationship (friends, associates, etc.), may end up a broken and shattered one, full of hatred and as enemy combatants, perhaps not much better than the Hatfields and McCoys. 

So the first thing is you have to decide whether you want to build the relationship or end it. 

If you love the other person and want to be with them (and they with you)--then say and do positive things to maintain communication and trust--give selflessly to each other. 

Relationships thrive when people behave as true friends, looking out for one another, sincerely--when they help their partners achieve their goals, grow as human beings, and find meaning and happiness. 

A relationship is not a business transaction, but a joining of hearts and an intimacy of soul--it is based on mutual respect and goodwill. 

If you really value the other person and the relationship--don't burn your bridges when things get heated, but cross and meet the other person (at least) halfway and embrace them with love and caring--most of the time, it will come back to you. 

But at the same time don't be a fool--if the other person is wicked and cruel, out only for themselves, and would throw you under a bus in a moment--get with it and quick because the bridge is already burning and at a very high temperature. ;-)

(Source Photo: Andy Blumenthal)

When To Build Relationships Or Burn Your Bridges

A Little Temper

I was reminded this week of a kid I grew up with who used to get so angry, he'd say sort of half-seriously at the target of his wrath, "I'm gonna kill your whole family with one punch!"

In this context, here's something that really happened to me this week...

This guy I know who frequently has a temper was getting angry about something again. 

And I said to him in a friendly way, "What's wrong (now)?"

He says, as if I should know all his frustrations, "You're kidding me, right?"

Seeing that this happens fairly often with him, I say, "You know you have an anger management problem."

He says all frustrated with me, "I'm gonna punch you right in the face!"

I said, "You see what I mean." ;-)

(Source Photo: Andy Blumenthal)

A Little Temper

Tiptoeing Or Delivering A Knockout Punch

Russia (and many others countries) develop some really kick-a*s weapons--especially, when they are so simple, yet so devastatingly effective. 

Like this TOS-1A heavy flamethrower system--it is a multi-rocket launcher mounted on a T-72 main battle tank chassis. 

The TOS-1A carries 30 (newer version 24) 220-mm incendiary or thermobaric unguided rockets that it can shoot up to 3 km (newer version 6 km), and it destroys everything within 300 square meters using high-pressure and temperature.

What is cool is that the technology seems boiled down to the basics--shoot and eliminate. And when multiple TOS-1As roll unto the battlefield--they unleash what looks like a ruthless barrage of destructive fire. 

Of course, precision targeting weapons have the added benefit of mitigating civilian casualties--but from the looks of things, that is not what this weapon is all about.

The question is do you go half way or finish the job--do you hit below the belt or keep it a clean fight?

In war, if you leave the enemy intact or with fighting capabilities, then you may just have to fight them another day. 

While the rules of war protect people from the cruelties of all out hostilities, we need to make sure that in the end, it keeps them safe over the long-term, and does not just prolong the inevitable cat-fight.

Good, kind, and just people often don't feel comfortable delivering a knockout punch, but sometimes (not all the time) that is just what is needed to restore the peace.  ;-)

Tiptoeing Or Delivering A Knockout Punch