Peace Through Strength

So this is what I've learned about conflict management...

Obviously, we are better off without conflict and to simply all get along--that's the ideal!

Now unfortunately, in real life there may be situations where we may have fundamental differences of opinions and goals, and at times these may seriously clash. 

What's good for you, may be bad for me (or vice versa)...that's called a win-lose situation. 

And when we don't see eye to eye and can't get along, then either we can try to work it out and that's where diplomacy comes in or at other times, we may have no choice but to take up arms and go to war.

Our first choice is diplomacy. Here, we sit down to listen and try genuinely to understand each other, and have empathy on others...life is not easy for anyone. 

Still we need to mesh what others want with what we need for our own wellbeing and progress, and that's where negotiation, compromise, and de-escalation come into play. 

Best case scenario, we come up with a win-win situation, where we can both walk away from the table with a respectable enough amount of what we each want and our egos still intact, so that that we can all go our merry ways and pursue our lives and live within our values and amidst security.  

However, in some cases, some may be so unreasonable, intractable, and their actions so aggressive, egregious, and dangerous as to threaten, harm, and violate the lives of others, that it's intolerable for it to continue any longer.

What's left when we can't put up and shut up, and when talk is exhausted, is to fight for what we believe in, for who we are, and for our right to live and prosper. 

Once, twice, three times and you're out of time and luck--we are seriously headed for a clash of persons and/or civilizations. 

Peace is better won without firing a shot, but when it's time to pull out the guns, they better be damn big and deadly ones. 

That is called peace through strength...where we have the guts and means to back up our position with force, if necessary. 

None of this bullshit of bringing a knife to a gunfight; instead, when we have no choice but to fight, we fight to win and everything is on the table. 

Peace is the preference, but if war is the only answer, then the other side may have unleashed hell, and that is what they will get from peace through strength delivered! ;-)

(Source Photo: Andy Blumenthal)

Peace Through Strength

The Beating Of Life's Drums

So this was some awesome drumming at the Renaissance Festival today.

The beating of the drums was powerful and in a sense mesmerizing. 

It moved the people to sway, to dance, and to feel the power of the moment. 

In life, as they say, we all sort of move to a different beat--our own beat!

Recently, I had the experience to meet someone who was a truly wonderful person, but who came from a very different geographical, religious, and cultural background. 

There just seemed to be so many misunderstandings as a result, and it wasn't because anyone was being hurtful or a bad person. 

Rather, we were dealing with good people, who just had very different expectations of each other and of life. 

The beat was there--like a heartbeat, but the beat wasn't in sync, so in the end, everyone decided it best to go their own way in blessing, and find the life that would met their needs and where the beat was going to be in tune for them. 

In a sense, while we are all the same, yet we are all subtly different whether by nature and/or nurture, we come to situations and to each other with different viewpoints, distinct needs, as well as specific ways to satisfy them and grow us. 

Good and bad is beyond the point.  

Two hearts beat as one and that is a miracle when it happens. 

At other times, two hearts beat each other in their differences and maybe in exasperation and finally in sorrow.

The beats are strong and we search for the beats that uplift us, mesh with us, and make us better when we're together. ;-)

(Source Video: Andy Blumenthal)

The Beating Of Life's Drums

Polarized = Broken!

As a country, we need to be very concerned at how ridiculously polarized things have gotten. 

It is one thing for right and left to disagree, but still practicably negotiate, compromise, and forge a united and decided path forward.

And it is quite another for the polarization to become so deep-rooted that it becomes obstructionist to our national security and progress. 

Unfortunately, we are beyond the point where large portions of the governing of this country has become fundamentally go nowhere and do nothing. 

Whether from immigration control to closing Gitmo, from reducing the national debt to tax reform and robust economic growth, from funding the fight against the Zika virus to developing a meaningful space exploration and colonization program, from controlling the proliferation and dangers of weapons of mass destruction to sensible policies on gun rights/control, we are deep in political gridlock. 

The result is lots of executive orders and regulations, but little significant lasting legislation, abiding decisions, or national momentum in any particular direction. 

Our red lines are erased and our finish lines are grossly undefined--we are becoming a nation aimless, adrift, and without directed and meaningful goals.  

Further, in the process of mental, emotional, and global disengagement, we have alienated our friends and embraced our foes and confused everyone in between. 

Moreover, our inconsistency and weakness has made us less safe and emboldened the resurgence and militarization of deadly adversaries like Russia, China, North Korea, Iran as well as radical Islamist terrorism. 

As a nation, we cannot be ruled by spectrum divisiveness between Democrats and Republicans, between races, between genders, between socio-economic classes, between religions, and between the public and the police.  

There are two critical things we need to bridge the huge divide that is engulfing us: 

One is strong leadership with the integrity that can be respected and followed by everyone on all sides of every aisle.

Two is focused commitment to our underlying values of democracy, freedom, human rights, entrepreneurship and innovation.  

When we have leadership that unites rather than divides, and we maintain our good and fundamental identity then once again, we will be able to go forward together towards peace and prosperity for not only ourselves, but ultimately the progress and good of the world. ;-)

(Source Photo: Andy Blumenthal)

Polarized = Broken!

7 Mind-F*cking Arguments

So my daughter took a training class in critical thinking at work. 

And she brought home an excellent handout from the instructor, Haywood Spangler, about how people try to get you to their point of view, but without any real solid reasoning behind it.

My mother-in-law calls this concept in blunt terms, mind-f*cking!

Here are some examples:

1) Genetic Fallacy - Rejecting an idea based on where or who it comes from, rather than the merits of the idea itself.  I call this one, you're an idiot, so your ideas are idiotic. 

2) Circular Reasoning - Restating the conclusion, rather than proving it. I call this hammering or going no where fast. 

3) Red Herring - Diverting from the real issue as a distraction. I call this the shell game. 

4) Ad Hoc Reasoning - Coming up with a reason to simply reject your every objection. I call this just say it isn't so. 

5) False Dichotomy - Oversimplifying a complex situation and making it into only black and white. I call this my way or the highway.

6) Slippery Slope - Supposing that if one thing happens then something else terrible must necessarily follow. I call this following the false causality. 

7) Band Wagon - Everyone is doing it, so you need to also.  I call this classic groupthink or be careful not to stand in front of a moving train. 

Basically, when someone is not taking with you, but at you and trying to make you just do what they want, period, then watch out, you are probably being gloriously mind-f*cked. 

(Source Photo: Andy Blumenthal)

7 Mind-F*cking Arguments

Conflicts That Challenge Us

My wife told me something good today (first time ever, haha).  

There are three types of conflicts:

1) Between Man and Himself -- these are our internal conflicts or demons (fears, anxieties, guilt, compulsions, and evil impulses) that we must conquer. 

2) Between Man and Man -- these are conflicts we have with others and we must resolve them with either empathy, compromise, giving, and forgiveness or at the other end of the spectrum with fight or flight.

3) Between Man and His Environment -- these are conflicts that are man-made or natural in our surroundings and may involve scarcity, harsh or destructive conditions, and obstacles to overcome with scientific and engineering problem-solving. 

I would add a 4th type of conflict:

4) Between Man and G-d -- these are conflicts we have in trying to understand why we are here, what G-d wants from us, and "why bad things happen," and involve our relationship and reconciliation with and service to our maker. 

Basically, these four conflicts are more than enough to keep us busy day-in and -out for our entire lifetime, and either we resolve them and go to the afterworld, or perhaps we have to come back to do some more work on resolving them again. ;-)

(Source Photo: Andy Blumenthal)

Conflicts That Challenge Us

Compassion Instead Of Anger

So I was speaking to someone recently about how angry they were with some stressful things and people in their life. 

I listened carefully and tried to empathize--also in full transparency, it got to be a lot and I at some point was begging them to stop!

At one point, I just said, instead of being angry maybe try to be compassionate. 

And I could see in other person's reaction that they thought perhaps that I had hit on something a little eye-opening here. 

We can get angry about all the stresses and injustices that we perceive in our lives. 

People blame us, attack us, don't appreciate us, talk down to us, disrespect us, even bully us or try to hurt us.

Also life throws some pretty stinging to earth-shattering circumstances upon us.

And maybe we have every right to feel angry.

But usually the anger, unless we need the adrenaline-rush in fighting for our survival and for our core beliefs and values, doesn't help us achieve what we really want. 

What we want most of the time is to resolve things!

But getting angry and lashing out often only makes things worse. 

We act rashly, we overreact, we say and do things we may regret afterwards, and the consequences of our reaction can be severe to us afterwards in terms of alienating and harming others, escalating the situation and making it worse, creating hurt and destruction in our own wake, and even losing jobs or getting yourself in trouble and sent to the pokey.

If instead of getting angry and flinging arrows, we look at things from eyes of compassion, we can listen to others more carefully, understand the situation better, and try to rectify bad relationships or cope with stressful life events by employing emotional intelligence and a soft hand/skills. 

This is not to say that we should excuse really bad behavior or truly unforgivable misdeeds, but rather that we should look at things in a larger context, the role we play, and as part of our our life challenges to make things better and overcome.

Anger and the associated response is appropriate when the little devil is doing their misdeeds (lashing out severely and/or repeatedly with harm and intent), but compassion can help to see everything else for what it is or isn't and gives us an opportunity to react with a level head, a stable hand, and humanity as a first resort. ;-)

(Source Photo: Andy Blumenthal)

Compassion Instead Of Anger

Take Your Family Issues To Work Day

So we all love Take You Child(ren) To Work Day.

It's a great idea to bond with our children and share our work life with them.

This way they know what mommy and daddy do and also a little of what work is like. 

But one of the funny things I noticed is how uncomfortable most parents seem with their kids around them in at work. 

They have this worried and kvetchy look on their face.

They are crossing boundaries between personal/family/home life and professional/work life. 

What is at once two-faces, two distinct roles is now combined for a single day a year. 

Perhaps personal problems from home and between family members is entering the workspace or the problems of work life is evident to your close family members. 

Maybe mommy or daddy really doesn't get along all the well with little Johnny or Rosie all the time or perhaps little Johnny or Rosie is not that perfect little kid you've been showing around in pictures and talking up in the office. 

Similarly, mommy or daddy may not be "all that" in the office that they come home and portray to their family about--that big management position and corner office could be just another run of the mill job and situated in a long row of cubicles deep this way and that. 

In any case, the barriers are being crossed and even if there have been no outright lies told and caught, different sides of the person that are typically kept separate and sacrosanct are converging and the alternate egos and varied personas come head-to-head.

The good news is that the organization usually gives the parents leeway to not really do any serious work when the kids are around for the day and to mostly schlep them to special kids' events in the workplace--everybody get to meet the CEO and have ice cream?

Thus, the unveiling of dual natures and embedded conflicts is kept to a manageable minimum, if not an uncomfortable merging of work and family life. ;-)

(Source Photo: Andy Blumenthal) 

Take Your Family Issues To Work Day

When Technology Is Our Superhero

I liked this Linux Cat Superhero sticker that someone put on the back of the street sign in Washington, D.C. 

There is something great about the promise of technology (with G-d's help of course) to make our lives better. 

When we get excited about technology, envision it, invest in it, and bring it to market--we are superheros making the world a better place. 

While many technologies may be "pie the sky" invoking more hype than higher purpose, if we can discern the doers from the duds then we can achieve the progress for ourselves and our children that we desperately want. 

Technology should be a superhero and not a villian--when its about the mission and doing what we do better, faster, and cheaper.

While Washington DC is a long way from entreprenurial and innovative Silicon Valley, the nexus between IT and public service has never been greater or more important. 

For example, when it comes to ideological clashes between (the iPhone's) security/surveillance and privacy or between the proliferation of robots vs. jobs for real human beings, balancing the competing interests is the soul of technology and public policy. 

Every truly useful technology should have it's superhero to represent and advocate for it, while us mere mortals sort out the implications and make sense of it all for the real world. ;-)

(Source Photo: Andy Blumenthal)

When Technology Is Our Superhero

Who's Gonna Pay For That Wall

So presidential candidate, Donald Trump wants to build a wall on the southern U.S. border with Mexico to control immigration for homeland security and the economy. 

But more than that, he thinks Mexico should pay for it.

Today, on CNN was a response from Mexico's ex president, who said, we're "not gonna pay for that f****** wall!"

I was walking around laughing to myself for about 10 minutes--the zany and (un)predictable action-reaction in politics and diplomacy. 

You can't make this stuff up. 

Just an aside, but wouldn't you say Ex-President [of] Mexico instead of the Ex-Mexico President --Oops, who was working the captions at CNN today. 

What will be surreal and hilarious after this is if the "f****** wall" would really happen, and if Mexico would seriously end up paying for it. ;-)

(Note: This is not an endorsement for any candidate or party.)

(Source Photo: Andy Blumenthal)

Who's Gonna Pay For That Wall

Who's Da Boss

At work, we all report to somebody--no matter high up the chain you go. 

IMHO, I think it's always important to remember though who the Big Boss is and He/She is the top of the food chain and is the one who really calls ALL the shots--and if you keep that in mind, you can show proper respect to your boss at work and follow their lead without falling on your sword in human antiauthoritarian revolt. 

Thus, in the earthly world, the boss in the corner office and on the high floor is the one who tells you what to do at work. 

Of course, the cardinal sin of management is be a micromanager--EVERYONE hates that and just wants to be told the goal but then let loose to get the job done--and not stood over and berated on how to do it and torn apart for everything they did [differently] "wrong" than perhaps their boss would've done it in their self-presumed all-knowing wisdom. 

Also, bosses who laud their boss status over their subordinates by telling and showing them how bossy boss with information and power, belittling them, they are--often these people are resented by the "plebeian workers" and as in the servitude of Egypt thousands of years ago, the Big Boss hears their prayers for justice and meets it out accordingly. 

The best bosses are human, humble, and admit mistakes, see people as children of G-d, have compassion, and treat their workers with due respect; genuinely listens to others, are inclusive, and values what each person brings to the table; says thank you and means it; looks for opportunities to recognize and reward people; and treat people as teammates and not indentured servants. 

Certainly, workers have a responsibility too--to give it their best and keep their commitments; to respect the "chain of command"; to tell it the way it is with some modicum of diplomacy and keep their bosses fully informed, to not demand the unreasonable or play games with the rules (that everyone at work lives under); and to generally be collegial and a team player 

One colleague on an interview told me that they were asked a really smart, tough question that put them on the spot, "Tell me about a time you had a disagreement with management?"

That could be a telling question or answer depending who's been naughty and nice at the office. ;-)

(Source Photo: Andy Blumenthal)

Who's Da Boss

Please Tell Us Your Diabolical Intentions

So Russia is escalating in Syria (from devastating air strikes to sea-launched cruise missiles, and now a possible land offensive) and even considering expanding into Iraq. 

Our initial reaction...

"We believe this is a fundamental mistake."  --Maybe a mistake for us, but not for Russia who is wielding their mighty bear claws and showing a decisive victory!  

Upon further reflection...

"We are not prepared to cooperate on strategy."  -- Is this perhaps because we don't have one, and Russia apparently does. 

"Syria is not going to turn into a proxy war between the Russia and the United States." -- Okay, so the alternative is to capitulate and give the Middle East over to Russia, like with Crimea and Eastern Ukraine. And what then will we let over to the Russians, Chinese, and Iranians next (because there's no reason for them to stop there)? 

"One of the profound difficulties dealing with Russia in Syria or elsewhere is how opaque Putin's intentions are and how the Russia system lies about what they are up to." -- Gee whiz, we can't figure out what Russia is up to as they slam Assad's opposition (that we are supporting) into smithereens? We're expecting the competition to tell us their strategy, and why should they do that? 

This last one is perhaps the most bizarre as we all implicitly understand that an adversary is not going to divulge their strategy, and moreover are using misinformation and deception to throw us off balance and advance their objectives. 

It is time for us to bring sanity back to the military equation here.

Immediately...

- Establish a no fly zone over Syria. 

- Put our own base on the ground or military assets into sharp play. 

- Issue a cease and desist ultimatum and mean it. 

The time for losing is over, and the time for winning must begin. 

We can pretend that we can look the other way and simply avoid a conflict, but all we are doing is bringing ever more devastating confrontation that much closer as we lose ground, credibility, and allies (who fear the commitment and iron hand of Russia far more than our own wavering and dubious one)--and we deceive ourselves far more than our adversaries could ever deceive us. ;-)

(Source Photo: Andy Blumenthal)

Please Tell Us Your Diabolical Intentions

Settle Things Like Adults

This was a funny picture on the Metro in Washington, D.C.

On their commute, one lady is reading her newspaper and one gentlemen is listening to his iPod.

On the man's shirt, it says something like:

"Let's settle this like adults: Rock-Paper-Scissors."

Adults are in so many senses just like big children. 

We get into disagreements, arguments, and fights, and then don't know how to get out of them and resolve things.

Hence, the old "Rock-Paper-Scissors."

- Rock beats scissors.

- Paper beats rock.

- Scissors beats paper.

Everything can beat something. 

And everybody is right from their own perspective on things. 

Decision is by the luck of the draw between two people--throwing off hands gestures. 

Probably just as good (if not better) than how most decisions get made and disputes get resolved in everyday real life. ;-)

(Source Photo: Andy Blumenthal)

Settle Things Like Adults

Lights, Camera, Inaction

So the lights dim, the camera starts to roll, and what happens...

ACTION!

The show starts...actors spring into action, and the plot takes shape--we have a positive influence and impact on our fellow man and the world we live in. 

But there is a sorry alternative storyline.

Where after the lights and camera...nothing happens.

There is a eery silence and a weird INACTION!

Like the actors are asleep at the wheel, went off to play golf or to comedy night, or perhaps went home to momma, and are cowering, and hiding under their beds.

Is this the unfortunate state of our country today?

The world is our stage. 

As the sole superpower, the United States is the prime actor today.

We have our calling to go do good--to help, to save, and to bring peace and freedom. 

But lo and behold, what happens when we have a policy of inaction?

Where we want peace, but are not willing to do to much of anything for it or perhaps in spite of it. 

So how is our world faring today:

- In Syria, Iraq, Yemen, Afghanistan, Libya, Sudan, and more, millions are dying and injured, while tens of millions are fleeing, displaced, or are in refugee camps, and chemical WMD are in use by Syria and ISIS, while our red lines were drawn and then withdrawn, and we don't know if we are training the opposition or throwing in the towel on the ground.

- ISIS, Al Qaeda, Hezbollah, Hamas, Islamic Jihad, Boko Haram, etc. are rampant and overrunning the Middle East and North Africa, killing, torturing, raping, destroying, and plummeting, as well as recruiting back in Europe and here in the States, amidst calls for attacks against us and our allies. 

- Russia takes Crimea and is resurgent in Eastern Ukraine and the Arctic, and antagonizing all around Europe with ever encroaching warplanes and warships, and militarizing and modernizing their formidable nuclear arsenal, and we stand up a new NATO rapid reaction force, while we are again surprised by Russia, now in Syria.

- China is expanding into the South China Sea, flexing it's economic and military muscle, and cyber attacking and stealing our vital government and economic information assets with relative impunity, while we trade with our partner and pivot this way and that. 

- North Korea restarts it's nuclear plant, readies for another banned missile launch, sinks South Korean ships, plants deadly landmines on the South's side of the demilitarized zone, and provokes toward a military confrontation, while we lick our wounds from the last broken agreements with them. 

- Iran has stymied the people's freedom movement, executed the opposition and homosexuals, builds toward a deadly nuclear and ballistic missile future, seeks the destruction of America ("The Great Satan") and Israel, is massively funding and arming their terrorist proxies to the tune of billions of dollars, and has gotten a get out of jail free card and sanctions lifting.

So what can we do?

Well in the past, we were a meaningful deterrent to countries and people doing bad things. 

We stood proudly and tall for human rights, freedom, equality, democracy, anti-proliferation, and sustainability.

We didn't have to fight everywhere to make our point--but just knowing that we were willing to stand for righteousness and justice often meant those with evil intentions stepping back and rethinking it.

Occasionally, we did have to put our blood and treasure where our mouths were, and perhaps we often did this too rashly and imprudently (when diplomacy or some saber rattling might have done the trick). 

However, the world cannot afford for us to be war weary or chase empty legacies of peace built on blind hope or a running away from our responsibilities. 

While the world burns, we can't be looking for Nobel Prizes instead of seeking out the fire extinguishers and medical kits to save and to heal. 

As it is so wisely stated: "All that is necessary for the triumph of evil is that good men do nothing."

Peace is not born of inaction, but of brave actors willing to do what is necessary to achieve all that is good and all that can be done. ;-)

(Source Photo: Andy Blumenthal)

Lights, Camera, Inaction

Ready To Explode

So have you ever had to deal with someone at work and they are NOT exactly acting the consummate professional?

They may be volatile, angry, raising their voice, intransigent, threatening, acting the a*s, maybe even a little meshuga.

Yeah, unfortunately it happens (although it absolutely shouldn't)!  

People have crap going on in the office, at home, and sometimes they come in and they just can't cope.  

G-d forbid, they should never really "go postal" as in real violence--but you never really know what you are going to be dealing with. 

One colleague said some people are just "hypervolic"--a new word for someone who is excessive, over the top, and emotionally volcanic!

Yikes--scary enough. 

Another colleague I know who is excellent with people and has decades of experience dealing with a cast of characters told me, "I just look at everyone as a bomb ready to go off."

Ugh, not exactly how I would want to perceive people around me, but the point is well taken--you never know (and you can almost hear the ticking now). 

With some people we sort of know from dealing with them that they have some marbles loose, and while others may appear calm, cool, and collected on the outside, on the inside they may be a volcano ready to blow. 

Heck, you can't read everyone right and even if you do, you can try to calm them down, listen to them, work with them, talk sense to them, suggest some counseling or other outside assistance, but even then they may go off the deep end. 

Lots of personalities out there, lots of people with problems and stresses, and sometimes we in our best intentions may make mistakes or unknowingly say the wrong thing and it only inflames the situation.

Of course hopefully, calmer heads will prevail, professionalism will take front seat, and people will get some perspective and do the right thing...chill man!

But also keep in mind what my colleagues said, some people may  just be ready to go explode--like a volcano--and we need to be ready for that too. 

How do you prepare for this?

Yeah, I don't remember them covering that subject in leadership training--maybe with the exception of listen, show empathy, and if worst comes to worst you can either head for the exits to get away or shelter in place before the human stress bomb goes big boom! ;-)

(Source Photo: here with attribution to Camilo Rueda Lopez)

Ready To Explode

A Delicate Balance

I love this desk doodad that I found in the gallery. 

Two guys perched at opposite ends of a strewn out ladder, balancing precariously on top of a sphere (maybe the Earth). 

Take a step forward or backwards and it can upset the balance of things and everyone falls down. 

Don't move--and you are in perpetual stasis--just balancing with the other guy so as not ruin the equilibrium of things, you're stuck in limbo.

Maybe this is the definition of either doing nothing and going nowhere or creating a lose-lose situation, where you try to benefit yourself at the expense of others and down you both go. 

What's the only way out?

You both have to step forward and advance together--create a win-win--the balance and fairness is maintained and both move closer to each other and the center of things. 

Climbing the ladder is really a balancing act with others you work with.

I tell people at work who get into it with each other, "listen, what's more important winning the petty argument OR building the relationship with the other folks who presumably you'll be working with for a long time to come?"

You may be able to talk or strong arm your way into getting what you want now, but do lasting damage to the relationship. 

Unless, it's a matter of right and wrong, make your best argument, but then be willing to compromise, especially if it means better teamwork and success in the longer scheme of things. 

Being task/goal-oriented is great, but drop the ball on being people-oriented and it's all be a big bust. ;-)

(Source Photo: Andy  Blumenthal)

A Delicate Balance

Celebrating International Women's Day

Just want to recognize all the wonderful women who have touched my life:

My beautiful wife and daughters.

Also my beloved mother and grandmothers A'H.

As well as friends and colleagues. 

I still remember the saying I used to hear growing up that girls are "sugar and spice and everything nice!"

In the bible, women are men's "ezer kenegdo" literally translated as helpmates, and figuratively as companions. 

There is a nice Jewish teaching that the word "kenegdo" has a double meaning that if a man is good then the women stands as his aide, but if he is bad that she stands against him--so men have to merit the love and kindness of their wives, and not just expect it, dutifully. 

An interesting article written by Melvin Konner in the Wall Street Journal says that with women taking over more and more leadership roles in the workplace and in politics, the world will be a better place!

What served men well in a hunter-gather society--the male testosterone-driven biology--prepares men well for physical aggression, reproduction, and dominance, but also leads to overreaction to small threats, exaggerated violence, and recklessness that has brought "war, corruption, and scandal."

However, in the current information technology society that we now live in, men's physical strength and prowess is largely obsolete replaced by machines, robots, and drones. And women's emancipation and rise to positions of power has led to situations where saner heads and compromise prevail, and as Senator Susan Collins (Maine) said:

"While male colleagues cross their arms and sulked, women crossed the aisles with phone calls, emails, and social media."

From my experience, women can actually be the fiercer gender (testosterone or not), and a wise man does not mess with them! ;-)

(Source Photo: Andy Blumenthal)

Celebrating International Women's Day

Learning To Compromise

My wife and I decided after living in the same condo for the last 15 years that maybe it was time for a change. 

There is a great area that we hang out in with workout, grocery, pharmacy, public transportation, and--most importantly to my wife--Starbucks--all right there.

So my wife made an appointment for us to look at this rental right above all the action....

The apartment was nice, modern, and best of all in this vibrant neighborhood--but on the smallish side (we would definitely be cramped) and with a substantial monthly. 

My wife, the perennial city dweller, loved it, and I didn't.

Next, my turn up, we went with a real estate broker to see a charm of a house--this was the one we'd "been waiting for," all these years. 

Solid, roomy, castle-like...but it would have some ongoing house maintenance things and was a little distance from public transportation (i.e. we'd mostly have to drive). 

This time, my wife hated it, and I loved it.

Back and forth--argue and debate--getting no where (this is a very egalitarian relationship--my wife tells me what to do!) :-)

Thinking about this, I say "Okay, let's compromise"--let's look for a more upscale and roomy condo that we can make our own but in the neighborhood she really likes (and yeah, I like it too). 

1-2-3, with a little searching, we find something online we like, and back to the real estate broker to make an appointment. 

This story is not over in terms of where (or if) we are going to move to, but along the way we continue to learn as a couple to get along, love each other, and of course, compromise. ;-)

(Source Photo: Andy Blumenthal)

Learning To Compromise

Going To War, In The Office

So occasionally in the office, people perhaps forget where they are...

And instead of working together to solve problems, they go to war with each other and make more problems. 

Yes, there are power politics and plenty of my slice of the pie versus your slice of the pie--whose slice is bigger, whose got more cheese and toppings, and whose slice is pipping hot. 

Most often these office controversies happen behind the scenes or closed doors.

Behind the scenes, you can't see the knives violently slashing and behind paper-thin closed doors you (usually) can't hear the screaming!

But every once in a while the "passion" of the work spills over into the public domain--sometimes in a meeting, hallway, cafeteria, or the even the company picnic. 

In all these cases, the professionalism goes out the window way too fast and out comes the drawing of lines in sand, the I'm right and you're wrong (including wagers for a good lunch or even maybe a nice crisp $100 bill), and threats to escalate (as if this wasn't ugly enough already).

What comes over people in the moment--perhaps they simply feel like they are in the right or that they are simply defending themselves, or maybe there is spillover from problems at home, ego at play, socialization issues, or even personality disorders.

Whatever the reason, as one of my best friend's fathers used to say, "When 2 people fight, they are both wrong!"

Or some people say that "they both end up with black eyes"--even if one comes away worse than the other...

And I think if you've ever had a car accident with another driver, you would know that the insurance companies agree with this principle, and attribute some portion of blame to each driver--whether 50/50 or 99/1--everybody plays a part whether in an accident, dispute, or an all out brawl.

What's interesting watching these unfold is how the participants are almost in their own world with everyone else as bystanders, sort of just fading into the distance--so they do everything wrong:

They speak emphatically in absolutes (and maybe even yell a little), cite chapter and verse (but from different books), name drop (ever bigger executives in the organization whether they really know them or their positions on the issues or not), name call and make personal digs, and perhaps--although it should absolutely never come to this--get physical (like slamming their portfolios, coffee mugs, and doors, or I heard one person who even threw something at their colleague).

Aside from these folks typically losing the argument and whatever they were after, what's worse is they lose everyone's respect, and maybe even their jobs. 

The arrow of the workplace fight shoots way up, and comes down hard and fast right in their behinds...it's a stupid, but endlessly painful and deserved ouch.  ;-)

(Source Photo: Andy Blumenthal)

Going To War, In The Office

Eye To Eye

I took this photo from a sticker plastered on the street corner in Washington, D.C. 

What I like about it, aside from it's cute, is that I see a message here about good communications and conflict management skills. 

Notice the eyes are different (one is green/yellow and the other is orange/blue)...like it's two people. 

But there is one mouth open, speaking between them.

This speaks to that while we may be talking to each other and even think we are saying the same thing ("violently in agreement"), we need to make sure that we are listening, understanding, and working through our differences--so at the end, we are both really "seeing eye to eye." 

While each of us is different, and we may never fully agree (and cabn "agree to disagree"), we can also negotiate and come to terms on a win-win course of action. 

Talk it out, bridge the gaps, and get to a place where we not only are able to see eye to eye, but can then go forward together and make it truly work. ;-)

(Source Photo: Andy Blumenthal)

Eye To Eye

A One Taxi Town Of HELL!

So coming back from vacation today was a tear.

We had an early flight--before dawn--and when we woke up, I called the town’s single cab company to confirm our early morning pickup (of which the reservation had been made the prior day by the front desk manager at the hotel). 

When we awoke the morning of the travel, I called the cab company to confirm they were on their way.

A man picks up the cab company’s phone and says curtly:

- "I am the dispatcher and also your driver this morning."

- "I have another person to drop off near your location and will be 15 minutes late."

Upon which he just hangs up, and we readjust our schedule slightly.

Then I receive a text message 20 minutes early that says the cab is downstairs. 

We rush downstairs, but there is no cab.

15 minutes later he arrives.

He says in a commanding voice:

- "Don’t you put the luggage in trunk, it can damage my computer [we don’t know what computer he was talking about]."

- "Shortest person sit behind me!"

We look at each other at how strange this cabbie is behaving, but again it’s the only “game in town.”

We get in the back seat, upon which he proceeds on the “dispatch computer” set up in the front seat to ignore us with mild apologetics and  works to handle calls, texts, and other people arrangements, while we are waiting in the back [already late because of his prior excuse] to get to the airport.

After what seemed like forever, he turns to me and says, “How are you going to pay?”

I ask, “Can you take a credit card?”

He says, “Yes, but the card reader may have interference at the airport [from this tiny airport, really?], and the ride will be 50 bucks!”

Realizing he was playing some sort of game with us to rip us off, since this was a meter cab, I try to explain that it seemed he was overcharging us saying “Well, we took a cab with you company from the airport just the other day and only paid around $40 and that was in a snowfall [today were clear skies and roads], so I’ll pay you the same $40.”

He turns angrily to me this time, and says threateningly, “You‘re trying to lowball me!  How about I just drive you around in circles and charge you by the meter even more?”

At this point, we could tell this guy was seriously off his rocker, and I try to deescalate this and ask, “Why are you giving us such a hard time with all of this?”

He seemed to calm down for a second as he was ostensibly trying to figure this out, and said okay, “We’ll do the meter [and you’ll pay]!”  

Now we were running late to the airport, this driver had our luggage hostage in the trunk, and he has threatened us to take us for an unwanted tour of the city instead of to the airport and overcharge us or potentially even make us miss our flight altogether.

I looked at my wife and daughter and they were clearly understanding the danger we were in of losing the flight, luggage, and so on; but as we discussed later, they were afraid of even worse physical danger from this person. 

He starts the car and with the dispatch computer screen still open [he angrily slammed open and closed the laptop multiple times], he drives on the highway while simultaneously, still working on dual duty as dispatch…we were terrified.

About halfway to the airport, he turns to me again, and says “Okay, I’ll turn the meter off [before] 40 bucks and you pay me 40!”

Afterward, my wife told me she thought he was going to pull over before 40 bucks and just drop us off somewhere in the middle of the highway.

I ask, continuing to try and calm this guy, “I don’t understand how can the meter be going higher than when we made the same trip in reverse in a storm just the prior week?”

Note, there wasn’t [barely] another car on the road and unlike in big cities, there was no signage with the driver’s picture, name, identification, etc.

He says, again in a threatening manner, “Oh I can also take the back roads to get you there cheaper, but you wouldn’t want me to do that, would you?”

Then he pauses, thinks again, and repeats, “Just pay me $40 cash {and he reaches to turn off the meter).

Soon after, we reach the airport terminal, and the taxi driver jumps out, dumps our [hostage] luggage on the side and holds out his hand. 

I gladly give him the $40 and thank G-d that we are at the airport and safe.

This was really an eye-opening lesson about what can happen when you are in the car with someone and they are in total control over whether you get where your supposed to go, make it in time, get your things, and get out safely.

In these small towns, it is no help that the cab company is a monopoly and probably the dispatcher/driver is probably also a part owner and maybe even has friends at the local airport, hotel, police, and the courts, etc.

I don’t think for a second that we were his first victims, and hope that people reading this will help make this his last! 

(Source Photo: Andy Blumenthal)

A One Taxi Town Of HELL!