So Sorry, Charlie

In the old Starkist Tuna commercials, Charlie the cool tuna thinks he's all that, but he keeps getting rejected by Starkist, because he's just not good enough and then the narrator comes on and says, "Sorry Charlie!"

These days, from my perspective, people often do not take responsibility when they mess up and arrogantly  they can't bring themselves to just say, "I'm sorry"--it was my responsibility, I messed up, and I am committed to doing better in the future.

It's really not so hard to say sorry, if you let your ego go. Most often, from what I've seen, unless the boss, spouse, or friend is just a jerk, saying sorry goes a long way to making things right--it shows you care about the relationship, your human and fallible (like the rest of us) and you are able to introspect, self-help, and learn from mistakes. 

In contrast, Bloomberg BusinessWeek (18 April 2013) says sillily, "Don't Apologize"--that refusing to apologize makes a person feel better about themselves, more powerful, and less of a victim.

Certainly, we don't want to apologize for things we didn't do, when we really don't mean it, or to give someone on a pure power binge the satisfaction of making us beg--in those cases, we should be truthful and respectful and set the record straight. We should also, make it clear that we will not be victimized by anyone, at anytime.

But when we are wrong--and it's not easy for everyone to recognize or admit it--just say so. It won't kill you and you'll usually see the other person lighten up on the punishing diatribe and maybe even admit their part in it or the stupid things they may have done at other times. 

No one is so perfect--despite some very large egos out there. And the bigger the ego, the bigger the jerk. The humbler the person, the nicer and more workable they are. 

Don't apologize for things you didn't do or to satisfy someone's bullying, but do apologize when you could've done better and you are committed to improving yourself and building the relationship. 

(Source Photo: Andy Blumenthal)

So Sorry, Charlie

Some Questions To Change Your Life

If you haven't seen this, Inc. ran an article (19 February 2013) on "11 Life-Changing Questions You Musk Ask Yourself."

I like the introspective and thoughtful questions posed and believe it's well worth our time to think about these. 

Looking back from your deathbed: 
The first three questions (1-3) have to do looking at your life in terms of how you lived your life and how it will be viewed at the end. The point is not what title you achieved (CEO, VP, etc.) or how much money you accumulated in your life, but whose lives you touched and how profoundly.

Working to live:
The next two questions (4-5) have to do with how you earn you keep. I remember learning that life is not about living to work, but rather working to live. Do you work hard and contribute something real and meaningful, and is it something that you can be proud of. 

Embrace good change:
There are two question (6-7) then about how you deal with change. When everyday is fundamentally the same and you're afraid to try new things, then you may very well be stuck in some sort of a rut. If you have the leeway to pick your change--look for ways to change that helps you grow into the person you want to be (and not just changing for changes sake). 

Spend your time valuably:
Two questions (8-9) are about that the best things in life cannot be bought--real relationships, good deeds, being a mensch. Your time is your most valuable resource. Flower, candy, gifts are a nice gesture but don't make up for time invested and well-spent together with those you most deeply care about. Words and gifts are cheap, actions speak louder than words--volumes--about who we really are. 

Treat others as G-d's creatures:
Question 10 points that people are G-d's precious creatures and the biggest test is how we treat them--do we do it with selfish interest or with empathy, kindess, and charity. I have never understood the many charity dinners and events where people get honored for their giving, rather than the honor being in the act of giving, itself. 

Challenge yourself to be more:
The 11th question isn't about doing scary, stupid things, but rather challenging and pushing yourself to overcome what seems like our innate limitations and instead go beyond (break those barriers!). 

While it is tempting to tire, to give up, or to just claim victory, as my grandfather used to say, "There is enough time to sleep after 120." ;-)

(Source Photo: Andy Blumenthal)

Some Questions To Change Your Life

RIM Is Doomed

Judge David Young of Court TV has a frequent saying that "Denial is not a river in Egypt."

When it comes to Research In Motion (RIM) the maker of the traditional organization mobile Blackberry device, denial now seems on par for their course.

On Tuesday (3 July 2012), the new CEO of RIM, Thorstein Heins was quoted as saying "There's nothing wrong with the company as it exists right now."


Yet since Mr. Heins took over RIM in January, the company's stock is down 50% and is down more than 90% from it's mid-2008 highs.


BlackBerry continues to lose out to stronger competitors like the iPhone and Android. On May 25, Digital trends reported in an article called "Poor BlackBerry" on IDC's 2nd quarter 2012 marketshare numbers for Smartphones with Android at around 60%, iPhone at 23%, and Blackberry at a mere 6%.


Further the new Blackberry 10 has been twice delayed, and RIM announced it's first operating loss in eight years, as it plans to downsize 5,000 employees (or a third of its workforce).


In the self-help industry, it is frequently said that the first step to getting better is to recognize that you have a problem.


In the case of RIM--we are looking at a company that unfortunately is either playing it too cool to be real with their customers and the marketplace, or they are in a deep and dangerous case of utter denial.

Either way, unless RIM takes decisive action soon--and that means first and foremost, coming to terms with their predictment and second, coming out with some major new disruptive technology for the mobile marketplace--they are doomed to the annals of tech history.

(Source Photo: here with attribution to Steve Jurvetson)

RIM Is Doomed

On Every Corner, Real Hope

There is a guy who stands on the corner in the 90+ degree heat here every day trying to sell his book. 

Calling out to passer-bys, he repeats, "This is a motivational book. It has my autograph."

Again and again, the people pass him by without even a second look.

I see him in the morning, the afternoon, and the evening--whenever I go down this street--and he is still standing there trying, trying, trying to sell his book.

The feeling I got was, not only didn't I want his "motivational book," but also (not to be mean), it was completely de-motivating watching him trying to sell it.

Usually with marketing, I would imagine that people want self-help books from other people that have clearly demonstrated success.

Those who have a compelling story to tell can tell us about a dragon they have slain--where we can transfer the feelings of success, the challenges overcome, and the lessons learned from the author to ourselves.

But because this guy is standing on the street corner, no one wants to purchase his book or give him a chance.

The guy standing on the corner is not the person in the "corner office."

Yet, I have a feeling his story would be an interesting story to hear.

Perhaps, his story is even more compelling, because it's from "the streets" and not from someone born with a silver spoon in their mouth.

But he is a stranger, selling a book on the corner, and I don't go up to him to ask.

Standing on the corner, in the heat, peddling a book for a few bucks, could be you or I--it's too easy to forget that.

I pray that G-d has mercy to help us all earn a fair days pay for a decent days work--not everyone is so blessed.

On every street corner, there can be real hope. 

(Source Photo: here with attribution to Hanne)

On Every Corner, Real Hope

Try Something New, Relax

So you work hard and play hard.

You're always in "on mode".
Of course, it's a 24 x 7 world.
Welcome to the 21st century.
Well it's time to stop!
Take a time out.
Some time to think.
Enjoy life again.
Become a human being.
Here is your test: Go to Do Nothing for 2 Minutes.
- Your only goal for the next 2 minutes is to look at the ocean, listen to the waves and the birds, and relax--really.
- If you touch the mouse or keyboard, you fail and have to start over again.
See if you can do it.
See if you can calm your mind.
See if you can get off the treadmill.
See if you can free yourself from anxiety and pain.
When you can just do this--for 2 minutes, you'll realize what you've been missing.
Now try Calm--no time limit this go around--you've earned it.
You'll are better for it and your family, friends, and colleagues notice the difference.
It's not a new you, just a rediscovered you.
Find and enjoy peace!

Try Something New, Relax

Feedback, Can't Live Without It

Whether you call it feedback or performance measurement, we all need information on how we are doing in order to keep doing better over time.

Wired (July 2011) reports that there are 4 basic stages to feedback:

1. Evidence--"behavior is measured, captured, and stored."

2. Relevance--information is conveyed in a way that is "emotionally resonant."

3. Consequence--we are provided with the results of our (mis)deeds.

4. Action--individuals have the opportunity to"recalibrate a behavior, make a choice, and act."

The new action (in step 4) is also subject to measurement and the the feedback loop begins again.

Feedback plays a critical role in helping us achieve our goals; according to psychologist Albert Bandura, if we can identify our goals and measure our progress to them, we greatly increase the likelihood that we will achieve them.

Thus, feedback is the way that we continually are able to course correct in order hit our targets: if we veer too much to the right, we course correct left; if we veer too much to the left, we course correct right.

Feedback loops "can help people change bad behavior...[and] can encourage good habits."

From obesity to smoking, carbon emissions to criminal behavior, and energy use to employee performance, if we get feedback as to where we are going wrong and what negative effects it is having on us, we have the opportunity to improve.

And the way we generate improvement in people is not by trying to control them--since no one can really be controlled, they just rebel--instead we give them the feedback they need to gain self-control.

These days, feedback is not limited to having that heart-to-heart with somebody, but technology plays a critical role.

From sensors and monitors that capture and store information, to business intelligence that makes it meaningful in terms of trends, patterns, and graphs, to alerting and notification systems that let you know when some sort of anomaly occurs, we rely on technology to help us control our often chaotic environments.

While feedback can be scary and painful--no one wants to get a negative reaction, criticized, or even "punished"--in the end, we are better off knowing than not knowing, so we have the opportunity to evaluate the veracity and sincerity of the feedback and reflect on what to do next.

There are many obstacles to self-improvement including disbelief, obstinance, arrogance, as well as pure unadulterated laziness. All these can get in the way of making necessary changes in our lives; however, feedback has a way of continuing to come back and hit you over the head in life until you pay attention and act accordingly.

There is no escaping valid feedback.

Feedback, Can't Live Without It

Life Building 101

The Guardian U.K. (2 April, 2011) has this wonderfully inspiring story about a very special body builder.

Dr. Charles Eugster is a dentist and athlete extraordinaire--you see Eugster is 91 years old.

And he says that "At 85 I had a crisis. I looked at myself in the mirror, and saw an old man. I was overweight, my posture was terrible and there was skin hanging off me. I looked like a wreck."

Now, he is doing dips, crunches, chin-ups, and push ups and scoring higher than contestants in ANY other age category.

Eugster says "I'm not chasing youthfulness, I'm chasing health."

Although he was already rowing 6 times a week when he was in his late-80s, he figured he could push himself a little harder and so he joined a body building club--OMG, this guy's attitude is amazing!

What an inspiration...

His outlook is that "We're told that old age is a continuous state of decline, and that we should stop working, slow down and prepare to die. I disagree...one day something will happen and that will be it. But until that day comes, I'm going to carry on working my abs!"

While none of us know when our time us up, it seems that we can choose how we approach our personal maturation--we can look at it as reaching a peak and then going over the proverbial cliff of life OR we can fight to continuously transform ourselves--for as long as we can--and to always try and be the best we can be.

Age, sex, race, color, religion, national origin, or disability--none of these should inhibit us from working our hardest and going for the gold of what is meaningful in life to us.

I remember a wise saying I learned from my teachers--the competition is really not with anyone else, it is with yourself.

So to me it's not really body building we're talking about, but rather life building--and this is something we can all strive for.

Life Building 101