Aging Yet (Hopefully) Always Helping Each Other

I just love this drawing of the parents and child. 

My daughter found it on Instagram and sent it to me. 

As a little kid, my wife and I used to hold her hands and swing her between us when walking (like in the above illustration)--she loved that!

Now as we get older, we still try to be good, helpful parents (not too intrusive or helicopter-like--well maybe a little), but we can certainly see a day down the line when the cycle of life goes full circle. 

My daughter used to joke (I think) about putting me in an old age home--she knew that after seeing what my mom went through there with Parkinson's, that is truly the last place I would want to end up. 

Of course, sometimes there really is no choice when a person just needs so much care that it is beyond what the family can do any longer. 

Frankly, what I have learned is that the most important and precious thing that parents and children can give each other is...time!

So is that child in the bottom illustration helping his aging parents along or is he dragging them off to the nursing home?  Perhaps, we'll never know until it's too late. ;-)

(Source Photo: Rebecca Blumenthal from Instagram Unlimited Knowledge)

Aging Yet (Hopefully) Always Helping Each Other

Shockingly Hungry

So a funny part of my personality is that I can be a little bit of a joker sometimes.

I am a study of human nature, so it can be fun just to get a rouse out of people, by doing something unexpected or even shocking. 

Today, going through the airport with my daughter, the TSA security lines were a lot better than what had been advertised lately.

As we get through and are getting our stuff together, my daughter says to me (around breakfast time now): "I'm hungry, can we get something to eat?"

So, I jokingly turn to her with a serious face on and say, "But you already ate yesterday!"

This strange man next to us, stops dead in his tracks overhearing what I said, and gives us the craziest look.

So what do I do having a ball with this?

I repeat even louder and with more emphasis, "Why do you need to eat again?  You already ate yesterday!!"

I am having to hold myself from cracking up laughing as I know this guy is listening and I almost can't wait to see his facial expression. 

I look at my daughter who gets it and is playing along and she is also pretending and putting on a sour face like she can't have any food today.

The guy looks like he is about to explode and say something, but decides I suppose to just make a real disgusted kvetchy face and move on.

I was sort of disappointed that he didn't want to help (in his mind) this kid and say something like, "How can you do that--and not feed her every day?"

I would have admired him for actually caring enough to try to help and intervene for someone else, even a stranger. 

But I guess the pent up shocked look will have to surface for today's human antics. ;-)

(Source Photo: Andy Blumenthal)

Shockingly Hungry

Take Your Family Issues To Work Day

So we all love Take You Child(ren) To Work Day.

It's a great idea to bond with our children and share our work life with them.

This way they know what mommy and daddy do and also a little of what work is like. 

But one of the funny things I noticed is how uncomfortable most parents seem with their kids around them in at work. 

They have this worried and kvetchy look on their face.

They are crossing boundaries between personal/family/home life and professional/work life. 

What is at once two-faces, two distinct roles is now combined for a single day a year. 

Perhaps personal problems from home and between family members is entering the workspace or the problems of work life is evident to your close family members. 

Maybe mommy or daddy really doesn't get along all the well with little Johnny or Rosie all the time or perhaps little Johnny or Rosie is not that perfect little kid you've been showing around in pictures and talking up in the office. 

Similarly, mommy or daddy may not be "all that" in the office that they come home and portray to their family about--that big management position and corner office could be just another run of the mill job and situated in a long row of cubicles deep this way and that. 

In any case, the barriers are being crossed and even if there have been no outright lies told and caught, different sides of the person that are typically kept separate and sacrosanct are converging and the alternate egos and varied personas come head-to-head.

The good news is that the organization usually gives the parents leeway to not really do any serious work when the kids are around for the day and to mostly schlep them to special kids' events in the workplace--everybody get to meet the CEO and have ice cream?

Thus, the unveiling of dual natures and embedded conflicts is kept to a manageable minimum, if not an uncomfortable merging of work and family life. ;-)

(Source Photo: Andy Blumenthal) 

Take Your Family Issues To Work Day

STEM Lost And Found

So this was a shirt of a local college campus that I took yesterday. 

It shows aspirations to be all sorts of things...from a doctor and lawyer to a cowgirl and princess. 

However, in this list of  22 professional aspirations there is a noticeable lack of science, technology, engineering, and math (STEM). 

Yes, doctors do have to know science, but not necessarily the type that opens up the world of discovery and innovation like a researcher or scientist!

STEM are the fields that over and over again have been reported as grossly lacking in this country. 

"America Desperately Needs More STEM Students" (Forbes 2012)

"Americas Lack of STEM Students is Bad News For National Security" (US News and World Report June 2015)

Another article in IEEE Spectrum (August 2013) claims that while the "STEM crisis is a myth," still "we should figure out how to make all children literate in the sciences, technology, and the arts."

From my experience, while I certainly get to see a lot of awesome technical talent, I also see and hear too many moans and groans when it comes to a lot of basic skills in STEM.

One colleague said the other day (and in a public forum), "Oh, don't depend on my math skills for that!"

Others that I know have difficulty with everything from simple spreadsheets, backing up their computer files, or even balancing a checkbook, and other such fundamental skills. 

Growing up with a dad who was a math whiz, a sister with a PhD in bio-medical science, and me majoring in accounting, business, and later diving into IT, I learned to appreciate, on many fronts, how important basic STEM skills are, and I in turn used to drill my own kids with workbooks and worksheets--and they perhaps at the time resented me for it, and maybe only later in life, started to love me for caring and trying.

In school, I found a lot of the education in STEM to be lacking coming across too often as esoteric and disappointingly devoid of day-to-day meaning and application in the real world for the regular people not building bridges or spaceships, so I certainly understand the frustration of young people who while they may be interested in pursuing these critical areas of education, may be turned off at the way it's being presented to them. 

We need great teachers who not only know the material, but love what they do and know how to make the material come alive to their students. Also, we need jobs that pay commensurate to the value of the talent and not nickle and dime the developers, researchers, and engineers while lining the pockets of the executive suite. Finally, we should focus the hearts and minds of our people on the real meaning of the work they do and how it helps people and society, and not just on what often comes across as isolated tasks or the organization's free dry cleaning and all you can eat buffet lunches. ;-)

(Source Photo: Andy Blumenthal)

STEM Lost And Found

Why Yell And Intimidate The Child?

So at the table next to us this morning at breakfast was a mean looking lady and a fidgety young child. 

The lady as we found out over the course of their dialogue was the child's grandmother. 

And she wouldn't stop berating this kid, maybe 5-years old. 

Grandmother: "Don't you dare get up from the table until I'm done with my coffee, [and then this weird chilling] thank you."

Child: Obviously looking to run around and have some fun, "But I just want to go."

Grandmother:  Who has finished her breakfast and coffee and is just making a continuing point, "You'll wait until I'm done, and I say we're ready, [and again, the long controlling pause and then] thank you."

Child: "I'm tired."

Grandmother: "Then you'll go upstairs, get back into bed and go to sleep, and no tv, just sleep--you will not move!"

Child: Looks up helplessly sad.

Grandmother: Now the truth starts to come out, "You know I don't like the way you treat you mother. Your disrespectful! And that won't go with me."

Child: Appears to not really understand what she is saying and legs dangle anxiously off the chair, but clearly very afraid to get up.

Grandmother: "You'll learn to be respectful to your mother. You will learn!"

Child: Head leaning sideways on table, says nothing. 

Grandmother: Makes child wait some more and more, and finally, "Now we can go."

Child: Child picks head up and runs to take her hand. 

Grandmother: Sneers and smirks with her power over the child--she looks like a freakin' witch. 

Whole scene was sort of heartbreaking. 

My wife and I look at each other, and shake our heads.

This was not teaching or loving, but something else and it wasn't normal or nice. 

I say, "Perhaps, when a child is abused this way--day after day, year after year--this is why they grow up and then do horrible and hateful things."

It's amazing how adults take out their issues on children--and they think it's legit--but deep down you can see it really isn't--and the children and society pays for the sins of the adults. ;-)

(Source Photo: Andy Blumenthal)

Why Yell And Intimidate The Child?

Parenting@CVS

This photo was taken in CVS.

The baby looks like it's trying to escape from the red shopping basket, but presumably the mother at the cashier is going...

"And I'll take one baby with the bottle of milk and Chiclets, thank you!"  

Hey look at all that candy kid...this is better than Charlie and the Chocolate Factory!

(Source Photo: Dannielle Blumenthal)

Parenting@CVS

Everyday, A Catch-22

I took this photo of this guys' cool Catch-22 bag on the Metro in Washington, D.C. yesterday. 

Catch-22 was made famous in the book of the said name by Joseph Heller.

Essentially a Catch-22 is an unsolvable problem.

In the book for example, military servicemen in WWII can apply for a discharge if they are verifiably crazy, but the sheer act of applying for a discharge shows you are not crazy. 

Other examples of a Catch-22 are locking your keys in the car and you can't unlock the door to get them or losing your glasses but now you can't look for them.

In life, it seems like we are constantly facing Catch-22's, however not solving them is not an option...we must come up with a workable solution.

At work and in school, we compete to get ahead, yet we must team, cooperate, and collaborate with those very same folks that we are competing with. 

At home with children, we need to teach our children often difficult lessons of right and wrong, patience, discipline, and safety, even while we have overflowing feelings of love for them and just want to hug them and give in to them. 

With spouses, as our love and lives build over the years, we grow together and become ever more interdependent on our partners, yet we need to maintain some healthy independence and self at the same time. 

With career, are we advance ourselves so that we can provide well for our families, we must balance work-life, so that we aren't just bringing home a paycheck, but are actually emotionally there for our loved ones. 

The list of life's conundrums goes on and on, but rather than throw up our hands in defeat, we have to fight on and come up with solutions that are best fit to the challenges we face...there is no discharge just because you feel crazed or need to confront something hard...you need to solve the dilema and then you can go home. ;-)

(Source Photo: Andy Blumenthal)

Everyday, A Catch-22

From The Bronx To Jamaica

So as a kid, I remember the older folks joking that "wine is fine, but liquor is quicker!"

As we went for some wine for Shabbat in Fort Lauderdale by the beach, we had a whole bunch of surprises in one evening...

- First, I was more than a little surprised to find a bottle of Manischewitz Concord Grape wine--in of all places, CVS!

- On the way to CVS, we ran into the Jamaican Man, from our last vacation, who makes straw hats on the corner by the beach, and he sees me and somehow recognizes me--next thing I know he is practically embracing me as if I am one of his best friends, high-fiving and fist-bumping me--yeah, me the Jewish boy from the Bronx (this was a riot)!

- On the way back, there is a lady with her kids in tow on the street, and all of a sudden she turns to one of the younger kids and says in her accented English, "That's almost a $100, you little SH*T!" We could barely believe our ears. 

What a lot of surprises all in one evening from the Bronx to Jamaica. ;-)

(Source Photo: Andy Blumenthal)

From The Bronx To Jamaica

Didn't Do It

My elderly father retold a funny joke to us yesterday when we visited him at his assisted living home.

It goes like this...

A teacher in school asks the classroom of children, "Who killed Abraham Lincoln?"

One little child in the front of the room meekly raises his hand, and when called on by the teacher answers,"I didn't do it!"

The teacher is taken aback at the response, and after class calls the child's father and tell him to come in after school to discuss this. 

After school, the father shows up and sits down with the teacher, and listens to him repeat the story about what happened in class.

The father is visibly annoyed, and when the teacher is done staunchly says, "If my son says he didn't do it, then he didn't do it!"

Ah, I suppose one could take this as a sad commentary either generally-speaking on the state of our education system or in particular of this family that is quite clueless--and where it's clear that the apple does not fall far from the tree. ;-)

(Source Photo: Andy Blumenthal)

Didn't Do It

"Wicked" Contact Lists

So two interesting things I learned today about information and communications technology.

One, technology is better when it's chocolate. Pictured here are telephones, cell phones, and smart phones made of luscious chocolate. Only problem is that the technology is too beautiful to eat!

Two, kids these days are putting in some very creative names into their smartphones' contact lists to identify their parents. For example, one of my daughters friends who went out with us today told me about three names her friends are currently using for their mothers:

- Birth Giver

- Financial Aid

- Mental Case

Ah, while we have to appreciate creativity in our young ones, perhaps too much of anything is no good. 

Anyway, I'm glad that I'm still "Dad" on my girls' phones--or at least I think that what they are still calling me!  ;-)

(Source Photo: Andy Blumenthal)

"Wicked" Contact Lists

Two Lost Children

Often we hear about lost children with everything from Amber Alerts to our phones and billboards to advertisements on local TV and even on milk cartons--and it is completely frightening. 

Rarely though do we come into contact with lost children...but yesterday it happened to us. 

We were taking a nice quiet walk around the neighborhood, but something was different this time. 

I see 2 children running down the block, and as they get closer, I see they are not playing, but running scared. 

The taller, older girl is ahead of a smaller boy. 

As the girl is within speaking distance, her whole face breaks into tears and she starts sobbing loudly.

Not knowing if they were in some imminent danger, I asked quickly what was wrong and were they in danger. 

By now the little boy has caught up with his sister and they--taking turns--saying they are lost. 

We start asking more questions.

Are you from around here?  No, they are visiting from NY. 

What is the address of where they are staying?  Don't know. 

What the name of the people they are staying at?  Don't know. 

Where are their parents?  Don't know--they told them to go out and run around the (strange) neighborhood.

How old are they? The girl is 7 and the boy is just 4.

We told these 2 little kids not to worry that we would help them find their way back and that we wouldn't leave them until we did. 

Immediately, we headed back from where they had come from to backtrack and find their parents. 

The boy and girl took turns running ahead, crying, afraid they were not going to find the house they came from and saying the streets here are so curvy unlike the square blocks where they are from in NY. 

As we kept going around, I started to get leg pain, as I am still on a cane myself from recent surgery, and we were rushing to find their home in the midday Summer sun.

We made it down a long block, looking this way and that with the kids--turned the corner...then again the same thing...down another block...although we try to calm them, as we kept going, the kids get more panicky that they were just completely lost. 

Finally, thank G-d, a lady in the distance...the kids start running...they recognize her immediately...it's their mother. 

The lady sees us behind them bringing them home to her...she picks up the little girl who makes it to her first...so glad to have her kids back.

She waves to us...a quick sort of thanks--and turns and walks away.

That was it...she didn't say a word and was gone before we even caught up. 

The kids were really sweet--they were also fortunate--and I hope they are okay and never have to experience anything like that again. 

(Source Photo: Andy Blumenthal)

Two Lost Children

Treat People Nice

On a recent college visit, I saw this sign hanging on a door. 

The quote is by Maya Angelou and it is very powerful:

"People will forget what you said,
People will forget what you did,
But people will never forget how you made them feel."

As human beings in this world, we come and go.

Our time here is finite. 

We will be replaced by others.

What is truly memorable about us is our relationships and how we treat others. 

When we show kindness to people or when we are cruel to others--these things are never forgotten. 

Our interactions are the mark of who we are inside--do we sincerely care about others and the bigger picture or are we just plain selfish?

How about you--can you remember:

• how that parent who loved you made you feel? 
• how that teacher who taught you made you feel? 
• how that friend who played with you made you feel?
• how that boss who mentored you made you feel? 
• how that clergy who inspired you made you feel?
• how that spouse who was your companion made you feel?
• how those children who looked up to you made you feel? 
• how those colleagues who supported your work made you feel?

I'm sure you can also remember times when people made you feel not so good--perhaps, you scowled or even cursed them under your breath. 

Getting results in life is not enough--we can't do it by stepping on other people and really being successful that way.

Empathy and kindness or a hard heart and cruelty--you will be remembered one way or another. ;-)

(Source Photo: Andy Blumenthal)

Treat People Nice

Hooters' Training

I thought this was a funny-sad photo.

This dad took his two kids (twins?) out to eat. 

The eatery is Hooters. 

The young, attractive, scantily clad waitresses in the orange shorts were serving them. 

It may be fine for the adult, but it didn't seem so okay for the little kids. 

Not that I'm so Mr. Perfect, but  couldn't help reflect that what we teach our children is important. 

This wasn't Ronald McDonald's, Subway, or Chipotle.

What was the lessons for these kids?

I remember when I would argue with my dad (still to this day) about religion and seeing seemingly "religious" people do things wrong (sometimes terribly wrong), and he would say to me, "You be the example!"

Maybe that's sort of the point--is that the way we live is the lessons we showcase to others.

Each of us has the opportunity to lead by example...that's what leadership fundamentally is.

(Source Photo: Andy Blumenthal)

Hooters' Training

Go 2 Shul

My wonderful dad is very religious and enjoys going to shul (i.e. synagogue) every day--multiple times a day. 

I love him for who he is and respect his deep religious beliefs and devotion to G-d--my dad truly serves and walks with Hashem.

And I hope and pray that my Dad has many more happy and healthy years to go to synagogue--"Until 120 years," G-d bless!

Often, Dad reminds me how important it is to attend services, especially since I am a more private person who would rather connect with G-d on a more personal level. 

To each his own and live and let live.  

My wife saw this license plate today and my daughter took a photo of it. 

Apparently, this is someone else who either wants to go 2 shul or wants others to go as well. 

I'm not sure, but it even looks like they wrote or carved the word "synagogue" on the bumper of their car as well. 

Anyway as long as everyone drives safely, it is great to find innovative ways to get the message out there. ;-)

Go 2 Shul

Shout, Let It All Out or Shut Up and Take 10

I like this photo..."I don't know what we're yelling about!!"

On one hand, some people may yell out of frustration or anger--because they feel terribly wronged or even abused by someone else (i.e. they feel a "righteous anger").

On the other hand, others may yell because they are mentally unstable or just can't handle their sh*t (i.e. "they are losing it").

Some may yell like in martial arts training to scare the other person and get them to back off. I remember someone telling me back in NYC that if you're about to be attacked, start to talk to yourself, act crazy, foam at the mouth, and yell...this way maybe they will leave you alone (i.e. "they'll look for an easier target"). 

While some studies are saying that yelling is becoming less of a problem, the sheer number of articles on this topic tell a different story. From yelling at your children to yelling at your employees, the yelling phenomenon is alive and well.

Parents are yelling more, maybe to avoid spanking, which is now more a social taboo. Studies show that 75% of parents scream at their kids about once a month--this includes shouting, cursing, calling them "lazy," "stupid," or otherwise belittling and blaming them. The problem is that yelling only makes the kids depressed, angrier, and creates more behavioral problems, not less. 

In this way, shouting at children is no different than physically abusing them (e.g. hitting, pushing, etc.)

Similarly, when superiors or customers scream at employees, the workers feel they are in an out of control situation where they are powerless. There are numerous negative impacts that this has on them, including problems with memory, reduced creativity, worse performance, and higher turnover rates. 

While some people may not resort to actual yelling in the workplace, they instead do "silent yelling--sending flaming emails, making faces or otherwise denigrating employees or simply marginalizing them. In other words, they don't yell, but rather are silent and deadly, nonetheless. 

Businessweek quotes Rahm Emanuel about how he motivates people, "Sometimes--I don't want to say scream at them--but you have to be...forceful."

Rather than yell or scream, the common advice is to bring it down--way down--using measures from taking a deep breath to meditating, counting to ten or waiting 24 hours before responding, describing how you feel to focusing on problem-solving.

The key is to calm down, act with your brains not your brawn, and figure out how to get to the root cause of the problem and solve it. 

People may raise their voice to vent or make a point, in the heat of the moment, or if they are being personally attacked, but in general, as it says in Ethics of Our Fathers, "Who is strong? One who overpowers his inclinations." ;-)

(Source Photo: here with attribution to Soukup)

Shout, Let It All Out or Shut Up and Take 10

China's Dangerous Socioeconomic Malaise

Fascinating article in the Wall Street Journal today on China's "Left Behind Kids."

While we hear about China as the rising Asian economic powerhouse, we do not often contemplate the socioeconomic impact of what is occurring there on Chinese families. 

As China rises to economic superpower status, more than 250 million migrant workers pour from the poor rural parts of China to the cities to supply the  relatively cheap labor to keep manufacturing humming and the economy brimming with growth.

Those left behind are 61 million Chinese children, who are growing up without one or both parents. 

One in five Chinese children haven't seen their parent(s) for at least 3 months.

But laws in China prevent children from coming to the cities with their parents in order to stem the flow of migration from rural areas. 

Chinese parents are saying, "We'll go wherever we can get the highest pay,"

Children are saying, "What's the big deal of having no mother anyway? I can grow up without a mom."

So while smog and pollution is spoiling beautiful China cities and harming people's physical health, the greater concern is that children are missing out on the loving, bonding, caring, and guidance that comes with a regular parental presence and good sound parenting from them. 

Understanding that strong parent-child relationships are critical to the formation of mental, emotional, and spiritual health of the children, the numbers and severity of Chinese children that are missing out on this is of great concern. 

While some children may be okay under the care of able grandparents along with regular visits or calls by parents, many others children, who don't have this, could end up having serious mental and emotional problems.

Already "more than 70% of children in rural China show signs of mental health problems such as anxiety and depression."

And as is often the case, anxiety and depression turn into resentment and anger.

With tens of millions of left behind children being forced to fend for themselves and hundreds of millions of migrant parents living in "dormitories, tents, or bomb shelters" away from their families and homes, what we have here is a bonafide socioeconomic ticking time bomb. 

Political pundits often point to the concern of China's power elite that the people will rise up against them and the Communist Party,
but I think the far bigger concern is to those outside of the system altogether. 

In my mind, the destruction of the core family will ultimately result in a tsunami of frustration, anger, and a weakening of social values.

Moreover, this  could very well spillover and lead to a dangerous rise of militancy, where people do not want to lash out against their political system or leadership, but rather against everyone else who took the goods that left them economically richer, but poorer in just about every other way. ;-)

(Source Photo: Andy Blumenthal)

China's Dangerous Socioeconomic Malaise

Lessons Learned From My Family By Rebecca Blumenthal

This is a moving interview with Rebecca Blumenthal.

She came to me this afternoon, spontaneously, to tell me some meaningful lessons she had gathered from some of the special members of her family.

Immediately after I heard a few of the things she had to say, I asked her if she would mind me capturing these beautiful sentiments on this short video.

I was very moved by her sincerity and thoughtfulness, and it gave me pause in my own life to appreciate these things anew from the people who have been so important in my life as well.

(Source Video: Andy Blumenthal)

Lessons Learned From My Family By Rebecca Blumenthal

Driving Away With It

This last week was another week for gross social injustice. 

As it has now been widely reported, a wealthy drunken teen stole 2 cases of beer and then plowed into a stranded motorist and 3 bystanders who were trying to help--and killed them all.

The teen was 3x over the alcohol limit!

What an irony: 3 people stop to help a stranger in need and they are killed by someone who cares nothing for human life.

And the flagrant injustice of it all is that the kid was let off on 5 years probation and will attend a $450,000 a year private school rather than going to prison. 

On the news this week, they interviewed the husband and father of 2 of the dead, killed by this teen. He is broken. 

The defense teen argued "Affluenza" -- like a disease, the kid should be let off the hook because...he is unbelievably wealthy and therefore was not given proper parental supervision--in effect, he is a victim of having too much--too many things, too much opportunity, but too little parenting as well. 

I guess I never realized that justice meant if you had too much you could murder 4 people and walk!

While others that have too little--education, jobs, money, 2-parent families, and so on--must take the rap and go away for their crimes.

Too much--you can buy your way free.

Too little--you get sent up the river without a paddle. 

Wouldn't you think it should be the other way around--if you have more, then more is expected of you.  While if you have less, your challenges are greater and so we take into account extenuating circumstances?

But no, money talks, and the guilty walks. 

It is a shame on our society--and what we inappropriately call a justice system.

Whether the money buys you a top-rated defense attorney, paying off some officials or jurors, or provide alternatives to the the same punishment and rehabilitation that others must face, there is no denying that money influences the outcome.

Sort of reminds me of the infamous O.J. trial--another travesty of justice. How many more? 

Funny, how art imitates life and life imitates art--in Season 2 of Homeland, the son of the V.P. drinks and drives and also kills someone and gets off with nothing but a slap on the wrist. 

You see it's not whether you're black or white or yellow or whatever, it's plain hard !!power!! and $$cash$$. 

(Source Photo: Andy Blumenthal)

Driving Away With It

Don't Send Parenting To The Cloud

So my youngest daughter is taking her SAT's.

Where did the years go?

As a parent, what's my role in helping her prepare?

With all the new technology out there, you'd think I was just a parental annoyance...yeah, in some ways I am. 

According to the Wall Street Journal, "parents are too tired, too busy--or too mystified to help" with homework. 

And now "digital tutors" are taking their place for about $24 to $45 per hour (and even prorated per minute).

For example, on Tutor.com you can get on-demand tutoring to text chat and do calculations on a shared screen with your kid. 

Tutor.com has about 1,200 tutors, 95% from Bangalore, India staffed by "moonlighting or retired teachers, college professors, or [other] professionals."

Other online resources include Khan Academy with educational videos, Chegg.com with answers to homework problems from 2,500+ textbooks, and StudyBlue.com for sharing "study guides, notes, and flashcards."

While these online tutoring resources can be a huge help for students, I think that parents can still play an important role. 

Recently, my daughter and I have carved out some time every night to sit down at the dining room table with books, scrap papers, and our own flash cards to study, together. 

What I am finding is that this is a really special time for us to bond and sort of be in this SAT rite of passage together, where I can provide emotional support and some structure for the studying.

We also have signed her up for a more formal review class as well as some online resources, but I am glad to be a parent to my children and not rely only on canned cloud solutions.

While I don't know most of the answers and she does--I take that as a good thing. ;-)

(Source Photo: Andy Blumenthal)

Don't Send Parenting To The Cloud

People Needing People

My wife always tells me she needs a lot of personal space--she likes time and focus to do "her thing." 

No one nagging, yapping, coming around, asking for things...just some quiet time for herself.

I can appreciate that--we all need time to think, be creative, take care of personal things, and pursue our own interests. 

At the same time, people need other people. 

When we are done doing our things, we need human interaction, attention, conversation, sharing, touch. 

I saw a few things this week that really brought this home:

1) The Netflix show "Orange Is The New Black" about a young woman put in jail and how she handles all the challenges of being incarcerated with literally a cast of characters.  But in one scene in particular, she is thrown in the SHU (Solitary Housing Unit) and within about a day, she is hearing voices and talking to someone that isn't there. Alone, she crawls up into a ball--like a baby--craving someone to come, anyone. 

2) Visiting the nursing home today, I saw many old people screaming for help. It is a really nice nursing home as far as they go, and the people apparently weren't screaming because of mistreatment, but rather for attention--a human being to be there interacting with them. Interestingly, even when the old people are sitting together, they are still yelling in a sort of helpless anguish being alone, only calming down when a family, friend, or caretaker comes over to them, touches their hand or hugs them, asks about their wellbeing, and shows genuine human caring. Yes, they have real physical needs they call out for help for too, but I think even many of those calls for help--too many and too often to all be for actual needs--are just for someone to come around and pay them attention and be there with them.

3) I remember years ago, seeing some parents put their child to sleep at night. But the child wanted their parent to sit with them and comfort them while they drifted off to sleep. But this parent strictly followed the Dr. Spock guidance that you just let them cry it out, and boy did this little girl cry and cry and cry.  I said to my wife, this is not the right way--it can't be. And I myself always fought that the children should be held and comforted when they cried, not forced at such a tender young age to be alone and "self-sufficient."

While people need time and space for themselves, even the biggest introvert among us needs other people. 

In solitary, people can literally lose their mind--alone, scared, desperate, but solitary doesn't have to be a prison, it can be an emotional and mental condition where people are craving even just a hug from someone who gives a damn. 

(Source Photo: here with attribution to Clover 1)

People Needing People