Showing posts with label Cheats. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Cheats. Show all posts

August 2, 2020

Overpriced Desk Chairs





I went on this website for some deck chairs.

They had this nothing of a chair called the Harborside for almost $500. I was looking for 2 chairs, so that would've been a whooping $1,000 almost.


After a while on their web page, a chat box came up asking if I needed any help. 

It was funny because the guys name was Jake, as in the commercial, "Hi, this is Jake from State Farm!"

Anyway, I must've been annoyed at their ridiculous prices and I had this farce of a dialogue with Jake. 

Jake: Hello, We see you are checking out.  Can we help in any way?

Me: trying to download a 25% off coupon...can you assist?

Jake: We don't have any coupons or discount codes. 

Me: Just overpriced then.  {smiley}

Me: Why do you charge so much for such cheap merchandise?

Jake: It's grade A teak which is the highest quality grade you buy but go on.

Me: It's a tree! Why should I pay $1000 for 2 small desk chairs.  There is plenty of tweak in the forest for free!

Me:  Can you explain?

Jake: *Teak. You're more than welcome to grow your own forest and make these but you'll have to move to a warmer climate. You can educate yourself better with our guide here [and he attached a link]. 

Me: Hmmm. Would you pay $1000 for thee little wooden chairs. 

Me: Also, I'm pretty educated.  TY

Jake: Yes, I have 4 on [my grandmother's porch]

Me: You didn't pay $2000 for 4 chairs for your grandmother's porch.  NO WAY!  I bet you got a big employee discount. 

At which point, the chat box quickly bleeped off the screen!

Jake from State Farm...you didn't really buy 4 chairs for your grandmother for $2000 did you???  ;-)

(Credit Photos: Andy Blumenthal)
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August 7, 2015

Why Can't We Just Stay As Superman?

So when we're young, we think we're Superman, Batman, or whatever superhero comes to mind. 

Our bodies are beautiful, supple, strong, and heal quickly. 

We are taught by our helicopter parents and philosophic teachers that "You can do anything you set your mind to!"

In our fantasies, we surely can do amazing things--we lift unbelievable weight, fly around at the speed of light, do karate better than Bruce Lee, outthink Einstein, save the world, and then make off with the beautiful damsel to boot.

Kryptonite is no problem--we are (seemingly) invincible.

Then we hit middle age--40 something--and all of a sudden what do you know?

Oh, this doesn't work right and that doesn't feel right.

The Yiddish expression, "Oy vey" seems about it.

And off to the doctors we go.

After the exam and tests, doc says, "Mr. (or Ms.) [whatever], you have [fill in the blank]."

You respond, "Is that normal--at my age--already?"

Doc says, "Absolutely, this is what happens as you get older."

I say, "Doc, does anything good happen when we get older."

"Of course not"--we both laugh. 

This reminds me of when my dad used to sing this song in this funny mock Irish accent, "You're not as young as you used to be you're getting old and gray!" 

This week, a colleague was coming down with something--possibly something not good. 

I told him how I hoped this turns out well for him and how sorry I was for what he was going through.

Writing off the illness, he says to me, "We all end the same anyway" (i.e. we all end up dead!)--ah, another unhappy notion that is. 

I joked back, "But we all don't end up in the same place."

I got a few laughs at that too (some of my father in me). 

Well anyway, I thought about this after--about some of the special subhuman beings out there--and the very special place that I am certain G-d has in store for them:

- Serial murders and other violent criminals

- Rapists and child abusers

- Terrorists and their sponsors

- Megalomaniacs, bullies, and corrupt officials

- Thieves, cheats, and liars.

And guess what about these schmendricks--they get old too, they go to the doctor too, and then they are going somewhere warm, very warm, and it's not to the Caribbean. ;-)

(Source Photo: Andy Blumenthal)
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