Showing posts with label Trust. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Trust. Show all posts

November 2, 2019

Pyramid of Emotional Intelligence

I really like this Pyramid of Emotional Intelligence (EI). 

It starts at the bottom with your own personal self-awareness--knowing who you are, including your beliefs, values, priorities, needs, and dreams, and being able to express this. 

Next level is your personal self-control--being able to manage your feelings, control your actions, and cope with challenges and adversity. 

Moving to the social level is then social awareness--having a consciousness and respect of others, their feelings, thoughts, motivations, needs, desires, and rights.

Finally, at the top is relationship management--the ability to actively listen and empathize, assert and influence, be patience and unconditionally accept differences, develop trust, give and take, collaborate, and manage conflict.

Most people work on developing these areas of the EI their whole life, and it is definitely a pyramid worthy of the climb. ;-)

(Credit Graphic: Andy Blumenthal)

Share/Save/Bookmark

August 8, 2019

Who's In Charge Here?

This was a funny photo...

Sign around the ape says:
Laugh now, but one day, we'll be in charge

I guess you never know who will be in charge. 
  • Be nice to everyone. 
  • Never burn bridges.

All of life is a circle--and everything and everybody goes around and around.  ;-)

(Credit Photo: Andy Blumenthal)
Share/Save/Bookmark

August 2, 2019

What's Your Relationship?

This week I learned about the Three Levels of Relationships.

Level 3: Family/Friends
The highest form of a relationship where you are being authentic (i.e. yourself), you share deeply about yourself (thoughts, feelings, desires, mistakes, etc,) and you are vulnerable. 

Level 2: Professionals
The middle level of relationships in which you are seeking to build trust and respect, you share some information (i.e. appropriate), and you expose yourself a little to the other person. 

Level 1: Acquaintances
The most elementary of relationships that is superficial in nature, there is little personal sharing of information (i.e. mostly when you are asked a question and you feel comfortable answering it), and you remain guarded. 

This is a good way to assess your relationships--is it a level 1, 2, or 3 and are you behaving appropriately within that, so that you trust, communicate, and collaborate effectively.  ;-)

(Graphic Credit: Andy Blumenthal)
Share/Save/Bookmark

July 15, 2019

OMG, What A Beautiful Song

And Even In Hiding
By Yaakov Shwekey & Kobi Peretz
Even though I am walking through the valley of the shadow of death
I fear no evil
Because you are with me
Even behind the difficult things you are going through
I stand...I stand...I stand
Even in the place which is hidden, within that which is hidden
Surely, the blessed Hashem is found there too 

My heart and soul are uplifted by this beautiful song. ;-)
Share/Save/Bookmark

June 21, 2019

UNDERpromise + OVERdeliver

Every manager is rightly taught to underpromise and overdeliver. 

It's sound planning and good risk management to plan for contingencies--and certainly these do happen. 

Build in some buffer time and resources into your estimates, because reality bites and you need to have the ammunition to respond. 

My father used to tell me:
"A word is a word!"

When you say something, promise something, commit to something then that is it!"

To do otherwise is to have no honor, no character, and no fear of G-d. 

Similarly, when you overpromise and underdeliver, you fail yourself and your customers.

People commit time, resources, and faith in you, so you owe it to them to set realistic goals and plans to accomplish them.

To do otherwise, you risk damage to the longterm relationship, you hurt your credibility, and maybe most importantly, you hurt the chances of genuine progress. 

The philosophy that I believe works best is:  Be thoughtful. Be strategic. Be direct. Be honest.  

That's what I would want from others and that's also what I strive to be. ;-)

(Source Photo: Andy Blumenthal)
Share/Save/Bookmark

October 30, 2018

Beautiful Flowers

I just wanted to share these beautiful flowers. 

The colors and shapes are so amazing. 

It's like you can see G-d's amazing hand in creating these so intricately, delicately and with so much brilliance. 

There is comfort in His work and the life He has given.

I am grateful for each day to serve His purpose. 

Hope you enjoy the gorgeous flowers. ;-)

(Source Photo: Andy Blumenthal)
Share/Save/Bookmark

August 9, 2018

Why Can't People Be Genuine

Why all the phonies, users, shysters, and scammers out there?

It starts perhaps with that big, warm smile.

Maybe a handshake and hug. 

Perhaps, you even get a kiss or two (it's cultural, I think, LOL).

Colleagues, friends, you're just like family.

Sometimes it's real and you truly found something valuable in your life.

There are good people of soul and conscience out there. 

But other times it's an act, a sham, deception, you're the fool. 

The other person wants something--cash, control, connections.
Oh by the way, can I ask you for just a "little" favor?
You wouldn't mind if...?
Just do XYZ for me, I got your back. 
I see you know so and so, would you introduce me?
I have a great investment opportunity for you, let me tell you all about it.
Sure it's okay and actually wonderful in a real relationship for people to be there for each other and help each others..."that's what [real] friends are for!"

The problem is where the friendship is only about the ask for the benefit of the other and no care for you as a person. 

Then the smile isn't a genuine collegial or friendship one of happiness and outreach. but rather it's upside down to get you to do something legit or illegit for the person pressing their lips up and out into that smile you already know is all about the ask. ;-)

(Source Photo: Andy Blumenthal)
Share/Save/Bookmark

July 17, 2018

From Mouth To Friendship

So it's amazing how people are so willing to throw away friendship. 

They get angry about something having nothing even to do with you.

They say things they probably don't even mean, and in turn you may say things you don't even mean. 

Often you say things just to bring the other person to their senses. 

But sometimes they don't come to their senses. 

They need to let out on someone and you're the convenient scapegoat. 

Before you know it, they throw your friendship under a bus. 

Personally, I'm not one to make friends that easily or quickly--there needs to be some real chemistry and the building of trust--but then I am one who is an eternally loyal friend. 

Yet, I see others, they kiss and hug and say you're like family, but then when they get angry, oh boy, you are gone like the wind. 

Maybe that's not what real friendship is. 

To me, friendship surpasses dumb deeds and words and stupid fights, it's about being there through thick and thin.

Take the false teeth out and put some permanent ones in--they last much longer. ;-)

(Source Photo: Andy Blumenthal)
Share/Save/Bookmark

May 25, 2018

Left Handshake Is Right

So I heard about someone misinterpreting something I did for the worse.

Occasionally, when someone tries to shake my hand, instead of shaking with my right hand, I will take their hand in my left. 

I'll do this for various reasons such as arthritic pain or from dirt (like ink or cleaning ) from some prior work I was doing. 

But always when I extend my hand it is with warmth and friendship. 

However, I learned that one person took this handshake as a serious personal affront. 

They thought that I was "disrespecting" them intentionally.

So I learned that even the most everyday, mundane gestures like a handshake, but done differently, can be taken out of context and misinterpreted. 

Why do we judge others for the bad?

Maybe because we don't trust, don't want to ask, don't want to know, or have had bad experiences in life that jade us. 

But sometimes a handshake is just a handshake whether with the right or left hand. 

(Source Photo: Andy Blumenthal)
Share/Save/Bookmark

May 16, 2018

Braving Trust and Credibility

So I thought this was really good from a colleague this week. 

How to build trust and credibility in the workplace:

Credibility is about being "convincing and believable" and results from "expertise and experience."

Trust is believing strongly in the honesty, reliability, character, and effectiveness of a person."


BRAVING

Boundaries - Have good boundaries--respecting yours and having my own; show others respect in words and deeds. 

Reliability - Be someone who is both reliable (can be counted on)  and is authentic.

Accountability - Hold others and yourself accountable; we all own our mistakes, apologize and make amends. 

Vault - Keep information in confidence.

Integrity - Hold courage over comfort; choose what's right over what's fun, easy or fast; practice and not just profess values. 

Non-judgmental - Believe the best in people even when they occasionally disappoint you. 

Generosity - Offer and ask for help from others, and give generously of yourself in time and effort. 

No offense to anyone...the last thing they said was a little spicy for the workplace (but I know it was meant well):  "Good conversation with others should be like a miniskirt--short enough to retain interest and long enough to cover the topic." ;-)

(Source Photo: Dannielle Blumenthal)
Share/Save/Bookmark

April 12, 2018

Leave The Bad Bosses Behind

So an executive colleague reminded me of something about bad bosses:
People don't leave jobs, they leave [bad] bosses.
It's very interesting and so often true. 

Of course, people leave for all sorts of reasons, but one of the most important aspects of job satisfaction for employees is their boss!

When you have a good boss--someone with integrity, good communications, trustworthy, fair, and who empowers, develops, and supports you then that goes a very long way towards positive employee engagement and retention. 

However, when the boss is a bad apple and usually everyone knows it, then there is often a mass exit out the organizational door. 

Occasionally, the organizational culture is bad too, and that attracts those bad bosses, promotes their bad behavior, and keeps their bad butts in the corner office seats--this situation is even worse because bad culture and people are mutually reinforcing. 

For the good people out there, leave the bad bosses behind and never look back. ;-)

(Source Photo: Andy Blumenthal)
Share/Save/Bookmark

April 9, 2018

An Introverted Extrovert

I thought this was an interesting phrase someone used the other day to describe their personality.

They called themselves an "Introverted Extrovert."

I asked what they meant, and they explained as follows:

"I'm Introverted until I get to know someone then I am extroverted with them."

This actually made a lot of sense to me.

We may be reticent at the beginning when meeting new people, but once we feel comfortable with others and start to trust them, then we naturally open up to them.

The truth is most people aren't extroverted (social) or introverted (shy). 

Instead, people are on a continuum, which is generally a bell-shaped curve.  

In other words, most people are somewhere in the middle---either introverted extroverts or extroverted introverts. 

Well, what's an extroverted introvert?

It's someone who tends to be more comfortable and trusting and social with people, but they also need time alone to recharge, and perhaps they even get shy sometimes. 

Most people don't exist on the extremes--that's why they are called extremes!

So don't be so quick to judge yourself as an introspective introvert or an outgoing extrovert or anything else for that matter. 

We are "this" AND "that"--sometimes maybe a little more this or that, but that's all part of us and it's okay to be us! ;-)

(Source Photo: Andy Blumenthal)
Share/Save/Bookmark

February 12, 2018

The Culture Key To Organizational Success

As I continue to learn more about organizational success strategies, I am coming to understand that the underlying culture of the organization is so very fundamental to its success.

I believe this is especially the case in terms of three critical competency areas:

- Communication - needs to be timely, constructive, multi-directional, and with emotional intelligence.

- Trust - must be be based on honesty and integrity including consistently supporting the success of everyone professionally and as a organization. 

- Collaboration - must be be anchored in respecting, valuing, empowering, and rewarding each and every person for their views and the contributions, both individually and as team members, and in treating diversity and collaboration, as a true force-multiplier. 

If any of these elements are missing or broken then it does not seem to me that the organization will be able to be successful for the long term.

Organizational success is built on ingredients that strengthen the ties of leadership and individuals and that foster contribution as individuals and as team members. 

No amount of smart, innovative, and even hard work, in my mind, will make up for shortfalls in these critical organizational success factors. 

So when planning for organizational success, make sure to build these in from the get-go. 

(Source Photo: Andy Blumenthal)
Share/Save/Bookmark

August 10, 2017

Face The Fear

I have to give my wife credit. 

She said something to me the other day that was really profound and had a deep impact on me. 

Something bad had happened and honestly, it was a truly frightening situation.

At first, it seemed like one of those negative surprises in life that brings bad news and you are at first sort of shocked. 

As things progress though and the news unfortunately doesn't get better, but in fact gets worse, the shock turns to fear and maybe even panic. 

Oh shit, what do I do now?

Turn this way..no good. 

Turn that way...no good.

Retreat...not an option.

So I speak to my wife, and at first she says:
"Just look away."
But I can't look away...I can't ignore a problem...my instinct is that I have to plan for it, deal with it, solve it. 

I go back to my wife, and she says to me:
"Face the fear, and walk through it."
And I had to stop in my tracks at that. 

She was right--there is no use being fearful or worrying--I would face it and walk through it, and come out the other side better for it. 

That was some of the best advice anyone I think has ever given to me. 

Got to be strong, have courage, face the challenges in life, and "walk through it!" 

What doesn't kill us makes us stronger. 

Have to have emunah (faith), and realize it's just a test. 

And the Almighty G-d is my shield and protector. 

It's a test, but I can pass it with G-d's help, and everything will be alright. ;-)

(Source Photo: Andy Blumenthal)
Share/Save/Bookmark

July 20, 2017

I Got The Call

I got the call!

But not the one that I always wanted, which is to serve at the very highest echelons of government or/and industry for those values and things which I so hold dear. 

No, instead I got the call that my professor in college warned me about. 

He said:
"You will get a call one day from someone asking for a lot of cash--no questions asked! At that time, you will know who you're real friends are."

So I actually got this call (for real) and in the middle of my work day.

This person who contacts me is considered quite affluent and with an extensive network, and I know him/her for only a relatively short time

Person:
"You know you're like family to me Andy...I need $2,000--in cash--by 7 pm. I'll pay you back $500 on Friday and the rest by Monday."

Me (Stunned):
"What--is this a joke or something?"

Person:
{Repeats again the request}

Me:
"OMG. What's wrong--is everyone okay? Are you in any trouble?"

Person:
"Uh, everyone's fine...don't ask me any questions--there's no time for this now."

Me {Reaching for some humor in this bizarre situation}:
"Oh, only $2,000--I thought maybe you needed $2 million--that's no problem, of course."

Person:
"Please don't make jokes now Andy--this isn't funny!"

Me {Trying once again to get some more--any--information}:
"Can you just explain to me what's going on--I really want to understand, so I can help you."

Person:
"Do you have the cash or not?"

Me: 
"To be frank no. I don't keep any cash around. {Inquiring to learn more...} Could you take a check or something else?"

Person:
"No. Listen, can you go to the ATM now?"

Me {frustrated by the abruptness, lack of sensical communication, and pushiness, as well as more than a little suspicious at how this is all going down}:
"Well the ATMs have a cash limit. Also, I would really need to check with my {lovely} wife first,"

Person {seeing they weren't getting what they wanted when they wanted it}:
"Okay, well if you can't help, I'll just call someone else--thanks {hanging up on me}!" 

WOW!

Despite having trusted this person and feeling very hurt by all this, I still called the person back later that evening to follow up and because I truly cared, and they were still not any more forthcoming with me, and in fact, were quite attacking that they were sorry to have called me.

But I wasn't sorry...my college professor was right on, thank G-d--I do know who my friends are!

Whether its a lunch date, LinkedIn/Facebook contact, or social invitation, be discerning about the motives of people--outside of any sane and normal context--that are seeking to "friend" you. ;-)

(Source Photo: Andy Blumenthal)
Share/Save/Bookmark

July 2, 2017

CNN News May (Sometimes) Be Fake, But The Flowers Aren't

As CNN (and other news outlets) continue to go after the President of the United States with a vehemence, and three of its journalists had to resign, I thought it was important to remember that while there may be much news these days that is ugly and fake, there are still many things in life that are still beautiful and real like these gorgeous flowers.

While we look to the media for honest and fair news reporting to educate and inform us all, it continues to be more than disappointing that they not only seem to take sides, but as one of their own producers admitted, they are looking out for their own ratings more than for the benefit of the American and global news consumer. 

Political biases, chasing after ratings, alternative facts, fake news...what are people across the political and viewpoint spectrum to do to get to the truth?  ;-)

(Source Photo: Andy Blumenthal)
Share/Save/Bookmark

June 27, 2017

The Meaning of Silence

Is silence a good thing or a bad thing--what does it really mean?

On the plus or neutral side:

Silence can mean modesty and humility--you withhold speaking out of turn or having a big mouth; you recognize that you don't know everything and what you do know is not intended to put down or shame others. 

Silence can means secrets and privacy--you don't say everything; you treat information properly based on need to know and propriety of sharing. 

Silence can mean good situational judgement--that you know prudently when to let others have their say, or when your opinion isn't really welcome, or when it's best to just stay below the radar. 

Silence can mean you simply don't know--and it's something you need to listen and learn more about rather than speak; it's why we're told that we have two ears and one mouth.

Silence can mean that maybe you don't care about something--why get fired up or "waste your breath" on it when it's just not your thing.

When can it be a negative:

There was a sign in the local school window that silence means (wrongful) acceptance; that is also something I learned in in the Talmud in yeshiva; if you see something wrong and don't say or do something, you are (partially) responsible.

Silence can mean fear--perhaps you don't accept something, but you're afraid to speak truth or morality to power; you sit silently cowering, when you should stand up tall and speak out. 

Silence may also mean shame--you've done something wrong or don't want others to know something that could make you look bad or put you in jeopardy. 

Silence can mean you are hiding something--it can be that you don't trust or aren't trustful; silence at a time when you need to answer or respond can result in suspicion about why you are "holding back," instead of being forthcoming and truthful.

When to talk and when to remain silent? 

Certainly, "you have the right to remain silent."

We need to use words with care and intent--to always seek to help and not to hurt. 

Words are so potent--the mouth is perhaps the strongest part of the human body, just like the pen is mightier than the sword. 

That's why I pray that G-d put the "right words" in my mouth--to be constructive, positive, effective and impactful--to do good as much as possible with words and with silence. ;-)

(Source Photo: Andy Blumenthal)
Share/Save/Bookmark

March 4, 2017

Kosher Trust Or Not

Here's the big controversy in our synagogue this week. 

The Rabbi is having a Purim open house and he invited everyone to bring a pot luck.

"Only home-made food, no purchased food please!"

In Jewish circles, this is the opposite of what you'd expect, where checking the kosher labels and symbols is critical to ensuring the food has followed the strict kosher dietary laws and can be eaten. 

Yet as pointed out, kashrut has been made into a whole commercial business these days...does it still reflect the intent?

The Rabbi explained in services today, in a very well received way, that we need to get back to respecting and trusting each other. 

That these values are essential to being truly religious people.

It was a wonderful speech in that it evoked unconditional acceptance and respect for everyone. 

As we know, no one is so perfect, even though the goal of course is to be as perfect as we can be. 

So two things:

1) I really like the notion of treating people well and putting that high on the priorities as we are all G-d's creatures.

2) I myself am kosher, but not fanatically so, therefore, I personally appreciated the acceptance and love in the community. 

Yet, after I got home, and thinking about this some more, and despite my own failings religiously and otherwise, I asked myself, "Am I really comfortable eating from a parve and meat community pot luck?"

And even as I ask this question, I am sort of squirming at the idea of just eating anyone's food--and not knowing anything about it. 

How am I doing due diligence in even trying to keep kosher like that?

While maybe I'm not the most kosher of everyone, it certainly is important to me to at least try (to some extent), but I ask myself can this be considered really even trying--when some people aren't religious, may not have a strong religious education, and perhaps some may not even be (fully) Jewish?

Sure, someone can even have the best intentions and try to bring kosher food, yet it's certainly possible that the food may not be kosher. 

Perhaps, in prior times, it was an issue of more or less kosher, but these days, it can be an issue of kosher or not kosher at all. 

This is a very difficult issue--because we can't put people up against the law--we must by necessity respect both. 

So yes, I love the idea of respecting everyone and that's a given assuming they are good, decent people, but trust is not something you just have, it's something you earn, by...being trustful!

I'm not one to preach religion to anyone...I struggle myself with the laws and in trying to do what's right in the commandments between man and G-d. 

And while I am ready to accept all good and loving people, I am perhaps not ready to just trust them without knowing that the trust is dutiful. 

Love thy neighbor as thyself is paramount, but also we have a duty to G-d to try to fulfill his commandments the best we can. ;-)

(Source Photo: Andy Blumenthal)
Share/Save/Bookmark

February 11, 2017

Media Is Becoming The Biggest Loser

So this is an interesting poll from Emerson College:
"49% of U.S. voters believe that the Trump administration is truthful, while only 39% feel that way about the news media."

Growing up, I never thought or felt the media was biasing the news.

Frankly, it never would have occurred to me. 

Maybe, I was too innocent or naive. 

But I always thought the media's job was to "tell it the way it is."

The media's job, I understood was to be a honest broker, investigate, report, and tell all sides of the issues to help inform and educate. 

What people then did with that information was up to them. 

They would be free in a democracy to form their own opinions and see things that were presented to them through their experiences and sense of identity and justice.
But now, the world is upside down, and bias, bigotry, and prejudice is embedded in the media news itself. 

The same story on a deportation case today can be told by CNN as one of racism and cruelty to immigrants for deporting a mother of two who was "a threat to nobody" or by FOX news as one of enforcing the laws and security against an undocumented immigrant with a felony conviction for social security fraud. 

It depends what colored glasses your looking through and how you want to influence or control what the masses think and do about it. 

No wonder, people don't trust the media!

Not only were the projections based on garbage polling completely wrong in terms of who would win the election, but the reporting out of daily events is done through one-sided reporting, "alternative facts," and "fake news."

The Democrats and Republicans are duking it out, but it's the media that it getting the biggest black eye on honesty and credibility, and losing the fight for influence over the American people. ;-)

(Source Photo: Andy Blumenthal)
Share/Save/Bookmark

January 24, 2017

Don't Push The Button

Thought this was a really funny quote about getting your buttons pushed: 

"Don't push my buttons without reading the manual."


- Gadgetmobile, Inspector Gadget


In terms of not pushing other people's buttons:


"Remember, you are not dealing with creatures of logic, but with creatures of emotion, creatures bristling with prejudice, and motivated by pride and vanity."


- Dale Carnegie

 (Source Photo: Andy Blumenthal)

Share/Save/Bookmark