Showing posts with label Silence. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Silence. Show all posts

March 12, 2018

Tongue-Tied Silence

Sometimes in life, people are left tongue-tied. 

Too shocked, shamed, confused, or abused to speak or perhaps to even know what to say anymore. 

Maybe in the face of some horrible things that happen in life, there really are no words.

Instead, the vacant or crazed look in the eyes says it all.

People go through a lot--some of it is inhumane.

Sometimes, only tears can even begin to express what they are feeling. 

I think one thing that is important to do, even when we're not sure what to say, is to acknowledge that it is okay. 

Silence is often golden. 

Listen more, watch more, feel more, learn more, reflect more. 

Ask more questions. 

Usually, I'm told to ask at least 5 times (i'd say at least 3) to decompose to what is really going on underneath the superficial covers. 
"Tell me more."
"What else?"
"Can you elaborate?"

Sometimes, people have difficulty getting in touch with their true feelings or accurately diagnosing what's bothering them.  

It's more than okay to be thoughtful, be deliberative. 

Words are often cheap, but they shouldn't be. 

Our words should be truthful, meaningful, insightful, even righteous. 

Take all the time you need, your words are worth it. ;-)

(Source Photo: Andy Blumenthal)
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June 27, 2017

The Meaning of Silence

Is silence a good thing or a bad thing--what does it really mean?

On the plus or neutral side:

Silence can mean modesty and humility--you withhold speaking out of turn or having a big mouth; you recognize that you don't know everything and what you do know is not intended to put down or shame others. 

Silence can means secrets and privacy--you don't say everything; you treat information properly based on need to know and propriety of sharing. 

Silence can mean good situational judgement--that you know prudently when to let others have their say, or when your opinion isn't really welcome, or when it's best to just stay below the radar. 

Silence can mean you simply don't know--and it's something you need to listen and learn more about rather than speak; it's why we're told that we have two ears and one mouth.

Silence can mean that maybe you don't care about something--why get fired up or "waste your breath" on it when it's just not your thing.

When can it be a negative:

There was a sign in the local school window that silence means (wrongful) acceptance; that is also something I learned in in the Talmud in yeshiva; if you see something wrong and don't say or do something, you are (partially) responsible.

Silence can mean fear--perhaps you don't accept something, but you're afraid to speak truth or morality to power; you sit silently cowering, when you should stand up tall and speak out. 

Silence may also mean shame--you've done something wrong or don't want others to know something that could make you look bad or put you in jeopardy. 

Silence can mean you are hiding something--it can be that you don't trust or aren't trustful; silence at a time when you need to answer or respond can result in suspicion about why you are "holding back," instead of being forthcoming and truthful.

When to talk and when to remain silent? 

Certainly, "you have the right to remain silent."

We need to use words with care and intent--to always seek to help and not to hurt. 

Words are so potent--the mouth is perhaps the strongest part of the human body, just like the pen is mightier than the sword. 

That's why I pray that G-d put the "right words" in my mouth--to be constructive, positive, effective and impactful--to do good as much as possible with words and with silence. ;-)

(Source Photo: Andy Blumenthal)
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September 11, 2016

Exceptions To Every Rule

Fair or not, some of us have to live by the rules and others do not. 

As in all history, we have a class society--there are:

- The kings and the commoners. 

- The lords and the vassals and serfs. 

- The elites and the commoners. 

- The majority and the minorities. 

- The rich and the poor. 

- The haves and the have nots.

Or any other number of variations of this.

Recently, with Hillary Clinton and her multitude of scandals, there was some shock that even in modern-day America, she was able to get off scot-free.

And in this great democracy of ours, it was understood to shut up, or else, for not toeing the line. 

The message to everyone was clear: while "the little guy" is made to pay the price for mediocrity, there are some people that will always be above the law!

It was funny-sad, because we don't want to believe that anyone can really escape from justice--that it can be beaten--although at times, we just have to acknowledge that justice may have to wait and come in the next world from the true Master of All. 

Today, coming out of my building, a dog from a neighbor started jumping (playfully) on my leg and barking--it was sort of hard to get out of there. 

The problem with this scenario was that my building doesn't allow dogs.  

So out of curiosity, I stopped someone in the building and asked innocently, "I thought dogs are prohibited in this building?"

"Oh yes." they answer, but seeing this lady with the active dog, they continue, "That lady has an exception from the board!"

We sort of all looked at each other, because this was not a service dog or anything like that, and it obviously seemed unfair that for her there was one set of rules, and for everyone else, another. 

Yes, there is an exception to every rule...some people can basically do what they want by virtue of their power and money or by who or what they know (i.e. can anyone say lots of skeletons in the closets).  

So while the little guy gets locked in stocks and pillories and the key thrown away for maybe the littlest of misdeeds, others are the exception to the rule--and may even become the Commander In Chief.  ;-)

(Source Photo: Andy Blumenthal)
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May 22, 2016

Silence Or Violence

So when it comes to "Crucial Conversations," they unfortunately frequently end in silence or violence.

When the "stakes are moderate to high, opinions vary, and emotions run strong" that's when communication really seems to break down, rather than achieve their goals of working things out. 

Like when our lives are in danger and we have the adrenalin rush reactions to fight or flight, similarly with potentially "dangerous" communications, people become aggressive and abusive or shutdown and withdraw. 

When your afraid of a negative outcome, either you start hammering others with your ideas and opinions or you exit the conversation and seek safety. 

Either way, at this point, there's no real common ground, negotiation, compromise, or win-win to be easily had...in this pressure cooker poor excuse of a dialogue, it can basically become a tragic win-lose situation.

Perhaps, that's why there are mediators and neutral third parties that are often brought in to make people feel (relatively) safe again, help them be understood and to understand, and to find a negotiated peace or settlement. 

And what happens when even this doesn't work and communication and diplomacy fails?

Well that's when people and countries bring out the big guns and they essentially go to war to win what they hoped to achieve with dialogue. 

Now words are no longer the only choice, but all options are on the table, and that's when benign words can quickly turn into more drastic or deadly deeds (aka the children reframe of "Sticks and stones can break my bones, but words will never harm me."

And there is always the thermonuclear option--people supported it with Japan in WWII and they say they would support it with a Tehran that violates the very generous nuclear deal they received.

Words are a prelude to a possible peace or an unwanted war. 

They can be the last chance to work things out the way we hope for.

And if words alone can't resolve the issue, then blood and treasure is spent and spilt to resolve the otherwise unresolvable. ;-)

(Source Photo: Andy Blumenthal)
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November 23, 2015

Silence In the Face of Ongoing Terror And Murder

In the recent wave of terror attacks in Israel, in less than 3 months (Oct 1- Nov 23), there have been:

- 21 Murdered 

- 184 Wounded (20 critically)

Through:

- 74 Stabbings

- 10 Shootings

- 11 Car Rammings

The murdered include Ezra Schwartz, an 18-year old American citizen from Massachusetts. 

Despite the terrorism and the death of an American citizen along with so many other innocent Jews, the superpower country of the world is silent--not calling it reprehensible or deplorable or condemning it or demanding the terrorism stop immediately. 

- Silence, despite about the murder of Jews and even its own U.S. citizen in Israel on November 19.

- Silence, yet signing nuke deals with "Axis Of Evil" Iran--the #1 state sponsor of terrorism (undiminished in 2015) and top abuser of human rights.

- Silence in the face of terror attacks against Jews elsewhere abroad, like the Jewish teacher stabbed and killed in Paris last week by three assailants shouting anti-Semitic insults? 

- Silence through a "no-show" at the Solidarity Rally in Paris with 40 other heads of state in January to denounce the terror attack on Charlie Hebdo and on the Jewish grocery store that killed 17 innocent people. 

Could this perhaps be payback time to one of it's closest friends and allies for: 

- Continuing settlements for an expanding Israeli population who are surrounded by hostile neighbors that want to throw them into the Mediterranean Sea. 

- For a peace deal with the Palestinians that didn't materialize without a peace parter that would recognize the Jews States' right to even exist.

- For Netanyahu's objection to the Iranian nuke deal that put's Israel in the crosshairs of a sprouting nuclear regime that threatens annihilation against it. 

Regardless of why, it is abundantly clear that the killing of Jews in Israel and abroad is tacitly being given the green light to continue--and so it's an open field day for terror and murder of Jews!

Even the generally harsh critic of Israel, Amnesty International, has come out calling the terror against Israel "reprehensible and unjustified" and "a clear contempt for human life."

The appalling indifference to the murder of Jews by top administration officials, just 70-years after the Holocaust, is being heard loud and clear around the world.   

- It is a sanctioning of terrorism and murder, period. 

- It is reprehensible, period. 

- It is cementing a legacy of blind hatred and blatant discrimination and anti-Semitism that will go down in history, period. 

(Source Photo: Andy Blumenthal)
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October 18, 2015

The United Nations -- As Silent As It Is Anti-Semitic


Another truly lovely (not) rally of hatred and violence by our "peace partners" in the Middle East. 

Check out the size of this guys' butcher knives for killing Jews with. 


Where is the United Nations? 


According to the UN Charter, the #1 purpose for its existence is: "To maintain international peace and security." 


But of the 193 member countries in the United Nations--more than a quarter of them--50 are majority-Muslim nations, comprising 1.6 billion people! 


But there is only 1 Jewish Country, Israel, the size of New Jersey


Knowing the historical anti-Semitism of the UN, it's probably about time for another anti-Israel resolution


Incredibly, there were 20 of these just last year alone (versus 3 on the rest of the world)!


Yet, the United Nations is consistently deadly silent in the daily face of:


- Knifings, 

- Shootings, 
- Bombings, 
- Abductions, 
- Terrorizing, 
- Destruction of Jewish holy sites and places of worship, and 
- Threats of annihilation to Jews. 

Only 70 years since the Holocaust wiped 6 million Jews--a sick and evil genocide of a full third of the world's Jewish population--blind hatred, discrimination, and violence against Jews is okay by UN standards. 


What a wholesome failure and disgrace on the United Nations--a body that is supposed to represent peace, security, and justice.


Where is the peace, security, and justice from the UN for the small, minority Jewish people, numbering just 14 million men, women, and children?


The United Nations--as silent as it is Anti-Semitic. ;-)

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July 20, 2015

The Fisherman

I took this photo yesterday of this man standing on the bank and fishing. 

I was out in the water in a kayak enjoying the beautiful surroundings. 

I paddled over near to the fisherman, but not so close as to scare away his catch. 

It was hot and very sunny out on the water--there was only a little shade near the bank of the pond--and I frequently had to wipe my forehead beading with sweat under the open sun.

But it was nice to just be out there--on the water, surrounded by the greenery, the sun overhead, some birds and frogs about, and a even a little breeze shimmering over the the water. 

Even better than paddling itself, is just stopping, sort of sitting back, and just listening to the silence, breathing in the nature, and letting everything else just go for a little while. 

One with nature, one with G-d, and feeling integrated myself. ;-)

(Source Photo: Andy Blumenthal)
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July 4, 2012

"They Came In Peace And Went Home In Coffins"


There is a very moving article in Commentary Magazine (22 May 2012) called "IOC: Been There, Done That, On Munich."

It is about a request made to the International Olympic Committee (IOC) for a single minute of silence at the 2012 London Games to commemorate 40 years since the murder of 11 Israeli olympic athletes at the Munich Olympic games. 

However, the IOC in utter disrespect for the slain athletes has refused even this one moment to memorialize the victims--the athletes--of their own games. 

It is a disgrace on the IOC governing body--who are supposed to represent the best that the world has to offer in terms of competition and achievement, and instead they will be proponents and symbolize the opposite--the dark side, where terrorism, murder, and hatred prevail. 

While the Olympians who work hard to perfect themselves in body and spirit are heros, the IOC are showing themselves morally weak and spineless. 

The wife of slain olympic athlete, Andre Spitzer, said it best:

"They came to Munich to play as athletes in the Olympics; they came in peace and went home in coffins, killed in the Olympic Village and during hostage negotiations."

To those who would deny a moment of silence for the slain, she states:

"Silence is a fitting tribute for [the] athletes...Silence contains no statements, assumptions or beliefs and requires no understanding of language to interpret."  

However this silent commemoration can send the critical message: "That what happened in 1972 can never happen again."

I love the notion she presents that: "A spirit of friendship, solidarity, and fair play," is more powerful than politics.

But unfortunately to the Olympic committee members today, the opportunity to commemorate the dead, respect the living and set a high moral standard for all is overcome by antisemitism and moral cowardice. 

Hopefully, the tremendous lifting spirit that permeate the Olympics athletes genre can infuse the IOC to change their decision and to see their way to provide a more noble and lasting message of peace to the global community.

To the families of the victims, let us offer up the traditional prayer of condolence: "May G-d comfort you among all the mourners of Zion and Jerusalem."

(Source Photo: here of the plaque in front of the victims quarters at the Munich Olympics)


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May 28, 2012

Solitary Social Creatures

We've all had the feeling of being alone, abandoned, and feeling down and out. 

As social animals, we crave being with others--even the biggest introverts out there have got to have social interaction. 

Sometimes, when young people live alone--before finding their significant others or old people live alone--after losing their significant others, there is a deep pain of being isolated in the world...almost as if there is no meaning itself in being alive.

Yet, others seem to adjust in a way to living alone, as long as they can reach out and get social interaction in other ways--family, friends, colleagues, classmates, at clubs, religious institutions, and more.  

Either way--"No man is an island," as John Donne wrote in 2003. 

Being alone is torture. 

No really.

The Wilson Quarterly (Spring 2012) in an article entitled "The Torture of Solitary," by Stephanie E. Griest is about the purpose and effects of solitary confinement as rehabilitation and as a punishment. 

Coming out of the Middle Ages, where physical torture was common--dungeons instead of jails, cages instead of cells, racks and rippers instead of rehabilitation and yard recess--the Philadelphia Quakers in the 18th century, had the idea that solitary confinement was humanitarian.

They believed that "what these prisoners needs...was a spiritual renovation. Give a man ample time and quiet space to reflect upon his misdeeds, and he will recover his bond with G-d.  He will grieve. He will repent. He will walk away a rehabilitated man."

And so prisons (like the 1829 Eastern State Penitentiary in Philadelphia) were built with entirely isolated cellblocks and prisoners were engulfed in silence and aloneness.  

Any rejection of the mental torture of isolation through any form of communication--such as pipe clanging or shouting through flushing toilet pipes--could lead to yet again physical tortures--such as "strapped inmates into chairs for days at a stretch, until their legs ballooned" or even putting their tongues in "iron gags."

The article concludes from the effects of solitary that "the physical pain of these tortures--common in many prisons at the time-paled beside the mental anguish of solitude."

From the horror-mangled looks on the faces of the prisoners, Dickens wrote: "I hold this slow and daily tampering with the mysteries of the brain, to be immeasurably worse than any torture of the body."

I cannot imagine the pain and horror of these tortures by design--physical and mental. In all cases, the scars of the flesh and soul are probably indescribable and outright haunting to even the imagination. 

Eventually the horrible effects of solitary and the high-cost of prison cells housing individual inmates, resulted in Eastern State Penitentiary being converted into a museum in 1971 with the "The crucible of good intention" finally shuttered.

From the Supreme Court, Justice Samuel Miller, we read:

"A considerable number of prisoners fell, even after a short confinement, into a semi-fatuous condition from which it was next to impossible to arouse them, and others became violently insane; others, still committed suicide; while those who stood the ordeal better were not generally reformed, and in most cases did not recover sufficient mental activity to be of any subsequent service to the community."

"In 1980, the U.S. Supreme Court nearly declared the punishment unconstitutional;" it is now used mostly for "short-term punishment for exceedingly bad behavior."

Currently, there are more than 60 prisons across the country with solitary cells housing up to 25,000 prisoners. 

This is a puzzle--what do you do with offenders that are too dangerous to be with others, but as human beings too fragile to be alone?

What is striking to me is how something as "simple" as putting someone by themselves and incommunicado can drive them literally nuts!

Almost like we cannot bear to be by ourselves--what is it about ourselves that we must turn away from, be distracted from, and causes such inner horror?

Our minds and bodies need to be active to be healthy, this includes being social--being alone and bored in solitary has been shown to cause people to hallucinate, go insane, and even kill themselves.

Yet still people recoil from other people--emotionally, they may be turned off or nauseated by them; physically, they may fight, separate, or divorce and end up for a time by themselves again--people make the decision that it is better to cut your familiar loses, then go down with a ship filled with corrosive and abusive others.

I imagine Buddhists meditating in the mountains or in an open field--alone and yet at peace--but this is self-imposed and temporary and more like a "time out" in life. 

Then I see humans languishing in dungeons and in solitary confinement--physically and mentally tortured--they scream out in the void--and I see G-d reaching out to finally take them from their immense suffering to be reborn and try their lives again.

(Source Photo: here with attribution to Deisel Demon)


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July 3, 2010

Moving Beyond The Blame Game

Leaders have a choice about the messages they convey to their followers—they can empower people to take ownership and sometimes risk, or they can promote “CYA” as the corporate mantra.

This is the subject of a new article in Psychology Today (July/August 2010), “Just Don’t Do It,” by Dr. Art Markman.

The article provides an explanation of how people fall into the trap of risk-aversion. Essentially, when the outcome of an action causes trouble, the person performing the action is assumed to have negative intentions, and more or less, be automatically blamed. This leads people to assume the stance that “silence is golden” and avoid “trouble.”

Markman provides the analogy of a boy who gets blamed for throwing a ball and breaking a window, while the girl he threw it to averts blame:

- “The boy is definitely going to get in trouble. He threw the ball…what about the girl, though? She watched as the ball passed over her head...perhaps she could have done something that would have stopped the ball from hitting the window.”

- “This tendency to blame outcomes on actions rather than inactions [is called] the omission bias.”

Especially in a tough economy, people can easily get timid in the workplace because of the “omission bias.” Everyone is afraid of losing prestige, power, and even their paychecks, if they but open their mouths or make a mistake. And if leaders do not intervene, the result can be employee complacency and inaction.

This is reminiscent of the saying that “it is better to be silent and have people think you are a fool, then to open your mouth and remove all doubt.”

What a waste of our organization’s most precious asset—people!

Rather than drawing on our employees’ education, skills and experience to promote organizational growth, we squelch them in the name of “going along to get along.” They learn to “toe the line.”

Part of the problem is that organizations frown on failure, which is a necessary component of learning. We blame people for every mistake rather than celebrating their willingness to try.

The result is that we end up with a workforce so cautious and risk-averse that it stunts our ability to compete. Unfortunately then, our people are like rats who have been shocked into a submission that we don’t really want or intend. Then we wonder why it seems like there is a lot of “dead weight.”

So is blame all bad? Of course not, because accountability and the assignment of responsibility go together.

However, there is a tendency to distort the tool of accountability and take it too far. “The blame game” prevents leaders from harnessing people’s creativity and productivity.

We need to ask ourselves what it is that we really want from our organizations. We can improve our organization’s engagement with their people by building trust versus suspicion, inclusion versus exclusion, and action versus inaction.


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