Showing posts with label Marriage. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Marriage. Show all posts

May 10, 2017

Fighting Domestic Abuse


I came across these excellent graphics used to educate and prevent against domestic dominance and abuse.

The first wheel shows how "power and control" are used to instill fear and dominate domestic partners as well as in an overall pattern of relationships with physical and sexual violence:

- Intimidation
- Emotional Abuse
- Isolation
- Minimizing, Denying, and Blaming
- Using Children
- Male Privilege
- Economic Abuse
- Coercion and Threats

In contrast, the second wheel displays positive patterns of "equality" in relationships and nonviolence and are marked by the following attributes:

- Non-threatening behavior
- Respect
- Trust and Support
- Honesty and Accountability
- Responsible Parenting
- Shared Responsibility
- Economic Partnership
- Negotiation and Fairness

Have you ever noticed a pattern of domestic abuse behaviors that include the following?

- Constantly lecturing on political views the other person should hold.
- Keeping them away from their family and friends.
- Controlling the major life decisions.
- Hiding money and accounts.
- Demanding the partner stay home with the kids indefinitely.
- Using emotional withdrawal and/or passive aggressiveness to control.
- Requiring the other person to be available whenever they want.

Spouses and partners should be your best friend and not your servant or dog to kick when you get home.

Watch out for those who exhibit the bad behaviors and patterns of abuse and violence...and stay safe in good and healthy relationships! ;-)

(Source Photo: Domestic Abuse Intervention Project - Duluth Model)
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April 1, 2017

A Sexless Generation

Oy vey, the statistics are not good. 

Sex in America is on the decline (and no, this is not an April Fools' joke)!

Based on this who can argue with President Trump that we need to "Make America Great Again"--and that should include sexual vitality along with military might, economic competitiveness, and social justice.

In the early 1990 and 2000's , Americans had sex on average about 60 to 65 times a year.

Moreover, for married couples, who are at the high end of the sexual spectrum, this is down from 67 in 1989 to just 56 times a year now.

This is a reduction of 9 , which doesn't sound like much--however that actually comes to 14% less nookie!

And geez, that's less than once a week! :-(

What's weird is that the statistics show that Americans working longer hours and watching more pornography actually is tied to a "busier sex life."

To me the obvious answer is that people are living too much in a virtual world of loneliness and nothingness. 

And they have lost touch with each other in the real world and have become more selfish and less giving personally and sexually. 

So while some people are busy infighting and infatuated with reading and generating all the fake news these days, it seems like they are missing the real disheartening and unloving American news of the times. ;-)

(Source Photo: Andy Blumenthal)
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February 20, 2017

Settle Down or Trade Up

So I always hear this question from people...


Should I be happy with what I have or should I seek out something better?


It's the age old question of whether to settle down or trade up.

When it comes to any decision in life...choosing a school, degree, career, place to live, an investment decision, or even your spouse and life partner--how do you know when you are making the right decision?

Maybe you like or love what's in front of your eyes, but you still don't know 100% if there's something better out there for you.

Every choice means you are settling in some way, because let's face it, nothing is perfect in life!

When is good, good enough for you?

There are trade-offs with every decision.

And it's a matter of what YOU can live with!

A guy may say, "I like this girl, but I'm not sure whether she's the one for me or that I really want to settle down with long-term."

Someone else says, "I'm studying to be an accountant, but you know I really always liked psychology."

And yet a third person says, "I like working at company ABC, but maybe I can learn something new or do better financially for myself and family if I go somewhere else."

So when do you settle down and when do you try to trade-up?

The dilemma is fateful because you don't want to lose what you have, but you also don't want to potentially miss out on something even better for you.

Listen, we're not prophets!

No one knows whether your investment in something is going to pay off in spades or land you flat on your butt. 

All you can do is try to weight the pros and cons of every decision. 

If you treat life like a roulette game in Las  Vegas, the one thing that is pretty sure is that at some point, you will lose it all to the house. 

So choose wisely and make sure you are passionate about your choice and that can live with it over time. 

Know that you made the best decision you could by looking at it from all angles. 

And most important of all, be grateful for everything you have--these are blessings from the Almighty Above and you need to have faith that He/She is guiding and helping you all along the way. ;-)

(Source Photo: Andy Blumenthal)
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October 1, 2016

The Unmarried

So I know like everything, marriage is a choice. 

But more and more people are choosing to be unmarried. 

Today, in the Wall Street Journal, 48% (almost half) of American eligible voters are unmarried. 

And almost 40% of births are to unmarried couples. 

The average age for getting married for women is 27 and for men 29.

While of course, it is tough to find (and keep) your soulmate and a lot of it has to do with mazel, it seems like there is not enough appreciation for marriage. 

Everyone who is or has been married, I am sure, has had their share of disagreements and fights with their "better half," and certainly some abusive and cheating relationships are way better off undone!

But for the most part, I believe that life is greater and fuller with someone special to share it with, and it is part of our learning and growth to couple, care, give, and love. 

I remember when my Opa (grandfather) lost my Oma (grandmother) and when my dad lost my mom and those where some of the most heart wrenching traumas, I think I have ever witnessed. 

"What G-d has joined together, let no man break apart." 

When I got married, the Rabbi blessed us that we should be Ra'im A'huvim or best friends, and that is a very beautiful blessing to have. 

My advice is to try it and hopefully like (or love) it--I think it's worth even all the I Love Lucy moments.  ;-)

(Source Photo: Andy Blumenthal)
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August 27, 2016

Coupling, The Beauty Of

So just a couple of birds, right?

Not to me!

There were a number of reminders to me today about how special and fortunate it is for any of us to be with someone we love.

It's not just that two heads are better than one. 

Pretty much, everything is better with a partner who looks back at us and smiles. 

We magnify the joy and we share the sorrow, together.

What my dad used to call my mom, his "better half!"

What we are lacking in, often our soulmate can fill in the blank. 

And planning and executing is as a team, rather than flying solo. 

There is someone who keeps our lofty ideas in check and at the same time challenges us when it's time to think bigger. 

We learn from the other person, at the same time that we teach them maybe a little thing or two from our repertoire. 

Strategically, divide and conquer makes everything from routine tasks to complex projects easier to achieve, especially when we agree on the goal and the approach. 

Even the "occasional" disagreements and fights helps us to learn to control our temperament and to work things out or when to take a break and think things through afresh. 

Someone to reach out to.

Someone to hold unto. 

Someone to caress.

Someone to buttress. 

Someone who makes us a better person than the one we see in the mirror naked and mortal. 

Like 2 by 2 in Noah's Ark or in the birds and the bees, we are committed to that special someone. 

The Bat Kol calls out "so and so shall be married to so and so" like only the L-rd in heaven can decree from the rib of man to the flesh of a women. ;-)

(Source Photo: Andy Blumenthal)
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August 19, 2016

Some Nice Hats For Shabbat

Just some fashion festive before Shabbat.

Suggestions for some nice hats for Jewish ladies who cover their hair in synagogue or out. 

I don't think these were designed for that purpose, but it just made me think that it does the trick.

Modesty before G-d and for the sanctification of marriage. 

It's a nice Jewish custom that seems holy and beautiful. 

(Source Photo: Andy Blumenthal)
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June 20, 2016

Young Love

So I took this photo of a painting in a home furnishings store.

Just something really striking about it to me. 

The way the women is leaning into the man and his head/face leans into hers. 

Their focus on the drawing or plans in front of them, where he seems to be sketching out their future together. 

Also, their hands touching and almost clasped.

Young love is beautiful.

When people find each other, by some miracle of G-d.

And the chemistry magically makes 2 people like 1. 

The look they give each other, when their hopes and dreams converge.

Best friends, companions, lovers with the potential to grow ever mightier over time. 

Life not without obstacles that the couple must overcome, supporting each other.

Building a home, raising a family, making a future together come true.

When the minds meet, the hearts yearn for each other, and the souls join.

What a time of joy and blessing...a time to live for and to continue the generations forward and build that which cannot be completed by any man alone. ;-)

(Source Photo: Andy Blumenthal)

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May 21, 2016

Love Is Like Cows

So had three funny instances today of the tales of woe when it comes to love.

The first was when someone was telling me that they are trying to meet women through online dating. 

But he goes, "No one gives anyone a chance anymore."

It's like if there is one thing wrong, it's over.

He said, one lady wrote in her profile that if you are a fan of XYZ sports team, do not even bother contacting her.

Another was like if you're of ABC political affiliation, forget about it!

He said people just don't seem to want relationships anymore. 

Then I was talking coincidentally to someone else, who I knew was going out with someone already. 

I politely asked how things were going. 

He said, "Fine, but she is pressuring me to marry her."

I said, "So if you love her, what's wrong with that?"

And he responded, "Well then my whole life will change. I won't be able to go to parties or on vacations anymore."

Basically, he's just happy being with her but on casual terms.

Then I told him (considerably younger than myself) how years ago mothers would warn their daughters about men's thinking of "Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free."

This guy was laughing like crazy when I said that. 

Finally, someone at the kiddush today told the joke about the Rabbi or Priest who lost his umbrella in the synagogue or church. 

His first thought was darn it, one of the congregants stole my umbrella. 

So he decided that for his sermon he would lecture the people about the Ten Commandments, one at a time from the beginning. 

But then when he got to the sin of adultery, he stops and says, "Oh forget it, I just remembered where I left my umbrella!"

Funny day for love and relationships--it's something in the air, maybe cow patties.  ;-)

(Source Photo: Andy Blumenthal)
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May 11, 2016

Walking It Good

Took a nice walk with my honey.

Down the Bethesda Trolley Trail.

Needs a little repaving work.

But it's nice lush green at this time of year. 

The exercise is good (and my diet appreciates it). 

And of course, spending time together talking and bonding is the road best traveled. ;-)

(Source Photo: Andy Blumenthal)
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March 23, 2016

Panda Love Express

This was interesting on the sign in Washington, D.C.

An advertisement for a dating site with a picture of a panda bear apparently with love in it's eyes.

(Note: I don't know what Panda.com site is as it wasn't working when I tested it--hopefully, nothing bad.)

Juxtaposed with the sun glaring off the window on the building next to it, made it seem like it was just calling out to the singles--who are looking to meet Mr./Mrs. Right--for a new beginning. 

Bees do it. Birds do it. Of course, even panda bears do it. 

Everyone should have a chance to find their soulmate and live happily ever after. 

Social sites, gatherings, or personal introductions, whatever brings people together--it's a beautiful thing. ;-)

(Source Photo: Andy Blumenthal)

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February 15, 2016

Two Days--Two Scary Statistics


(Source Photo: Dannielle Blumenthal)

Happy Presidents' Day today!

The picture is of a snoozing guy on the Washington, D.C. metro with a scarf that looks like the American Flag.

Scary statistic of the day: 

- Robots and artificial intelligence are forecast to push unemployment to 50% by 2045

Is that a good thing because people will have more time for leisure?

No says the experts...work gives live meaning, and without it we'll all be sleeping our time away on the Metro. 



(Source Photo: Andy Blumenthal)

Happy Valentine's Day yesterday!

This photo is of luscious chocolate covered strawberries from Godiva. 

Scary statistic of the day:


Is this a good thing since people are perhaps further along in their education and career then and more ready to get married and have this as a priority?

No, says the research, since 50% believe that we are simply not better off with marriage and children as priorities.
_________

With these two holidays and statistics taken together, we are heading towards a very jobless and loveless future.

Andy's advice for the young folks (who of course won't listen because they are young):

1) Get married and get bliss!

2) Get a technology degree and get employed!

You can have a job and a spouse...little human-robot children to follow. ;-)

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January 17, 2016

Love 'em OR Leave 'em

An age old question, "Love 'em or leave 'em?"

I heard one young man say, "I love her...but I'm not in love with her."

So what's the difference?

He's been seeing two girls, one is steady and stable, earns a good income, and is head over heels for him--when he is sick, she makes the chicken soup. 

Then there is this other girl, foreign, cool accent, good-looking, intelligent, has similar interests, but no serious income--however, there is some serious hots there. 

What do you do?

Girl #1 or #2.

Who's the better bet--Ms. I love her or Gal I'm in love with her?

One women said that years ago, mothers would tell their daughters, "If they bring home a paycheck and look better than a baboon, marry them!"

Back then, marriages were often arranged by the parents or the village elders ("Matchmaker matchmaker, make me a match, find me a find, catch me a catch...").

These days, there is much more a sense of the need for compatibility, chemistry, and passion--I can't live without him/her.

Without the mutual respect and passion, it might as well be in the bedroom like, "Let's just get this over with" or something pathetic like that.  

In some ultra religious circles, I've heard some women sadly simply referred to as "baby machines."

Yet on the flip side, I remember hearing this story when I was young about this famous model (it could have been about Bo Derek, but I can't remember for sure), and they interviewed her husband who was known to have married her for her unbelievable gorgeous looks, and they asked him, "What would you do, if she had a terrible car accident, and was horribly disfigured?" And his cold, hard response was, "I would leave her!"

Ok, so looks are skin deep, and passion is important but doesn't replace shared values, genuine commitment, and selfless giving to one another. 

Maybe the answer is it's not 1 or 2, but 1 and 2--we need someone that will make the chicken soup when we are sick, but who we also find hot in the sack. ;-)

(Source Photo: Andy Blumenthal)
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December 26, 2015

Can't Live With 'Em & Without 'Em

Remember the funny comedy show, Married with Children.

The theme song is playing in my head, "Love and marriage, love and marriage, go together like a horse and carriage."

Love and marriage--it's something we all aspire to. 

Like in Noah's ark, we all want to couple off and be with that special person that complements us, can finish our sentences, helps us grow and develop and reach our potential, and of course raise a family!

This last couple of days for me the overarching theme has been the importance of a good marriage.

First I saw this funny sign that said, "Get married once, and do it right."

Well, okay...

Then the wonderful Rabbi Kaplan of Chabad, here in Downtown Fort Lauderdale, spoke to us about the great joy and "naches" (pride and gratification) of marriage and family.

And once again, when my wife asked this classy lady she met in Florida, how she stayed so thin, the lady responded, "It's the divorce diet."

Ah, eat your heart out baby...that's not the best way to lose weight now, is it? 

Anyway, it's a true blessing to find that great match, and when there is an overall healthy relationship built on respect, trust, good communication, and of course being best friends. 

I wish I had that (just kidding...).  :-))

Perhaps a nice New Years wish is for everyone to find their soulmate and live happily ever after. ;-)

(Source Photo: Andy Blumenthal)
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December 5, 2015

Happy 25th Anniversary!

Tomorrow night is the first night of Chanukah. 

That is when 25-years ago, I first met and went out with my lovely wife, Dossy. 

I picked her up at work in mid-town, and wined and dined her at Ratner's on the Lower East Side in NYC.

We talked, laughed, and I couldn't take my eyes off her!

We ended the evening with her writing her phone number in lipstick on a little piece of paper, and she told me to call her again. 

I came home in 7th heaven, and my dad asked me how it went, and smiling ear-to-ear, I said "This is the one!"

My dad said, "It's the first night of Chanukah, the holiday of miracles, so please G-d!"

I think Dossy and I went out 2 more times just that week, and the rest is beautiful history.

Thank you Hashem for mercifully granting my lovely wife and two beautiful daughters, Minna and Rebecca. 

I appreciate every moment of every day with Dossy and my girls--for the precious time on Earth we have together, for caring when the chips are down, for celebrating the good times, and for putting up with me. ;-)

(Source Photo: Andy Blumenthal)
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November 18, 2015

I Couldn't Do It

No this isn't my car, but it's definitely old. 

So we were going to go sell one of our older cars tonight. 

One of the warning lights recently went on and when we took it to the dealer he told us it would be thousands to service it. 

After agonizing about it, we resigned ourselves to just getting rid of it and not investing anymore $$$ in an old car.

We went to the car to empty it and get it ready.

As I watched Dossy cleaning it out, all these memories started racing through my head--seeing Dossy behind the wheel as well the kids. 

Remembering all the good times we had driving here and there together. 

But this was Dossy's car and it was special to her and I knew it. 

I looked again at her and said, "I can't do it--let's just keep it."

She looked at me--and gave me the biggest smile. 

When we went back inside, she said to me, "You love me!"

And I said, "Of course, I do."

Now, we get the car fixed--some things you can't put a price on. 

P.S. Last week, she threatened to move out if I didn't agree to fix it. ;-)

(Source Photo: Andy Blumenthal)
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October 25, 2015

Footsies at Comfort One

So lately my feet have been hurting me. 

My wife tells me, "Go to Comfort One for new shoes."

I say, "But I don't want to go get nerdy shoes there."

Like in most arguments, my wife wins and in I march, reluctantly, to the store. 

First, they take this scan of my feet (something that looks like the picture above) to show me where my foot is getting pressure (and pain).

Okay, well I already know this, but when you see all the red on the picture, I guess it helps to scare you to getting an expensive new pair of orthopedic-like shoes. 

But first, they sell me on some arch supports that slides into the shoe...they seem to feel pretty good, and in fact, after walking around in them for a little while, I actually miss them when I finally take them off. 

Give me back those darn arch supports, will ya?

Next, we see these amazing Mephisto shoes (with "soft-air technology")...made in Europe...the salesman says, their built like a tank. 

My wife says, "Oh, my aunt told me to get those too!" We now have a bona fide endorsement. 

I pick up the shoe on display and it look like it is pretty rugged with all the right support for walking around...maybe I got to get over that it looks to me like old people shoes (from Haband). 

Hey, what do you want Andy--to feel good on your feet or to look like your 18 again. 

Okay, I try them on...with the arch supports inserted...and what do you know, I am walking a heck of a lot better.

Well, what about the price...holy crap, I can get 3 pairs of cool shoes at REI for one of these nerdy pairs. 

Oh darn it, I have no choice...I am walking better, especially with the hip surgeries from last year still looming behind me. 

I get the shoes, I get the arches...I pay the money--too much money!

I feel nerdy or so nerdy, but maybe I'm going for the healing power, G-d willing, of a good pair of supportive shoes. 

My wife was right again, and I hate to admit it, but please don't tell her I said so--it's bad for her ego and mine. ;-)

(Source Photo: Andy Blumenthal)
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September 13, 2015

The Hottest New Jewish Site


Just in time for the New Year you can shop at Jewish fashion site Hot Chani

"Sexy things for heimish girls."


Hot Chanis are modest and proper Jewish women who are still unbelievably sexy. 


You can truly be a "good Jewish girl" and feel and be gorgeous inside and out. 


Find your confidence, feel sexy, be beautiful, find love and romance...shop at Hot Chani.


Spice up your New Year and your life.


Be a Hot Chani! ;-)


(Source Photo: HotChani.com)

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June 27, 2015

Supreme Court Of People and Of Heaven

So yes, I am a firm believer in live and let live. 

That goes for long time friends that have actually converted away from our cherished Jewish traditions to friends or relatives that choose a gay or lesbian lifestyle--it's their choice!

And everyone has free choice to do what they think is right--that is the nature of free choice--if we weren't free to choose, then how could we be responsible for our choices?

But what I am confused about sincerely with the ruling of the Supreme Court of the United States in legalizing marriage for gays and lesbians is not the concept of where everyone is equal under the law, but the open contradiction with the Torah (Biblical) texts that I am familiar with since I was a child in Yeshiva:

1) Leviticus 18:22--"Thou shalt not lie with a male as with a woman; it is an abomination. 

2) Leviticus 20:13--"If a male lies with a male as with a woman, both of them have committed an abomination; they shall surely be put to death, their blood is upon them."

I understand that many advocating for gays and lesbians have explained these texts as no longer applicable today (ref: Huffington Post):

- That the Biblical passages "do not refer to homosexuality as we know it today" (i.e. those that are consensual, not cultic rites, etc. )

- That they "are conditioned by the cultural and historical realities of the authors" and one needs to consider the greater biblical context for G-d's love and caring of all. 

But looking at the strict text of these passages, they don't seem to read as conditional (there are no conditions identified), and for those that believe that the Torah is divine (written by G-d) and is timeless, then how do we reconcile it with our wanting to be loving and accepting of ALL people who aren't hurting themselves or anyone else?

Adding to the confusion, we read just this week about extremists like ISIS killing gays by brutally throwing them off of roofs and routinely about arch enemy Iran hanging them in the public square. 

Also going in my mind is the question of there being separation of church and state in this country, yet does legalizing gay and lesbian marriage affirm that separation or does it cross it by legislating against the strict scripture that many hold inviolate. 

Similar to the debate on abortion rights, these are where modern day-to-day issues and traditional religious teachings and values can be difficult to harmonize. 

I am truly happy for gays and lesbians that they can marry if they choose and find their happiness--everyone deserves this, but religiously, I am left unsure of how to reconcile this with the Torah as written. 

Can we think that we are free to choose the individual commandments we believe in or not or to find explanations where we don't understand them or they don't make sense to us--if so, how do we know we are doing what G-d wants of us or whether we are going astray?

In the end here the Supreme Court affirmed the right to choose and to respect all people under the law--this is fundamental to our basic beliefs in freedom, human rights, and love of our fellow man.  

But in so doing, will some see this as encroaching on G-d's law and if so, what is the impact to those that are deeply religious and/or hold strictly heterosexual marriage as sacrosanct?

Surely each person must follow the dictates of their conscience which G-d has granted us, but pitting the Supreme Court of us earthly beings potentially against that of Heaven--this is a truly tricky and slippery slope to understand and reconcile. ;-)

(Source Photo: Twitter @WhiteHouse)
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April 4, 2015

2 Heads And A House

My daughter took this photo on a trip to Spain. 

In America, in front of the McMansions, it is not atypical to see interesting statues (perhaps of lions or fantasy guard creatures), ancient fountains, and even modern art.

I thought this European house was unique with some busts of a man and woman on each side of the gate to the front door. 

Wonder whether these are actually supposed to look the owners or are just randomly funny.

Also, the color match the orange house and yellow entranceway sort of perfectly.

Either way, it makes you take a 2nd and 3rd look.

Why is the man bust smiling and the woman bust looking so miserable here (or is that just representative of what most "traditional" marriages are about)?

Wouldn't it be sort of funny if every home had busts or large photos or other representation prominently and widely displayed of the family inside. 

No more mystery of who lives there and more warmth and personalization. 

When you sell/buy property, you just have to take all of yourselves with you. ;-)

(Note: no idol worship please.)

(Source Photo: Rebecca Blumenthal)
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March 15, 2015

Best Animated Shoes


These are some very cool shoes--different!

My daughter found these on Youtube 

They are made by this unboring shoe company in the U.K. called Irregular Choice.

Walking on the back of a dragon cannot be a bad thing. 

Stepping alternatively on the bride and groom--maybe an interesting perspective on the ins and outs of marriage. 

They also have a neat pair of Panda shoes. 

Check these out, I think you'll look cool and really like it. ;-)
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