Going Bonkers For Pink

So is this the power of sexuality or branding?

1. Head first for the lingerie sale

2. Picking out pink for that special someone.

3. Forgetting to pay the meter.

All three of these made us laugh. 

People are a combination of spiritual and physical beings. 

Sometimes the physical takes over and that's when the problems start happening!  ;-)

(Source Photo: Andy Blumenthal)

Going Bonkers For Pink

I Love A Strong Woman, But...

Ok, admit it or not.

This is certainly something that every man fears: ~Castration Phobia~

Of course, I don't know what she's planning, but with that huge sickle-shaped knife and that big disarming smile, I definitely don't want to find out. ;-)

(Source Photo: Andy Blumenthal) 

I Love A Strong Woman, But...

Nice Chompers

So this was funny-weird at the dentist. 

The dental hygienist comes in and does the cleaning.

Ultrasonic cleaner, scraping, polishing, flossing, rinse--all sort of routine. 

Next the dentist comes in--looks this side, that side, bite, bite again, looks some more. 

Then sort of out of the blue, the dentist goes to me:

"You got some nice chompers!"

Ah, never quite heard anyone say that before or quite the way this dentist said it.

Uh, a little strange sounding and feeling a little uncomfortable. 

I go out and tell me wife about this weird thing. 

And I start laughing and going...

"Doctor, you got some nice chompers there too!"

Somehow the way I said it, we both cracked up laughing. 

I'll never think of going to get my teeth cleaned at the dentist quite the same way again. ;-)

(Source Photo: Andy Blumenthal)

Nice Chompers

Rhymes With Venus

So these were some funny stories recently...

First, I came across an information system with a comical name. 

Let just say that it rhymes with venus and starts with the letter P. 

Well not exactly that word, but it very, very close. 

When I heard it, I could not help but say, "That's an unfortunate [system] name."

That's the thing about names and acronyms...you really have to think about what they stand for and what they sound like or you can get yourself into some pretty ridiculous situations and problems. 

Second story is when I was talking to this lady and I asked how she was feeling after going through some surgery and then having various complications from it. 

She told me the pain and problems she was having, and the tests and doctors she is continuing to have to see ,and that physical therapy didn't help much. 

I'm nodding and empathizing and then after this went on for a while, all I could say in dismay for all what she had been through was "Ay, yai, yai." 

Then she asked me about how I was doing after my hip surgeries and I told her how grateful I was for the modern medical procedures and G-d's blessing that enabled me to walk again. 

But what was really funny is that she then starts going, "Ay, yai, yai."

And as the conversation wore down, we were both looking at each other and practically saying in harmony, "Ay, yai, yai."

Anyway...sometimes there's nothing left to say but just that. ;-)

(Source Photo: Andy Blumenthal)

Rhymes With Venus

Jewish Humor Is Part Of Our Survival

So the prior Jewish generation (my parents) had a really good sense of humor. 

My dad always had a joke to tell and make people laugh. 

And as the movie, "When Jews Were Funny" portrays, the suffering of the past led to the lighthearted humor of the times. 

From the unbelievable horrors of the Holocaust and pogroms came the yearning for comic relief in the everyday life around us.

We are the survivors! 

And we yearn to go on living and making the world a better place, and you can't do that from the depths of sorrow and fear.  

In the movie, here were two funny jokes to start your week off with:

1) This old Jewish lady goes through a red light and 2 stop signs, and her husband, Sadie shrieks and says to her, "What are you doing? You just drove through a red light and 2 stop signs!"  And his wife replies, "I didn't even know that I was driving!"  

2) This Jewish man living in anti-Semitic times trying to hide his Jewishness is reiterating his answers to various questions posed to him to rout him out. He innocently goes, "And when they asked me what religion I am, I fooled them good and told them I was Goyish!"

Yeah, they just don't tell them like they used to. ;-)

(Source Photo: Andy Blumenthal)

Jewish Humor Is Part Of Our Survival

An Ironic Cabinet Lineup {humorous}

[Please only read this with a sense of political humor.]

Here are some funny ideas for domestic and foreign picks for a fantasy Cabinet team:

Department of Defense - (Oh no) Russian President Vladimir Putin because he knows how to fight and win wherever he wants. 

Department of State - (Oh no) Julian Assange because he has so may of the cables anyway.

Department of Treasury - (Oh no) President Barack Obama because he doubled the national debt to $20 trillion and it's no problem.

Department of Commerce - Chinese President Xi Jinping because he has most of the world's manufacturing and the biggest trade surplus. 

Department of Justice - (Oh no) James Comey (with all due respect) because he could investigate Hillary Clinton and deem her "extremely careless" with national security and yet also do the job of the prosecutors and recommend that "no reasonable" one would bring such a case. 

Department of Education - (What if) Sergey Brin and Larry Page because they made Google the most valuable company in the world by organizing all the world's information and making it universally accessible and useful. 

Department of Labor - (What if) Ken Jennings who was beaten in Jeopardy by IBM's Watson, and understands that artificial intelligence, automation, and robotics will soon be eating people's lunch. 

Department of Homeland Security - (Oh no) Edward Snowden because he already knows all about surveillance--how we conduct it, how to evade it, as well as the vulnerabilities in our security. 

Department of Transportation - (What if) Elon Musk because of his leadership in electronic vehicles here on earth as well as rockets to even get us to Mars. 

Department of Energy - (Oh no) Iranian President Hassan Rouhani because he knows how to get his nukes while ridding his country of sanctions and getting $150 billion to continue global terror

Department of Agriculture - (Oh no) Any of the notorious drug kingpins because they know how to grow it, distribute it, and make lots of money doing it. 

Department of Interior - (Oh no) North Korean leader Kim Jong Un because he manages one of the most remote (Isolationist) nations on Earth and does it with virtually complete self-sufficiency. 

Department of Veterans Affairs - (Oh no) Bowe Bergdahl because he was charged with desertion and still managed to get honored in a White House ceremony.

Environmental Protection Agency - (Oh no) Former CEO of BP John Browne because he knows the ramifications of being responsible for one of the worst polluting industrial accidents in history in the Gulf of Mexico.

Housing and Urban Development - (What if) Ivanka Trump because she is an absolute class act and helps run one of the greatest brands in building and managing real estate worldwide. 

(Source Photo: Andy Blumenthal via National Geographic)

An Ironic Cabinet Lineup {humorous}

When You Gotta Go

We went hiking the trails yesterday in Maryland along Rock Creek.

And we came across this makeshift toilet in the woods. 

Surprised at all by what you see? 

Apparently, the hole in the tree wasn't enough for someone.

They took the liberty of literally hauling a toilet seat out to the middle of the woods here and adding it to nature's wonders. 

I suppose they must've really wanted that homey feeling when they take care of their business. 

Who says America's has lost it's creative talent?

From the big cities to the wooded suburbs, we are a nation that does our business and does it extremely well. 

Especially during election time when some politicians can be so very full of it and of themselves. 

Can anyone see why we need to reestablish leadership and competitive advantage in this country? ;-)

(Source Photo: Andy Blumenthal)

When You Gotta Go

Getting A Leadership Washing

So I am reading this book called, "What Your Boss NEVER Told You."

In terms of leadership, a key principle is stated very well here: 

"'What' flows down

And

'How' flows up."

Meaning that as the leader, you set the goal, but you don't tell people how to achieve it.

Micromanagement "stomp[s] out 

creativity, ownership, and commitment."

To give your people the breathing room to innovate and solve problems and feel good about their work, here's the ideal manager:

"Hands-off whenever possible, 

and 

hands-on whenever needed."

And finally the 3 "H's" of leadership:

1. Honor -- doing the right thing (i.e. integrity)

2. Humility -- "give away the credit," but own the responsibility 100%!

3. Humor -- "take their work seriously, but themselves lightly."

Overall, good book to get a clean bill of leadership health. 

(Source Photo: Andy Blumenthal)

Getting A Leadership Washing

A Winning Letter

So everyone with management responsibility whether in business or government gets their share of sales calls. 

People are competing to get their "foot in the door" and at the same time not get the "door in the face" to do business and of course make money--it's called capitalism and "it's the American way!"

Most of the time, managers don't have time to respond to all the calls they get. 

But this week, I received the most brilliant introductory letter from a 26-year old in technology services. 

I think it's important to share from this, because it's really the best I ever received from anyone looking to make a contact. 

First, the letter is handwritten, which right away made it more personal and so got my attention in the first place to even read it. 

Second, the person mentions some things that they know and like about me--demonstrating that they did their homework and was also subtly ingratiating about it, but not seemingly in a b.s. or over the top way.

Third, the person shows flexibility to any venue to get an opportunity to touch base (along with a sense of humor throughout), "over lunch, coffee, water, a warm glass of milk, etc."

Fourth, the specifics of what he's looking for..."I want to ensure I stay ahead of the curve. I am thinking you can provide some great knowledge." Elaborating later in his letter, he says, "what keeps you up at night, what will keep you up tomorrow and how will you overcome it."

Fifth, he tries to make it a win-win for a meeting and says what he can bring to the table..."Well, I can tell funny stories from my weekend, my budget to buy a Tesla one day or my engagements with other gov't agencies. You pick!"

Sixth, he provides a form of disclosure with a sense of trustworthiness saying, "I am in sales. However that is not my objective with you so I promise not to sell sh*t."  

Seventh, he works to connect to me personally again by referencing a funny blog I wrote about ties, and he says, "I promise not to wear a tie--I hate them too."

Eighth, he frames this cold call as completely casual, offering again to "steal some time...[or] if not I understand."

Ninth, leaving it open to get back with him, he writes, "Feel free to email, call, tweet, or carrier pigeon me."

Tenth, he wishes me well, "Take care Andy", and he signs it and includes his business card. 

My reaction is that this is either a young and brilliant salesperson seeking legitimately to network, learn, and make some possible future opportunity inroads unknown.  

OR

Of course, if I think more from a operational security (OpSec) and security awareness training perspective, I could be concerned about some smart "social engineering" going on here, but that wasn't the feeling I got from this. 

My gut thinks this is one highly motivated and intelligent young man creatively getting into his profession, and I must say, it was impressively done. ;-)

(Source Photo: Andy Blumenthal)

A Winning Letter

Next @7Eleven

This lady is a scream at 7-Eleven. 

With the looks, personality, and humor, she should definitely have her own tv show.  

Great times in Florida (thank you Hashem). ;-)

(Source Video: Andy Blumenthal)

Next @7Eleven

Your Bowling Help Desk At Your Service

This was the sign in the Eisenhower Executive Office Building Bowling Ally that I mentioned in a post yesterday.

[Note: I've removed the phone number so don't try calling.] 

Yeah, I've heard about a help desk for a lot of things, especially for Information Technology, but for bowling???

Thinking about calling a help desk for trouble with bowling [equipment], I couldn't help imaging how this may go and chuckling a little:

"Hello, this is the bowling help desk at your service--what is the nature of your bowling emergency?"

Or

"Press 1 if your bowling shoes are too tight.

Press 2 if you've dropped the bowling ball on your foot.

Press 3 if you've bowled 2 or more gutter balls in a row.

Press 4 if the bowling machine is in a frustratingly stuck position.

Press 5 if you've lost your bowling ball or need a replacement.

Press 6 if you need additional scoring sheets.

Press 7 if you're a lousey bowler and need bumpers to help your game. 

Press 8 if your fingers are caught in the ball and you can't get them out. 

Press 9 if you'd just rather be ice skating or going to the movies. 

Press the # key, if you need to speak to a bowling representative."

Lastly, I wonder if they open a help desk ticket for the bowling challenged and what their response time is. 

Yep, help is only a call away when you've got a bowling problem in the works. 

Now, if only they could fix the highly troubled DC Metro system--there should definitely be a robust help desk for that!  ;-)

(Source Photo: Andy Blumenthal)

Your Bowling Help Desk At Your Service

The Chalkboard Car

This is a photo of a chalkboard car. 

And on the hood is written "Happy Memorial Day!"

On the side was a design in chalk and on the back even a peace sign. 

Wouldn't it be sort of funny if everyone had a car with handwritten messages on it (as long as they were kept clean and non-aggressive). 

A little entertainment, humor, how ya feeling today, and more. 

It's also nice when we don't take ourselves so seriously and can just have some kosher fun in life. ;-)

(Source Photo: Andy Blumenthal)

The Chalkboard Car

Lauding Over A Toilet Brush?

Not sure about this video on the SimpleHuman Toilet Brush

On one hand, it's funny to have such a serious video lauding the functionality and design of a toilet brush.

But on the other hand, the video is pretty darn convincing:

- Slim for easy placement and accessible for quick use. 

- A magnetic collar for picking up the brush and housing with one hand--no messy spills.

- With a stainless steel rod for stability and durability.

- Specially innovative design crescent-shaped brush for those hard to reach areas under the rim.

- Easily detachable brush for when you need replacement. 

- Comes in black and white--so fashionable. 

Ok, so now I have to admit that I ordered one of these today.

I'll let you know if it really works (Uh no!) ;-)

Lauding Over A Toilet Brush?

What Type Of IT Error Was That?

So true story...

One of my collegues was giving me a status on an IT problem in the office. 

With a very straight face, he goes, "Yeah, it was an I.D. 10 T error!"

I'm just looking at him with a sort of blank face (I must have been emanating something like, "What are you talking about Willis?")

And he repeats, "An I.D. 10 T error...uh?"

Ok, one more time, I haven't had my coffee yet.

So he goes dotting his head, "What you haven't heard about an I.D. 10 T error?"

"All right, you got me...What is an I.D. 10 T error."

And as I'm saying it out loud and visioning it on paper, his little joke is out of the box.

Hey cut me some slack, I'm a Jewish kid from the Bronx and so I innocently say, "An IDIOT Error?"

Now he's nodding his head up and down in excitement, "An end user--IDIOT--error!"

And he starts laughing his head off. 

Ok boys and girls in IT...rule #16 of office etiquette, please don't call the end-users, idiots.

Back to customer service (and sensitivity) training for some of the jokesters on the team... ;-)
(Source Photo: Andy Blumenthal)

What Type Of IT Error Was That?

Keep 'Em Clean

My friend's mother used to say to always make sure to wear clean underpants in case you end up at at the doctor or in the hospital. 

I guess that's some good advice.

In that context, I thought this was a funny post on facebook about how passwords are like underpants:

"Change them often, keep them private, and never share them with anyone."

Maybe you could add to this list as follows:

- Make them difficult to guess at. 

- Don't use the same one for every occassion.

- Never put them out there in a conspicuous way. 

- And require that you change them at least every 90 day. ;-)

(Source Photo: Facbook)

Keep 'Em Clean

Whiskey Pie

So I picked up a Powerball ticket this week...hard to resist with a jackpot of $360 million!

The store that sells the lottery tickets sells liquor.

I see these 3 bottles side-by-side.

And it's for whiskey.

The whiskey has cherry, pecan, or apple pie flavored liquor.

The ladies pictured on the bottles are sitting on the different pies. 

And this "Pie-oneering" whiskey is called Piehole!

70% proof, and makes for quite some table talk. 

Not surprisingly, they never has this at the kiddush in shule on Shabbat! ;-)

(Source Photo: Andy Blumenthal)

Whiskey Pie

Double Take

Cousin Betty sent me a series of funny photo's titled, "It's Called The Right Angle" (via Yehudis Steen). 

These were too funny, and there is certainly no offense intended. 

So pictures can be deceiving, especially if you don't pay attention to the details of who's who and who's sitting on what. ;-)

Double Take

The Most Troubling Sign

I took this photo outside a bathroom at a local facility around Washington, D.C.

This truly is one of the most troubling signs I think you can find, especially when you have to do your thing. 

Why you can't use the bathroom, even if you say pretty please, I don't know.

But I would say, Mr. Toilet here should put his hands down and let people in--for use and not abuse. ;-)

(Source Photo: Andy Blumenthal)

The Most Troubling Sign

Read My Shirt

They remind me of Ethel and Fred from I Love Lucy.

Do you think that there are any couples out there that this rings true for?  

Maybe just a few, right. ;-)

(Source Photo: Andy Blumenthal)

Read My Shirt

Where Do You Find G-d?

My dad told me this joke over the weekend.

It's about the Rabbi who asked the little boy in school... 

"WHERE do you find G-d?"

Raising his voice again...

"Where do you find G-D?"

Stretching out his arms to the heavens....

"Where do YOU find G-d?"  

The boy rushes outside, nearly in tears, and finds his little brother and says:

"The Rabbi thinks we stole G-d."

I'm not sure if the joke itself is really funny or just the way my dad tells it. 

But I can almost see that child panicking and thinking he was being accused of something terrible. 

Anyway, as we all know G-d is everywhere and most importantly inside all of us. 

That's the spark that burns--our soul from above. 

(Source Photo: adapted from here with attribution to Kigaliwire)

Where Do You Find G-d?